Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne. I do, however, own the twisted little plot, and any characters I have created. Basically, if you don't recognize them, they're probably mine. In this chapter, I believe that I own Sari and no one else. (grins)

Re-Visions

Chapter 10

The day after her arrival, Sari let Hitomi find out how weak she really was by letting her get out of bed. Her lack of strength shocked the girl, Sari could tell. She watched her face grow grim and determined. After that, Sari often wondered if she needed to tie the girl to her bed- whenever Sari came in to check on her, she was sitting in one of the chairs, or walking around the chamber, or climbing up into one of the shuttered window embrasures to sit. There were a few clashes of temper. Sari was surprised at Hitomi's strength of will. "I'm not going to recover by staying in bed!" she shouted at the healer one day when her patience was utterly exhausted. Sari silently applauded Hitomi's decision and her courage, but agreed with seeming reluctance.

Gradually, Sari began to supplement Hitomi's broth with bread and fruits, then turned it into soup, with vegetables in the broth. At the end of about 3 sevendays, she had commenced to eat the stew that those who still lived in the castle- a bare few in comparison to the horde it had been 3 years ago- were heartily sick of. The healer watched in amusement as the girl consumed it like it was the nectar of the gods.

By the time she had graduated to the stew, Hitomi and Merle had started to sneak out of the room while Sari was gone, and go for short walks outside the damaged castle. Although Hitomi was very tired by the end of the day from their jaunts, she knew she was getting stronger. She even talked Merle into letting her run one day, though that ended with Hitomi stumbling to a stop after 50 meters, spots dancing in front of her eyes for a moment, and Merle scolding her for pushing herself too hard.

It was nice to get to know the "new" Merle, Hitomi thought more than once while she was recovering. While no longer insanely jealous or overprotective of Van, she still could not be considered quiet. She had turned 16, but still retained much of her prepubescent bounce and verve, even as she matured. She had matured, Hitomi knew, from her soft confession, the first time they were truly alone.

"I didn't want to admit it, you know," Merle told Hitomi as they walked, unable to look at her. "I could see Lord Van growing to care for you, and I couldn't stand it. And you were so easy to like, and to tease . . ." she laughed quietly. "But eventually, I couldn't avoid it. For a long time after you left, I thought he still might come to see me like that . . . But finally, I had to realize that I would only ever be his little sister. It hurt, but not as much as I thought it would. I mean . . . I was giving up my life-long passion, and I hardly even cried . . . Old habits really aren't that hard to break. Once I accepted him as just my big brother, it was easy to stop throwing myself at him, and clinging to him." She shuddered. "Sometimes, I wonder how he could have stood me."

Hitomi put a hand on Merle's shoulder. "Because he does love you. How could he not love a sister like you? I want you to know that I'm sorry . . . I didn't mean to cause you pain, then or ever."

"I know. You would never hurt anyone intentionally," the cat girl replied as they slowly walked back to the castle.

Only a few days later, they got caught. When they noticed the lateness of the hour, they tried to sneak back into the infirmary, but Sari was waiting for them. "My lady," she said gravely. "Where have you been?"

Hitomi gulped. "I was with Merle the whole time . . ."

"She was!" Merle agreed emphatically.

" . . . And if I had had any trouble, she would have gotten you . . ."

"I would!"

"That's not the point!" Sari interrupted sharply. Both girls immediately fell silent. "My lady, I know right well that you have been wandering around the castle, both inside and out, against my orders." She smiled, surprising both Hitomi and Merle. "If you are well enough to do that, then you don't need to be under my care. Or under my eye, or underfoot here in the infirmary. You are released." She watched in amusement as they glanced at each other, confused. "Go on, go," she said, making a shooing motion with her hands. "I'll be glad to get some peace and quiet back in here," she grumbled mockingly, still grinning.

They smiled at each other, and Hitomi stepped forward to take Sari's hand. "Thank you so much for all your care and kindness."

Sari patted her hand. "You are welcome, my lady."

Hitomi sighed. "It's not my lady, it's Hitomi . . . please."

Sari studied the girl for a moment before answering. The skin was no longer drawn so tightly over the bones of her face. She was pink from the spring sun, and her eyes sparkled. She was starting to show that she wasn't a boy after all, but a woman, with a dip at her waist, and the slight flare of her hip. She was still much too thin, but she was recovering. "I'm sorry, Lady Hitomi, but I don't think I can call you only that. Now get going. Merle will help you find a new place to sleep after supper."

