"Joe, The Red Nosed Reindeer"

by Shang Hai & Demeter the Great

A joined fic by Demeter and I. Character bashings galore. The G-boys, Bosstones, Demeter, and Myself attempt to perform everyones favorite Chirstmas story, "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer". You have been warned... I think... Now... CUE THE DISCLAIMER!!!!





Disclaimer: We don't own anything!!!!! Nothing belongs to us... We don't own it so nothing is ours... It's not ours and we don't pretend to own it so you can't sue us 'cause it doesn't belong to us and we don't say it does so it doesn't... (This continues for about 2 more hours until the transmition is cut...)




Naboricue (Shang Hai's alter-ego) walks, or rather is pushed, onto stage with a piece of paper in hand.

Naboricue: Kananachiwa megami-sama!!! (Proceeds to talk to the audience for a while, but the authoresses are to lazy to write what she's talking about so use your imagination.)


Backstage...

Duo: *Runs around trying to annoy everyone. Is dressed in a green elf suit. He has pointy elf shoes with jingle bells at the ends, and a long elf hat. Both were red.*

Heero: *Was wearing some what of the same thing except his outfit was red and his shoes and hat were green.*

Trowa: *Because of height problems, he was assigned to props and curtains.

Wofie: *Dressed as an 'onna' elf with a semi-short red skirt and a top. His hat and shoes were green.*

Demeter: *Exact opposit of Wofie's*

Bosstones: *12 reindeer. 9 main, and 3 extra*

Quatre: *Dressed as a young Santa [without the padding or beard]"

Shang Hai: *Dressed as young Mrs, Clause... Narator*

CAST:

RUDOLPH: PLAYED BY JOE SIROIS
NARRATOR/MRS. CLAUSE: PLAYED BY SHANG HAI
SANTA: PLAYED BY QUATRE WINNER
DASHER: PLAYED BY JOHHNY VEGAS
DANCER: PLAYED BY BEN CARR (IRONIC?)
PRANCER: PLAYED BY NATE ALBERT
VIXEN: PLAYED BY DICKY BARRETT
COMMET : PLAYED BY CHRIS RHODES (SP?)
CUPID : PLAYED BY JOE GITTLEMAN
DONDER PLAYED BY ROMAN FLEISHER (SP?)
BLITZEN: PLAYED BY LAWRENCE KATZ
ELF 1: PLAYED BY DEMETER
ELF 2: PLAYED BY DUO MAXWELL
ELF 3: PLAYED BY HEERO YUY
ELF 4: PLAYED BY WOFIE CHANG

PROPS BY: TROWA BARTON

MISCELLANEOUS REINDEER: JOSH DALCIMER (Probably another spelling error, must be the off season O_o -Demeter), KEVIN LEANEAR, and DENNIS BROCKENBOROUGH




Shang Hai: *Sits to the side on a present. She opens a big book a sets it on a music stand. She then clears her throught.*
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
By Barbara Shook Hazen. Adapted from the story by Robert L. May. Play by Demeter and Shang Hai.

Once there was a reindeer named Rudolph, who lived on the North Pole in Toyland. *scene opens on the "North Pole"* Rudolph was younger and smaller than the other reindeer there.

*Joe Sirois is pushed out on stage in a little reindeer outfit with his nose painted bright red and little dots on his face. He smiles bitterly.*

Johhny Vegas: Isn't smaller an understatement?

Joe S: HUH?!?

Shang Hai: They all had proud, tall antlers. Rudolph's antlers were only tiny stubs.

Demeter: That's not the only thing that's tiny. *Snickers*

Joe S: HUH?!?!

Shang Hai: Worst of all, Rudolph had a nose that was big and bright red. It was so bright that it glowed in the dark. Poor Rudolph! He wanted to be like the other reindeer in Toyland.

*Rest of the Bostones are pushed onto the stage dressed in reindeer costumes.*

Shang Hai: Oh, to have a small, brown nose... *Snickers* He already has one... but it's not small... Suck up!!!!! ...Instead of a big, bright red one!

Wofie: Got that right.

Shang Hai: It was so red it glowed in the dark.

G-boys: *Blink, blink*

Shang Hai: No need for a night light!

G-boys, Demeter, and Bostones: *Sweatdrop*

Shang Hai: *Smiles kawaiily. Ass starts to hurt so she walks over to 'Santa' and sits on his lap* So when do I get to tell you what I want for Christmas?

