Author's Notes: Ok, I really had no intention of stretching Battlebots out this long

Author's Notes: Ok, I really had no intention of stretching Battlebots out this long. Fortunately, we are over halfway there! I'm still deciding Link's punishment, and trying to think up ways to mortally embarrass the characters (heh heh). Oh, and I'm sorry, I couldn't resist the Monty Python quote.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything! If I did, I wouldn't be writing this. Probably. I also don't own Coffee House U.S.A. or Frappachino. Or Monty Python.

Chapter 7: Battlebots part something-or-other!

We find our characters in the, um, somewhere in the castle...

ChaosWEAPON: drinking something MMMMMMmmmmmm.....! CAPPACHINO!

Link: Huh?

Zelda: You drink cappachino?

ChaosWEAPON: MMMMmmmmm....cross-eyed in bliss

Impa: I don't think that's cappachino...isn't coffee supposed to be hot?

Nabooru: Yeah...unless that's a Frappachino.

Mido: What the heck is a Frappachino?

Nabooru: It's like cold coffee.

Saria: Eeew! Cold coffee?

Darunia: You don't even know what cold coffee tastes like!

Saria: Oh. Right.

Ruto: Is it just me...

Link: Probably.

Ruto ...or does Chaos seem...out of it?

Impa: Now that you mention it...

ChaosWEAPON: HHMMMmmmmm....

Ganon: Let me try some of that...

Everyone else: NO! DON'T!

Ganon: Too late. takes a drink

Everyone: cringes

Ganon: ...Woah...sits down, staring at nothing

Rauru: What did it do to him?

Saria: I don't know...

Ganon: sounding not quite sane or in his right mind at all Hey, does that fire look green to you? Heh heh...

Link: Dude! What was in that coffee?!

ChaosWEAPON and Ganon: who are wearing identical expressions off cross-eyed bliss and not looking at all sane or in their right minds MMMMmmm...

Impa: I had no idea you could get that way from caffeine.

Zelda: Hey, look!

Link: AAAAAHHHHHHHGGGGG! clutches head

Zelda: Um...he's waking up.

Ganon: Huh...what? What the heck happened...?

Nabooru: You were high on caffeine.

Zelda: Hey!

Link: AAHHHHGGG!

Zelda: ...Um...This is PG, isn't it? Can you say "high" if it's PG?

Ganon: Really?

Impa: Yep.

Rauru: Why did he wake up and not Chaos?

Ganon: Smaller dose...man, that stuff is freakish!

Darunia: Hey!

Link: AAAAAHHHHHHHGGGGGG!

Darunia: I was going to ask about the whole battlebots thing, but instead I'll ask what is your problem?!

Saria: I think I have an idea...whispers to Ruto

Ruto: Hehe! Ok! deep breath HEY! LISTEN! HEY! LOOK! LISTEN!

Link: AAAIIIIIIEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHGGGGGG! falls to the ground, curls in a ball, and twitches, looking not at all right

Ganon: WOAH!

ChaosWEAPON: coming to Heeeeyyy...? Hey! I thought I heard someone making Link miserable, and it wasn't me!

Rauru: singing It wasn't me!

Nabooru: AAAAHHHH! NO! NOT THE SONG! takes out sword, and begins walking towards Rauru

Rauru: It wasn't…um…ah…me…AAAAHHHH! runs off w/ Nabooru chasing him

ChaosWEAPON: So I was out of it from caffeine, huh?

Impa: Uh huh.

ChaosWEAPON: looking at Rauru and Nabooru, then at Link on the floor, then back up at the script What have you been doing this whole time?

Impa: Pretty much making it up as we went.

ChaosWEAPON: I believe this fic has taken a turn for the worse…

Zelda: No…

ChaosWEAPON: I have no choice. I have to do it.

Impa: NO!

ChaosWEAPON: I'm going to change the rating.

Nearly everyone: NO! WE'LL BE GOOD! PROMISE!

ChaosWEAPON: Nope. This fic is now PG-13.