After they left, Merle snorted. "Like I have to! Of course, you'll sleep in Lord Van's room!"

Hitomi felt herself flush bright red. "I can't do that!"

Merle stopped, puzzled. "Why not?"

"I . . . I just can't. Where I'm from, it's not right."

The cat girl balled her fists on her hips. "Not right? What are you talking about?"

Flames, Hitomi thought. Flames of embarrassment, burning me up. Are things that different here? There's no way I can explain this! Not without sounding like an idiot. The only way this could be worse is if . . .

"Hitomi? Merle?" It was Van.

Hitomi decided that the floor wasn't going to open up and swallow her, no matter how she wished it would, and turned to face him.

"What is going on?" Van was puzzled. A few days ago, he had started to bring supper to the infirmary to eat with Hitomi, Sari and Merle. He balanced a stack of bowls in one hand and held a small cookpot in the other.

"Oh, Merle was just teasing me, right, Merle?" She glared at the cat girl, who just sniffed and looked away. She stepped forward to take the bowls from Van, and he smiled. "Sari has just kicked me out of the infirmary, and she suggested Merle help me find another place to sleep."

"Kicked you out? Why?" He stared at her, and she looked down at the bowls, still red.

"Well, she said that . . ."

Merle interrupted. "We got caught today, Lord Van. Sari said that Hitomi is well enough now to not need her care. Catching us . . . was just an excuse. Sari knew days ago what we were doing. She's all right." She eyed Hitomi, smiling slyly. "And I told her I had the perfect place for her to sleep from now on . . ."

Knowing the way Merle's mind worked, Van could see where this was leading, and why Hitomi was blushing. He felt his face redden as well, and glanced away. Merle had probably told Hitomi that she should sleep with me . . .

Oh, how I would like her to . . .

He blinked. Where had that come from? Best bury that . . . "Uh . . . if you'd rather not sleep downstairs," he said softly, not looking at either girl. Merle's face could hardly contain her grin, and Hitomi's was simply wide eyes and wonder. "You know, around the people, there is a room upstairs, down the hallway from mine." Merle's face fell, and Hitomi sighed inwardly in relief. "It's empty, no one wants it. But you have to promise me you won't go out on the balcony. It's not safe." He looked at her then, his voice stern as he spoke, and saw her smiling at him gratefully.

"Thank you, Van," she answered. "I think that would be great."

He smiled in return. "Seeing as how we've lost our dining area, would you care to come outside and watch the sunset as we eat?" She nodded, and they started to walk away, leaving Merle staring after them in astonishment.

"Coming, Merle?" Van called, just as they were about to turn the corner. She glared at their backs, and stuck out her tongue. Then she realized they weren't stopping. They're going to leave without me! she thought, starting to run.

"Hey! Wait for me!" I'll get them for this, she thought sourly.

Later that night, Hitomi sat on the blankets Merle had given her, staring out the open shutters. I'll close them before I go to sleep, she thought. I should be tired, but I'm not . . . or maybe I'm too tired to sleep. The Earth and Moon had risen outside the windows long ago, and were headed toward zenith. It was late, she knew, but she kept wondering why Merle had made that suggestion. And why did I almost agree? Mom would have my head if she knew . . . After a moment, she shook her head and rose to her feet. Before closing the shutters, she peeked out at the balcony to which they led. Van was right, it didn't look safe.

Van . . . She pushed the shutters closed, and felt her way back to her pallet. They hadn't had a moment alone together since his birthday, only a few days after her arrival. Merle had told her the day. She had gravely congratulated him on his advancing age, to which he'd flushed and glared at Merle. Not long after, she had faked a yawn, and Van had ushered Merle out over her protests, telling her that Hitomi was tired. "I'm just going to say goodnight to Hitomi, Merle," he'd told the cat girl, still a bit exasperated. "I'll be right out." He'd shut the door in her face, and turned back to Hitomi, sighing.

Hitomi had laughed at his expression. She had been sitting in one of Sari's chairs, but stood as he approached her, glad to find she was much steadier than the previous day. They embraced, and she rested her head against his shoulder. She herself had not grown nearly as much as he had, and was more than a head shorter than he. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I don't have a gift for your birthday."

She had felt his arms tighten around her. "Oh, yes, you do."

Opening her eyes, she had pulled back an inch or two, so she could look up at him in confusion. He was smiling, that wonderful small smile that radiated all his joy. "What do you mean?"

