Author's Notes: I hope you enjoyed Link's Punishment, and thank you again to everyone who sent in submissions

Author's Notes: I hope you enjoyed Link's Punishment, and thank you again to everyone who sent in submissions!

Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda, Miller, Monty Python or anything else that shows up here.

Chapter 13: Link's Secret

Once again, we find several people in a random room of the castle…

Darunia: Hey! Who are all those people?

Oh, sorry. We find several of our heroes in a random room of the castle…the random people disappear

Darunia: Better.

Saria: Does anyone know what time it is?

Nabooru: Um, it's 7:10. Why?

Saria: It's Miller Time! walks towards the kitchen

Ganon: Hey! You'd better not be trying to drink my beer! Come back here! chases after her

Zelda: Where is everyone, anyway?

Darunia: Let's see…Ganon! Are there any notes stuck to you head?

Ganon: from other room No!

Chaos: That's right, he has a plate in his head doesn't he? Hmmm…

Ganon: coming in from other room Don't even think about it, Chaos! 'Cause I know you are!

Chaos: How do you know what I'm thinking?

Ganon: mysteriously I can read your thoughts…!

Nabooru: Have you been playing with that paper Mask of Truth you made again?

Ganon: It's real, I tell you! REAL!

Nabooru: Right. Whatever.

Zelda: I'll say it again. Where is everybody?

Darunia: Well, I saw Rauru earlier…

in the living room

Rauru is passed out on the couch, with half a cheesecake stuffed in his mouth and an "Andy Griffith" marathon on the t.v.

Rauru: ZZZZZzzzzzz…eh…Aunt Bea? Put down the pickles slowly and put your hands on your head…zzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzz…snore

back in the room

Nabooru: Saria is in the kitchen…

in the kitchen

Saria: Whoa…dude…I am soooo drunk! Heh heh, the floor is talking to me…Hello Mr. Floor!

in the room

Ganon: Ruto is surfing the internet…

in the computer room

Ruto: Hmmm…there has to be a recipe for a love potion here somewhere! I want my Linkie back!

in the room

Zelda: I know that Impa is out shopping…

in the mall

Impa: I'm sure Ganon won't mind if I use his credit card without asking…he's a nice guy, right? Right?

in the room

Chaos: And Link is hiding in his closet, close to dying of embarrassment. So that leaves Skullkid, who is still in the icebox…

meanwhile, in China

Skullkid: riding a skateboard on the Great Wall of China YYYYYEEEEEEEEHHHHHHAAAAAAAWWWWWWW!!!

back in the room

Chaos: …and Mido, but who knows where he is? Or cares?

in a random room

Mido is still adjusting the Dream Recorder thing. He is covered in bandages and his hair is spiked from getting electrocuted by putting his finger inside the battery…repeatedly…

Mido: quite insane Geyahahahahahahahahahahahahahah! Muwahahahahahahahaha! I'll show them! I'll show them all! high-pitched voice Nothing can stop me! Nothing! Mwehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehhehehehehehehahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah…heh…passes out

back in the other random room

Link: coming down the stairs from his room Hello everyone! Hello hello, how y'all doing? Whatcha doing? Whatcha doing? How y'all doing? Hello hello!

Zelda: Um, hi Link…felling better?

Link: Good as new, Zel! Good as new! Good as new!

Darunia: …Link, is something wrong?

Link: Nothing wrong! Nothing wrong! I'm fine! How are you? How are you? Whatcha doing? Whatcha doing?

Nabooru: What, exactly, do you mean?

Link: Heh, well a wink's as good as a nod to a blind bat! Know what I mean? Know what I mean? Say no more! Say no more!

Ganon: Um, Link…?

Link: Yes?

Ganon: WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!

Link: What do you mean? What do you mean? Say no more! Say no more! Heh? Wink wink nudge nudge! Say no more! Know what I mean? Know what I mean? Say no more!

Chaos: Did you go insane in the last five minutes? You're acting really, really -- wait! Shh! Listen!

everyone stops to listen. They can hear Rauru snoring and muttering about Aunt Bea, Saria in the kitchen muttering about who knows what, and some crickets outside that sound suspiciously like Beethoven.

