A passerby with good vision would have been able to see three forms moving around deep in the forest in a clearing, building houses out of straw, wood, and bricks.
The three little Tortallans had woken up early in the morning to move the piles deeper into the forest, where their houses were to be built.
A dispute occurred over who would use the straw and who would use the sticks. Thom had the bricks all to himself (no one wanted them except him)
Alianne and Kalasin fought over who would get to use the straw. The straw house took the least time to build, and each being so lazy and tired in the morning, wanted it. In the end, Alianne won, and everyone set to work.
Alianne and Kalasin all looked at Thom. What was the point of building a brick house out here? It wasn't like a big bad wolf would come out of the woods and try to eat them. And it definitely wasn't worth the time with bricks anyway.
While Alianne and Kalasin were playing, Thom was busy making his brick house. He worked slowly and carefully, taking his time.
Just as he was finishing and putting on the last touches to his red brick house, Alianne and Kalasin ran into the clearing, screaming.
Thom ran over to them, yelling over their screams, asking them what was wrong.
"It's him!" cried Kalasin. She was very pale. Alianne nodded.
"Come on," said Thom. Everyone ran into their homes.
Just as they did, Duke Roger of Conte (gasp! He's not dead! Hmm...why don't I make him a butcher?) came crashing through the woods, snarling and slobbering like a...big bad wolf!
He limped over to Alianne's straw house, and said, "Little pig, little pig, let me in!"
"No! It's `Little Tortallan, little Tortallan, let me in!'" corrected Alianne.
"Oh...right," said Roger the butcher. "Little Tortallan, little Tortallan, let me in!"
"Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!" Alianne shouted back.
"Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down!" Roger yelled.
And so Roger huffed and puffed and blew away Alianne's straw house. She screamed and ran to Kalasin's wooden one.
Roger skipped (yes skipped!) next door.
He banged on the door and yelled, "Little pi - Tortallan, little Tortallan, let me in!"
"Not by the hair of our chinny-chin-chins!" Alianne and Kalasin cried back. Inside, you could hear Kalasin whisper, "Don't worry. He can't get in here. My house is made out of sticks."
"Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down!!!" Roger screamed. And that was what he did.
The two girls dug themselves out of the big pile of sticks (which was the remains of Kalasin's house) and ran to Thom's.
They banged on the door, screaming at the top of their lungs. Roger was right behind them!
"Thom! Thom! Let us in!" cried Kalasin.
"Who is it?" Thom called back.
"Us!" both Alianne and Kalasin screamed.
"Us who?" Thom asked.
"Thom, stop it! We don't have time for this," Alianne said, annoyed. Roger was getting closer.
"Oh fine, but I don't know if I should let you in. You were the one's that said that building a house made out of bricks in the middle of the forest was pointless," Thom said, purposely trying to annoy the girls.
"What?" both of them cried.
"Admit that you were wrong! Eat your words!" Thom said impatiently.
"Right now? He's coming!" yelled Kalasin.
"I'm not listening..." Thom said, plugging his ears.
"Fine! We're sorry! Now can you let us in?" Alianne said urgently. Roger was only a few yards away.
"Uh..." Thom though about it for a moment. "Hmm....okay." He opened the door.
Kalasin and Alianne jumped in and quickly shut the door behind them, keeping Roger out.
"Now what do we do?" whispered Kally.
"Well, according to the story of the Three Little Pigs, in the brick house they boiled a pot of hot water in the fireplace, where the wolf was supposed to come down to," said Thom.
"So let's do that," said Alianne. "Uh...do you have a pot?"
Thom looked around. No pot was to be seen.
"Great. Leave it to my brother to mess things up," Alianne said, rolling her eyes.
"Hey! It's not my fault! How was I supposed to know this would happen?" Thom shot back.
"Because, it's your job to!" Alianne yelled back.
"Oh enough!" said Kalasin. The two siblings looked at her. She continued. "Well, since we don't have a pot, why don't we use something else?"
"Like?"
"How about...that turtle shell over there?" Kalasin pointed to something small and green in the corner. (Where'd that come from?)
"What? That? It's too small! It'll never wor-," Thom was interrupted by a glare from Alianne.
"It'll do," she said, giving Thom a you-better-not-say-anything look.
While the turtle shell was boiling over the fireplace, Roger the Butcher was pounding on the door and screaming, "Little Tortallans, little Tortallans, let me in!"
Everyone in the house yelled back, "Not by the hair of our chinny-chin- chins!"
"Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down!" And he huffed and he puffed, but the house wouldn't come down. He tried again, and again. The house stood where it was. Again and again, until he was out of breath.
"Argh! You little Tortallans think you're so smart! But I'll get in! From the chimney!" Roger roared, and started climbing up to the roof.
Inside, everyone was laughing hysterically. The butcher was even stupider than they had thought.
A CRASH! sounded at the fireplace. Roger had landed on his behind on the turtle shell. Like Thom had said, it was too small.
All three looked at one another.
"Uh-oh, where's the water?" whispered Kalasin.
The others shrugged. They had forgotten to put it in.
"Do you smell something?" asked Alianne.
Thom sniffed the air. "It smells like..."
"Like something's burning," said Kally.
They all looked at Roger, still sitting in the turtle shell.
His rump was burning.
"Aaaaaaiiiiiiiieeeee!!!" he screamed and disappeared, up the chimney again.
Everyone blinked.
The turtle shell was glowing. It was hot. Very hot. The fire in the fireplace had heated it up.
"Well, that was interesting," Thom said at last.
"Sure was," said Alianne.
Someone knocked on the door. It was Roald.
"Hi Roald!" said Kalasin.
"Hey. Err...what happened to the houses?" he asked.
"Uh..." no one knew what to say.
"And on my way here I saw this crazy man running around with his behind on fire. Any idea what that was about?" Roald looked at each of them. They all looked at each other.
Alianne shook her head. "Don't ask."
And they lived happily ever after.
Okay, that must have been one of the stupidest stories I've ever written. What'd you think? Was it incredibly stupid like I thought, or did you enjoy it? Hmm... -Satiaus