NEVER MY LOVE

by matahari2



Chapter Four – Ghosts of the Past

Lee phoned in the order to the Chinese restaurant and started to drive toward his neighborhood, with his hands tapping nervously on the steering wheel. His eyes scanned the shop windows until he spotted it...a 'Music 'n' More' store...the kind that carried a wide range of music, new and old. He kept thinking of a song that he'd just heard a day or two before on one of those soft rock radio stations...he thought it might have been recorded by The Association, back in the late sixties. He found the 'oldies' area with no trouble, and started looking through the 'A' section..."yeah, that's the one...The Association's Greatest Hits" he thought, "right, here it is...'Never My Love'...maybe this will help." He hurried to pay for his purchase and to pick up dinner. The clock was ticking.

"Hi, stranger! Did you get lost, or what?" Amanda started to say, almost teasing.

"Hi, yourself, and no, I didn't get lost," Lee answered, as he unlocked the door and ushered her into his apartment. "I'm sorry, Amanda, I just remembered an extra little errand that was right on the way. I guess it took a little longer than I expected. Anyway, dinner is served, Madame!" he announced, as he unceremoniously dropped the three large white bags on his kitchen counter.

Amanda busied herself putting out plates, silverware and napkins in the dining room. She didn't even seem to notice when Lee brushed past her to carry a small bag into his bedroom. When he came back into the dining room after shedding his suit coat and tie, the food was already set out on the table, and Amanda had picked up the phone in the living room and was talking to her mother.

"Yes, Mother, the roast with potatoes and carrots should be just about ready. If you could take care of the boys' dinner, and make sure Phillip does his math homework, and they both get to bed on time...thank you, Mother. No, I don't know exactly how long we'll...I'll...be. Sometimes these things go on for hours, so there's no need for you to wait up. All right, Mother, yes, I'll tell him you said 'hello'. Good night, Mother!" Amanda said finally, hanging up the phone. "Mmmph! I love my mother, I really do, Lee, but sometimes..."

"Yeah," he said softly, smiling. "Shall we?" he asked, taking her hand and guiding her back to the dining room.

They were both a little hungry, since they'd given so little of their lunch- time attention to the subject of food. So both of them made an effort to keep the table conversation light. Lee told Amanda a string of convoluted stories, meant more to entertain than to educate, and Amanda told him about the crush Phillip currently had on a new girl at school. "...and Jamie gives him no end of grief over it...he's having way too much fun teasing his brother, if you ask me!" It was good for both of them, to laugh and to simply enjoy each other's company.

Just as they were picking up the dishes and taking them back to the kitchen, Lee's phone rang. Amanda looked toward the phone, as if to say, "Aren't you going to answer it?"

But Lee didn't favor any interruptions this evening, so he said, "Ahhh, let's just let the machine get it. I'll pick it up later, " as he slid his hands around to the front of Amanda's waist and started to kiss her neck.

Then they heard it...the chirpy female voice dripping with Dixie charm, saying, "Lee, Darlin', this is Cindi...Cindi MacFarland? Listen, Sugar, I'm back in town for the first time in ages, and I would just love to see you, and rekindle the ol' flame, if you know what I..." , but that was all they heard, as Lee rushed in to punch the button to delete the message. 'Damn!' he thought, 'can't I get a break here?'

Amanda had stiffened at the sound of the woman's voice, and her face had paled visibly. "Cindi with an 'i'?" she asked, through gritted teeth, as she walked over toward the fireplace, turning her back to him.

"Amanda! You know I wasn't expecting that call...." Lee said, pleading with her to trust him. "But that's it. Tomorrow, I'm getting a new phone number, unlisted." He had to fix this, somehow.

She turned back to face him, saying, "That won't change anything, Lee. And the Agency still has to be able to reach you, and you have to have a secure phone line. What if one of your 'family' would need to contact you? No. I guess I just have to face facts. All these 'Ghosts of Lee Stetson Past' aren't going away any time soon." Again, she held up her hands to keep him from speaking. "And don't tell me you're sorry...I know that already, and I know you don't want to hurt me...it's just so hard," Amanda said, barely able to get the words past the painful lump in her throat.