Quatre: *Blushes*

Shang Hai: *Picks up book and starts to read again* Poor Rudolph! ... I already read that... Oh... here I am...

The other reindeer made fun of Rudolph and callerd him names.
"Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer," they teased over and over again until tears glistened on Rudolph's large red nose.
Sometimes the other reindeer made a circle around Rudolph and sang:

Bostones: "Red-nose, red-nose, A funny sight! Big as an apple, And twice as bright!"

Shang Hai: *BLINK, BLINK* RIIIIGHT... yea... that was weird...

G-boys: *Snicker*

Shang Hai: They picked... I mean kicked up snowballs with their tiny hoofs and covered Rudolph with a blanket of white, fluffy snow.

All: ... *BLINK, BLINK, BLINKETTY, BLINK* ...

Duo: Isn't this a child's book?

Demeter: Yea...

Wofie: Wow... That was harsh. And you said this was a 'weak' child's book? With all of that injustice happening:

Heero: Hn...

Trowa: *BLINK* ... *BLINK*

Quatre: Shouldn't it be 'Hooves' instead of 'hoofs'?

All (Minuse Quatre): *BLINK*

Shang Hai: Nope, Quatre-kun... It's suppose to be 'hoofs'. I asked my mom... and god-forbid she would be wrong!

Demeter: Got that right!

Johnny Vegas: Your mom isn't that bad, you guys...

Shang Hai & Demeter: Like Hell she is!!!!!!!!!

Shang Hai: You don't live with her!!!!

Demeter: YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joe G: She isn't that bad at all...

Demeter: NO BAKA HENTAI!!!!!!!!

Joe G: You sick bitch!

Shang Hai: Why is everyone yelling? We're like 2 ft. away from each other.

Demeter: ... *Smiles*

Heero: *Flips through pages of the book* What did you do to this book? You wrote the wrong numbers on the pages.

Shang Hai: NO!!!! My cousin did that! And they aren't all wrong... but they ARE VERY confusing. Page 1 is 1 1. Isn't that confusing? Is it a 1 or an 11?!?!?!?!?!?! And look at page 2. It reads 22. Now THAT'S confusing!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Page 3 is... 3 3 3. Luckly she didn't do that on page 6... I think... Page 4 is... regular. Page 5 is 5 5!!!!!!!! What is this?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Page 6 & 7 are good but page 8 is 8 8?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? 9-15 are good but what's this? HARK!!!!! 16 seems to be missing?!?!?!?!?! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! 17-23 are good but I question the reason she numbered the back cover 24... But then I started to write on it!!! *-*

Duo, Joe S, Dicky B, Nate, and Wofie (Suprise, suprise): *Paying attention to ranting*

All (Minuse those mentioned and Shang Hai): *Sweatdrop*

Shang Hai: Wow... was I babbling?

All (Minuse Shang Hai): *Fall*

Shang Hai: Riiiiight... Back to the story...

All: *Nod in agreement*

Shang Hai: All the reindeer loved to play...

All: O_o (Oh come on! If you try reeaaaallly hard you can take that the wrong way!!!!!)

Shang Hai: ...games.

All: *Guilty looks*

Shang Hai: They played tree tag and snow slide and tumble bones.

All: 0_O

Shang Hai: But Rudolph was never asked to play. He stood behind a pine tree and watched.

Duo: He stood behind a pine tree and...

All (Minuse Duo): NO BAKA HENTAI!!!!!!!!

Duo: ...Hid! What did you think I was gunna say? (Tisk, tisk to all of you!)

Shang Hai: Rudolph couldn't even play hide-and-seek with the rabbis...

Trowa: Don't you mean "Rabbits"?

Shang Hai: ... I don't know...

All (Minus Shang Hai): YES YOU DO!!!!!!

Shang Hai: I do...? Anyways... His glowing red nose gave him away every time!

Demeter: Where is Joe? Joe--- ...

*A Zap is heard off stage left. All run and find Joe lying on the floor in front of the exit, electrocuted to the point of his noise really glowing*

All Mighty Authoress Demeter the Great: See what happens when you try to escape? Bad minions!

Shang Hai: Moving on... Before Christmas Eve, Santa's elves posted a sign...

Demeter: *Standing on Wofie's back* Hold still, Wuffy!

Wofie: * Trying not to flash the audience* Shut up, onna!

Shang Hai: ... Ummmm... yea... Anyway... yeah...

All: *Moment of scilence*

Audience: *Blink, blink, sweatdrop*

Random Audience Member: Nice undies Wu-man!!!!