His response had been to bend and kiss her softly. She closed her eyes again. The fire had run through her, just as it had in their first kiss, liquid warmth flooding her veins. "You have already given me the only thing I have ever really wanted," he murmured against her lips, holding her closer for an instant before releasing her. Before he turned away, she saw in his face that he was frightened- of his words, of his actions, of rejection, she wasn't sure. She only knew he needn't be.

Before he had taken a step, she threw her arms around him from behind, holding him as tight as she could. "I'm not going to take it back, you know," she chided him gently. "I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it. I love you."

His hands grasped hers where they lay on his waist, and he bent his head. "I know you mean it," he had whispered. "I love you, just as much." He half turned back to her, and she could see his slight smile.

Hitomi shook herself from the memory, still standing by her blankets. Since then, he had started working down in the city again, or on the castle, or was held in one of the meetings she knew he detested. With work nearly completed on the city below, it was time to consider fully opening the country to the rest of the world again. I know he can't spend every minute with me, but it's like he's avoiding me . . .

She made her way to the door, a slightly blacker shadow within the darkness. One hand trailing along the wall, she shuffled down the corridor, trying to avoid whatever lurked to trip her. Her hand encountered emptiness, and she knew she'd reached his door. She squared her shoulders and looked in. If he was still awake, they were going to talk . . . Her eyes had slowly adjusted to the night, and she was surprised at what she saw.

Despite the chill, Van had kicked off his blankets. He was thrashing against the floor, unmistakably caught in the throes of a nightmare. Even as she stepped in to shake him awake, he sat bolt upright, crying out. "No!" His voice was filled with longing and despair, and it made her heart ache. Before his call could fade away, she knelt beside him, and took him in her arms. He was shaking, panting as if he'd run miles. She rested her cheek against his head, stroking his back, whispering, "Shhh, Van, it's all right, it's only a dream . . ."

He was walking with her, in the palace gardens as they had been before the war. Suddenly, black smoke roiled up, thick and hot, cutting off his vision. He tried to peer through it, to find her, but the city was again on fire, and in the noise and confusion, he couldn't. He ran wildly, calling her name. "Hitomi!" The smoke resolved itself into stone castle walls, dimly lit by moonlight, ghostly illumination. There was a wraith of fog drifting about his knees. He ran down the corridor, toward the king's chambers. "Hitomi!" he shouted. He burst through the door. The mist twined about his legs, coming from the bedroom. He dashed through that door, stopping short of the great canopied bed. She was there, standing in the moonlight, wearing a glowing pearly gown. She was staring out the window, palms raised to the moons. The fog was floating from her dress. "Hitomi," he breathed, and took a step toward her.

At the sound of his voice, she turned to him, smiling sweetly. "Van." She lowered her hands, and the mist dissipated.

Abruptly, he realized she was wearing the strange clothes she'd worn from the Mystic Moon. "Hitomi? What are you . . ." He was only a pace away, and reached out to touch her.

"Goodbye, Van. I'm going back to my world." Without warning, there was a blue-white light surrounding her, pulling her off the ground. She closed her eyes, still smiling, and spiraled out of sight, without a backward glance . . .

"No!" he cried, reaching out to her. He was awake. Suddenly, she was there, embracing him, comforting him. He could feel her warm hands on the bare skin of his back, gently moving up and down. She was crooning something to him, so softly he could barely hear the words, telling him it was only a dream.

Oh, but this dream will come true eventually, Van thought despondently, closing his eyes.

After his words to her on his birthday, he'd first had this nightmare. His fear of losing her again had overcome him. He spent time with her, but he wouldn't let himself be alone with her. But it felt so good to hold her, to feel her arms around him.

She heard his harsh breathing slowly return to normal. He had turned his face onto her shoulder as she held him, one of his hands on her arm. She pulled back a little, looking down at him, and quietly asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Immediately, he lifted his head from her shoulder and shook it. No, he didn't want to, not now, not ever, if he could help it. He didn't even want to speak, afraid it would all come tumbling out. Reluctantly, he released her arm, and forced himself to move away from her. But he couldn't stop himself from looking at her, couldn't keep his eyes from begging her not to go.

Hitomi cocked her head to one side, studying him curiously. She could feel his gaze on her, but could see his face only as a shadow. She reached out to brush his hair away from his face. A shock ran through her when she touched him, but she did it anyway. He gasped as she touched him- he must have felt the jolt as well. Obviously, something was bothering him, and just as obviously, he wasn't ready to talk about it. For a second, she thought about using the link to find out the problem, if she could, but instantly dismissed the idea. He had a right to privacy, and she would not violate it by forcing the issue. When he was ready, then they would talk.

