CHAPTER SIX: SO VERY WRONG
James numbly went back up to the Gryffindor tower. By now, of course most people had finished their breakfast and were sprawled across the room, feeling too content and warm inside the castle to do any homework. James wanted to back right out of there, but unfortunately Remus and Sirius spotted him before he could close the portrait hole.
"James!" they cried in unison, leaping up from their seats and hurrying over to him.
"Are you all right?"
"Where'd you go?"
"Did Lily find you?"
"She went up to her dorm a few minutes ago but totally ignored us. Did it not go well?"
James said nothing. He now felt the beginnings of a deep pit of shame in his stomach- He had kissed Stephanie Brocklehurst. Why had he done that? It was only because he had wanted someone so desperately to comfort him, and there was Stephanie with her hugs and kind words, so unlike Lily. But it was really Lily he wanted. He cursed himself. Stupid, stupid, stupid weakling.
"We broke up," he said heavily. Sirius and Remus' mouths dropped open.
"WHAT?!" Sirius shrieked, a tad too loud. The common room immediately went quiet and stared at them. "Oh sod off!" Sirius said, turning around. "Come on, outside."
He pushed James through the portrait hole, and Remus followed. "Okay," said Sirius. "Tell us. How? Why? When? Where? What the hell is wrong with the both of you?"
James looked into the faces of his best friends…and knew he couldn't tell them the horrible thing he'd just done. This was worse than not telling Lily about the Animagi thing- this was lying to her in a different way.
"It…It was my fault," he said finally, 'I just couldn't take her rudeness any more."
"But she went to find you so she could apologise! Didn't she do that?"
"She didn't do it…very well," James said softly.
"But, James-"
"If you don't mind, I'd rather not talk about it," said James. "Please?" he added, looking at Sirius' stormy face.
"All right." Remus said. He opened the portrait hole and the led the way through, giving James a gentle pat on the shoulder as he passed.
*
Upstairs in the girls dorm, Lily was in the shower. She liked to cry in the shower because no one could tell what you were doing, and sobs could hardly be heard above the sound of running water. She felt like two different sides were having a battle inside her head. One the one hand, James- his mother was dying, and when he had come to her for help she had bit his head off. But this was greatly eclipsed by the fact that he cheated on her. She had never felt so cold inside as when she had run out onto the pitch to see him with Stephanie Brocklehurst. And what made it even worse was that she had no way to tell if he'd been cheating on her for weeks- after all, they had been having those cosy little tutoring sessions in the library since October. How could he?
A fresh wave of tears escaped her, and she choked out a sob that echoed around the bathroom.
When she felt that she had run out of tears, she stepped out of the shower and dried herself quickly, changing into jeans and a jumper, with plans of going for a long walk around the lake to think. Evelyn quickly put a stop to this plan however, when she came storming up into the girls dorms and slammed the bathroom door open so hard that it made the doorknob fall off.
"Evelyn!" said Lily reproachfully. Evelyn fixed her with a stare so ferocious it made Lily think of a basilisk. "What's the matter?"
"What's the matter? What's the matter?" she said melodramatically, "What's this I hear about you and James breaking up? How can this be possible?"
Lily tried to make her way past Evelyn. "I don't want to talk about it."
Evelyn reached up, grabbed Lily by her shoulders and pushed her into the dorm and down onto a bed. "Well, that's too bloody bad," she said angrily. "Tell me what's going on."
So Lily had no choice but to explain to Evelyn what James had done. By the end of it Evelyn was in full fits of rage.
"That BASTARD!" she yelled, squeezing Lily's shoulder so hard Lily had to remove her friend's hand. "How DARE he? That bloody, bloody BASTARD!"
"It's all right," Lily said quietly.
"All right?" Evelyn shrieked. "This is FAR from all right! He was your BOYFRIEND! And he KISSED another GIRL!"
Lily winced. Evelyn was shouting right in her ear. "Well, thank you for pointing out the obvious,' she muttered.
