Author's Notes: I AM NOT DEAD

Author's Notes: I AM NOT DEAD! Yes, once again I apologize for the delay. I do have a valid reason *coughexcusecough* My humor muse, my very own pack of rabid time-travelling squirrels, was hiding. Again. There will once again (and for the remainder of this mini-series) be a cameo by DeadeyeDave. Oh, and I suddenly had a small flash of inspiration: In the last chapter, I humiliated Ganon, just because I felt like it. If there is someone you would like to see humiliated, just let me know! Any suggestions or ideas (wink wink nudge nudge) are welcomed!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that isn't mine! You know the drill.

Chapter 4: Battlebots part dos!

We last left our competitors…

ChaosWEAPON: WAIT! STOP THE FIC!

Link: Why?

ChaosWEAPON: My script! I lost my script!

Ganon: You have a script?

ChaosWEAPON: Well, I DID, but now I can't find it!

Zelda: Where did you last see it?

ChaosWEAPON: It was right here!

Darunia: This is supposed to be random. Why do you have a script?

ChaosWEAPON: More of a note sheet. I write down random ideas of ways to make you suffer for the reader's enjoyment. If I don't write things down, I forget them.

Rauru: Your future fic ideas, hmmm?

Ruto: What was on it?

ChaosWEAPON: Well, there was the tournament lineup, um…er…ah… AAARRRRGGGGHHHH! I CAN'T REMEMBER!

Saria: Hmm. Pity.

ChaosWEAPON: Grrr…

Impa: Well, do you really need it?

ChaosWEAPON: Yes. Help me look for it.

Nabooru: Do we have to?

ChaosWEAPON: Yes. You've been drafted.

Several minutes were spent searching. In the process, Chaos's room was trashed, and the Zelda characters stole many bits of incriminating evidence to be used in blackmail later…heh heh heh…

ChaosWEAPON: Well, we found most of it, but not the part I wanted to find…Hey! What do you all have behind your backs?!

Everyone: innocently Nothing… whispered giggles

ChaosWEAPON: Grrr…

Zelda: So what was on the last sheet?

ChaosWEAPON: Mainly the tournament lineup, and some…stuff…

Link: Wasn't the lineup announced in the last chapter?

Rauru: Yeah, and why was the SSB announcer there?

Ganon: And DeadeyeDave.

ChaosWEAPON: Would you prefer to have Leonard Nimoy narrate this thing?

Everyone: NOOO!

ChaosWEAPON: I thought not.

Ruto: Speaking of Deadeye, where did he get to?

ChaosWEAPON: In his cage.

Ruto: Oh. O.o

Link: What was that?

Ruto: What was what?

Link: That…that thing you did!

Ganon: singing Doing that thing you dooo!

Impa: Hush. smacks Ganon upside head

Ruto: What, this? O.o

Link: Yes!

Ruto: Oh, it's a…a…An I Don't Know What It's Called.

Link: Hmmm…

ChaosWEAPON: Can we get back on subject here, peoples?

Darunia: Certainly. What were we talking about?

ChaosWEAPON: Um…I was hoping you'd know.

Ganon: Wow. You DO forget things if you don't write them down, huh?

ChaosWEAPON: Yep.

Nabooru: But you DID write it down!

ChaosWEAPON: Huh? Where? looks up Oh…up there!

Rauru: And didn't you write down the lineup other than on that sheet?

ChaosWEAPON: still looking up I don't see it up there…

Link: No, In the last chapter, dumb-

Zelda: Hey! Language!

Link: -bunny!

ChaosWEAPON: I will forgive that transgression, MAYBE, if the lineup is written down. checks Hey! It IS there!

Link: So I'm off the hook?

ChaosWEAPON: No. I'll let the readers decide your punishment.

Link: NOO!

ChaosWEAPON: Heh. Anyway, Deadeye will tell us the lineup. Dave? lets DeadeyeDave out of cage

DeadeyeDave: The Lineup is:

Division 1

Ruto vs. Saria + Mido

Link vs. Gannon

Division 2

Rauru vs. Zelda

ChaosWEAPON vs. Impa

Division 3

Malon vs. Darunia

Skullkid vs. Nabooru

DeadeyeDave: Last time, Ruto's Jabu-Jabu faced down Saria + Mido's Deku Tree, and won hands, er, fins down.

