Hello, my name is Ross Wyness. I suffer from the guilt of not

forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by

people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor

6-year- old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will

be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her

redneck parents sell her to a traveling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give

you, and everyone to whom you send "his" email, $1000? How

stupid are we? "Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down

this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy

model in the magazine!" What a bunch of bullshit.

Basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all who have

nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail

forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come

into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not

continuing a chain that was started by Peter in 5 AD and

brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower.

Fuck them. If you're going to forward something, at least

send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send

this to 10 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched

excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from

some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't

fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think

about what you're actually contributing to by sending out

these forwards. Chances are, it's your own unpopularity. The

point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening

to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life,

delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by

making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no

teeth who has been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years and

whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive

if you forward this email. Now forward this to everyone

you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will

turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.