Theme series notes

First off general disclaimer. I do not now nor have ever nor will ever own Rurouni Kenshin. The story and all the things and pretties that go with it are the property of somebody else (actually a few somebodies…anou). The only things that are mine are Yori, Suzuko, Umeko, Hiroshi and Matsu as well as the delightful little horror of a kami but that's it! That being said, on we go…

Kenshin's Theme

When I first heard the Kenshin's Theme music I was entranced. I happened to be studying a bit of Shinto history at the time and it seemed like a natural connection to make. The soul of a person as a song is not an original idea but the music seemed to fit so well that I couldn't resist. For those of you that haven't heard it I would recommend listening to it before, as or after you read this.

This piece takes place with major spoilers so if you don't know that Kenshin knocks Kaoru up then, oh, now you do…I tried to explain a bit about kami-sama in the fic but I don't think I did very well. If you want to know more go to your library I guess. On the seeing ki as colours I got a bit into auras but fudged with the colours to suit my purposes. Japanese terms at end.

Tofu, always tofu. The old lady wondered why the nice young man with the unusual hair never got anything but tofu from her stand, then brushed it off as she had more customers to attend to.

But I didn't. No, I had been following this particular young man since his early years. When his parents were taken from him, I began my journey with him. When his surrogate family too, fell before him, I was there. When he first gripped a katana, and when he put it down too, I was there. I knew of the drums called Tomoe that beat still in his chest that he himself struck down even as their pounding continued. I knew of the tinkle of the tambourine still echoing his past as he sought to find a new rhythm to his life. I held out a hand to a shivering ruroni and let him in for a night, to make sure that the blade of his sword was not the only thing that had been reversed.

He did not know me then, as he does not sense me now.

The thrums of a bass his parents placed on his soul are overtaken by the drums of his first wife, yet a higher pitch has called to focus on the light strings of not one, but two. The first, rising and fading, his mentor, sensei, Hiko. The second his friend bellowing to be heard, Sanosuke. He hears the shaking of the beads Yahiko moves in him and recalls the little more than a memory the bells of my presence are. The others are constant, I am heard only once and even then my sound is eclipsed. I doubt he even knows what I have done to him, for him. He will know, soon. For the flute that soars over all, though all, has been toned.

Kaoru. The name that calls the song that is Kenshin's soul, is with child.

And he is afraid of hurting the child with his ki.

Stupid mortal

So I am here, to sound briefly again in his life, before exiting as quietly as I came. The song calls, the notes swell, and I follow him home.

==

"Tadaima!" Ayame and Suzume came crashing out of the dojo where Kaoru had just knocked Yahiko to his knees. Again. I laugh and he turns, looking puzzled. Damn it. I hide my ki and he shrugs it off. He's felt it too many times to be particularly disturbed by it, I have never abandoned my duty to him. I relax a bit and watch as he heads to the kitchen. Kaoru dismissed Yahiko to change and clean up in time for supper. As reliable as a clock, Sano comes in a few moments after a wonderful aroma drifts to where I wait.

Did I mention I have no physical form unless I so chose?

No?

Bother. Anyways…I'm what you'd call a familiar kami. Meaning that I guard over a family that gives me offerings in return for my protection and blessing. Since Kenshin is the last Himura, he's my prime occupation.

It wouldn't hurt if he burned some incense every once in a while, but back to the story.

Sano managed to wedge himself between Kaoru and Yahiko, across from Kenshin, while Ayame and Suzume ran around a bit before sitting close to Ken-nii. I laughed at his look of surprise. He may not honour our relationship, but he and his surrogate family, not to leave out his wife and her child, provide me with much needed entertainment. The night wears on, and I decide upon a shape and wait. I do not have to wait long. With the others sleeping, Kenshin emerges for his nightly sojourn and sits on the roof. I solidify beside him as a bright eyed, long haired variation even he should be able to recognize.

I am Shinta. He starts in surprise and reaches for the sakabato he has left in his room. I don't move, waiting for his brain to catch up with the things his eyes are telling him. Finally, he sits back down and looks at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Sessha would like to know the reason for your presence, kami-dono. That he would." I laughed, a light, tinkling sound, much like my bells in his song.

"The question is, why have you need of me?" I laugh again at the perplexed look on his face, and then wait for him to speak.

"Anou…sessha wa…" He trails off, lost in thought. I had begun to think Hiko's naming apt when he raised his head and looked me square in the eye.

"Kaoru -dono?" I smile and jump into his lap. I am rewarded with another surprised look as he discovers I am solid and rocks back a bit at my unexpected weight. I play with his hair as I speak since it does fascinate me so. I haven't seen hair like his in three generations.

"You are worrying over nothing, Ken-chan. Kaoru will be fine, the child will be fine. You cannot hurt them with your ki, I made sure of that. But you can hurt them both with your absence. Kaoru is frightened by your lack of tactile contact with her and your seeming hatred towards the child she carries." Kenshin's eyes turned a deep blue, it creeps me out how often they seem to change.