Darunia: Wait, where is Skullkid?

ChaosWEAPON: Oh, I had Impa put him to sleep with that mind-trick thing.

Darunia: Oh. Carry on.

DeadeyeDave: Today's match is Link vs. Ganon. Link's bot, TimeFiend, is a complex bot with a lifting arm, buzzsaws, and a sharp spike. Ganon's bot, EIOD (Evil Incarnation Of Darkness) is a clamp bot with a wedge in the back.

Ganon: Hey, before we start, can I go get a soda? And maybe a snack…

DeadeyeDave: No. To your places!

Ganon: But…

DeadeyeDave: NO! TO YOUR PLACES! AAHHHGGG! cracks whip

Shortly…

DeadeyeDave: like Mills Lane Whatever you do, I DON'T want a nice clean fight. Now let's get it on! Mortal Kombat theme starts to play, but Rauru smashes it

in the battle arena

Ganon: RRRAAAHHHGGG! DIE, KID!

Link: Hah! You couldn't beat me before, and THIS time, I'll do more than knock you out! DIE! TimeFiend charges towards EIOD

Ganon: Fat chance of that!

DeadeyeDave: like Leonard Nimoy There has been a heated rivalry between these two for as long as anyone can remember. It started when…

ChaosWEAPON: None of that! cracks whip

meanwhile, the battle continues with much taunting

Ganon: EIOD slams TF Hah! Take that! What are you gonna do about that?!

Link: eyes seem a bit insane CHEW ON THIS! high pitched maniacal laughter MUWAHAHAHAHAH HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE HAHAHAHAHA! TF slices EIOD in half. Link continues to cackle madly GYAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Everyone: looking at Link go insane O.o ……………

Link: calming down Hehehehehehee…hahahahahahaha….heh.

DeadeyeDave: Uh, I declare Link the winner!

Everyone: …Yay!

ChaosWEAPON: sweatdrop…Well, I'd love to do another fight in this chapter, but instead I'll use the rest of the time to say goodbye, and ask our readers a few things…

meanwhile, Ganon is crying and pitching a fit over his loss

ChaosWEAPON: Anyway, I have two things to ask of all you people. First, I would like you to send some suggestions to me, via e-mail (Criosphinx@ffgurus.zzn.com) or in reviews, your ideas for Link's public humiliating punishment for calling me a "dumb bunny." Also, I'm going to try to humiliate a character at the end of each chapter from now on. Tell me who you want make fun of, and maybe why or what you want my "NaviSpyCam" to catch them doing. For example, earlier today Rauru was in the kitchen…

Rauru: Huh? You SAW that?

ChaosWEAPON: You bet. Navi's been taping you guys when you least expect it ever since that Windmill guy paid her to.

Rauru: You're not…gonna show that tape, are you?

ChaosWEAPON: Of course not, Rauru. I respect you more than that…Deadeye! Roll the tape!

Rauru: NO!

Earlier

Rauru is getting a snack from the fridge

Rauru: Hmmm…this looks good…yum!

pulls out an entire roast turkey

Rauru: badly imitated French accent Ah, chere…how are you tonight, eh? takes a large bite Mmmm…you know I love you when you wear butter in your basting juices…Mmmmm…Would you care to dance, chere?

dances slowly with turkey, often taking large bites You dance very well, chere…But perhaps you would like to slip into something more comfortable? How about…ME! scarfs what's left of the turkey Yum. belch

tape ends

Rauru: ………Grrrrrrrrr!

ChaosWEAPON: Uh, that's all the time we have! Don't forget to send me suggestions…AAAIIIIEEEE! Rauru is chasing her w/ a large blunt object…namely, his stomach.

DeadeyeDave: takes out one of those MIB memory messer-upper things (MIBMMUT) and black sunglasses ahem… dramaticly I…am a figment of your imagination…flashes MIBMMUT ………………………