Evelyn was up and pacing the dorm. "Well, what else do you expect me to do at a time like this? This is the worst thing someone can possibly do! It's blatant…bastardism!"
Lily smiled ruefully. "Guess he wasn't so bonkers about me after all."
Evelyn looked pained, and came and knelt beside Lily on the floor. "Look…I know if Ingrid were here she'd say something kind and sweet and faultless and awfully sensible at the same time. And I'm sorry I'm not Ingrid. I'm sorry I can't help you like that. I'm not sure how to help you deal with this, but I'm going to be here. If you don't want me to get angry, then I'll try not to. But he's hurt you. My very best friend, and he's broken your heart. Right now I want to…to…rip all his appendages off and shove them down his throat! But I won't," she added looking at Lily's expression. "It's probably the last thing you want to hear right this moment but you have to get over it quickly. Like ripping a bandaid off- just deal with the pain. I know you can do it because you're strong. And you'll have me to help you. So Lily…just…just don't think that James didn't love you, because he did, you know. The fact that he kissed someone else doesn't mean he didn't love you. It just means that he's a big ugly spotty bastard dickhead with no dick. There's no point in getting all sad, because you were loved. And you still are, by me. Okay?"
Lily leaned down and hugged Evelyn tightly, for a long time. "That was quite a speech," she said finally, when they broke apart. "You're absolutely right about everything Eve. I've got to get though this quickly. Thank you so much."
Evelyn grinned. "No problem."
Lily stood. "I'm going downstairs. I don't care if he's down there. I've got homework to do."
"Right on," Evelyn said getting to her feet too.
Head held high, Lily descended the girls' staircase down to the common room, with Evelyn following, egging her on. But, upon reaching the bottom the staircase both girls saw that James was nowhere to be seen in the common room. Remus and Sirius, however, were sitting with Jack in the corner. Remus was evidently teaching Jack how to play chess, as they were sat on either side of the board, brows furrowed in consternation.
"Hey Eve," Remus said, receiving her kiss on the cheek as the girls joined them. "Where've you bee-" he stopped when he saw Lily. And expression of ambivalence passed over his face. "Hi Lil."
Sirius however, got right to the point. "Oh, it's you is it?" he said, glaring at Lily. "Can I ask you a question?" he said, before Lily had time to reply. "Just what on earth is wrong with the two of you?"
"What- me and Evelyn?"
"Very funny," sneered Sirius, "You know perfectly well I mean you and James. You've broken up, right at the time when James needs you most. What the hell is wrong with you?"
Lily looked back at him stonily. "Don't ask me," she said, "I wasn't the one kissing Stephanie Brocklehurst."
"What's that demon wench got to do with anything?" Sirius said irritably.
"Oh," said Evelyn raising her eyebrows as far as they could go, "he hasn't told them yet. Well that's interesting. Don't boys usually brag about scoring to their mates?"
Remus stared, concern spreading over his face. "What…d'you mean, Eve?"
"I mean, Lily walked out onto the pitch earlier this morning to apologise to James, only to find him playing tonsil hockey with the sluttiest seventh year at Hogwarts." Evelyn said, grim triumph in her voice.
All three boys stared at her, open mouthed.
"No way," Sirius said finally.
"Way," said Lily bitterly. Sirius looked at her, confusion on his face.
"I don't believe you," he said uncertainly. Remus was looking at her too, but more carefully.
"Lily…" he said gently, putting a hand on her arm. "Are you…sure?"
"Fairly," said Lily, raising her eyebrows, "I mean, I suppose it could've been James' evil twin brother."
"He doesn't have a twin brother- oh, right. You were being sarcastic."
"Shut up Sirius," said Remus. He leant back in his chair. "Oh my god," he said finally. He looked into Lily's eyes seriously. "You really are telling the truth, aren't you?"
Lily's gaze didn't waver. "Yes. I went out to the pitch to apologise, and…he was kissing Stephanie Brocklehurst."
