CHAPTER SEVEN: BATTLE OF THE SEXES
Lily, not without some confusion, followed Severus out of the hall. She could feel James' eyes watching her go. (Why did he keep on staring at her? He was only making things worse.)
They went to the foot of the marble staircase. Snape's face was devoid of his usual sneer; instead, he had a very serious expression.
"What's this about, Severus?" she asked, cautiously making there was as much room between them as possible.
"I've come to suggest a proposition to you," he said in his oiliest voice. "Far be it from me to put the Head girl of Hogwarts in a compromising position- but I think you have certain information that will be of use to me."
Lily's baffled expression prompted him to explain further. "Lupin," he said, "is obviously hiding something. I know you know it's not illness."
Lily would have challenged this allegation had it not been true. Snape continued quickly, "Therefore, I suggest this: Potter's in on the secret- I know he is- and I know that you hang around Potter and his little gang more than I do. I also know that you and Potter have recently …ceased to function as a working couple."
"You seem to know a lot, don't you?" said Lily coolly. "What are you trying to say?"
Snape's eyes gleamed. "I am merely suggesting a truce. We can help each other find the secret of Lupin's disappearances. I know you want to know, Evans. This would be the perfect way of getting back at Potter. After all…he broke your trust, didn't he?" His face assumed a pained expression, "ran around behind your back with that tarty little Ravenclaw- he lied to you. Keeping this sordid secret of Lupin's is just another way of breaking your trust. Don't you want to know? Aren't you dying to show Potter-"
"What you're suggesting," Lily interrupted, 'Is that I will…spy, on Remus, so that I can find out the secret?"
"Spying is such a strong word," leered Snape, "It's just that you'll be able to keep a closer watch on them than I can. You know as well as I do that those four can't be up to something entirely innocent. I mean, look at Potter- he's not to be trusted. Is he?" Lily stared at him, keeping her face blank. Snape's suggestion was sounding increasingly more appealing. Why shouldn't she team up with Snape.? The boy was obviously intelligent. Together, she knew they could crack the case- eugh, no, what was she thinking?! This was Severus Snape- the boy who had tried to molest her in fifth year. She couldn't possibly team up with James' enemy in order to sneakily find out the answer to a question he obviously didn't want her to know. Could she?
Well, he shouldn't have lied to you, said the spiteful little voice inside her head. It's not your fault he's keeping secrets. You don't have any from him, do you?
"Do we have a deal?" said Snape, holding out his pale, thin-fingered hand. Lily's brain went through a battle as the two options were laid out before- side with Snape, or be loyal to James? Could she…couldn't she…
Lily brought her own hand out of her pocket and slowly moved towards Snape. But then, she realised what she was doing. "No!" she cried. 'No! I can't do that! Sorry, Severus, but the answer is n-"
At that moment, the doors to the Great hall flew open and Evelyn and Remus strode in, closely followed by Sirius. As soon as the doors had swung shut behind them, Evelyn turned to Remus and started shouting.
"I HATE that BITCH! WHY don't you say something to James and get him to break up with her! She only hangs around because she thinks she and James are and ITEM! He's such a DICKLESS WONDER! He can't possibly really like her! Everyone knows the cow threw herself at him to break James and Lil up, that STUPID UGLY SCRAG!"
"Look, would you just calm down?" Remus said firmly, "You're making a scene. This isn't any easier on James, you know, how do you think he feels when we sit there insulting Stephanie?"
Evelyn balled her fists angrily. "What d'you want me do to, squeal with excitement whenever she's around? Say, "oh good, it's James Potter and Stephanie Slut-face!"?"
"I just wish you wouldn't be so obvious-" Remus started soothingly.
"Remus, yeh don't get it- I hate her. I hate her even more than Mr. Potato Head, and Christ knows I'm gonna kill that little bastard one day!"
Remus however, seemed to have finally noticed Lily's presence. "Erm- normally I'd agree with you Eve, but, er- well, I don't really think it's so sensible to be screaming about Lily's love life when she's right behind you…"
Evelyn wheeled around, took in the sight of Lily and Snape together and turned back to Remus. "You're right, good point love,' she said, devoid of anger. She grabbed Remus by the hand and tried to march him up the staircase and pretend nothing had happened. "Evelyn," said Lily with a sigh.
