Author's Notes: Ok! The start of Division 2! Wow, this is stretching out a bit, isn't it? I'll try to finish it soon, though, because I have come up with some really good and random ideas for future chapters, and I wrote them down! Oh, and I still need you to send me your opinions on Link's Public Humiliating Punishment for calling me a "dumb bunny." And if there is a character you want to see tortured, tell me who it is and I will mercilessly use the NaviSpyCam to mortally embarrass them (heh heh heh).
Disclaimer: Don't own, yadda yadda yadda..
Chapter 6: Battlebots Division 2
In some unnamed, random room of the castle…
ChaosWEAPON: narrating Our heroes are transported to some random courtyard of the castle…
Malon: Chaos, will you quit doing that?!
ChaosWEAPON: No.
Nabooru: That's the third time in ten minutes!
Mido: And it's making me sick to my stomach…
everyone edges away from Mido
Ganon: So, everyone, what's new?
Impa: Not much.
Rauru: Nope.
Link: Nada.
Ruto: Except that Chaos keeps moving us.
Ganon: Besides that.
Zelda: I think Division 2 starts today.
Saria: Who's going to fight?
Zelda: I don't know. Or care.
ChaosWEAPON: narrating The heroes are teleported to some random, unnamed room of the castle…
Link: QUIT DOING THAT!
Malon: You probably shouldn't yell at her…
Link: Why not?
Ganon: You're still in trouble. Remember?
Link: Oh.
ChaosWEAPON: That reminds me…
Link: Uh oh.
ChaosWEAPON: There was another submission about your punishment.
Link: Why are you punishing me, anyway? Mido disrespected your Author's Powers when you first showed up, and you didn't punish him.
ChaosWEAPON: He'll get what's coming to him. Anyway, I'm starting to sense a trend in the submissions…
Link: I hope it's not what I think it is.
Ganon: Probably.
Ruto: Ooh! I wanna know! What does who think Link should do?
ChaosWEAPON: TempleMaster14 thinks Link should have to kiss you. In front of everyone.
Ruto: YEEEEEEE! ^_^
Link: AAAAAHHHHHGGGGG! @_@
Saria: Woah! What was that?!
Malon: Those little face-things?
Saria: Is that what they are?
Malon: I think so.
Saria: Creepy.
ChaosWEAPON: narrating The heroes are transported back to the random, unnamed courtyard…
Impa: Cut that out!
ChaosWEAPON: Too late. Already wrote it.
Impa: I meant stop doing it, and you know it!
ChaosWEAPON: I know. I also knew that you'd know that I knew.
Impa: And I knew that you'd know that I knew that you'd know.
ChaosWEAPON: But I knew that you'd know that I knew that you'd know that I knew.
Impa: Hah! I knew that you'd know that I knew that you'd know that I knew that you'd know!
ChaosWEAPON: And I knew…um…who knew what?
Impa: I lost track.
ChaosWEAPON: Oh well.
Nabooru: Is anyone missing? I think someone's missing.
Impa: Well, Skullkid is still in the icebox…
Ruto: And Darunia went to get some Breathe Right Nasal Strips.
Impa: I hope he buys the right thing this time.
Link: We're never going to find out what those were, will we Chaos?
ChaosWEAPON: Possibly but not likely.
Saria: Don't you think you've stalled enough?
ChaosWEAPON: Yeah. Let's go start that second division.
near the ring
ChaosWEAPON: Ready to start the second division?
DeadeyeDave: Of course.
Saria: Who's fighting?
SSB Intercom: Division 2 Battle 1: Zelda vs. Rauru
Zelda: My turn already?
Ganon: Yep.
Rauru: Mr. Burns style Excellent…
Zelda: You're going down, fat man!
DeadeyeDave: Hey! Save it for the fight!
Link: Any info about the fighters before they pound the living daylights out of each other's robots?
ChaosWEAPON: Hey! I'm supposed to ask that!
DeadeyeDave: These two contestants have a bitter rivalry over who is the real "Light Sage."
Link: When did that happen?
DeadeyeDave: I don't really know. I'm the first to have said it out loud.
ChaosWEAPON: What do they have to say about it?
DeadeyeDave: We had TempleMaster14 ask them for us.
Link: Hey! Why did TempleMaster14 get to interview them?
ChaosWEAPON: Because, TempleMaster sent in an idea for your punishment.
Link: Why are you rewarding them for making me suffer?
ChaosWEAPON: Because I felt like it. And to thank them for sending in ideas.
Link: Grrrr…
TempleMaster14: So, Rauru, why do you feel that you are best suited to the title Sage of Light?
Rauru: Because I'm the original Sage of Light! I held this job for hundreds of years before that disrespectful Zelda ever showed up!
TempleMaster14: Hundreds of years? How could you possibly…
Rauru: And another thing! She's always saying that I'm fat and old, when I am obviously not!
TempleMaster14: Er…Well, you are hundreds of years old, and you do have a large, um, girth.
Rauru: Be quiet, you! I have aged very well, and I am not fat.
TempleMaster14: ………Yes, you are.
Rauru: like Cartman from Southpark I'm not fat, I'm big boned! My mummy told me so.
TempleMaster14: Riiiight…Well, look at the time! I have to interview Zelda! Gotta go!
later
TempleMaster14: So, Zelda, tell me why you are the true Sage of Light.