She looked at her hands for a moment or two, tears dangerously close. Then she looked up again. "Am I a complete mug?" she asked Remus, "has this been going on for weeks?"
"Not as far as I know," Remus said. "Believe me," he added, seeing Lily's sceptical expression. "I can say, with total confidence, he has absolutely not been cheating on you. At least, not to my knowledge."
"Nor mine," said Sirius faintly. He seemed to be having trouble digesting the whole situation. "Let me get this straight….James, that's, you know, the one you've been going out with for the past year…was kissing- actual lip to lip contact- he was kissing Stephanie Brocklehurst? Today? This morning?"
"Yes," said Evelyn. "Basically, mates- James is a bit of a shit, really."
Sirius and Remus looked at each other. "We'd better go find him," said Sirius.
"This is too weird," Remus said, nodding in agreement, as he got to his feet.
"And so very wrong," Sirius groaned. He looked at Lily, "Look, are you positive that's what you saw?"
One look at the expression on Lily's face told him all he needed to know.
"Right, yes, James definitely has a bit of a shit factor then," he said, backing away towards the dorms. "We'll just go find him and tell him you're annoyed, shall we?"
"Tell him to drop dead," Lily muttered to herself as Sirius and Remus headed towards the boys dorms.
Jack was looking forlornly at Lily. "Are you all right?' he asked, concern in his big brown eyes. "You look a little sad, Lily." Lily smiled despite herself. "I'm okay Jack. It's James that's a worry."
"That's a definite," said Jack, as he began to pack away the chess pieces- obviously his and Remus' game was over- "He went off at me in the Hall this mornin'. Looked very upset."
"He is going through a bit of stress at the moment," Lily admitted, "his mum's a bit sick."
"That's no excuse," growled Evelyn, "NO. BLOODY. EXCUSE." She punched the table with every word for emphasis.
"Poor James," Jack said. 'I guess I can understand why he was a bit shitty."
Evelyn slapped him over the head. "Ow!" Jack squawked. "What was that fer?"
"Jasus, yeh got a mouth on yeh like a Limerick!" Evelyn snapped. "What do you mean, James got shitty?"
"T'was nothing," Jack said, holding his head and looking reproachfully at his sister. "T'was nothin' Eve!"
"Twas!" Evelyn shot back, raising her hand again, "I'll hit you if you don't say!"
Jack raised his hands defensively, "Ah! I was only askin' him if we were going to go out to practice, only he went off at me and sent me off to the pitch on me own…" he trailed away and looked upset. "I thought you and James were already broken up, Lily?"
Evelyn smacked him over the head.
"Ow! Stoppit!"
"You mind yer own business, yeh stupid article." Evelyn chided.
"No, we weren't Jack," said Lily. "But…we are now. Forever, I should think."
*
Somehow, the news leaked out. James Potter and Lily Evans, formerly besotted with each other, had broken up.
They had broken up. Finished. Sayonara. Au revoir.
The end.
The majority of Hogwarts students responded to this with disbelief. James and Lily were the school's most prominently adorable couple. Breaking up seemed impossible. However, why not take advantage of it?
Within a week, Lily had been asked out by no fewer than thirteen boys, most of them in seventh year, but there were a particular group of fourth year boys that had something of a Lily Evans fan club.
"Look," she snapped, after yet another pimply adolescent stumbled up to her and stammered out confession of their undying love, "I really don't mean to be rude but can you and your little friends all just bugger off?"
The adolescent turned pale and mumbled an apology.
The first week was definitely the worst, with whispers following her everywhere she went, the endless requests for her attention, the few students who threw all tact to the wind and went right up and asked her, "Are you and James Potter broken up?"
Yes, yes they were. Lily, after realising how hopeless it was to keep her personal business personal, made it perfectly clear. Yes, they were broken up; no, she wasn't insane; yes, it had been a mutual decision, no, they weren't going to get back together. Ever.
Even worse, Stephanie Brocklehurst seemed to have decided James was now her boyfriend, and took every care in spreading it delicately around the school. On more than one occasion Lily had heard her telling friends all about her kiss on the Quidditch pitch.
