Hairy Hood Cast List:

Harry...........................................Hairy Hood (Robin Hood)
Ginny...........................................Maid Ginnian (Maid Marion)
Ron................................................Little Ron (Little Jon)
Hermione....................................Hermhilda (Ginnian's maid)
Snape.......................................Sheriff of Snapingham (Sheriff of Nottingham)
Draco.............................................Prince Draco (Prince Jon)
Neville.........................................Friar Longbottom (Friar Tuck)

Seamus, Dean, Fred, George, Lee, Colin and Dennis Creevey……………….......Merry men
Hedwig..................Hairy Hood's faithful steed, 'Steed' (Robins Horse)
Lavender, Parvati, Pansy, and Padma.....................Ditzy Lasses/Bonnie Milkmaids
Dumbledoor.............................................King Richard
Voldemort................................................The Evil Pirate Droopy-eye

Wormtail.................................................Hangman

Cho Chang............................................. Guardian Angel of Stupid Dudes

Crabbe and Goyle…………………………………Guards and such



Hairy Hood

Chapter I

Turkeys and Yams

Hairy Hood and Maid Ginnian meet, and chaos ensues, as well as lessons on celibacy. Sheriff of Snapingham gets a new hat, Prince Draco gets some action (nasial and otherwise) and the Bonnie Hand Maiden flutters her eyelashes.

On that fateful day of the grand party, awaiting her one true love to finally show up (not that she knew he was coming) Maid Ginnian was getting bloody pissed off. The next time an old man attempted to look down (or up, in the case of that break-dancer) her dress in the pretense of dancing with her, she was going to do exactly what Hermhilda always preached about back in the tower: Grab, pull and twist.

"Miss? Uh, miss? Is thou's yam not tender enough for thee? Shall I fetch another?"

"No." Maid Ginnian replied, smiling sweetly and releasing the yam, wiping her hands on her napkin. The page-boy looked immensely relieved, and walked away, legs crossed.

"How is your evening, fair maid?" Prince Draco whined, removing his crown from his head to polish a jewel, before replacing it back on his head and his finger in his nose.

"Quite fine, Majesty. I thank you again for honoring us with your invitation."

"Ah, no biggie. Anything to see Mudblood Granger in that dress- "

"WHAT!?"

"Oops."

And just in time to save Prince Draco from embarrassment (which Hairy would never have done knowingly)(Not that he ever did anything knowingly, incapable of thought as he his) Hairy Hood arrived.

"I am Hairy Hood. And you, Prince Draco, are-"

"Holy Crap! Those are tight tights!" Lady Padma Patil screeched. Hairy Hood looked a little disgruntled at being interrupted.

"Oh, look Hermhilda! It's Hairy Hood. He's famous, he's going to rid us all of nose picking monarchs…sigh!" maid Ginnian fluttered her eyelashes and clasped her hands to her bosom.

"Huh, what? Oh, yes." after the insistent taping of Little Ron, Hairy snapped out of his deep conversation of tight tights with Lady Padma Patil, and continued with the confrontation.

"Prince Draco!"

"Me?" Prince Draco removed his nose, arching his eyebrows and standing. "You dare speak to me? You are the cow droppings of my kingdom, and I will not tolerate your senseless prattle. Depart." He fluttered his hand majestically, and sat down.

"I may be cow droppings, but I besmirch your gold rimmed boots and smell up your carpet as you track me across it." Hairy Hood countered as an invisible Guardian Angel of Stupid Dudes shook her head in dismay.

"What part of 'depart' is confusing to you? Guards! These fiends were not invited, dispose of them!"

"Enguarde!"

Well, it looked like the fight was doomed, after all, there were only two guards. Drat.

"Mumfleumfingung!" Crabbe and Goyle intelligently yelled, tied and gagged with pantyhose from one of Hairy Hood's least fruitful raids.

"Aha! I have defeated you, Prince Draco, and thus! I shall take from you your most precious possession!" Hairy Hood declared, advancing menacingly towards the head table where the nobles and Prince Draco sat.

"No! No! Leave me and my beautiful face! Take her instead!" Prince Draco screamed, hiding behind his golden chair and pointing at Maid Ginnian.

"What the heck? You're supposed to protect me from all evil's until my father returns! What do you think you're doing? You are supposed to be my guardian! But first, you lock me in the oppressing tower, and now you throw me to tight tight clothed vagrants! I shant have it! I shant!" Maid Ginnian yelled, throwing yams at Prince Draco and Hairy Hood in turns, who had become most unattractive to her when she saw him flirting so shamelessly with Lady Padma.