Darunia: What is it, Chaos?

Chaos: Somewhere, someone insulted me!

Ganon: Chaos, I'm sure lots of people are insulting you right now.

Chaos: Quiet you! I can hear a dis on me from a mile away, and this person sounds familiar…

Zelda: So who is it?

Chaos: Hmmm…begins walking up the stairs

after about an hour of searching, they approach Link's room

Link: Hey, don't go in my room! Hey, I just told you not to go in there! Hey!

Zelda: entering Link's room At least he's speaking normally…What the-?!

Chaos: Cue Twilight Zone Theme here…

Ganon: Or the Psycho Theme…

Nabooru: I…never knew Link was into this kind of…stuff…

the room is filled with bazookas, knives, and weapons of all sorts and…shudder sewing materials… A/N: Of course sewing! What were you thinking of?

Chaos: Er…we can worry over this later. The insult came from around here…walks to the closet

Link: Oh, don't do that!

Ganon: Um, maybe you shouldn't open it…

Nabooru: Yeah, he told us not to go in here, and, well, look at the place!

Zelda: I don't want to think about it, much less look! Don't open it, Chaos!

Chaos: No, I have to. I must find the person who insulted me!

Link: Don't open it! NO NO NO NO NO NO no……Chaos opens it

Everyone: GASP! Link?!

inside the closet is Link, tied up and stripped to his boxers, which are black with glow-in-the-dark hearts, stars, horseshoes, clovers, and blue moons…

Link in the Closet: muffled from duct tape Mmmmph!

Ganon: staring at Link in the Closet BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! pulls off the duct tape

Closet Link: OW!

Ganon: Heh heh heh he…Oh, hold on…THERE ARE TWO LINKS?!

Zelda: Looks like it…Ruto will be happy about this…

Closet Link: I'm the real Link, that Link isn't really me! Well, sort of…I guess he is me, but he isn't…You see, he is me, and I'm me, so we're both me, but I'm me and he isn't, see?

Everyone: ……

Closet Link: You don't see…

Chaos: Um, so if you're Link, then who is he?

Closet Link: The Mystery Narrator. I found out who he was, and so he took my clothes, tied me up, and stuck me in here!

Ganon: Awww…was he after your Lucky Charms?

Closet Link: Grrrrrr…

Zelda: How do we tell which one is real?

Nabooru: Have them say something that only Link would know!

Chaos: Okay, Links, line up!

they stand next to each other

Chaos: Say something that only Link would know!

Weird Link: Ok. I…am a player!

Closet Link: I am not! Stop saying that I'm a player!

Chaos: points at Closet Link That's the real one! In the Lucky Charms boxers!

Ganon: to Weird Link Trying to impersonate my nemesis, huh? Take this! smacks him on the back of the head

Weird Link: OW! two blue colored contacts fall from his eyes Whoo, boy…

Everyone: You…you're…!

Weird Link: Dark Link, yes.

Chaos: You are the Mystery Narrator?

Dark Link: That's right! I wasn't content with just narrating, so I was going to take over this fic…and I would have succeeded if it weren't for you meddling kids!

Chaos: Huh. Well, you can go back to narrating, but you will never take over this fic! narrating Dark Link was overrun by Rabid Time-Travelling Squirrels who transported him back to the Narration Dimension…

Dark Link: No! Not the squirrels! NOOOOOOO! gets overrun by squirrels, etc.

Chaos: Well, another case solved! Let's go downstairs and have a snack!

Ganon: Heh heh heh…how about some Lucky Charms?

Link: …You do know I'm going to have to get back at you for all the insults, right?

Ganon: You? Hah! And how do you plan to do that?

Link: Um…well…I'll think of something!

Ganon: Heh.

Chaos: I'm going to end this, ok?

Everyone: Fine.

Chaos: Any reason why I shouldn't?

Everyone: No.

Chaos: Speak individually!

Zelda: But--

Ganon: We--

Nabooru: Don't--

Darunia: Wanna--

Chaos: Nevermind.