"Sessha…did not…could not… hurt… either…"

"But you have, in thinking that you might. Take a look at your ki, rurouni, and tell me what you see." Kenshin focused inward as Hiko had taught him and looked, really looked. His eyes opened, golden in the moonlight. I think I've mentioned how much this disturbs me before, but I'll say it again. No mortal should be able to do that.

"I see a murderer, a killer whose hands are so drenched in blood even the ocean cannot wash it away. I see a monster, that hides under the façade of a smiling wanderer." He looks at me. "In you, I see purity and innocence. Light and joy and wonder." I take a look at my blank, white aura and at his shifting one. He is mistaken as to who is the monster. I lift his chin to make him look at my face, his face as he once knew it, as I tell him what he needs to know. There are benefits to being a millenia old familial deity after all.

"It is not blood, Kenshin. Blood on the aura is black and slimy. The red you see is your love for those around you. The passion you have for life and love and everything that happens around you. This bit of blue is the knowledge that you have gained, the gold is your honest intentions. And see this, this black piece? That is your grip on what you had to lose in order for you to become what you are. Do not look on me in envy. The white you see is not purity, surely as you cut men down was I there beside you, it is indifference. I care little for what I see because it is not in me to do so. You care, Kenshin, heart of sword. But now, that sword is the heart of many. Your song, Kenshin, is beautiful. Wistful, yes. But beautiful. I can cleanse you of this self fear you have, if you will let me?" He has shed tears before, and he has shed one now, only leave the drying moisture as I finish. He nods.

"Hai de gozaru. Onegai." He prepares himself to listen, knowing the honour this is to hear the very melody that makes up what his soul is. I smile and call the guardians of the others to us. They will have strange dreams, but each knows it is worth it. Yahiko's is the closest, so his part is heard first, Hiko's, his human line long dead, comes to us from the spirit realm and adds a steady counterpart to Kenshin's parents who he managed to snag on the way, as I can only play the song of the current heir. The Yukishiro family kami arrives and her sound thrums in the air even as Kaoru's answers my call smiling and lifting the flute. Sano's family guardian smirks as his reverberations sound clear and I grin. The Sagara spirit has always been more than a little cocky, especially towards his little adoptee. I add my bells and a cymbal to welcome and emphasis my point as well as my thanks. As the song goes the tambourine that is his past shakes briefly, then steadily before fading into nothing. We gather ourselves and listen as we play to the song of the wet faced wanderer that sits before us even as the last remnants of the pain his soul has suffered is demolished. He is not crying from the beauty of his soul alone, but the pain this cleansing is costing him. I shake my bells once more before leading him some of my strength and he smiles his thanks even as his tears course down his scarred face. I look at the others, and we wind down, letting the Kamiya's spirit have the last word, to show Kenshin where he must go once we have returned to the mists.

He sits there as the others fade into the moon's shadow, looking at me only when he knows they are gone.

"Sessha wa…" I place my finger over his lips, then kiss him briefly, letting some of my soul enter his. He gasps and tries to speak. I smile and stop him.

"Go to your wife and child. Make them happy, and that is all the thanks I'll ever need." I turn to go, but not before I make him smile.

"A little incense every now and again wouldn't hurt either." He smiles, one of true joy and contentment, and I leave the form of Shinta to fade into nothingness.

Of course I didn't leave, are you nuts? I made sure that he eventually got up and returned to the room he shares with Kaoru. Only then did I go to find the Kamiya spirit. We needed to have a little chat as to who got to keep the heir under their wing, seeing how it is usually the male of the relationship's kami, but Kaoru is the one taking him in, not the other way around. Ah, I hate politics.

==

I was hurt. He left, again, to go sit on the roof. Does he not want this? I touch my belly, feeling the life of the one that grows within me, and sigh, miserably. What did I do wrong? He won't touch me, not even think about touching my stomach, only now becoming distended. I sob into the pillow he so recently vacated, then turn it over as I hear him come back inside. I will ask him tonight.

He slips in silently, as only he can, and lays down next to me.

"Why?" The word is whispered, but even I can hear the tears in my tone. He sits up and looks over at me even as I rise to meet him.

His eyes. Kami-sama, I have never seen them as such. I have seen him cry, before, even held him as he did so. But never have I seen them like this. Suddenly he reaches for me, pulls me close.

"Kaoru…" He voice is as tender as his hands as he brushes the tears I hadn't realized I was shedding. He holds me to him, just holds me. We haven't been this close since the little one began to form. I relish it. He begins to lay me down and I make a small sound of despair which he silences with his lips. I can hear how ragged his breathing is.

"Kaoru…gomen. Gomen nasai de gozaru yo…sessha….ore wa, I never meant…I'm so sorry." His words are interspersed with small hiccoughs and kisses as he works his way down my neck. His hands are at my nightclothes, and they fall away as he warms me with his lips and tears.

