1.1.1 The Kidnapping
By Portalkeeper87
THREE
Scene fades to.
RACHEL, CASSIE, TOBIAS, and AX are gathered in CASSIE's barn. RACHEL paces back and forth. TOBIAS is perched on rafters, acting as lookout. AX is standing by, and CASSIE is shoveling manure.
CASSIE: Rachel, can you give me a hand?
RACHEL stops pacing and glances at CASSIE, covered in horse manure.
RACHEL: No.
Silence.
DIRECTOR: (off-stage) Where are those crickets???
Silence.
AX: They were quite.delicious.
ALL: WHAT?!
AX: Crispy, crunchy, and quite delicious with a coating of motor oil.
DIRECTOR: YOU KILLED MY CRICKETS!!!!!
DIRECTOR runs onstage and stabs AX with a knife. AX chops off the DIRECTOR's hand. SECURITY drags both of them away and STAGE CREW cleans up the spilt blood.
CASSIE: Where did those people all come from?
RACHEL: Were they Yeerks?
STAGE CREW: No.
SECURITY: (faintly, from offstage) No.
DIRECTOR: (faintly) Get me more crickets!
TOBIAS: Okay.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
JAKE suddenly walks in.
RACHEL: What took you so long?
JAKE ignores her.
JAKE: (breathless) We have a problem.
CASSIE: Come help me shovel this pile of manure.
JAKE: In a moment, sweetheart. I have an important announcement to make.
CASSIE: Kay.
JAKE: (suddenly all breathless again, like he was just running) Mar-
RACHEL: Hey, where's Marco?
JAKE pulls out a dracon beam and shoots RACHEL on maximum setting. RACHEL sizzles and disappears.
CASSIE: I never liked her much anyway.
TOBIAS: Please go on, Jake.
JAKE: Thank you. (takes deep breath) Marco's been kidnapped.
The Barney theme song begins to play.
DIRECTOR: (from offstage) It's supposed to be scary music, idiot! DIE!
UNKNOWN VOICE: AHHHHHHH!
Silence.
Scary, ominous music begins to play.
By Portalkeeper87
THREE
Scene fades to.
RACHEL, CASSIE, TOBIAS, and AX are gathered in CASSIE's barn. RACHEL paces back and forth. TOBIAS is perched on rafters, acting as lookout. AX is standing by, and CASSIE is shoveling manure.
CASSIE: Rachel, can you give me a hand?
RACHEL stops pacing and glances at CASSIE, covered in horse manure.
RACHEL: No.
Silence.
DIRECTOR: (off-stage) Where are those crickets???
Silence.
AX: They were quite.delicious.
ALL: WHAT?!
AX: Crispy, crunchy, and quite delicious with a coating of motor oil.
DIRECTOR: YOU KILLED MY CRICKETS!!!!!
DIRECTOR runs onstage and stabs AX with a knife. AX chops off the DIRECTOR's hand. SECURITY drags both of them away and STAGE CREW cleans up the spilt blood.
CASSIE: Where did those people all come from?
RACHEL: Were they Yeerks?
STAGE CREW: No.
SECURITY: (faintly, from offstage) No.
DIRECTOR: (faintly) Get me more crickets!
TOBIAS: Okay.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
JAKE suddenly walks in.
RACHEL: What took you so long?
JAKE ignores her.
JAKE: (breathless) We have a problem.
CASSIE: Come help me shovel this pile of manure.
JAKE: In a moment, sweetheart. I have an important announcement to make.
CASSIE: Kay.
JAKE: (suddenly all breathless again, like he was just running) Mar-
RACHEL: Hey, where's Marco?
JAKE pulls out a dracon beam and shoots RACHEL on maximum setting. RACHEL sizzles and disappears.
CASSIE: I never liked her much anyway.
TOBIAS: Please go on, Jake.
JAKE: Thank you. (takes deep breath) Marco's been kidnapped.
The Barney theme song begins to play.
DIRECTOR: (from offstage) It's supposed to be scary music, idiot! DIE!
UNKNOWN VOICE: AHHHHHHH!
Silence.
Scary, ominous music begins to play.
