"Quistis Trepe: The Exclusive Interview."
Greetings, people, and welcome to my second interview. This time, I was able to get for my the CGI "actress" who portrayed Quistis Trepe in the game Final Fantasy VIII. What's up?
"The usual. You know."
Ah, yes. So, let's check this stuff. Exactly how did this role come to pass?
"You know, I kicked ass in my previous role, and they just snapped me up immediately to take the role."
Well, I'm not too certain about most of them. What was that role again?
"I played Sonia Belmont in that whole Castlevania: Legends. My agent thought it would turn me into the next Neve Campbell, but it ended up being just a blip on my radar until I could get some serious roles."
And what about your...other roles?
"What other ones would you mean?"
Well, the whip's a dead giveaway. You used it in both your previous game and VIII, I mean, come on...
"So what? Yes, I was a dominatrix for a brief period. Yes, I've done adult films. What's the problem? I'm a strong woman, and I deserve to do whatever I want to do for myself!"
Ah, yes, your well-documented porn career. Didn't you do magazines and films?
"Well, yeah. Actually, the producers came up with a cool extra fact toward my 'past career moves'..."
And what would that be?
"Well, it's really obscure. Basically, the infamous copy of 'The Girl Next Door'..."
Oh, yeah.
"I had posed for the issue they used as the prop. Changed all of the names, but still..."
I can understand. Girl's gotta eat, right?
"Yeah. I thought that Castlevania would have all of the video game makers beat a path to my door, but I got no calls."
Yes, but didn't you have "Castlevania money" left?
"Hell, no! I had to split an apartment with Sonya Blade until VIII came calling!"
Is this the much-rumored..."partnership" the tabloids hinted at for a while?
"LORD NO! We're just good friends. Actually, she helped out a bit on VIII..."
Oh, really? How?
"Well, she had retired from the action games for a while, so she let her natural color go back. She tagged along to the auditions, the producers saw her, before I knew it she nabbed the role of Xu."
Pretty cool. I wouldn't have guessed it. So, you two aren't...?
"Of course not."
But you can give us some dirt, can't you?
"Why, I could never say if any of my fellow castmates were gay or not ::coughIRVINEcough::"
Oh, I see. What about your exploits? An attractive woman had to have a few passes on the set...
"That's so sweet! Actually, I have had a few."
Any details? Enquiring minds want to know...
"Basically, most of the guys were duds."
Let's see. Let's run the list. Squall?
"Guy didn't even notice I existed. He's one of the most intense people I've worked with."
Zell?
"We did a few things back in the day when we were both on the verge of video game stardom, but he's stayed the same throughout all of it. He just retired back to his trailer all night and just read a lot of Shakespeare."
We've already eliminated Irvine from this one, so...Seifer?
"Not a chance. The guy's a complete prick. If you're reading this, Yes, we KNOW you're Cloud's little brother, and honestly, we don't give a flying fuck!"
Raijin? Anyone else?
"Actually, I've had stuff with both of them."
Go on. Tell us.
"Well, the second Raijin was cool in an ironic way. I had seen some MK stuff, and just kept trying to get Sonya to help me hook up with Jax for a long time. Then I go onto the set, meet him, and find out he was originally hired out to play a student who was infatuated with me, it was just pretty cool."
And the first...?
"I don't like to say this, but..."
Go on. It'll be fine.
"During filming, me and 'Barret' had hooked up. We had talked, I remarked about how great he looked, and he said he'd show me how he lost it. We went back to his trailer, and he showed me this huge bathtub where he was making a huge amount of crank. I remarked about it. He said he also used some E, but not often. He laid out some, and we used it. We screwed like crazy, and then I noticed he wasn't moving. Luckily, I was able to perform CPR on him, but he proceeded to think I was ready to go again. We did, and he stopped moving for good this time."
Whoa. That had to suck.
"I know. Luckily, the doctors found out that it was the drugs that did it. If it really was a heart attack brought on by the sex, I don't know..."
Well, we already had heard of your well-publicized suicide attempt on the set.
"Yeah. It was before the autopsy took place. I still thought I had given him the heart attack because, well, I'm AMAZING in the sack..."
I'll bet. So, what happened?
"Basically, I was hysterical and tried to hang myself with my whip. Sonya came in, saw me, cut me down and just freaked. She told the producers, they shilled out some coin and sent me back to my family's place in Utah for a little bit to rest up. I came back a little later, but still..."
So that's why Quistis looked a little more ripped in the Deling City scenes...
"You got it."
Well, that's the interview. I'm Alan Smithee, and this is...
"Just do like you did with 'Squall.'"
Okay. "GIRL WHO PLAYED QUISTIS TREPE." Thank you, and until next time, go do something with yourselves.