"And then he said, "I don't need her- I need you," and then, he kissed me!" she would say, and smile dreamily as her friends giggled and swooned.
Evelyn was with Lily on one of these occasions. Outraged, she broke through the ring of Ravenclaw girls surrounding Stephanie and walked right up to her. Stephanie was a good two feet taller than Evelyn but still looked more than a little intimidated.
"James kissed you? Oh, is that what happened Stephanie?" Evelyn said sweetly. "But didn't you leave out the part where you grabbed James' face and shoved it into your padded bosom?"
Stephanie shot Evelyn a look of pure poison. "Actually, Evelyn, that never happened with me and James. But isn't that what you had to do to get Remus?"
Evelyn's eyes widened to twice her size and she leapt at Stephanie- luckily, Lily had been expecting this and was able to grab the back of Evelyn's robes before she actually touched her. Stephanie had leapt back, her eyes flashing. She smirked as she noticed Lily.
"Oh- hi there," she sneered, "I suppose your little friend is angry because she think I stole your boyfriend, right?"
Lily said nothing, just held on tighter to Evelyn's waist as the smaller girl struggled in her arms, and tried not to let her face show any of the black anger that was rising up her throat. "Well, just so you know, James came to me of his own accord. He needs someone who'll take care of him- not yell at him and treat him like shit." Her smirk widened. "But I guess we can't expect more from someone who so closely resembles shit herself."
Evelyn let out a scream of fury and it took all Lily's strength to keep her from flying at Stephanie. In fact, it was hard enough not to fly at Stephanie herself. There was a strange pounding in her ears, and it felt as though something was taking her throat and squeezing it with barbed wire hands. Stephanie stood with her arms crossed over her chest, smirking, waiting. It was Lily's move.
"Stephanie," said Lily through gritted teeth, "If I threw a stick would you leave?"
The ring of Ravenclaw girls gasped. Stephanie narrowed her eyes so far they were slits in her face.
"I think that's the pot calling the kettle black," she hissed. 'You know, it's no wonder James left you for me. He needs someone who'll take care of him- not a bitch like you."
Lily counted to five slowly and then, with a tremendous effort, forced a smile onto her face. "You're right Stephanie," she said sweetly "James does need someone to take care of him. It won't be too long before you find that he's really just an immature childish git with his mind in his pants. So you're a perfect match, really."
To Lily's surprise, a big smile spread across Stephanie's face. "Oh, hi honey!" she said, looking past Lily to something behind. Lily swung around, swinging Evelyn along with her. James was standing behind her, watching the exchange with a totally blank expression on his face. He was looking at Lily- right into her face- and, though his face was a mask, Lily saw complete and utter pain in his blue eyes- pain caused by her. Her cheeks began to flush as she wondered just how much he'd seen. She realised that a crowd had formed around them, watching the exchange with unabashed fascination.
"Cool it, Eve," said James quietly. Evelyn wrenched free of Lily's grip and shot James a glare that would have withered him, had he not been looking at Lily again with those pain-filled eyes.
"Damn it, James, you're such a bastard!" Evelyn said, "A bloody, bloody bastard."
"Um, excuse me," said Stephanie, stepping over and draping her arms around James' waist, "I'll thank you not to talk to my boyfriend like that." She narrowed her eyes at Lily, "Would you and your friends just stop treating him like crap?"
James and Lily continued staring at each other for a good five seconds. The silence in the corridor was thick and tenuous- you could have heard a pin drop.
"It's all right, Stephanie," he said finally. "Evelyn's right."
He deftly slipped out of Stephanie's grip and pushed past her to the marble staircase, leaving Lily wishing with all her heart that she could take back what she'd said.
*
Things got predominantly worse in the following weeks. James couldn't stand being around Lily any more, knowing that she hated him with all her might, knowing that it was impossible to be around her without thinking of the past and how happy they'd been. What went wrong?
