Author's Notes: Ok, it's around 12:30 at night and I should be in bed. Why? Because I have to get up very early to go jogging, then I must take a test of my worth as a human being. Also known as the Drivers' Test. Yes, I am 15 and have not taken the test to get my permit. No, I have not studied the book. Yes, there is a 99.9% certainty that I will fail miserably and my friends and older brother will revel in my torment for weeks. So here I am, writing this and snacking on pickles (yum) and chocolate covered raisins (double yum), wondering what my parents would say if they were to catch me drinking soda at this time of night, when I have to take a test to prove my worth as a human being (Drivers' Test) early tomorrow morning. Hmm…I want caffeine…but I also want at least 2 hours of sleep tonight…caffeine is our friend… Muwahahahahahawheehehehehehehehohohohohohehehehehehahahahahaha… sorry. I'm a bit hyper…mwehehehehehehehehehehehehehe! Ok, I'll stop.
Disclaimer: (sigh) Not mine, wish it was, blah blah blah…
Chapter 10: Battlebots Finale! (At long last!)
The characters, sans author, are sitting in a random room of the castle…
Darunia: You back again?
Yep.
Mido: When do we find out who you are?
I'm not telling you!
Mido: Humph. Touchy.
Skullkid: WHOM ARE YOU TALKING TO?
Rauru: The mystery narrator.
Skullkid: WHO?
Rauru: looking philosophical We are not meant to know who or what the mystery narrator is named, the mystery narrator simply is.
Nice speech.
Rauru: Thank you.
Windbag.
Rauru: Hey!
Link: Isn't the final match coming up?
Saria: I think so.
Nabooru: When does it start?
Zelda: When does it ever start? When Chaos says so.
Nabooru: True.
Link: Where is she, again?
Impa: With DeadeyeDave, setting up the arena.
Skullkid: I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE YOU PUT ME IN AN ICEBOX.
Ruto: Neither can we.
Skullkid: YOU KNOW I MUST EXACT MY REVENGE UPON YOU FOOLISH MORTALS…
Link: "Foolish mortals"? He gets weirder every day…
Skullkid: STARTING WITH YOU!
Link: Um…
Impa: Skullkid?
Skullkid: YES, FOOLISH WOMAN?
Impa: Sleep now. does that Jedi-trance thing
Skullkid: ZZZZzzzzZZZZzzzz…
Ganon: Let's put him back in the icebox.
Link: Sounds good to me.
they drag him off
You know, sooner or later people are going to realize that the icebox and similar ploys are used by the author to remove some of the characters because she can never remember all of you.
Zelda: gasp Is this true?!
ChaosWEAPON: Is what true?
Zelda: That the icebox and similar ploys are used by the author to remove some of the characters because you can never remember all of us?!
ChaosWEAPON: Who told you that?!
I did.
ChaosWEAPON: You again?
Yep.
ChaosWEAPON: I have no time to deal with you now. Begone!
Fine. But you'll see me again…
ChaosWEAPON: just try to guess the movie This house is clean.
Link: Huh?
ChaosWEAPON: Nevermind. We have a tournament to finish!
Everyone: Yay!
at the arena
DeadeyeDave: Game Characters, fellow author, behold: The "Ridiculously Lengthily Named Gigantic Super Terrific Achievement Award Commemorating The Victory Of The Randomness Battlebots Tournament" Trophy! whisks aside large cloth
Everyone: looking at large, golden trophy Ooooooooooh!
Zelda: It really bites that I didn't get to be in the final round…but at least I win that date with Link!
Link: What?!
Malon: What do you mean you win Link? I get him!
Link: Huh?!
Ruto: Back off, sisters! He's my hunk of male perfection!
Link: Uh…backing away
Zelda: He's mine!
Malon: No, he's mine!
Ruto: You're both wrong! He's mine!
All three: DIE! they get into a MAJOR fight
Ganon: Cool.
Rauru: Link, aren't you going to stop them?
Link: Hah! I'm not that dumb! You can if you want.
Rauru: Um, no.
ChaosWEAPON: looking at cartoon-style cloud of dust, clay-like fingernails and hisses Hmm…shrugs Ah, well. Let 'em fight. We have a fight of our own to do!
Nabooru and Link: Right!
in the ring
DeadeyeDave: to audience Ladies and gentlemen, today is a turning point. This is the final, epic battle of the bots! The champions of the three divisions, Link, ChaosWEAPON and Nabooru, respectively, are going to wage all-out war with each other over the Trophy and title as Champion Random Battlebots Contender! It will also be my last time here as referee. I will really miss being here-Hey! Wake up! cracks whip
Everyone in sleeping audience AAIIIGGGHHH!
DeadeyeDave: Better. Mills Lane style Now let's get it on! cracks whip again for good luck
in the ring, where the 3 bots are placed an equal distance from the gigantic trophy in the middle
ChaosWEAPON: May the best bot win! to bot Go, ChaosWEAPON!
the bot, possessed of a life of its own, gets up and starts across the floor
Link: All right, TimeFiend! Don't fail me now! starts up TimeFiend
Nabooru: Go, Colossus! Show them what a true bot is made of! starts up Colossus
the three bots rampage towards each other, when suddenly-
Link: Hey, what's that?
Nabooru: What's what?
ChaosWEAPON: Hey, what is that?
a portal opens above the arena, and out comes-
Link: It-it can't be!
Yes! It is Misty Dawn! Carried along by a rampaging pack of rabid, time-travelling squirrels, she grabs the trophy, strikes a pose, and says-
Misty Dawn: YEEEEEEEHHAAAAAAAAA!! LONG LIVE RANDOMNESS!! MAY THE SPORKS BE WITH YOU!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
the rampaging pack of rabid, time-travelling squirrels leaves through another portal, taking Misty Dawn with them, destroying the bots on the way out
Everyone: ………
DeadeyeDave: stunned Um, ok. Misty Dawn is the winner!
ChaosWEAPON: Woah.
Link: Dude!
Nabooru: "May the sporks be with you?"
Darunia: So nobody won?
Mido: I guess Misty D. did.
Saria: But she wasn't a contender!
Rauru: Does that matter?
Impa: Probably not.
Ganon: What is it with Chaos and squirrels?
ChaosWEAPON: You're off the point, Ganon.
Nabooru: If there is a point to this.
Darunia: Which I doubt.
meanwhile, Zelda, Malon, and Ruto are still fighting, not that anyone cares
Rauru: Think we should end this before it gets any stranger?
Link: Is that possible?
Mido: Probably not.
ChaosWEAPON: Huh. Well, there you have it. The Battlebots mini-series has ended, and with a certain random style, I might add. Please let me know what you thought of the whole mess, and goodnight. Bybyies!