Zelda: Isn't it obvious? I use light magic, I have light hair, and he's too old anyway. Plus, he is definitely not Light.
TempleMaster14: How so?
Zelda: He weighs, what, 600 pounds? He isn't Lite at all!
TempleMaster14: Um, ok. Back to you, DeadeyeDave.
at the arena
DeadeyeDave: Now, I want you to pummel each other's bots into oblivion. Got it?
Zelda + Rauru: Right.
DeadeyeDave: Almost forgot. Rauru's bot, LightSage, (LS1) is a very, very fat ahem I mean large bot in the wedge design. Zelda's bot, also called LightSage, (LS2) is a smaller bot armed with a spinning blade. like Mills Lane Now let's get it on!
in the arena
Rauru: Young punk…revs up LS1
Zelda: Old fart…revs up LS2
Rauru: I'm going to teach you to respect your elders!
Zelda: AAARRRRGGGG! DIE!
both bot charge towards one another
Zelda: Take this, Count Blobula! LS2 swipes razor blade into LS1
Rauru: Big mistake! Hah!
Zelda: Oh no! My blade is lodged in the fatty folds of scrap metal! indeed, it was so
Rauru: This'll teach you…slams LS2 into spike strip several times before pushing it under the pulverizers
Zelda: AIIIIIEEEEEGGGGHHHH! NO! I CAN'T LOSE!
Rauru: I AM THE TRUE SAGE OF LIGHT! I RULE!
DeadeyeDave: RAURU IS THE….huh?
Zelda: Not done yet! Take this! LS2 starts cutting through LS1
Rauru: NO! I've won! You can't have it! RRRRGGGGG!
Zelda: AHAHAHAHAHA! LS2 cuts LS1 in half and puts it over the kill saws
Rauru: NOOO!
DeadeyeDave: I declare Zelda the winner!
Everyone: Yay!
Rauru: Nooooo…sobbing
Zelda: like a ditzy supermodel Ok, like, I want to than all of you so very much for choosing me to win this award, and..um..like, thank you so much! giggle
Impa: She's lost it. I always knew she would.
Link: No, she's just cliched from shock. Let's get her out of here.
Nabooru: Where should we put her?
Impa: The icebox?
ChaosWEAPON: DeadeyeDave and TempleMaster14 are taking care of it.
Zelda: Hehehehehehehe! I won! I won! Deadeye and TempleMaster (the Men in White) wheel her away to a nice, quiet room…
Ganon: I guess that does it for this chapter…
ChaosWEAPON: Not quite yet.
Saria: What's left?
ChaosWEAPON: You know how I said that Mido will get what's coming to him?
Link: Yes!
Mido: No…!
ChaosWEAPON: Well, I meant it!
Link: YES!
Mido: NO!
ChaosWEAPON: GYAHAHAHAHAHAH! Deadeye, roll the tape!
a tape of film rolls by
ChaosWEAPON: …Thanks, Deadeye! Ok…Navi! Play the tape!
Far off vaguely familiar fairy voice: Which one?
ChaosWEAPON: Any one!
FOVFFV: Ok! Here goes!
Everyone: Who's it gonna be?
ChaosWEAPON: No clue!
Everyone: cringes Eeep!
The Tape
Zelda is in the castle kitchen early in the morning
Zelda: It's Impa's birthday today, so I'm going to make her a cake! Hmmm, this recipe says ¾ cup shortening. I can't find that, so I'll just use butter. takes it out
Zelda: Now, I need 1 ½ cups sugar. I think Impa likes sweets, so I think I'll use 4 cups, that should be enough. gets a load of sugar
Zelda: Let's see…1 ½ teaspoons vanilla. Teaspoons are the big ones, right? takes out the Tablespoons
Zelda: And now, 2 ¼ cups sifted flour. Here it is. takes out the salt Now, I need 3 teaspoons baking powder. That's easy! takes out the baking soda
Zelda: Hmm…1 teaspoon salt…takes out the flour Now I need milk, 1 cup…takes out Milk of Magnesia There! And now 5 "stiff beaten egg whites." I thought the whole egg was white. Oh well. gets 5 whole unbeaten eggs
Zelda: Now I just mix 'em together…dumps everything in a big bowl and stirs Good enough! Now I bake it…"Bake in 2 paper lined 9x1 ½ inch round pans…" pours everything in one big, non-papered rectangle pan
Zelda: "…And bake at 375* for 18-20 minutes…" That's too long! sets oven to 500* I'll just leave it in there until it's done…Hey! Teletubbies are on! leaves
End of Tape
Everyone but Impa and Zelda: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Zelda: And you didn't even try it! I worked on that cake very hard!
Impa: shudder I remember that…I was cleaning the oven all the next week.
ChaosWEAPON: Hahahehehehe…And I thought I couldn't cook…Oh! Time to end the chapter!
Link: Right.
ChaosWEAPON: ahem Uh…I can't think of anything to say…Oh, right! Keep sending ideas for Link's Public Humiliating Punishment. I can't think of anything else, so…Bybyies! Hah! I think I found my catch phrase!
Link: Right. Whatever.
ChaosWEAPON: Quiet, you! Bybyies!