She smiled at him, even though she knew he probably wouldn't see it in the dark. "All right. Lie back down," she ordered, pressing him back. "Be quiet now," she continued as he resisted. She pulled up his blankets again when he did as she asked. She took his hand in one of hers, and with the other, stroked his forehead, running her fingers through his hair. In a gentle tone, she began to sing.

Her voice was light and soothing, pleasing to the ear. He let his eyes drift shut.

She sang until she heard his breath become deep and slow. Carefully, trying to wake him again, she laid his hand on his chest and crept from the room.

It was a long, long time before she could find sleep herself.

She waited- very patiently, she thought- for another 2 days. Nothing changed; he was still uncommunicative, and would only come near her if Merle were with her, she suddenly noticed. She held her temper in check, but it finally snapped on the third morning, and she had to bite her tongue to keep from laying into Merle, who, for a change, had done nothing to deserve it. It was time, she decided. He would talk to her.

Unfortunately, part of the reason her temper was so short was that the pyromaniac was back. A commotion, down the hall in Van's room, had woken her very early that morning. When she asked Merle later, the cat girl told her everything, from the first summer through now, including the family he'd killed just before her arrival.

She was sitting in the window in his room waiting for him when he stormed back in.

Van's mood was black, as black as he could ever remember. The bastard had done it again, had set fire to another occupied house! Thankfully, this time no one had been seriously hurt; a crying child had woken the house just before the blaze really took hold. The first time- when Pol and Lara had died- it might have been a mistake, as they had only moved their belongings in that day. This family had been in residence all winter. There was no possible doubt; he was out to kill someone this time.

And somehow, I can't stop him. That thought incensed him further. The feeling of helplessness was almost intolerable. The walk back to the castle did nothing to calm him. The cool of early morning had given way to a warm bright day, but the air was heavy with smoke, clinging to his clothes. All I could do was watch. I couldn't stop it. He clenched his gloves in his fist, forgetting that he held them. The few people still living in the castle- mostly those who had been servants, and had lived there before- stayed well out of his way, frightened perhaps by his angry scowl. He stomped his way to his room, intending to bruise his knuckles against the wall, pace and- eventually, hopefully- calm down enough to think rationally about the matter.

His gloves had hit the wall next to the window with a resounding smack before he registered her presence in the room.

Slowly, Hitomi unfolded herself from her position in the window. The sight and feel of his overwhelming anger, even as he tried to choke it back, was enough to make her own disappear. Well, she thought, he does have a right to be furious. Her eyes narrowed as he turned from her, but it only strengthened her determination. I will make him talk to me, but first, I've got to calm him down.

Van jumped when she put her hand on his arm. "All right, let's go," she said, tugging on the limb she had captured. She started dragging him toward the door.

"Wait! What . . ." He took a second look at her, and dug in his heels. "Why are you wearing my clothes?" he asked in bewilderment, his anger pushed aside.

For she was. The white pants were so worn as to be almost threadbare, but he noticed there were fresh patches on the knees. He recognized them as a pair he'd outgrown a couple years ago, and they were a little big on her. The shirt, too, was an old one, but not nearly so shabby. It had long sleeves, which she'd rolled up a bit so the cuffs weren't over her hands. She'd tucked the red shirt, like most of what clothes he owned, into the pants, probably to help hold them up. She still wore her sneakers.

"Mine were dirty, so I washed them. Merle found these for me. Come on." She wasn't about to be sidetracked. She pulled him toward the door again.

He gave up, gave in to his desire to spend time with her, despite his fear. "Where are we going?"

"You are going to take us to a quiet place, where no one will interrupt us, and we are going to talk. Where can we go, where no one will bother us?"

She felt him stop again in the hall, and turned to him. He was staring at her in concern. "Are . . . are you well enough for a long walk?" he asked hesitantly.

"I think so," she answered. "Maybe not all the way to where your family's monuments are, but I could make a hike."

"All right then. I know a place. Follow me." He took the lead, and she trailed him out of the castle and into the forest. They walked in an uneasy silence for perhaps a quarter of an hour. Then the trees gave way to a grassy clearing, with a stream flowing in a rocky bed. A decorative bridge, hardly necessary given the width of the water, was set across it. A few ancient stumps could be used as seats, if desired. Some old trees populated the clearing, their spreading branches a leafy canopy overhead. The only sounds were the chirps of birds, and the rush of the water.

"Oh, Van," she breathed. "This is lovely." She stepped forward, to examine the bridge more closely.

