Setsuai

By Keiko Hidaka

Note from author: *high on coffee* yeah... why the heck did i write something aya x omi? i like schu x ken! okay... enough of my random weirdness. just go on and read my poem thingish story... yeah...

Part one

Put your head on my shoulder
And let me whisper songs in your ear
Can you feel my heart beating?
The steady pulse and warmth?
Your hair is soft like downy feathers
I run my fingers through it
You close your eyes
Perfect trust
All alone, but together
The half-light shines though the window
You seem so fragile
So pure
Your words comforted me always
Now it's my turn
You need me now
I wrap my arm around your shoulders
You're trembling like a sparrow
So timid
Are you afraid of me?
Don't be
You rest your head on my chest
Listening
I want something
Something from you
I put both my arms around you
But I also want to give you something
Do you know?
Your eyes flutter open
So beautiful
An endless, deep blue
Going on forever
I want it for myself
For all eternity
You put your arms around me
Serene protection
I watch your beautiful eyes blink
Slowly
Dreamily
I brush my knuckle against your mouth
You blush
So shy
Then you smile
I live to see you happy
I smile back
Then I know what I want
I cover your smile with mine
I know you want it too
Your lips brush mine like a butterfly's wing
So quiet
Your heart is racing
Don't try to hide it
Let me know how you feel
My grip grows tighter
I lean you down
You're scared
I kiss your cheek
And softly laugh
Don't be frightened
You take my hands in yours
So reassuring
Then you kiss my lips tenderly
But with more passion this time
I see all your secrets as if they were naked
Exposed
So willing
You gasp excitedly for air
I tangle my fingers in your shiny gold hair
Why have you hidden your feelings for so long
I can taste the mint tea you drank
Savoring it like a treasured memory
So sweet
Then I know what I wanted to share
It was hidden
But now I see
I love you
And I can tell...
You love me too

Part two

You take the leather gloves off my hands
Now you see how scarred and cut they are
But you don't flinch
You bring my fingers to your lips
Kissing each one delicately
I don't deserve this
Can't you see who I am?
These are the hands of a murderer
Hands that have only brought pain and death
But you-
So forgiving
It seems so wrong
That you can be so open
But I can hold so many secrets
And that disgusts me
The blood that was on my hands weighs on my heart
Maybe you can help me
To pick up the pieces of my shattered life
I would keep you safe
Never lonely
And you could love me...
Forever
You keep your head lowered
I want to see your face
You look up
The expression I see cuts through me like a knife
Your beautiful eyes are filled with pain
I can't bear to see you cry
You know my secret
What can I do?
So confusing
Bewildered
Have I ruined your happiness?
Now we are both hurt
I brush away your tears
You smile
My reason for living
I take your hand
And lead you across the threshold to a warm room
I can't let you go
There is only now
I lay you on the soft sheets of the bed
You look scared again
I wont hurt you
I want to love you
Can't you see it in my eyes?
I lay nest to you
This silent moment
Wondering
You look at me
Putting your arms around my neck
I lean up against the wall
Wrapping my arms around your waist
I shrug off my heavy jacket onto the cold floor
Gently I reach my hands up your shirt
Pulling it off
So trusting
Not questioning a thing I do to you
I take my shirt off
Now we are even
I kiss the place were your heart is
I can feel your heart fluttering like a trapped bird
Let it go
We exchange desperate kisses
Never wanting this to end
This isn't enough
I unzip your shorts
You tense
Tossing the last pieces of your clothing onto the floor
I look at your naked body
Perfect
So innocent
Looking at me with all your love in your eyes
This is wrong
Even though I love you
This is not right
I stand up
You would let me do anything to you
Just because you love me
I forgot how young you are
I can't look at you
Get out
The words slap your face
You think you didn't please me
That you did something wrong
But how can I explain?
So wrong
You would do anything for me
I can hear your heart breaking
The sound deafens me
Get out
Leave
I toss your clothes at you
Thinking you are rejected
You put your clothes on
I turn around
Your eyes are screaming
Why?
Don't you love me anymore?
I can feel my eyes filling with angry tears
But you still sit there unable to move
So shocked
I stand there
For what seems like hours
Tears running down my face
You don't understand
Then I know I lied
I can hurt you
And I did
I hate myself
I remember the day I first saw you
You were so happy
You were so beautiful
There was good in everything
So much love to give
Whenever I was with you I was lighthearted
Smiling again
I could only think of you
But now your smile is gone
So sad
You probably hate me now
But I need to know
I grab your shoulders
Your eyes widen
I whisper
Do you love me?
You whisper back without hesitation
I can't stop loving you
You don't say anything and walk out the door
You pick up your shoes and leave the house
Will you come back?

Part three

We spend days apart
I'm slowly dying
Your voice fills my dreams
I've got to see you
I drive to your school
Just as you are getting out
You stand there
Dumbfounded
So surprised
You walk to my car and get in
We drive in silence for a long time
I pull up to our house
You look at me
Those deep blue eyes searching
I can't hold it in any longer
I'm so sorry
I kiss you
Sadly
But with all the love I can give
You kiss back
This is how I want it to be
I know that somehow
I know that somehow
You can fill the void in my heart
I've got to keep you
I want to hold you forever
I want you to hold me back
We watch the sunset
Your face glows as you hold my hand
I can feel the love flowing between us
Calm and soothing
The wind blows your hair lightly
I gaze into your eyes again
Drifting through your feelings
So perfect