Evelyn turned, looking guilty. "Yes Lil?"
"It's really sweet of you to get mad on my behalf," said Lily with a smile, "but you're wrong. Stephanie doesn't think she and James are an item- they are an item. James has never been one to hide his true feelings, and I have no hesitation in saying that if James wanted to break up with her, he would." She looked down at her feet. Four sets of eyes were intently watching her. "He wouldn't have let this happen if he didn't want it to. I know him. He…he doesn't need me. He needs her."
"Lil, that's not true-" Evelyn burst out. Lily held up her hand.
"It is, Evelyn, it is…if I pretend that he still does need me, it'll only make it worse. You told me to get over it quickly remember? Like ripping off a bandaid?"
Evelyn stared at her for a moment. Then she ran down the steps to hug her. "I'm sorry Lily," she said. "You're right."
"That's not, of course, to suggest…that you need him?" Remus said timidly. The doors swung open again.
Lily looked up at him sharply. "I can assure you Remus, that James Potter is the last person I need."
"Oh," said Sirius suddenly. James had just walked in. Everyone turned to stare at him. His gaze passed over Lily standing with her arm around Evelyn, Snape with a malicious smile on his face, Remus halfway up the marble staircase, Sirius poker faced and looking at the ground- it must have looked a little bit strange.
"What?" said James. "Why're you all staring at me?"
"No reason," said Sirius quickly. James looked from Lily to Snape and back again.
He ran a hand through his hair in consternation. "Is he…was he…I mean, did he, you know…is he bothering you?"
Lily looked at Snape. "Does it look like it, Potter?" she said coldly.
"No-ooo…I just thought…" he suddenly straightened up and assumed a poker face. "Never mind. I was only concerned that Severus may be once again, invading the personal space of certain female students."
Lily narrowed her eyes at him. "Your concern is noted and appreciated, but I hardly think it necessary as Severus is nothing less than a gentleman, and I can take care of myself."
Evelyn grinned. So did Snape. Remus and Sirius looked less than amused though. James smiled- but it was an odd smile. It was a cold, twisted, thin lipped smile, and it looked so strange on James' fresh, pleasant face that Lily's serene expression faltered for a micro second.
"I'm quite aware of your own capabilities, Evans," James said curtly, "it's not hard to notice that you have complete and utter confidence in yourself to the point of, shall we say…self satisfaction? Self righteousness?"
Sirius looked alarmed. He shifted closer to James surreptitiously, while Evelyn squeezed Lily's hand and glared at James. Lily however, looked perfectly calm.
"Why thank you Potter- I'll take it as a compliment-"
"Please do," interjected James.
"-but surely a gentleman like yourself can recognise, not self righteousness, but a confidence in my own abilities as should befit the Head Girl of Hogwarts. It's my duty to exhibit an air of responsibly as certain other people in the same position do not achieve this." Take that she thought triumphantly. James just grinned.
"Well if we're going to have a battle of wits, Evans, why play your trump card so early in the game?" James said.
"What are you trying to say?" Lily asked, raising her eyebrows provocatively.
"I'm sorry, is my answer supposed to be in the form of a question?" James countered.
"Can I help it if you don't understand? You can't leave it up to everyone else to explain things for you," Lily rejoined.
"I never used to have to- until I got involved with you. Involved with girls, that is." said James dangerously.
"Out of line!" objected Evelyn.
"I don't understand the point you're making, Mister Potter. If this is merely a battle of the sexes in which we pull apart each other's gender in order to expose each other's faults, then I forfeit immediately."
"Scared?' James challenged.
"No, I just think it would be too easy."
"Hah!" James let out a short bark of a laugh, "At least put some imagination into your excuse!"
"Not everything's a game," Lily rejoined coldly.
"Be honest with me Evans-" James started, walking towards her
"If that's a concept you understand," Lily interjected neatly.
"Ouch!" said Sirius.
"What pleasure do you find in making sure there's no fun in the world?" James continued.
"About as much pleasure as you find in making sure there's no order," Lily replied.
"And what do you call order?' he challenged.
"I don't understand the question," she said, "Surely my idea of order is the same as everyone else's."