At a loss for words, Lee walked over to stand face to face with Amanda. He placed his hands on her arms, and gently rubbed them, since he had sensed rightly that she might not accept a full-on embrace at this fragile moment. Then, in a quiet voice, he said, "Just wait right here, okay? I have something for you."

Amanda was a little surprised when she saw Lee returning from his bedroom, carrying the music box he'd bought for her earlier in the day. "My music box?" she said, wiping some of the tears from her cheek, as Lee handed the gift to her. "Thank you, Lee, this is very sweet, but I already knew about..."

Lee interjected, "Just open it, Amanda, all right?"

"O-kay..." she said as she carefully lifted the lid. Nestled in the dark green velvet, she saw a pair of heart-shaped diamond earrings. "Oh, Lee! They're beautiful! Oh, thank you, Sweetheart!" she said, kissing him on the cheek.

He gave her a hesitant smile. And then she noticed it...a small, rectangular package. "What's this?" she asked, puzzled.

"Here, Amanda, you go ahead and open it, and I'll just put your music box here on the mantel," he said, waiting for her reaction.

She tore open the wrapping paper, and saw a cassette tape, shrink-wrapped in plastic. "A cassette? You got me a cassette?" She was surprised, to say the least, but all right, she'd play along. He was doing the best he could. "Okay, let's see, 'The Association's Greatest Hits', yeah, I think I remember them, from the late sixties, right? Oh my gosh, Lee, 'Cherish'...I always used to like that one...'Along Comes Mary' ...never could quite figure that one out, 'Never My Love'...that was a good song, too, wish I could remember the words..."

"All right, why don't we just listen to it?" Lee asked, with an unexpected sense of urgency. "You just come on over to the couch and have a seat, and I'll start the tape."

"Okay," she said softly, and moved to the couch. In just a moment, Lee was seated beside her, his arm draped across her shoulders. She reached up to touch his hand on her shoulder, just as the music started...

You ask me if there'll come a time

When I grow tired of you.

Never my love, Never my love.

You wonder if this heart of mine

Will lose its desire for you.

Never my love, Never my love.

What makes you think love will end

When you know that my whole

life depends on you...

Never my love, Never my love.

You say you fear I'll change my mind

And I won't require you...

Never my love, Never my love.

How can you think love will end

When I've asked you to

spend your whole life with me?



She rested her head on his shoulder and whispered, "Lee, I love you so much..."

"Amanda, I mean every word... it always seems so hard for me to put these feelings into words," he said, gently stroking her hair. "But I really want you to believe me, you are the only one for me, and no one could ever take your place in my heart."

"Oh Lee..." she started, but he stopped her speech with his kiss, gentle and sweet. Their kissing increased in intensity, until they were breathless, and both of them pulled back and smiled.

"I don't know Lee, I'd say you're getting pretty good at expressing yourself!" Amanda said with a little chuckle and a twinkle in her eyes. He couldn't help chuckling right along with her. 'Best $7.98 I ever spent', he thought to himself.

Just then, Amanda looked at her watch and said, "Oh my gosh, Lee. I'd better be getting home...I mean, I get enough questions from Mother when I get home before midnight. If I don't get home pretty soon, I'll never hear the end of it," she said, rising from the couch.

Lee stood up and took her hand, saying, "I know, 'Manda, but I sure do wish you could stay."

"One of these days, Sweetheart..." she smiled to him. "one of these days!"

"Don't forget your presents...here," he said, handing her the music box and placing the cassette back in its hiding place. "Let me walk you to your car."

Lee helped Amanda into the jeep and handed her the music box with its hidden treasures. They kissed goodnight, and Amanda started her drive back to Arlington.

There would be plenty of work tomorrow, but work would keep. The two of them had come a long way in just a few hours tonight. Yes, they had desperately needed this night.

TO BE CONTINUED