"I did," James told himself miserably. "This is all my fault for kissing Stephanie Brocklehurst."
But it's not like you wanted to, said a little voice in his head, Besides, Lily was the one who told you to go away when all you wanted to of was tell her about your mother.
His mother. Another letter had come. His mother only had about a month and a half left to live, the doctors said. "She'll make it past Christmas, definitely. She's a fighter. But after that, it's a grey area. We don't know what will happen."
Why not? James wanted to scream. It was a doctor's JOB to know! What he really wanted to do was go home before term ended, but, afraid of what he might find, endeared to stay at school. Besides, the full moon was in a week- he wanted to stay for Remus' transformation. Without him as the stag, it was impossible to control Remus in werewolf form.
That was another thing, something James had completely forgotten about in his worry for his mother and the whole break up with Lily. Snape had been nosing around more than ever- he was desperate, it seemed, to know the secret of Remus' monthly disappearances. Now it seemed he had made the link between the full moon being in the sky every time Remus was away from school.
James was walking down the stairs to the Great hall with Evelyn and Remus one day (trying to ignore Evelyn's less than friendly demeanour towards him) when Snape appeared out of the dungeons. Lately, in a weird paradox, he was delighted every time he ran into Remus- it gave him more chances to search for clues. Remus, however, loathed Snape more than ever.
"Why, hello Remus," said Snape, in a nothing less than jovial tone.
"Oh, bloody hell," groaned Remus.
"Sod off," said Evelyn. Snape leered at her before turning back to Remus.
"So…full moon this week," he said, eyes glinting maliciously, "all packed and ready to go away again?"
"Snape, for the last time," Remus snapped, "you don't know what you are talking about. Would you just get over your weird obsession with me and sod off?!"
Snape sneered. "Well, Lupin, I hate to tell you this but the only reason I talk to a little piece of nothing like you is to find out what you're up to."
"Oh, I'm crushed," Remus said sarcastically, rolling his eyes, "Look, freak, just keep your abnormally large nose out of business, okay?"
Snape leered maliciously and took a quick step towards Remus. Startled, Remus stumbled backwards- onto Lily.
"Careful!" she cried, grabbing Remus to stop him falling. James was surprised- how long had she been standing there? She glared angrily at Snape. "Are you fighting in the corridors again, Severus? You know I can take house points off for that."
Snape shot her an oily smile. "Oh, I'm sure you can, Evans. Do you take house points off for mysterious disappearances as well? Such as Lupin's every full moon?"
"That's it-" Remus snarled, but Lily and James both grabbed one of his arms (Lily neatly caught Evelyn by the shoulder as she did this- just in case).
"Remus' breaks from school are due to illness, Severus, and his absence is fully qualified by all the teachers and the Head Boy and myself. Am I correct, Potter?" Lily said calmly.
James looked at her quickly. It was the first time she'd spoken to him for a fortnight. She wasn't looking at him, just staring dispassionately at Snape, one hand firmly on Remus' and Evelyn's shoulders.
"She's right," James said, after a moment's indecision on what to say. Snape looked sulky.
"I'm so glad you're two are such a good team," he said petulantly, before turning on his heel and swishing into the Great Hall. Lily watched him all the way in.
"Bastard," said Remus angrily. "Why can't he leave me alone?"
Lily removed her hands from Remus' and Evelyn's shoulders. James turned to her, expecting her to say something but she merely walked ahead of them into the Great hall, head held high.
She sat next to Evelyn over dinner- when James came and sat opposite her she merely glanced at him once coldly and directed her attention to her potatoes.
It was as though it was fifth year again- before anything had happened between himself and Lily. He remembered being fascinated by her- hating her guts sometimes, but at the same time being fascinated by the girl who so blatantly despised him when all other girls seemed to dissolve into fits of giggles whenever he was around. She was so curt and sensible, so serene and in control.
Too in control, thought James bitterly, to want a jerk like me around.