"Go on then," said James.
Lily stared for a moment. "Order is…order is…the opposite of chaos, it keeps us all together and ensures less conflict."
James snorted. "Go on, please."
"Rules, organisation, reliability, confidence," Lily listed, ticking off on her fingers, "a sense of justice, a sense of righteousness, a willingness to work, responsibility, dependability, sensibility, and oh yes- here's one you won't know- monogamy." Evelyn clapped a hand over her mouth to keep from sniggering. Remus gave an audible gasp. Sirius seemed either about to burst out laughing or leap to James' defence. And Snape watched with oily interest, the whole time.
"Low blow," said James without a trace of a smile on his face now.
"You deserve it," said Lily.
"You know," said James, "There's such a thing as being too honest."
"Well, you would say that. Being as you are, a perfect example of a cocksure young man in his prime whose nature it is to lie and who thinks that he can get any girl to do whatever he wants. Well, not me." Her voice was fierce, and she was glaring at James. James paused, and then spoke slowly.
"If it's my nature to lie then why are you getting so angry?" he said. "How well do you pretend to know me, Lily?" He looked at her searchingly but she turned away. James smiled without any mirth. "Well, I'm sick of this. I am bloody- sodding-well sick of THIS!" he advanced towards her slowly, his heavy steps punctuating his words. "I try to be honest with you but you push me away! I try to be affectionate but you tell me I'm distracting! I try to…I try to be all that a boyfriend should be but YOU WON'T LET ME. And now, when I need you most you tell me to grow up and tell me to sort out my own little problems! Are you listening to me?" She was, but couldn't look at him. She couldn't look at his angry face when she was feeling so guilty.
"I just wish you wouldn't lie, James."
A laugh forced its way out of him- a mirthless, incredulous laugh. "You are UNBELIEVABLE! Do you hear me? UN-SODDING- BELIVEABLE!" the last word came out as a scream. Evelyn wasn't sniggering anymore. Nor was Snape, or Sirius. In fact, everyone on the marble staircase was looking at James with absolute fright. No one had ever seen him this angry- where was the James they knew?
"For heaven's sake stop shouting!" Lily snapped. "I'm not unbelievable James, I'm just being honest! You think you tell the truth? Okay then! Tell us about Remus, James, tell us all!"
"What the hell are you TALKING about?"
"I asked you for honesty. Where do you go every full moon? You gave me some lame excuse about Honeydukes!" To her despair, she felt tears stinging the back of her eyes and throat. (Oh not. Not tears. Not now.) "Well I'm sick of it too, James! I'm sick of you never being completely honest. You and Sirius and Remus- you have your little gang but you were supposed to love me, not segregate me into another little compartment of your life! Then one day- my birthday on Halloween- you just…stopped talking! You sneak out every full moon, giving me no answer to where you're going. I mean, I don't know if you're out doing something dangerous where you could get hurt- and knowing you, it probably is! Excuse me if I worry, but I can't help it- I care…d about you. I cared about you, a lot, and…and you cheated on me." Somehow the tears had fought their way through and were now blurring her vision. She hurriedly wiped her eyes. "You're a pathetic excuse for a boyfriend, you know. I had every right to dump you and now you're pretending that I've done you some great injustice!"
"Is it any wonder that I had to go to Stephanie? You were out for my blood!"
"Well I know what you were out for, you bastard," said Lily harshly. There was a lump in her throat that was constricting her words. "Didn't mean anything to you? I mean…that whole year together?"
"Of course it did," James cried angrily, "It showed never to go for the girl who's in control- she'll just screw you around. It's not worth it."
"You're right, it wasn't worth it," Lily snapped back, "That's how you made me feel, anyway! Like nothing! And now you know how it feels- you are nothing to me James Potter, and the only reason I'm still talking to a little piece of nothing like you is to tell you that whatever you might think, I'm glad we're not still together. You say that everyone's leaving you, why don't you ASK YOURSELF WHY?!"
A great ringing silence. Tears finally pushed their way out of Lily's eyes and down her cheeks. Now she could see James' face, see the pain in his eyes, see the tears on his own cheeks as well. He laughed- a hollow, mirthless laugh.
