The Man Who Holds Her Heart
Part III: Change is Different

Author: dougandcarol22 (gigglgrl26@hotmail.com )

Disclaimer: This really stinks. The owners of the ER characters still haven't called to give me my rights, unless they left a message and I missed it…. Till then I'm waiting fot them to call. But, since that probably won't happen in the next 5 minutes, (not to mention next 5 centuries) for the time being I own nobody in this story. Oh wait, I just realized that I made somebody up, all by myself! Yes that's right, I own Dr. Karen Soburg, sadly no one else at this time.

Spoilers: You're good if you've seen up through Season 7. The events in Rampage (i.e. the Carter/Abby "discussion") never took place. Basically… Where the Heart Is, is the last episode that applies. Up to that, anything is fair game.

Setting: This story takes place during the summer of Season 7, however as said above, the Carter/Abby discussion in "Rampage" NEVER took place. So for now, since we are still in the summer, Susan Lewis has not yet returned.

Archive: Contact me, gigglgrl26@hotmail.com … odds are I'll say yes but I do want to know where this goes.

a memory will be enclosed in these bracket things
8~~~~~~~~~~~~8 Indicates some sort of scene change.

By the way, if you don't read the first two parts of this series it won't make much sense, so I suggest you do that first. This is the third installment. Enjoy…
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One week later

The week had gone by in a blur for Abby, and she now found herself sitting in the waiting room of her O.B. She took a look around her; the walls were painted a dull shade of pink and posters containing tons of useless information covered them. She tapped her foot on the floor in boredom and waited for them to call her name. Hearing a chair creak, Abby turned towards a couple sitting a couple of chairs away from her. The man, tall and muscular, with sandy blond hair and clear blue eyes held his wife's hand in his own. The woman, a medium height redhead with emerald green eyes, lazily stroked her large abdomen. She turned and looked at Abby, smiling.

"Your first?"

Taken aback, and somewhat embarrassed for being caught staring, she stuttered, "Uh, yeah."

The woman nodded and motioned towards her belly, "My third, and fourth. Twins."

Abby smiled politely back, "Congratulations." The woman nodded as Abby's name was called and she walked up to the desk.

A nurse with light brown hair and a freckled face motioned for her to follow her. Abby carefully observed the awful peach colored scrubs she wore, and giggled inwardly, as much as she complained about the color that she was forced to wear, she'd prefer her shade of lavender any day. The nurse pointed to a room and handed her a gown. "Take off your clothes and change into this. Wait here and the doctor will be in to see you shortly."

Abby nodded," Thanks." The nurse walked away, shutting the door behind her. Abby quickly changed into the uncomfortable cotton gown with dark blue spots. Then, she took a seat on the examining table. Moments later her O.B., Dr. Karen Soburg, walked into the room.

"Hello, Abby, how are you doing?"

"Good."

The doctor nodded and began her exam. "How is the morning sickness?"

"Umm… still pretty bad." Dr. Soburg nodded again and made a quick note in the chart.

Twenty minutes later after finishing the exam and some more paperwork, she instructed Abby to get re-dressed and smiled.

"Have you told your husband?"

" I… I'm not married."

The doctor sounded surprised "Oh? Have you told your boyfriend you're expecting?"

She shook her head in embarrassment. "He uh … he left me. I don't know where he is."

"Oh." She raised her glasses on her nose and looked Abby right in the eye. "Are you going to keep the baby?" Abby hesitated before responding. This was the same question she had been asking herself since Carter told her the test was positive. On one hand, she worried that she would pass the bi-polar disorder onto her child, which she didn't want to risk. In addition, the baby would grow up fatherless, and she could only hope that Carter would stick around long enough to act as a male-figure in the baby's life.

On the other hand, Abby didn't think she could give the baby up for adoption, and her first abortion had been too hard and caused so much emotional pain, not to mention the physical distress. Plus, the baby would be a companion to help get her through those lonely nights, somebody who would love her no matter what, even if she never found another husband.

Abby looked at the doctor, contemplating the answer. The real answer was that she didn't know. Slowly her head nodded and without even thinking she blurted out, "Yeah, I'm gonna keep it."

The doctor looked pleased. Abby assumed it was hard for her to support abortion, seeing happy mothers and couples in want of children so often. "Good. Then you're done for today make another appointment around a month from now, at the front desk. Everything looks good, take care of yourself and keep taking those pre-natal vitamins."