Greetings, people, and welcome to my second interview. This time, I was able to get for my the CGI "actress" who portrayed Quistis Trepe in the game Final Fantasy VIII. What's up?
"The usual. You know."
Ah, yes. So, let's check this stuff. Exactly how did this role come to pass?
"You know, I kicked ass in my previous role, and they just snapped me up immediately to take the role."
Well, I'm not too certain about most of them. What was that role again?
"I played Sonia Belmont in that whole Castlevania: Legends. My agent thought it would turn me into the next Neve Campbell, but it ended up being just a blip on my radar until I could get some serious roles."
And what about your...other roles?
"What other ones would you mean?"
Well, the whip's a dead giveaway. You used it in both your previous game and VIII, I mean, come on...
"So what? Yes, I was a dominatrix for a brief period. Yes, I've done adult films. What's the problem? I'm a strong woman, and I deserve to do whatever I want to do for myself!"
Ah, yes, your well-documented porn career. Didn't you do magazines and films?
"Well, yeah. Actually, the producers came up with a cool extra fact toward my 'past career moves'..."
And what would that be?
"Well, it's really obscure. Basically, the infamous copy of 'The Girl Next Door'..."
Oh, yeah.
"I had posed for the issue they used as the prop. Changed all of the names, but still..."
I can understand. Girl's gotta eat, right?
"Yeah. I thought that Castlevania would have all of the video game makers beat a path to my door, but I got no calls."
Yes, but didn't you have "Castlevania money" left?
"Hell, no! I had to split an apartment with Sonya Blade until VIII came calling!"
Is this the much-rumored..."partnership" the tabloids hinted at for a while?
"LORD NO! We're just good friends. Actually, she helped out a bit on VIII..."
Oh, really? How?
"Well, she had retired from the action games for a while, so she let her natural color go back. She tagged along to the auditions, the producers saw her, before I knew it she nabbed the role of Xu."
Pretty cool. I wouldn't have guessed it. So, you two aren't...?
"Of course not."
But you can give us some dirt, can't you?
"Why, I could never say if any of my fellow castmates were gay or not ::coughIRVINEcough::"
Oh, I see. What about your exploits? An attractive woman had to have a few passes on the set...
"That's so sweet! Actually, I have had a few."
Any details? Enquiring minds want to know...
"Basically, most of the guys were duds."
Let's see. Let's run the list. Squall?
"Guy didn't even notice I existed. He's one of the most intense people I've worked with."
Zell?
"We did a few things back in the day when we were both on the verge of video game stardom, but he's stayed the same throughout all of it. He just retired back to his trailer all night and just read a lot of Shakespeare."
We've already eliminated Irvine from this one, so...Seifer?
"Not a chance. The guy's a complete prick. If you're reading this, Yes, we KNOW you're Cloud's little brother, and honestly, we don't give a flying fuck!"
Raijin? Anyone else?
"Actually, I've had stuff with both of them."
Go on. Tell us.
"Well, the second Raijin was cool in an ironic way. I had seen some MK stuff, and just kept trying to get Sonya to help me hook up with Jax for a long time. Then I go onto the set, meet him, and find out he was originally hired out to play a student who was infatuated with me, it was just pretty cool."
And the first...?
"I don't like to say this, but..."
Go on. It'll be fine.
"During filming, me and 'Barret' had hooked up. We had talked, I remarked about how great he looked, and he said he'd show me how he lost it. We went back to his trailer, and he showed me this huge bathtub where he was making a huge amount of crank. I remarked about it. He said he also used some E, but not often. He laid out some, and we used it. We screwed like crazy, and then I noticed he wasn't moving. Luckily, I was able to perform CPR on him, but he proceeded to think I was ready to go again. We did, and he stopped moving for good this time."
Whoa. That had to suck.
"I know. Luckily, the doctors found out that it was the drugs that did it. If it really was a heart attack brought on by the sex, I don't know..."
Well, we already had heard of your well-publicized suicide attempt on the set.
"Yeah. It was before the autopsy took place. I still thought I had given him the heart attack because, well, I'm AMAZING in the sack..."
I'll bet. So, what happened?
"Basically, I was hysterical and tried to hang myself with my whip. Sonya came in, saw me, cut me down and just freaked. She told the producers, they shilled out some coin and sent me back to my family's place in Utah for a little bit to rest up. I came back a little later, but still..."
So that's why Quistis looked a little more ripped in the Deling City scenes...
"You got it."
Well, that's the interview. I'm Alan Smithee, and this is...
"Just do like you did with 'Squall.'"
Okay. "GIRL WHO PLAYED QUISTIS TREPE." Thank you, and until next time, go do something with yourselves.