"A touch! An undeniable touch!" he cried. "Miss Evans, I think you won, using your own personal style: If going around them doesn't work, just crush them." He walked up the marble staircase. "Hell, if it works on everyone else, why not use it on me? I am, after all, nothing." He pushed his way past Remus.
"James-"
"I'm going up to my dorm now," said James, not pausing in his march, "And I don't want you to follow me up there, got that?"
"Of course, but-"
"Goodnight."
Evelyn was still squeezing Lily's hand very hard. "You okay?' she asked softly.
Lily's eyes hadn't left the spot where James had been standing. "Fine..."
Snape was looking blank. "Well, well, Evans. Obviously you and Potter aren't such a team after al-"
Sirius marched over and grabbed Snape by the front of his robes. "Go away!" he yelled gratingly, shaking Snape roughly, "just go away and leave us alone! This is all your fault! Everything's your entire fault! You slimy, horrible piece of sh- "
"Sirius!" said Lily sharply. "Go back to your common room, please Severus. This is no longer any of your business."
"Not that is was in the first place," said Remus quietly as Snape straightened his robes and looked malevolently at Sirius.
"Severus," said Lily. He turned. "I don't want any more offers like that from you, understand? Or I'll take it to Dumbledore that you're harassing us." Snape muttered something under his breath and sidled off to the dungeons.
Sirius looked at her with hollow eyes. "What offer? Did he try to molest you again? I'll beat his bloody brains out!"
"Nothing like that," said Lily softly. Venting all her anger left her curiously unaffected. She felt fuzzy inside, almost as though she was dreaming. But it wasn't a dream, and she really had said those things to James. Where had that merciless anger come from that would make her do that? How had she turned into such a ruthless creature, someone who would call a beautiful person like James a "little piece of nothing" without a second thought?
"What's happening to me?" she whispered.
"Lily?" With a jolt, Lily realised that Evelyn, Remus and Sirius were all still staring at her.
"Are you all right?" Sirius asked, moving over to her and putting a hand on her arm.
There was that question again. "I'm fine," she replied yet again, wondering if there was any real truth to her standard answer. "It's James that's a worry."
*
Christmas drew closer. The list came around for people to put their names down if they were staying at Hogwarts. For the first time ever, James didn't put his name on the list. It wasn't that he didn't like spending Christmas with his parents, usually, it was just that Christmas at Hogwarts was always such a joy. He was going to miss it when he left school. Sirius and Remus weren't sure if they should put their names on the list, worried that they should go home for the sake of James but he refused to let them.
"Look, this is our last Christmas at Hogwarts. I can't let you go home for it!" he had said, 'besides, it'll be easer for me to owl you this way- if you're both in one spot. Yeah?"
"I suppose so," said Sirius, and gave him that grave, searching look that so frequently passed over his features these days. The day before term ended, James, Sirius and Remus took off to the library. James was intending to charm Madame Pince into letting him get out a few books over the break that would help him with his History of magic Essay- assuming he would get it done at all. The prospect of going home had never depressed him more. He wanted to see his mother of course- but not laid up in a hospital bed, dying and weak and helpless. That wasn't his mother. She had always been a strong, boisterous woman, fond of Quidditch and fiercely loyal to her family. And now she had to leave them…
"James? Hello?" Sirius was snapping his fingers in front if his face.
"Sorry, what?"
"I said, what topic have you chosen for the essay?"
"Umm…" James looked at the task sheet, "The fall of the wizard's council."
"Oh," said Sirius, and exchanged a glance with Remus. (They were doing that more and more often these days.)
"What?" said James, raising his eyebrows.
"Nothing," said Sirius. He cleared his throat, 'it's just that…that's the same one Lily chose."
James looked at the sheet. He didn't care. His contact with Lily since the incident at the marble staircase a week and a half ago had been isolated into one singular incident: he had run into her in the prefect's bathroom. She had been getting out of the swimming pool sized bath in her bathers, sending droplets of water onto his robes. She had turned around to see it who it was, and seeing it was him, assumed a poker face. James passed her to go to the toilets while she dried her hair. "James-" she had said suddenly. He had turned. "Yes?"