Wofie: *Blushes* Hurry up and finish this DAMN STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shang Hai: WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I think those panties are so kawaii!
~^_^~

Wofie: *Blushes Redder*

Shang Hai: Well anyways... Those damn elves posted a sign on the gate to Toyland. "Santa's Team Choosing Timne," the sign said.

Demeter: Couldn't the sign be a bit more creative? I mean, a little more color...

Johnny V: *Whispers* We didn't have enough time... remember?

Demeter: ... rrrriiiiigggghhhhtttttt...

Shang Hai: All the reinder were asked to line up at 8:00 in the meadow. Santa Clause was coming to chose the team that would deliver presents to every good boy and girl in the world.

Shang Hai & Demeter: *Little angle hallows appear* ...

Demeter: *Steps off of Wofie's back* Dasher?

Johnny V: Hmn...?

Demeter: From what I've heard, you've been a bad boy this year. I'll have to give you your present later.

Shang Hai: Your's too... Quatre-kun.

Quatre: ...

Bosstones: Those "good boys" wouldn't be any of us here. Nor the girls.

Demeter & Shang Hai: *Hallows around their heads disappear as they Heero Yuy Death Glareª the boys and little devil horns appear on their forehaeds* ...

Shang Hai: The reindeer fairly danced...

Ben C: YEAH!!! *Goes skankin' across the stage*

Audience: *Sweatdrop*

All (Except Bosstones): *Fall*

Shang Hai: *Bearly missed colliding with Ben as sh stands* They Pranced, and tossed their antlers, and pawed the snowy ground with their hoofs.

Quatre: Not 'hooves' ?

Shang Hai: Not 'hooves'.

Bosstones: Screw that! *Begin moshing*

All (Minus Bosstones): QQ

Shang Hai: Each reindeer hoped he would be chosen to guide Santa's sleigh. It was the greatest honor a reindeer could ever have. Rudolph sighed. He was ashamed to have Santa see his bright red nose. So he decided to hide.

Demeter: Not by the exits I hope.

All (Minus Joe): *Laughing Hysterically*

Joe: *Death Glaresª Demeter*

Demeter: *Smiles Kawaiily and waves*

Shang Hai: At 8:00 when all the other reindeer had gone to the meadow, Rudolph hid in a toy pirate chest the elves had built.

Wofie: Wouldn't that chest be to big for Weak Onna?

Joe: Watch it girrly guy.

Shang Hai: *Clearing her throught, Death Glaresª Joe* Stop... Leave Wu-kun alone! * slaps her hands over her mouth*

All: *Looked at her with stunded eyes*

Johnny V: Wow... what a person nickname... or is it a pet name?

Shang Hai & Wofie: *Death Glareª X300,000,000,000*

Johnny V: *Sinks back*

Duo: Is there something in between you two that we should know about?! *Smiles all to cheerfully*

Shang Hai: *Blushing beet red* It had a heavy wooden lid and big brass hinges. No one would find him there!

Johnny: Wouldn't the chest be to big for Joey... or are we still talking about Wofie?

Shang Hai & Wofie: Joey? *Snicker* I think that's a pet name.

Johnny: *Gets pissed*

Demeter: *Gets even more pissed*

Shang Hai: He started it!!!!!!!!!!!!
In the meadow all the reindeer in Toyland, except Rudolph, stood in a line while Santa inspected them.

Demeter: Okay chaps. Drop those pants!

All O_o

Shang Hai: *Recovering* Santa chose carefully- only the fastest, the strongest, and the best would do.

Demeter: And the one's with the biggest...

All (Minus Demeter): SHUT UP BAKA HENTAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Demeter: Wha--?

Quatre: *Wanders over to the group, carrying Shang Hai as she reads* I think Dasher will be fine. He's the biggest reindeer.

Demeter: *About to say something*

Johnny: *Covers her mouth*

Duo: *In terrible hand writing* Dasher

Quatre: And Dancer is the strongest.

Ben: *Looks proud*

Elf Duo: Dancer!

Quatre: Ho, ho? What is that about? I don't get it.

Shang Hai: *About to say something*

All (Minus Quatre & Shang Hai): *Tackle Shang Hai as to stop her from talking, but also tackle Quatre. He WAS carrying Shang Hai.*

Shang Hai: *Pushing them off of her* That wasn't cool! *Pulls out book* Your line, Quatre.

