Greetings, people, and welcome to my fourth interview. As a change of pace, I decided to start discussing the various bigotries running through video games today. In order to help me with this, I have gotten a person who has been well known to have felt these pains in the video game industry. You may know and love him as famed FFVIII star "Irvine Kinneas", but in actuality he's one of the leaders of the "Video Game Characters for Equality" movement. Welcome, um, can I call you Irvine?

"Sure."

Well, the first question is, why are you so heavy towards this movement?

"Well, because I want changes. I hate being dicked out of roles because of my sexual preference."

Ah, yes. Your well-documented case of...

"Don't worry. I'm cool with it. I'm a fag. Get used to it."

Well, I would have used some...more safe words, but...

"Don't worry. I know that most people can handle it. People are willing to watch shows with homosexual stars now."

Ah, yes, "Will and Grace", "Ellen"...

"SCREW THOSE! I'm talking about 'Survivor' and their ilk! The real stuff about it!"

Please. Don't mention that show on these interviews or I will have to hurt you.

"Do you promise to?"

Let's move on. Do you feel that your sexual preference has lost you work?

"Of course! I was all set to be the lead player in both Sunset Riders and Lethal Enforcers 2. I was the best of all of them, they had actually offered me the job. Then, the directors find out, and all of a sudden, I'm just another person who dies!"

I see your point.

"That's what I was trying to get out to the people with my performance: That a guy who likes other men can still play a convincing video game idol."

You did that well. I mean, you had to beat women off with a stick during the game.

"Of course. That's just good acting mixed with knowing what women want."

And that is...?

"Come on. You're straight. To tell you what they want would be like cheating."

Come on. It'll be just between us.

"Okay. They're just like us gay guys. They want conversation, someone who'll listen, someone who'll make them laugh, and most importantly, a dick the size of the Empire State Building."

Well, I can handle most of that, but that last one...

"Don't worry about it. You'll manage."

And what about the love scenes? Were there any troubles in those?

"Not really. They used Selphie as my love interest, so I just did a natural realm of logic."

And that was...?

"Fact: According to most claims to stop STD's, they say 'If you do something with a person, you're doing that with everyone that person had done it to before.' Using that logic and knowing Selphie was a dirty, dirty whore, I just closed my eyes and pictured the people who I knew she did things with."

That seems logical. So, do you think your attempts are working?

"Actually, yes. Me and Selphie have already been tapped to star in The Next Best Thing: The Video Game."

DEAR GOD, TELL ME THEY'RE NOT MAKING A GAME ON THAT MOVIE!

"Well, it's only being sold in the 'pink light areas' of town, so you'll probably never even see a copy."

Well, do you think that that is a bit of stereotyping? I mean, only games for the gay community?

"A bit, yes. But at least it's better than before. A few years ago, all of those 'alternative lifestyle' games were digitized to the point where no actual people were employed. It was a screwed up system."

Whoa. That's a surprise.

"Exactly. Hell, when they wanted a gay man for 'Final Fight', they actually just hired a straight guy, dressed him in stereotypical leatherman garb, and sent him out."

I did not know that.

"Well, luckily the joke was on them when they found out that the 'straight guy' actually was me."

You mean...you were that guy?

"Hell yeah. It was a smart maneuver on my part. Get some money to get a little food, and get my message to the people. I won on all counts."

Well, thank you for your time. Tune in next time, where I'll actually be interviewing an attractive female! FINALLY!