But she shook her head and continued drying her hair. James wished she hadn't done it. The use of his name- it made him almost think there nearly might be and ghost of chance that Lily might barely care for him- but that was ridiculous. Her words echoed in his head.
"The only reason I'm still talking to a little piece of nothing like you is to tell you, whatever you might think, I'm glad we're not still together!"
"Ouch," said James softly to himself, taking up his quill and parchment.
Soon after he went to find a book on the subject. A term's worth of goofing off in class had left him without much knowledge of the subject, and he realised just how far behind he was with a sinking feeling in his stomach. After finding as many books as he could carry, James staggered back to their table, only to smack into someone. It was- you guessed it- Lily. She bent down to help him pick up his books without saying a word.
"Um…thanks," he said, dropping to his knees. She didn't answer, just handed him a pile of books and got back up to her feet, pushing her hair out of her eyes as she did so. "Um," she said, "here," and handed him a small crystal bottle filled with purple liquid, along with a card.
"Thanks…" he looked at her quizzically. She didn't look him in the eye.
"It's for your mum," she answered, "Um…rosemary, tea leaves and dragon's blood. It's um…supposed to-"
"Cleanse the system, I know," interjected James, "Thank you. She'll appreciate it."
"Tell her I hope she feels better…" said Lily and faltered as she realised what she'd said.
"Um…she's not going to get better Lily," James said softly, his brow furrowing.
"I…know, I…" Lily said, and shook her head. She passed him, placing her hand very briefly and softly on his arm and mumbling something under her breath. If James didn't know any better he would have thought she'd said 'I'm sorry."
He made his way back to the table, pocketing Lily's vial of liquid.
"Ah, James," said a familiar voice suddenly. "Getting a start on the holiday homework I see. Good, marvellous." James looked round his stack of books to see Professor Dumbledore smiling at him. "I wondered if I might have a word," he said.
"Of course, professor," James answered, straining with his massive pile of books, "But I'm a bit stuck here."
"Oh? Oh, I see-" the headmaster drew his wand and waved it, "Wingardium Leviosa," he said, and the stack of books hovered out of James' hands and onto the floor. "Outside, if you don't mind," he said, smiling warmly at James, "I have often been reprimanded by Madame Pince for talking in the library and I fear if am caught again she'll ban me."
James obediently followed the Headmaster outside to the corridor, where the old man laid a hand on his shoulder. "Walk with me, James." So James walked alongside Dumbledore in silence for a while, wondering what could have conjured up such a grave look on the normally smiling face. Finally he said, "I am sorry, James. I have been neglecting my duties as a headmaster."
James was mystified. "Sir?"
Dumbledore fixed James with a piercing blue eyed look. "Your mother, James. I'm quite aware of her condition. And I'm sorry I have not yet had the chance to talk with you."
"Ah," said James (so this is what it was about). "It's all right, really Professor."
"Alas," sighed Dumbledore, "It is not all right James. It's far from all right."
"Oh," said James in confusion. "I…didn't realise my situation was so bad."
"Of course not, of course not," said the Professor sadly, "You have tried to convince yourself not to care to get over this. Alas," he said again, with a much deeper sigh, "It is always a terrible thing in a young lover."
By now James was extremely confused and more than a little bit disturbed. "Professor," he said, "I'm afraid I haven't a clue what you're talking about."
Dumbledore looked at him mistily. "Ah, yes…one is often baffled amidst the pieces of a broken heart. I have seen Miss Evans since it happened- she too was baffled beyond belief.
Ah. So this was really what it was about. "Professor Dumbledore," James said patiently, "I don't have a broken heart. Nor does Lily. We broke up because we…wanted to." Because she wanted to, James added silently.
"But that's not all, is it?" Dumbledore said. "There are other forces involved…I know you never meant to do anything wrong, James."
"I'm afraid I'm still lost here, Professor," said James, wondering if the Professor was talking about what James thought he was talking about. Could he possibly know about the kiss on the Quidditch pitch with Stephanie?
"Lost, yes…we're all lost…" said the Professor, staring out a window with a dreamy expression on his face. "Without love to guide us, we're all lost…just like a puppy in the woods…"
"Professor!"