He couldn't help sneaking glances at her, to see what she was doing. She seemed distracted but too afraid to look up from her plate of dinner, which she hardly touched. It wasn't long before James could feel someone's gaze on him- he looked up and saw, to his surprise, Snape staring at him and Lily with a very cold smile on his face. James glared at Snape, until he realised it wasn't him Snape was staring at, but Lily. Now why would he be doing that? James wondered. Suddenly Snape stood and walked over to the Gryffindor table, earning himself some curious stares as he passed. Slytherin and Gryffindor traditionally didn't associate with each other- well, unless they were antagonising each other. To James' greater surprise, Snape walked right up to Lily and tapped her on the shoulder. She looked up in surprise, distracted out of her reverie. "What do you want, Severus?"
"I wondered if I might have a word outside," he said, leering at her. Lily blinked her large green eyes in surprise. Warning bells went off in James' head, and he instinctively put a hand on her arm. She whipped her head around to face him and stared. He snatched his hand back as though he had been electrified and looked at his dinner, face burning. Lily opened her mouth to say something to him, but then turned back to Severus. "All right, then."
James watched them leaving, noticing that Lily shot him a glance over her shoulder as they left. What on earth could Snape possibly want to talk to Lily? Snape didn't talk, he molested! Lily was in trouble- he had to go and rescue her.
Just as he was about to leave his seat, he felt soft hands slip themselves around his neck and suddenly Stephanie was pulling herself onto his lap. "Oh- hello," he said. He hadn't even noticed her approach.
"Hey baby. I could see you looking sad so I thought I'd come and join you," she said, stroking his hair.
Sirius, sitting next to James, coughed into his hand, except it sounded oddly like "Scrag!"
James shot him a warning look- luckily Stephanie hadn't noticed. Evelyn, however, was glaring at Stephanie with unbridled venom. Ever since that incident in the corridors, Evelyn's dislike for Stephanie had reached new heights of complete and utter loathing. Remus was looking poker-faced. (James got the feeling he didn't like Stephanie much.)
"Oh, James, honey, that reminds me," Evelyn said loudly across the table, "I went to see Madame Pomfrey yesterday- she said that the inflammation will go down in a few days, but you should still keep using the ointment, okay?" Everyone around them snorted into their dinner, and James had to bite his lip very hard to keep from smiling. Stephanie shot Evelyn a look of pure poison.
"That's very funny, Evelyn. Shouldn't you be off making shoes for the fairies somewhere?" she said.
"Stephanie!" James gasped.
Remus had to hold Evelyn back while she growled a stream of abuse at Stephanie.
"Stop it, Eve, stop it!" Remus cried. He glared at Stephanie. 'I think we'll go upstairs."
"Watch out for Snape," James said, "He's in front of the marble staircase with…Lily…"
Remus nodded over his shoulder as he led Evelyn away, an arm protectively around her shoulders. Sirius got to his feet, looking at Stephanie with pronounced dislike. "I think I'll go upstairs too. Later, Prongs."
Stephanie immediately launched into a conversation about the next Hogsmeade visit. James didn't listen though.
He'd known instinctively that Stephanie was false- that her bubbly demeanour was merely an act to make people like her. In his desperation for some comfort though…he'd been blinded. But now that he'd seen Stephanie maliciously insult Evelyn to her face- a racist insult, none the less- and to Evelyn. Evelyn, who was one of his best friends. Evelyn, who had known all along that he and Lily would get together. Evelyn, who was so fiercely loyal to Lily despite the fact that Lily had been so insensitive about James' problem.
And instead of defending her he had Stephanie parked on his lap, Stephanie, who had said that Lily resembled shit, Stephanie, who hated his best friend Sirius and always had- Stephanie, who would throw herself at any boy in a Quidditch uniform.
Why was he holding her in his arms and not Lily?
"Excuse me Stephanie, I just remembered something I have to do," James said, extricating Stephanie's arms from around his neck and getting slowly to his feet.
"Oh- will I see you later?" she said, blinking prettily at him.
"I…don't think so," he said, and strode out of the hall.