Quatre: *looks at book* Oh... let's see... here's Prancer and Vixen. They maike the smoothest landings on rooftops.

Nate & Dicky: *Step or rather are pushed out onto the stage. Nate turns red because his costume is a bit to big while Dicky stumbles around because of his over dose on Nyquil* ... Yeah... right

Quatre: Comet is the fastest, and Cupid is the most surefooted. I pick them.

Chris and Joe G: *Come waltzing out on stage and tackle Dicky who just falls over*

Shang Hai: Okay...

Quatre: And last, I chose Donder and Blitzen. They're best at twisting over tree tops and skimming over telephone poles.

Roman & Lawrence: *Come out on stage right. The smell of burnt fake fur enters the air as they wipe charcoal off their plaid ties* ...

Demeter: I thought they warnes you about the exit situation.

Roman & Lawrence: *Shake their heads 'no' and fall over on the Dicky who hasn't moved from his spot on the floor. The smell of Nyquil seeps from, what seems to be, every pore on his body makes everyone start to gag*

Shang Hai: *Coughing* The Reindeer *Cough* in Santa's *Gag* team *Scoff* were very *hak* happy. They rubed noses.

All Bosstones: We think not!!! *Moshing commences except for Dicky, who is still laying on the ground in a comatose state.*

Shang Hai: They danced and clinked their antlers togerther.

Bosstones (Minus Dicky): *Start to head but each other*

Shang Hai: Even the reindeer who weren't chosen were given good jobs. One was to try out electric trains.

Dennis: *Slowly puts his tung to the electric train tracks... and...* BBZZZZTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Is thrown back, off the stage*

All: *Blink*

Shang Hai: ... Another was to cuddle with Christmas kittens.

Josh & Keven: *Cuddling*

Shang Hai: The only reindeer without a job was Rudolph. he wanted to help, but he knew he would be laughed at. So he stayed hidden in the toy pirate box.

Joe S: I'd rather die!!!

Demeter: *Throws ornament at him*

All: *sweatdrop*

Shang Hai: At last it was Christmas Eve. Santa and his elves were busy packing the sleigh.

G-boy elves: Heave, hoe, heave, hoe...

All (Minus G-boy elves): *sweatdrop*

Joe S: I don't care if they do mke fun of me, I want to help, too!

Shang Hai: He jumped out of the box...

Joe S: *Falls out* I'll bring Santa's team a pail of nice cool water. They'll get thirsty on their long journey.

Shang Hai: The night was bitter cold and a terrible fog covered the earth.

Duo: Shinigami has released the plague of Killer-cold-ice-foggy-thingy on the world!!!! MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

All: *Blink*

Trowa: *Turns on fog machine*

Shang Hai: WOW!!!!!! I forgot you were here!!!!!!!!!!!

Trowa: ...

Shang Hai: Santa's elves kept bumping into each other as they hitched up the team.

Elves: *Find a reindeer and start talking to other reindeer. They say stuff like, 'This reindeer is so great! He can cook, never forgets your birthday and does lots of stuff for you... You two would be a perfect match!'*

Shang Hai: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Duo: Were hitching up the team!!! *Holds up a bible*

All (Minus Elves, and reindeer): *Fall*

Shang Hai: They could hardly see as they put on each bright red harness and tied each jingle bell.

Elves: *Look around*

Duo: We're suppose to use harnesses instead of rings?

Shang Hai: To make matters worst, Dasher and Dancer were fighting over who was to be...

Duo: Leed reindeer!!!!

Shang Hai: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!

Johnny: I WAS CHOSEN FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ben: BUT YOU ALWAYS TRIP OVER THE MOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *A giant falling star crushes him*

All: *Blink*

Wofie: You killed Ben!

Trowa: ... *BLINK, BLINK, SHRUGS*

Shang Hai: *Doing an awsome Cartman imitation* You Bastard!

All: *Blink*

Shang Hai: Even Santa was cross...

Duo: *From somewhere off stage* Dressing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shang Hai: *Pulls out a large gun and goes off to find Duo baka*

Quatre: We'll never get there if you two... one... whome ever... don't stop quarreling. And where is my Christmas list?

*Shot of Heero rapidly typing. Shang Hai is chasing Duo in the back ground, shooting repeadiatly.*

Heero: ...Hn... *Begins to print out the list*

Demeter: Wow... we should rename this to 'Joe, The Red Nosed Reindeer and the Wonders of Technology...

