Author's Notes: Ok

Author's Notes: Ok! The start of Division 2! Wow, this is stretching out a bit, isn't it? I'll try to finish it soon, though, because I have come up with some really good and random ideas for future chapters, and I wrote them down! Oh, and I still need you to send me your opinions on Link's Public Humiliating Punishment for calling me a "dumb bunny." And if there is a character you want to see tortured, tell me who it is and I will mercilessly use the NaviSpyCam to mortally embarrass them (heh heh heh).

Disclaimer: Don't own, yadda yadda yadda..

Chapter 6: Battlebots Division 2

In some unnamed, random room of the castle…

ChaosWEAPON: narrating Our heroes are transported to some random courtyard of the castle…

Malon: Chaos, will you quit doing that?!

ChaosWEAPON: No.

Nabooru: That's the third time in ten minutes!

Mido: And it's making me sick to my stomach…

everyone edges away from Mido

Ganon: So, everyone, what's new?

Impa: Not much.

Rauru: Nope.

Link: Nada.

Ruto: Except that Chaos keeps moving us.

Ganon: Besides that.

Zelda: I think Division 2 starts today.

Saria: Who's going to fight?

Zelda: I don't know. Or care.

ChaosWEAPON: narrating The heroes are teleported to some random, unnamed room of the castle…

Link: QUIT DOING THAT!

Malon: You probably shouldn't yell at her…

Link: Why not?

Ganon: You're still in trouble. Remember?

Link: Oh.

ChaosWEAPON: That reminds me…

Link: Uh oh.

ChaosWEAPON: There was another submission about your punishment.

Link: Why are you punishing me, anyway? Mido disrespected your Author's Powers when you first showed up, and you didn't punish him.

ChaosWEAPON: He'll get what's coming to him. Anyway, I'm starting to sense a trend in the submissions…

Link: I hope it's not what I think it is.

Ganon: Probably.

Ruto: Ooh! I wanna know! What does who think Link should do?

ChaosWEAPON: TempleMaster14 thinks Link should have to kiss you. In front of everyone.

Ruto: YEEEEEEE! ^_^

Link: AAAAAHHHHHGGGGG! @_@

Saria: Woah! What was that?!

Malon: Those little face-things?

Saria: Is that what they are?

Malon: I think so.

Saria: Creepy.

ChaosWEAPON: narrating The heroes are transported back to the random, unnamed courtyard…

Impa: Cut that out!

ChaosWEAPON: Too late. Already wrote it.

Impa: I meant stop doing it, and you know it!

ChaosWEAPON: I know. I also knew that you'd know that I knew.

Impa: And I knew that you'd know that I knew that you'd know.

ChaosWEAPON: But I knew that you'd know that I knew that you'd know that I knew.

Impa: Hah! I knew that you'd know that I knew that you'd know that I knew that you'd know!

ChaosWEAPON: And I knew…um…who knew what?

Impa: I lost track.

ChaosWEAPON: Oh well.

Nabooru: Is anyone missing? I think someone's missing.

Impa: Well, Skullkid is still in the icebox…

Ruto: And Darunia went to get some Breathe Right Nasal Strips.

Impa: I hope he buys the right thing this time.

Link: We're never going to find out what those were, will we Chaos?

ChaosWEAPON: Possibly but not likely.

Saria: Don't you think you've stalled enough?

ChaosWEAPON: Yeah. Let's go start that second division.

near the ring

ChaosWEAPON: Ready to start the second division?

DeadeyeDave: Of course.

Saria: Who's fighting?

SSB Intercom: Division 2 Battle 1: Zelda vs. Rauru

Zelda: My turn already?

Ganon: Yep.

Rauru: Mr. Burns style Excellent…

Zelda: You're going down, fat man!

DeadeyeDave: Hey! Save it for the fight!

Link: Any info about the fighters before they pound the living daylights out of each other's robots?

ChaosWEAPON: Hey! I'm supposed to ask that!

DeadeyeDave: These two contestants have a bitter rivalry over who is the real "Light Sage."

Link: When did that happen?

DeadeyeDave: I don't really know. I'm the first to have said it out loud.

ChaosWEAPON: What do they have to say about it?

DeadeyeDave: We had TempleMaster14 ask them for us.

Link: Hey! Why did TempleMaster14 get to interview them?

ChaosWEAPON: Because, TempleMaster sent in an idea for your punishment.

Link: Why are you rewarding them for making me suffer?

ChaosWEAPON: Because I felt like it. And to thank them for sending in ideas.

Link: Grrrr…

TempleMaster14: So, Rauru, why do you feel that you are best suited to the title Sage of Light?

Rauru: Because I'm the original Sage of Light! I held this job for hundreds of years before that disrespectful Zelda ever showed up!

TempleMaster14: Hundreds of years? How could you possibly…

Rauru: And another thing! She's always saying that I'm fat and old, when I am obviously not!

TempleMaster14: Er…Well, you are hundreds of years old, and you do have a large, um, girth.

Rauru: Be quiet, you! I have aged very well, and I am not fat.

TempleMaster14: ………Yes, you are.

Rauru: like Cartman from Southpark I'm not fat, I'm big boned! My mummy told me so.