"Hermhilda! Help me! Hermie?" Maid Ginnian stopped her yam hurling to see Hermhilda was giggling and fluttering her eyelashes rapidly in the direction of a tall red haired boy who was flexing his muscle and stroking an imaginary mustache.

"ARGH!" Ginnian yelled, heaving yams again, infuriated by the plot to obviously strip her of her one companion.

"Sweet beauty! Gentle dove! Precious flower! I pray! Halt your chucking of vegetables! I would take you away from your home! Not if it would displease you so!" Maid Ginnian, stopped, yam clutched in her raised hand.

"What?"

"Please, fair lady, believe I would do you know harm!" Hairy Hood pledged, jumping gracefully onto the table between them and kneeling on it.

"Now where the heck did that come from?" the Angel wondered aloud, realizing that Hairy Hood's actions were not inspired by her.

"My heart beats out of tune, just at the sound of your sweet voice, and you eyes are like pools of very deep, very pretty mud?" Hairy Hood continued, kissing Maid Ginnian's hand as she giggled sanelessly.

"Alright, cut that out right now! This is just disgusting! Can't you see I'm trying to eat here?" Sheriff of Snapingham shouted from his seat.

"You!" yelled Hairy Hood, vaulting down the table and landing in some Yorkshire pudding in front of Sheriff Snapingham.

"You are that fiendish man who took what little I had left of my family, my home, my dignity (my internet pictures!) when I had practically nothing! For that I shall never forgive you! For that, you shall pay!" and all the Merry Men drew their swords at once, quite impressive if you managed to block out Neville dropping his straight away.

" I think, not, you disgusting fool. Like your father, you will get what is coming to you." Snagingham replied, wiping his mouth daintily and rising, pulling out his own sword.

"You knew my-my father?" Hairy Hood whispered sadly.

"Yes, and he was as a disgusting of an example of a man as you are." Snapingham laughed cruelly, his eyes glinting.

"No!" yelled Hairy Hood defiantly. "My father was a great man! As I am! I believe in peace, justice and fairness! You, Sheriff Snapingham, are the disgusting example of a man."

"Then fight me, you coward!" Roared Snapingham, vaulting onto the table top.

"Hairy! No!" Yelled Ginnian, scrambling onto the table and running to the two men. "Oh Hairy don't! Snapingham is the best swordsman and archer in the kingdom! Probably the world! Oh Hairy please say you wont fight!"

"My sweet, how difficult it is to choose between you and my pride."

Suddenly Snapingham lunged, sending the table rocking and Maid Ginnian flying off the table. "Are you all right, fair maiden?" called Hairy Hood, dodging and parrying Snapingham's blows.

"I suppose." she called dusting herself off.

The battle was long and fierce, and it became apparent that Maid Ginnian was right, and that despite the Guardian Angel of Stupid Dudes assistance, Hairy Hood was bound to loose. When-

THUNK! I large stuffed turkey came flying through the air with deadly accuracy and kit Snapingham, on the noggin, knocking him unconscious.

"Why thank you, Little Ron!" exclaimed Hairy Hood, vaulting off the table to congratulate his friend, who was grinning broadly at a swooning Hermhilda and wiping his hands off on his pants.

"Oy Hairy, did you see me juggling turkeys? I was doing quite swell until that one went flying off in your direction."

"Hairy! Hairy!" Came a shout from the near hall. In ran Frederick and George.

"What is it?"

"Well, you see, we weren't trying to get caught, but we had this new trick wanted to try, and well-"

"In short, the whole populace of the kitchens are after us, and we must RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!"

"Good bye! But wait! I not my fair lady's name!" Shouted Hairy Hood, as this Merry Men dragged him out and the kitchen servants raced in.

"Ginnian! My name is Ginnain!" Ginnian yelled, to their retreat.

"And where can I find you?"

"I live in the tower on the hill on the middle of the Forbidden Forest!" She yelled after him. She sighed and turned around.

"What is this mess?! Disgusting!" She shrieked disgustedly, as a fainted Prince Draco flopped to the ground, hog-tied Crabbe and Goyle bounced around the room trying to escape their bondage, and a turkey covered Sheriff Snapingham groaned and twitched slightly.

"Come Hermhilda! We shall depart, back to our tower! For god's sack, stop swooning and let's go! What if Hairy comes to rescue me and we're not there?" and seeing she was getting no response:

"What will that 'Little Ron' do if there is no Hermhilda to save?"

Hermhilda's eye's brightened and she hopped to her feet and nearly dragged Maid Ginnian out the door exclaiming: "What indeed!"