Darunia: Gee, nothing seems different.

Impa: Yeah…

ChaosWEAPON: Well, that's all for today, people! Please remember to send in ideas for Link's punishment…

Rauru: Um, Chaos?

ChaosWEAPON: Not now, Rauru.

Rauru: Chaos…

ChaosWEAPON: What?

Darunia: You haven't done the chapter yet.

ChaosWEAPON: Huh?

Zelda: The battle for today. You know the whole point of the chapter?

ChaosWEAPON: Oh. That. We should get that done, huh?

Ganon: That would be best.

ChaosWEAPON: Alright, pick Link up, and let's get gone…you know, ChaosWEAPON is too long to type…

Link: getting up We've noticed.

ChaosWEAPON: I should shorten it.

Darunia: To what?

Zelda: CW? Or Chaos?

ChaosWEAPON: I'll think about it. Meanwhile, we have a tournament to do! narrating And so, the characters were transported to the ringside, where DeadeyeDave was already waiting…

DeadeyeDave: 'Bout time!

ChaosWEAPON: Sorry.

Ganon: Chaos was a bit overloaded on coffee.

DeadeyeDave: Heh heh heh.

ChaosWEAPON: Grrr…Who's up today, Deadeye?

DeadeyeDave: You and Impa.

ChaosWEAPON and Impa: WHAT?!

DeadeyeDave: You and Impa. Get to the ring, you little buggers.

Impa: Huh? I don't want to fight the author!

DeadeyeDave: I'll say it again, deep breath GET TO THE RING! cracks whip

Link: You just love that whip, don't you?

DeadeyeDave: Yeah…

in the ring

DeadeyeDave: The opponents have no rivalry whatsoever, so there is no need for an interview. That, and the reporter cancelled out.

Rauru: Probably saw Ruto…

Ruto: That's not nice!

Link: Yeah! I'm the one who's supposed to make fun of Ruto!

Ruto: gasp You…you…

Link: Hmpf. That's right.

Ruto: …YOU STOOD UP FOR ME! OH, LINK I LOVE YOU! tries to kiss Link

Link: AAAAAAAIIIIIIGGGGGGHHH!

Nabooru: Heh.

DeadeyeDave: Heh heh…Anyway, Impa's bot, ShadowMaster, is a strange bot with lowering spikes like those found in the Shadow Temple. ChaosWEAPON's bot, ChaosWEAPON, is, um…I really can't describe it.

ChaosWEAPON: Why not? looks at bot. It is shaped like a confused mass of blades, spikes, wheels, and just about anything else that could be built into a bot I think I see your point.

DeadeyeDave: like Mills Lane Now let's get it on!

Impa: Am I supposed to be taunting? Should I insult the author…?

ChaosWEAPON: Well, do something!

Impa: Oh, ok…how about this…Surrender, naughty fiend of discord! For I am the Mistress of the Shadows! As surely as the sun sets, as the waters of the rivers and the stream journey ever onward towards the ocean, I shall smite thee into tiny bits…

Link: at same time And Saint Antiark raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "Oh Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies into tiny bits…"

DeadeyeDave: Riiiiiight…I declare ChaosWEAPON the winner!

Impa: What?!

DeadeyeDave: While you were going on about streams and shadows, ChaosWEAPON somehow rolled over to ShadowMaster, and with whatever weapons it has, cut ShadowMaster into tiny bits. Sorry.

Impa: AAAAAHHHHHHGGGG!

ChaosWEAPON: Whoo hoo! You should pay more attention, Impa.

Impa: Grrrrr…

ChaosWEAPON: And now I get to end the fic.

Ganon: Aren't you going to drag out some embarrassing footage or other?

ChaosWEAPON: I would, but I lost my key to the vault. Navi has the other spare key. I would have her unlock it, but she's on vacation.

Ganon: Oh. Ok, then, End the chapter.

ChaosWEAPON: Gladly. Hmm, really nothing to say…ah, well. Bybyies!