"What?" The Professor snapped out of his reverie. "Er…yes, quite…anyway James I just wanted to make sure that you were coping- what with the added pressure of your home life and all, I just thought you might be in need of some guidance…"
"I'm doing fine, thank you professor," said James, smiling at him. "I was a bit upset when I first heard but I'm going home tomorrow so hopefully things shouldn't be too bad."
"Ah yes…you are a young man who has a perfect gauge of his feelings," said Professor Dumbledore, smiling mistily at him. "But I wish you would take heed of some guidance…"
"Which guidance, sir?"
"Follow your heart," said Professor Dumbledore dreamily, "Only then will your true feelings be shown, James. It is our choices, not our actions who truly define who we are."
James nodded. "Er…yes sir."
"Now I must take my leave. But you will remember what I said, won't you?"
"Yes sir," said James again. Dumbledore gave him a sad smile and wandered off.
James shook his head and walked back to library. Dumbledore was wrong…(and quite insane). What was the point of following a heart in pieces?
*
Christmas Eve, Lily woke up with the sound of familiar voices next to her.
"…you know, Remus, this whole thing reminds me of a muggle movie I once saw-"
"Are movies those things with the big moving pictures?"
"Yeah- it was set in France right? There was this girl who was desperately in love with this penniless writer but she had to marry this ugly Duke, right? The duke found out and decided that if the penniless writer and the girl didn't break up, then he'd have they writer killed. And the girl, who was like, a prostitute dancing girl, right, had to pretend not to love him to send him away."
"I see…so what happened in the end?"
"Oh, she died. There was this big song at the end all about how much they love each other and then she coughed up blood and fell over."
"Right. So, despite the fact that there are absolutely no writers, dukes, songs or prostitutes involved, and we are not in France…Lily and James' situation reminds you of that movie."
"Yeah, it's spooky. D'you think if we killed Lily then James would love her again?"
"I don't know. He might be a bit pissed off with us."
"Well, we can always try, I suppose-"
Lily turned over and looked at them. "Good morning," she said, shielding her eyes against the winter sunlight that was shining through her window and onto her bed. Sirius and Remus looked at her and grinned.
"Hi!" Sirius said, smiling winningly. "How are you feeling this morning?"
"Baffled," said Lily, propping herself up onto her elbows. 'What time is it?"
"Ten thirty," said Remus. Lily sat up straight.
"Ten thirty- oh my god, I'm late! What lesson do we have first?"
"Calm down, deary, it's holidays, remember?" Sirius said, raising his eyebrows at her.
"Oh…good," said Lily, lying down again. "In that case why are you two in my dorm?"
"Evelyn invited us in," said Remus. Lily looked around for her friend. "She's in the shower", Remus explained.
Lily sat up again. "What day is it?"
"The dey, it's Chis'mas Eve dey," said Sirius in his best cockney accent.
"Hmm," said Lily. She swung her leg over the side of the bed and shoved her feet in her slippers. "Already. This year's going fast."
"It's supposed to be the best year of our lives," said Sirius. "Final year of high school and all that." There was a resentful tone to his voice that made Lily turn around to look at him. He and Remus were looking very grave indeed.
"What?" she said. "Are you not having fun this year Sirius?"
"No. Want to know why?"
"You realised we actually have to do homework?" quipped Lily, pulling her bathrobes on over her pyjamas.
"No. It's because of the emotional roller coaster that has been our lives this year." Sirius said, melodramatically. "And we all know why, don't we?"
"No. Indulge me," said Lily, though she thought she knew what was coming.
"You and James."
"Of course," said Lily.
Remus put a hand on Sirius' arm. "Shut up for a moment Padfoot. Lily-" he assumed an understanding expression. "I know what you're going to say. It's none of our business -"
"Spot on," said Lily, rolling her eyes and opening her trunk.
"-but the fact is, it kind of is our business." Lily gave him an unamused look so Remus hastened to explain. "Look- you and James are my best friends-"
"Hey!"
"And you Padfoot. So…when you're upset, I'm upset. When you guys are upset, I want to do everything in my power to make it better."
"Well, some things can't be made better with a mug of butterbeer and a joke about blondes," Lily said, slamming the lid of her trunk for effect. She began brushing her hair roughly.