"This was Mother's place," Van said softly, glancing around. His eyes were filled with memories. "She used to bring Folken and me here sometimes. Whenever she felt the need to get away from the castle for a while, she'd come here alone, or with one of us. Father knew he could find her here. He drew the design of the bridge."

Hitomi heard the wistful note in his voice, and returned to take his hand. Silently, she guided him to the stream, thankful he made no protest. "Sit down," she told him, when the reached the grass at the water's edge. Puzzled, he complied. She knelt behind him.

"Hitomi? What are you doing?" He craned his neck to try to see her.

"Just relax." She started to dig her fingers into the knots of his shoulders.

Immediately, he groaned in pleasure and closed his eyes, feeling the tension flow out of him.

She massaged his back and shoulders until her hands ached. He had some knots of muscle so tight she wondered that he wasn't in pain. He was utterly relaxed now, slumped forward slightly. She rubbed her hands gently up and down his back. How can I start this? How can I get him to open up? she asked herself. An evil thought struck her, and she grinned. Well, that would probably work . . . Leaning forward, her hands still on his back, she inquired softly, "Van? Can I ask you a question?"

He grunted, which she took for an affirmative. Grinning wickedly, she asked, "Are you ticklish?"

His eyes flew open. "What?" But it was too late- her fingers were already on his sides, just below his ribs, making him squirm and laugh in spite of himself.

"Hmmm, I guess you are! How about here?" Giggling herself, Hitomi started to broaden the range of her attack, pursuing him when he fell helplessly to his side, convulsing with laughter.

"Stop! Stop!" he gasped out, trying unsuccessfully to escape. After several attempts, he managed to grab one of her hands, and, now able to regroup, started to do some tickling of his own.

"No!" she shrieked, twisting away in vain. She was much more ticklish than he, he discovered with some satisfaction. She tried to push him away, as they teetered at the water's edge, squealing when he got her just under her ribs on one side, then the other. In a matter of moments, he reduced her to a giggling and shrieking puddle on the ground beneath him.

Suddenly, he realized he was lying on top of her, every curve of her body pressed against him. He blushed a deep red, and released her hands, levering himself up onto his elbows. He stared down at her, eyes wide, mortally embarrassed, even though she was smiling at him. Her own cheeks were pink, her eyes bright. But then he felt a curious heat flow through him, and couldn't move away. He didn't want to, now. None of his actions were under his conscious control. Slowly, he bent, his eyes drifting shut, and kissed her, softly at first, then harder when he felt her hands running up his back, to press against his shoulders.

She felt his surprise when her tongue flicked across his lips. Yukari had told her that Amano had once kissed her this way . . . She felt Van's lips part, and before she knew it, their tongues were twining in his mouth. His taste was indescribable, and wonderful. That strange warmth filled her body again.

Van was lost. Lost in her taste, her touch, lost in her. He knew it, but he couldn't stop kissing her.

Finally, the need to breathe forced the kiss to end. Her breath was ragged in his ear, and he felt her arms start to tighten around him. He tensed to push himself away from her, to retreat. He needed to get away . . .

She let him scramble away, as if she'd burned him, but before he stood, she took hold of his hand and said, "Don't. Please don't shut me out. Tell me . . . tell me why I seem to hurt you so . . ."

He could hear the tears in her voice, and it cut him to know he caused her pain. He sank back onto the grass from his crouch. It was time. Holding her hand, he told her everything her grandmother had told him. He told her of the condition, his eyes closed. It was hard to find the words when it came to how he felt, and his nightmare, but she pressed his hand, silently encouraging him. As utterly miserable as he had ever been, he concluded, "I want you to be happy, so if you want to go back, if that will make you happy . . ." He trailed off, unable to continue.

She was silent a long time, digesting what he said. He had bared his soul to her, she knew, stroking the back of his hand. She could do no less. Finally, she asked, "Would that make you happy?" He stared at the stream, refusing to look at her. She sighed. "You know, if I stayed, I would miss my family so much, Mom and Dad, and my little brother . . . Yukari, and all my friends." She watched as he closed his eyes, and she could feel the pain radiating from him. She leaned closer and whispered, "But being with them would not, could not make me as happy as being with you." She smiled gently as his eyes flew open and she stared at her in surprise and hope. "You are my happiness, Van. I can't be happy if you are not. Last time, I didn't know it. I had to learn it the hard way. This time, I know it, I know I love you, and I don't want to go. Would it be all right if I stayed?" His only response was to crush her in his embrace, as fervent an agreement as she'd ever had.