"Kenshin…" I leave the word for him to take as he will.

"Kaoru. I, love you. With all of my heart, my mind, my soul. I… gomen nasai koibito. You've given me the greatest gift of all, and I, I have thrown it away… I am so very, very sorry. His hands cease for a moment, then very deliberately he unfastens the last tie and exposes my rounding belly to the chill night air.

"Ai shiteru." He whispers, and I feel him kiss the slight bulge, then press his face into my stomach. The tears I feel on my middle are a match for those on my face. But his are hot, hotter than I thought possible, mine are cool. I let him rest, and listen to our child still very small, for as long as I can bear to. It may have been minutes, it may have been hours, but I reach out for him and pull him up to meet my eyes and my face. He reaches out to wipe away a tear and I shake my head.

"Kenshin…"

"I'm sorry. I was afraid." He whispers.

"Of what? I ask.

"Of harming you and the baby. I never meant to hurt either of you, I thought my ki would…" I laugh ruefully.

"Kenshin no baka! You couldn't hurt us even if you tried. It's when you aren't here that it hurts." He looks down once more.

"Sessha did not, realize, that…" I hug him to me, then lay him down and brush the tear dampened hair from his face. I kiss him, once, twice, again.

"Sleep, love. It's alright now." He looks at me with those sorrowful eyes, eyes that I never want to see again, and I kiss each one and snuggle close. When he opens them again, most of the pain in them is gone, and a kind of wonder has replaced it. He wraps his arms around me and holds me as tightly as I do him.

"Ai shiteru." I whisper. After a moment's silence his voice sounds like music.

"Aa, motto, motto ai shiteru, zutto." And we fall asleep.

If you don't know the Japanese terms you must be new to the fan fiction world but here they are anyway.

Aa - informal yes

Ai shiteru - I love you - this is a emphatic way to say this and is considered impolite to utter it in public. If you need to express yourself or your feelings when others are around suki da will suffice and that too is a little much. It is not a light phrase - like 'I love spaghetti' this is more along the lines of 'I value your continued existence so far above my own that it is not even mentionable and I'm about to have a conniption if you don't love me back with your entire being.' type of thing.

Anata - you, an endearment when used from wife to husband

Anata wa? - and you?

Anou - um…literally

Ara - oh!

Arigato - thank you

Baka - if you don't know this one it's a descriptor - idiot, moron, imbecile…

Battousai - unsheathed blade, slasher

Busu - ugly/old hag

Chichi - father, used by family members, more like daddy than father

Daijoubu - alright

Daijoubu ka/ daijoubu desu ka - are you alright? Everything alright? Second more formal

De gozaru/ yo/ka - equivalent to desu or da but highly archaic and formal. Yo is an emphatic and ka indicates a question. All mean - if meaning can be assigned really - is, are, was, etc…

Dojo - training hall

- dono - an archaic suffix meaning along the lines of Mr. Mrs. Ms. But much more polite

Futon - a sleeping mat that can be folded up and stored during the day so the space can be used for other things, very comfortable I may add.

Genki - health, good spirits

Gomen - sorry

Gomen Nasai - very sorry

Haha - mommy

Hai - yes

Hajimemashite - pleased to meet you

Hiko - flight/ act of flying

Hiroshi - generous

Iya - informal no

Jinchuu - earthly revenge

Kami - spirit/ancestor/god/goddess/etc

Kaoru - fragrance

Kenji - not sure I'd have to see the kanji but something to do with a sword most likely

Kenki - fighting spirit

Kenshin - heart of sword

Ki - chi, prana, life energy

Koibito - girlfriend/boyfriend though I imagine at the time it would mean more like lover

Komban wa - good evening

Matsu - pine tree

Megumi - blessing/bounty

Motto - much, more, bigger

Musuko - son, used by family members

Neko-chan - kitten, kitty

- nii - uncle

No - indicates a possessive… Kenshin no baka - Kenshin's an idiot - shin no kami - god of death

O genki desu ka? - are you feeling healthy?

Okaasan - mother - less formal 'kaasan

Omegami-sama - goddess

Oniisan - older brother

Ore - informal, even gruff, male 'I'

Oro - Kenshin's surprise, shock, stupefied, embarrassed noise, possibly a mispronunciation of ara

Otousan - father - less formal 'tousan

Oyasumi/oyasuminasai - good night (when going to bed)

Rurouni - a made up word by the wonderful creator of rurouni Kenshin -sama that means roughly wanderer

Sakabato - reverse blade sword, really two words - sakaba and to

- sama - more polite form of -san

- san - Mr. Mrs. Ms.

Sekihotai - Sanosuke's political affiliation

Sensei - teacher

Sessha - another archaic term used by Kenshin meaning 'I' or more literally 'this unworthy one'

Shamisen - guitar like instrument with three strings

Suzuko - little bell child

Tanuki - raccoon

Umeko - plum blossom child

Yori - trustworthy

Zutto - very much so, similar to motto