"That reminds me- I've got this really good one about women with red hair, Lily, you'll like it-" Sirius said. Remus elbowed him in the ribs and continued. "We realise that, and we know that James' problem this year aren't entirely to do with you. But..." he sighed unresolvedly. "He needs you, Lily. He needs someone like you to get through this."
Lily paused in her hair abuse. "He said that, did he?"
"Well, no…but…"
"Remus," said Lily, marching over to her bed and pushing her pillows onto the floor. "I appreciate your concern, I really do. But James and I know how we feel without you two telling us. I don't need him and he- does-not-need-me."
She looked at them with her hands on her hips. "Now please get off my bed so that I can make it."
"And then, you can lie in it!" Sirius quipped.
"Ah ha ha ha," said Lily sarcastically. "I'm serious, dungbrain."
"No you're not, I am!" Sirius said, grinning.
Lily groaned. So did Remus. "All right, we get it! Your name sounds like the word serious. It was hilarious the first six hundred times. Now- get off my bed!"
Remus and Sirius obediently stood. The dorm door opened and Jack O'Kelly walked in, carrying Evelyn's pet cat Sneezy in his arms. "What are you doing in here, Jack?" Sirius asked.
"I might ask you the same question," Jack said, "I hope you're not planning anything vulgar in my sister's dorm."
"No, but I am!" Sirius said. Remus smacked him over the head. "I was only joking, Moony."
Jack let Sneezy drop to the floor. "I just wanted to give Evie her cat. Stupid thing's dropping turds all over the common room. I don't know why she doesn't house train it. It drives mamma mad." He looked at Sirius and Remus standing against the dorm wall. "What are you two doing in here?"
"Trying to convince dear Lileah that James still cares about her." Sirius said pleasantly.
Lily felt like kicking him. Why did they insist on doing that? It gave her faint glimmers of hope that James wasn't actually such a bastard and might nearly care for her just an itty-bitty bit. "News Flash for Mr. Black," she said through gritted teeth. "In case you hadn't heard- HE DOESN'T!" she screamed.
Sirius jumped back in surprise and hit his elbow on the wall. "Ow! Crikey!"
"What makes you so sure?" Remus asked quickly.
Lily threw her pillow at him. "Go ask Stephanie Brocklehurst and she'll tell you the story!"
"I don't want to ask Stephanie Brocklehurst," said Remus, looking puzzled. "I want to ask you."
"RRGH!" Lily gave a cry of frustration, "You know it already Remus, She's only been telling anyone who'll listen, including Professor McGonagall!"
Remus grinned. "Indulge me."
Lily groaned. "All right then! James went out to the Quidditch pitch after I basically acted like a merciless ice bitch and yelled at him, Stephanie followed him, asked him what was wrong, and acted all sweet and pretended that she actually cared. Then James said, "I don't need her, I need you," and kissed her. Okay? Okay! Everyone's knows that's what happened, so everyone can just leave me and James alone and let us get on with our lives separately-"
"No it didn't," said Jack suddenly. Everyone in the room turned to stare at him. "That's not what happened," he said, looking puzzled. Lily rubbed her eyes and tried not to get exasperated. "Yes it was Jack, you can ask anyone."
"But I haven't," said Jack. "I didn't need to."
"Why not?' said Remus, moving over to Lily and putting a hand on her back, seeing that she was looking like she was either about to scream and run at Jack or burst into tears and throw herself out the dorm window.
"Well…I was there, wasn't I?" said Jack.
Once again, all three of them stared at the second year with total astonishment. "What?" said Sirius finally.
"Well, said Jack, "Remember how you told me to go out onto the pitch and practice by myself?"
"No…" said Sirius, scratching his head.
"I do," said Remus quickly. "Go on."
"Well, I did. And I was sitting by the broomshed polishing me Shooting Star, and, er, James came runniin' out onto the pitch. He stood right in the middle and screamed like a banshee- I was going to go and see if he was okay…. but then he sort of collapsed and started cryin' so I though I'd better see if I could sneak away, so he wouldn't know anyone had seen him cryin'. But then the Ravenclaw girl came runnin' out after him- by that time I was behind the goalpost and near enough to hear 'em."
Lily, speechless, sat down on her bed, mouth hanging open. Remus sat down beside her, looking excited.