Abby nodded, smiling, she was going to have a baby. In a daze, she re-dressed, made the appointment at the desk, and made her way to the parking garage. She stepped into the car and sighed. What was she getting herself into? As she pulled out of the lot into the busy street, a tear unconsciously slipped down her cheek and onto her black cotton tank top. She almost regretted her impulsive behavior back in the clinic. How could she support and care for such a helpless being? At this point in her life, she was barely capable of keeping herself from falling over the edge. In the quiet serenity of the car, Abby silently prayed that the implications of the baby wouldn't scare Carter away and cause her to loose the one last bond she shared with another human being.

8~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~8

Carter looked up from the table in the lounge, where he sat working on some old charts, as Abby walked into the room. "Hey. How'd it go?"

"Okay. The doctor said everything looks good." Carter waited for her to say something else, as she had sounded like there was more she wanted to say.

"And? "He prompted.

Abby shrugged nonchalantly. "Nothing." Avoiding his inquisitive look, Abby began to fumble with her locker. The silence guilted her into taking a peek at his face, which was fixed upon her, set in a questioning glare. "I'm keeping the baby, John."

He looked surprised as she turned around to see his reaction. "I didn't think that was a decision that had to be made."

Abby shrugged again, unsure how to respond to his comment. She decided to ignore it and continue with what she was saying. "I'm not going to try and find Luka. He left, for whatever his reasons were, and I don't think I could take him back. Not now, after what he did to me. I have the baby to think of. I'm going to raise it myself. Without his help." She nodded to herself, unsure if what she had just said was to the benefit of herself or Carter.

She was relieved when he nodded. "If that's what you think is best for you and the baby, Abby. I support your decision, if that's what you want."

For the first time she nodded, sound in the decision she'd made. "It is."

For a brief moment, Carter saw what was happening with Abby as almost a repeat of what had happened to Carol Hathaway years ago. A seemingly strong relationship shattered into pieces. The woman, left alone and pregnant while the man left unexpectedly, unknowing of the child he had fathered. It was different, however in the sense that Carol had known where Doug was, where Abby had no idea of Luka's whereabouts, much less his reasons for leaving. In fact, Carter realized that he, himself, was replacing the job of the male friend that Luka had held in Carol's situation. He shuddered involuntarily; his veins bubbling with hate for the so-called Croatian sensation that had created this situation. He nearly pointed this similarity out to Abby, when his common sense got the better of him and he decided to keep his mouth shut.

As Abby finished getting ready to start her shift, she sighed tiredly and rubbed the back of her neck. Carter looked on from where he sat, wearing a concerned look on his face after hearing her obvious distress. "You okay?"

The sudden realization that she was being watched dawned on her, and she grinned for his benefit. "Yeah, peachy." He shook his head at her, reproachfully, and she sighed, defeated. After all, she had been his former sponsor and knew he could easily see through her, when she lied. It was the same way she could she through him when he lied about being fine. Abby cast her eyes toward the floor guiltily, expecting a speech. However, the silence that ensued proved worse, and she decided to give a short answer before she began to pour her heart out to him once again. "I haven't really been sleeping lately. I've had a lot on my mind."

He saw right through her, "And?"

She felt a sudden urge to share her burdens with him. "I keep seeing his face, whenever I close my eyes, and when I sleep he haunts me in my dreams. I need to know why he left, was it something I did? Did he sense I was pregnant and run away from the commitment? And what am I going to do with this baby? I hadn't even decided I was going to keep it until today." She paused, collecting her thoughts, then spoke again, slower but still troubled. "What am I going to do when he or she asks about their father? How am I going to look into my child's face and not see him, Carter, how?"

"Hey. Listen, c'mere." He stood up from the couch and papers scattered everywhere. Oblivious, he walked over to where she stood and enveloped her in a friendly embrace. "Maybe you should go lie down in an empty exam room. I don't think we're that busy. I'll let Mark know where you are, ok?"

She nodded and sniffled quietly, hoping to save herself the embarrassment of breaking down in front of him yet again. She allowed herself to be held for a couple more seconds, before regaining her composure, and gently stepping away. "Thanks, I needed to vent a little. It gets pretty lonely in an empty apartment, mulling over all these thoughts. I guess I need a cat or something."

He smiled at her as the heavy wood door creaked open, and Haleh stuck her head inside. "Carter, Abby, we need you. There's a multiple victim MVA, mini van vs. jeep. At least 4 major, 3 minor."