TempleMaster14: Riiiight…Well, look at the time! I have to interview Zelda! Gotta go!

later

TempleMaster14: So, Zelda, tell me why you are the true Sage of Light.

Zelda: Isn't it obvious? I use light magic, I have light hair, and he's too old anyway. Plus, he is definitely not Light.

TempleMaster14: How so?

Zelda: He weighs, what, 600 pounds? He isn't Lite at all!

TempleMaster14: Um, ok. Back to you, DeadeyeDave.

at the arena

DeadeyeDave: Now, I want you to pummel each other's bots into oblivion. Got it?

Zelda + Rauru: Right.

DeadeyeDave: Almost forgot. Rauru's bot, LightSage, (LS1) is a very, very fat ahem I mean large bot in the wedge design. Zelda's bot, also called LightSage, (LS2) is a smaller bot armed with a spinning blade. like Mills Lane Now let's get it on!

in the arena

Rauru: Young punk…revs up LS1

Zelda: Old fart…revs up LS2

Rauru: I'm going to teach you to respect your elders!

Zelda: AAARRRRGGGG! DIE!

both bot charge towards one another

Zelda: Take this, Count Blobula! LS2 swipes razor blade into LS1

Rauru: Big mistake! Hah!

Zelda: Oh no! My blade is lodged in the fatty folds of scrap metal! indeed, it was so

Rauru: This'll teach you…slams LS2 into spike strip several times before pushing it under the pulverizers

Zelda: AIIIIIEEEEEGGGGHHHH! NO! I CAN'T LOSE!

Rauru: I AM THE TRUE SAGE OF LIGHT! I RULE!

DeadeyeDave: RAURU IS THE….huh?

Zelda: Not done yet! Take this! LS2 starts cutting through LS1

Rauru: NO! I've won! You can't have it! RRRRGGGGG!

Zelda: AHAHAHAHAHA! LS2 cuts LS1 in half and puts it over the kill saws

Rauru: NOOO!

DeadeyeDave: I declare Zelda the winner!

Everyone: Yay!

Rauru: Nooooo…sobbing

Zelda: like a ditzy supermodel Ok, like, I want to than all of you so very much for choosing me to win this award, and..um..like, thank you so much! giggle

Impa: She's lost it. I always knew she would.

Link: No, she's just cliched from shock. Let's get her out of here.

Nabooru: Where should we put her?

Impa: The icebox?

ChaosWEAPON: DeadeyeDave and TempleMaster14 are taking care of it.

Zelda: Hehehehehehehe! I won! I won! Deadeye and TempleMaster (the Men in White) wheel her away to a nice, quiet room…

Ganon: I guess that does it for this chapter…

ChaosWEAPON: Not quite yet.

Saria: What's left?

ChaosWEAPON: You know how I said that Mido will get what's coming to him?

Link: Yes!

Mido: No…!

ChaosWEAPON: Well, I meant it!

Link: YES!

Mido: NO!

ChaosWEAPON: GYAHAHAHAHAHAH! Deadeye, roll the tape!

a tape of film rolls by

ChaosWEAPON: …Thanks, Deadeye! Ok…Navi! Play the tape!

Far off vaguely familiar fairy voice: Which one?

ChaosWEAPON: Any one!

FOVFFV: Ok! Here goes!

Everyone: Who's it gonna be?

ChaosWEAPON: No clue!

Everyone: cringes Eeep!

The Tape

Zelda is in the castle kitchen early in the morning

Zelda: It's Impa's birthday today, so I'm going to make her a cake! Hmmm, this recipe says ¾ cup shortening. I can't find that, so I'll just use butter. takes it out

Zelda: Now, I need 1 ½ cups sugar. I think Impa likes sweets, so I think I'll use 4 cups, that should be enough. gets a load of sugar

Zelda: Let's see…1 ½ teaspoons vanilla. Teaspoons are the big ones, right? takes out the Tablespoons

Zelda: And now, 2 ¼ cups sifted flour. Here it is. takes out the salt Now, I need 3 teaspoons baking powder. That's easy! takes out the baking soda

Zelda: Hmm…1 teaspoon salt…takes out the flour Now I need milk, 1 cup…takes out Milk of Magnesia There! And now 5 "stiff beaten egg whites." I thought the whole egg was white. Oh well. gets 5 whole unbeaten eggs

Zelda: Now I just mix 'em together…dumps everything in a big bowl and stirs Good enough! Now I bake it…"Bake in 2 paper lined 9x1 ½ inch round pans…" pours everything in one big, non-papered rectangle pan

Zelda: "…And bake at 375* for 18-20 minutes…" That's too long! sets oven to 500* I'll just leave it in there until it's done…Hey! Teletubbies are on! leaves

End of Tape

Everyone but Impa and Zelda: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Zelda: And you didn't even try it! I worked on that cake very hard!

Impa: shudder I remember that…I was cleaning the oven all the next week.

ChaosWEAPON: Hahahehehehe…And I thought I couldn't cook…Oh! Time to end the chapter!

Link: Right.

ChaosWEAPON: ahem Uh…I can't think of anything to say…Oh, right! Keep sending ideas for Link's Public Humiliating Punishment. I can't think of anything else, so…Bybyies! Hah! I think I found my catch phrase!

Link: Right. Whatever.

ChaosWEAPON: Quiet, you! Bybyies!