"Go on. What did they say?"
"Well…" Jack frowned as he tried to remember, "Ah…let's see…She kind of hugged him and said "Och, yeh poor boy" a couple of times…then she…insulted Lily fer a bit and then. Let's see…she was kinda movin' closer and closer and James said…let me think…" he scratched his mop of curls. "Ah, yes, "You're wrong" he said, and she said, "she's not worth it, and James said, 'yes she is," and then Stephanie made her move on him, and James said…" A deeper frown appeared on his face. 'Oh, yeah: "Don't. I love her."
Lily made a high pitched noise and clapped her hands to her mouth. Tears were filling her eyes. Remus hugged her.
"See? I told you Lily, I told you!" he laughed. "He loves you- he really does."
Jack was looking upset. "I'm sorry Lily—I, I didn't realise you didn't know the real story. I thought you and James had already broken up by then- I thought…I thought…"
"No, jack…It's not your fault- it's all mine," Lily said. A sinking feeling was pervading her stomach. How could she have let this happen? Why did she never bother to find out he real story from James? "This is all my fault," she said, and began sobbing. Remus, alarmed, patted her on the shoulder. "How can he ever forgive me? His m-mother is dying and I b-broke up with him because S-Stephanie k-kissed him!"
"Lily- don't cry," Remus said, looking concerned. "Help me out here Padfoot."
"Er- right you are, Moony." Sirius leapt onto Lily's bed and grabbed her by the shoulders. "Lily- you've got to go tell him how you fell- now!"
"I c-can't- he's g-gone home for the holidays…"
"The train doesn't leave until eleven," Sirius cried, "There's still time!"
"Yeah!" Remus said, pulling her to her feet. Lily looked at Remus' wristwatch. Sirius was right- it was a quarter to eleven." But I won't make it to Hogsmeade in time…" she said desperately.
"You will if you GO NOW!" Sirius said urgently. "Come on, you can do it!"
Lily knew it. She nodded, and, stopping only to grab Jack in a tight hug and plant a kiss on his cheek, she ran out of the dorm. Down the stairs, down into the Entrance Hall, through the Hogwarts grounds, narrowly missing Hagrid's pumpkin patch, to where the horseless carriages were. She leapt into one, gasping "Hogsmeade, please" as she did so. The carriage trundled off, zooming over bumpy ground, clattering over the rocky path to the village. By the time she got there it was two minutes until the train was to leave. She ran down the high street in her pyjamas, robes flapping, fluffy slippers stumbling over the icy ground, not knowing what she would say, not knowing what she would do, not knowing how she would get James to forgive her. She skidded into the station and aw the Hogwarts Express readying to leave. The bright red steam engine tooted its whistle. "All aboard!" she heard the driver roar. Slowly, the wheels of the train began to squeal and stutter as it started to move. "James!" Lily gasped. She ran alongside the train, looking up into the windows, earning herself a few very odd stares as she did so. Then she saw him as a cloud of steam blew away- staring moodily out the window of his compartment, leaning his head against the cool glass.
"James!" she yelled, waving her hands. 'James!" It was too late- the train was moving. "JAMES!" she screamed. He looked as though he had heard something, looked around- and there, he spotted her! An utter look of astonishment passed over his face. He stood up and slid open his compartment window, poking his head out.
"Lily?" he shouted over the chugging train wheels. "What are you—" the last part of his sentence was drowned out by the sound of the stand by whistle. Lily started jogging to keep up with the train as it pulled out of the station.
"James!" she yelled above the noise. "I'm sorry! I, I…" she didn't know what else she could say, 'Please don't go, I have to talk to you!"
He cupped a hand to his ear. "WHAT?" he bellowed over the noise of the train, which was chugging faster. Lily broke into a run. "I said, I'M SORRY! I'M SO SORRY JAMES!" He stared at her in disbelief as she sprinted to keep up with him…but the train was pulling out of the station… moving away…James waved to her as he went further away.
"Don't go…" she panted desperately…"James…" she stumbled and fell to her knees in the snow. "Dammit!" she slammed both her fists into the ground in frustration. Tears welled up into her eyes as she looked at the steam engine growing further and further away, and taking James with it.