Quatre: Blast it all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All G-boys: *Pull out guns and just start shooting*

Audience: 0_o

Other performers: -_-;;

G-boys: *stop*

*auditorium is almost completely destroyed*

Shang Hai: What was that about?

Wofie: He said to BLAST IT ALL

Shang Hai: Well you guys are gunna be paying for that. Demeter-chan and I are only renting this place... ya know!

Quatre: I can't see anything in this fog... literally

Demeter: Okay Trowa... I think that's enough smoke! Trowa? ... Trowa?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Heero: *Walking out with list* He passed out, do to smoke inhalation, about 5 minutes ago.

All (minus Heero and passed out Trowa): OH...

Shang Hai: Did you know that 'oh' is 'ho' spelled backwards?

Duo: What did you call me?!

Demeter: No!!! Ho as in 'Ho, ho, ho'.

Duo: Stop calling me that, you whore!!!!

Demeter: NO!!!!!!!!!! Ho, ho, ho!!! As in what Santa says!!!!!!!!!

Duo: Quatre called me a ho?

All: NO!!!!!!!!!!

Shang Hai: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

All: *Shut up*

Shang Hai: Heero, give Quatre the damn list so we can get this story over with!!!!!!!!!

Heero: *Gladly hands over the list, and decides to retreat to off stage.*

Shang Hai: Just then a soft red glow lit up the snow.

Quatre: thank...

Duo: Shinigami!!!!!!!!!!!

Heero: *Ties Duo up to a chair and gags him*

Demeter: Thanks Heero-chan!

Quatre: I've found my list. Ho! Ho!

Duo: *Struggles in his seat and gives a Death glareª*

Shang Hai: *Sighs* He didn't mean you, Duo. He meant... *Looks around* Johnny!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Demeter: *Death Glareª X999,999,999,999,999,999,999*

Shang Hai: *Ignoring her* Contiue.

Quatre: I must have tucked it in my... *looks to make sure that Duo was stilled tied down... HE ISN'T!!!!!!* Duo--?

Duo: *Front stage* His Pants!!!!!!!!!!! Shang-girl found them!!!!!!!!

Shang Hai: *Beet red due to furry and embarressment*

Quatre: *Holding Shang Hai back so she wouldn't do anything drastic.* Who brought me this fine lantern? I must take it with me. Why, I can see perfectly now.

Joe: It's not a lantern, the light comes from my... my nose.

Shang Hai: ...Now it really does glow!!!!!!! *Pushes him into the exit*

Joe: *Hits the exit as he did the first time*

Shang Hai & Duo: *Laugh hysterically*

Joe: *Stands up*

All (Including audience): *Gasp*

Shang Hai: It really does cut through the rediculously thick fog... Speaking of which... can someone PLEASE turn that off?!

All: *Fall*

Quatre: Rudolph, th red-nosed reindeer! I'm certainly glad to see you. Your light will glide my sleigh tonight.

Duo: No if's, and's, or, but's about it!

All: *Snicker*

Quatre: *Getting anoyed*I appoint you head of my team and number one reindeer in the world!

Shang Hai: Rudolph held his head high. Proudly he pranced to the frount of the team. All the reindeer bowed. *Shoots a look at the Bosstones*

Bosstones: HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!

Shang Hai: *Sigh* Donder and Dancer... Who has meraculously recovered... helped Rudolph put on his harness, and Cupid gave him a beautiful sprig of holly berries.

Joe G: I will NOT!!!!!! Not in my MOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!

Shang Hai: Then down, down through the clouds and over the sleeping houses, Santa and his team flew on that foggy Christmas Eve. *The fog started to settle because Heero decided to turn off the machine* And leading the whole procession was Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer! So if you see a soft glow in the sky on Christmas Eve, you can be sure that Rudolph, "the most famous reindeer of all," is very near. That or a skyscrapper.











Bad... Good... Terrable.... beyond amazing... surpasses all
you decide!!!


Some notes:
1. I do an awsome Cartman impression

2. The smoke machine problem happened in our play at my school last year... except the exact opposite happened... I was telling him he needed more... (I cued him... I was light manigment.)

3. Pocky is good (Eats some)

4. I had to retype this... It took 3 days... (The network between me comps. are down and this was on a diffrent computer than the internet... And I don't have a floppy drive in this comp.) HELP!!!!!!

5. I know it isn't anywhere near Christmas but I didn't have time to post this... I'm a busy bee... O_o I need sleep!!~!!!! That or Pocky and Orange juice!

REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!