Carter jumped into action, grabbing his stethoscope from the table and the gown Haleh held out to him. "ETA?"

As the three left the lounge, the doors crashed open and a gurney, trailed by the loud voices of paramedics, wheeled through. Haleh ran to it, turning back momentarily to yell, "NOW!"

Abby looked at Carter before running after the next gurney, "So much for not being too busy…"

8~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~8

After the trauma was dealt with, and things had considerably calmed down, the two caught up with each other. Carter was the first to spot Abby, sitting tiredly at the front desk, flipping through a chart. He walked up to her, "Hey."

"Hey. Haven't seen you in a little while. Did that little girl make it?"

"Yeah, sent her up to the OR, I think she's going to be just fine. How about the father?"

Abby shook her head. "When the paramedics brought him in, he was in asystole. We worked on him for 40 minutes, never got a response, Chen called it."

After a brief moment of silence, in respect for the newly deceased man, Carter replied, "Do you wanna go over to Doc's, maybe get some lunch?"

"That sounds nice. Give me a minute to finish up with a patient, okay? I'll meet you in the lounge in five?"

"Sure."

Fifteen minutes later, the two sat in a booth at Doc Magoo's, across the street from the hospital. The waitress came over with a turkey sandwich and a hot tea for Abby, and a hamburger and fries with a Coke, for Carter. As they began to eat Abby looked his way and said, "Did you realize this is our booth?"

"Why is that?"

"Think about it, we sit here almost every time we come here, and it's where we had our first real conversation as friends. That night when you asked me to be your sponsor, remember?"

He laughed, " I remember, you know you women remember the strangest things."

"That's our job, if we didn't who would? Certainly not the men, I'll tell you that much."

Carter shook his head in mock annoyance. Then, he looked up at her again, "Seriously, Abby are you okay?"

"Hey, I thought it was me who was supposed to be your sponsor!" Seeing the serious look he shot her, she reconsidered her answer, pausing a second before speaking. "I am. It's really hard sometimes, but I promise you if anything changes you'll be the first to know."

"You haven't thought about turning back to alcohol?"

"Sure, plenty of times. But, I guess if he had to leave me like this, it was a good time. I mean, even if I'm seriously thinking of having a drink, I know I can't, because of the baby. It all else fails there's that, I suppose. As much as I'm not sure about having it, I wouldn't do anything to hurt it." She looked him straight in the eye, and seeing he was indeed listening intently to everything she said, continued, " Its weird, I've only known about the baby for a week, but I find myself thinking about it like a person, talking to it at night. I mean, I know its silly, its only a fetus, barely even a living thing but…"

"No, Abby, that's not silly. Continue."

"Oh its nothing, I just, a week ago I never thought I would be out of a relationship expecting a baby. I'm still getting used to it."

Lost in the deepness of her chocolate brown eyes, Carter replied, "Me too."

She gave him a funny look, "What?"

Carter snapped out of his trance, realizing he had spoken aloud and tried to cover. "Nothing. Listen Abby, change is well, different. It will take some getting used to, but everything will work out in the end."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I can't, I don't know any more than you do about our future. But, well, what's the point of expecting the worst is in store? You'll only damage the present."

She raised her eyebrows. "Getting spiritual with me, Carter?"

He chuckled, " No. I learned a lot of stuff in rehab and AA meetings. It just doesn't pay to think that way. I suppose that's why I turned to the drugs after the stabbing and Lucy's death." He shrugged. "I guess you could call it my new outlook on life."

She laughed at loud, a sound that was like music to his ears. "I get it, one of those is the cup half empty or half full type things. Right?"

"Make fun of it all you want, Abby, but it works."

"I'll trust you on that one." She shook her head, rubbing a tear of laughter from her eye. "We really should be getting back, I shudder to imagine what kind of rumors they've sent around in the what, 20 minutes, that we've been away."

"Yeah, you're right. We should do this again sometime. It's nice just to talk. Do you wanna grab some dinner tonight?"

As they stood up to leave the restaurant, he placed a $20 on the table and offered his arm to her. Giggling, she took it. "Are you paying, because I'm eating for two now."

Carter squeezed her arm and laughed, "You bet."

*```````````````````*
End of Part 3

What do you think, should I continue? You tell me, send feedback, comments/suggestions, flames, encouragement, flowers, tombstone messages, etc… to gigglgrl26@hotmail.com.