Author's Notes: I just finished reading Cujo, and I had a sudden and insane desire to make a parody of it

Author's Notes: I just finished reading Cujo, and I had a sudden and insane desire to make a parody of it. A few of you seemed to like the whole Battlebots mess, so I decided on another possible mini-series…

Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda and I sure as heck don't own Steven King or Cujo or Star Wars or Michael Jackson, or anything else.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…

Well, it wasn't really long, long ago, more like five minutes…

And it wasn't that far away, either, just in the courtyard of Hyrule Castle…

A gnat was there.

But this was no ordinary gnat.

This gnat…

…was rabid!

Microscopic bits of foam dripped from the gnat's microscopic mouth…or proboscis or whatever. The point is, the gnat was rabid. The rabies had long ago destroyed all parts of the gnat's brain, saving one. This part of the brain, which exists, in every living creature and quite a few nonliving objects as well, has but one function.

Randomness.

This part of the brain, the Randomness Cortex, randomly generates small, electrical charges, the kind the normal part of the brain uses as telephone wires. These random charges get picked up by the sane brain, which interprets them as messages, and acts on them accordingly. It is a heated debate among scientists whether or not this was the cause of several historic events, including the Boston Tea Party, Custer's Last Stand, and the birth of George W. Bush.

As a side note, it has been discovered that certain individuals have enlarged Randomness Cortexes. A few of the known specimens are *~Misty Dawn~*, DeadeyeDave, ChaosWEAPON, and a Blue Keaton. Not to worry, sane readers, the Men in White have been notified. So have the Men in Black, the Men in Turquoise, the Men in Off-White, the elusive Men in Technicolor…

Audience: GET TO THE POINT!!!

Ah, yes, the point. The gnat is rabid, with only the Randomness Cortex and the rabies in charge of it. With one random, rabies-tainted signal, the gnat set off a chain of events that would change history forever…

Wasting Time W/ Zelda and Company

Part 14:

Zujo

Hello again. Yes, it's me, Dark. I'm stuck here in the Narrate-a-Verse, where Chaos stuck me because I tried to take over her fic. So, I'll be here…for the time being…

Anyway, I'll get this over with first, so you don't keep waiting for them to show up:

Meanwhile, in a random room, etc…

Mido has been building on to the Dream Recorder. It is now the core of a giant killer robot…

Mido: Mwehehehehehehehee hee hee heehohohohohohohohohgyeeheeheehee hee!!

Narrate-a-Verse

He could be there for a while. As for the other guy Chaos is trying to tactfully get rid of…

At that moment, in Australia…

Skullkid: with impersonated Aussie accent G'DAY, MATES! I'M SKULLKID, THE CRIKEY-DILE HUNTER! DUN DUN DUN, DUH DUN DUN, DUN DUN DUN! OH, WAIT, I THINK THAT'S THE "MISSION IMPOSSIBLE" THEME…

Narrate-a-Verse

…Riiiiight…well, I doubt that they'll show up anytime soon, so you can stop worrying about them. Well, things have been quiet in the castle lately. Everything is peaceful, serene…well, almost.

Link's Room

Link is frantically scribbling down something…his face is nearly pressed to the page, and his sentences are going everywhere on the page

Link: Hee hee hee! That's a good one! You're gonna get what's coming to you, Ganon…muwhahahahahahaHAHAHA HA HA HA!!!

Narrate-a-Verse

Linky-boy's going to snap soon, I reckon. I can't wait. All this peace makes me sick to my stomach. I'm sure some mayhem will break out soon, though. Apparently that fairy, what's her name? Is coming back from her vacation today. In fact, she's almost to the courtyard…

Castle Courtyard

If anyone with a magnifying glass had bothered to look closer at the courtyard, they would have seen a gnat. That gnat seemed to be dripping…foam? Yes! For this is the rabid gnat discussed earlier in the fic!

Anyway, upon a random impulse, the gnat bit a mosquito.

The mosquito, upon a random impulse, bit a butterfly.

Butterfly: Ow! What the-? folds wings together, crushing rabid mosquito Stupid mosquitoes. The little buggers are everywhere. Hey, that's weird…I feel strange. Maybe I should lie down-grrrahhhggg! Snarl! starts foaming at the mouth

At that moment, Navi flies in.

Upon a random impulse, the butterfly flies up to Navi.

Navi: Hi, little butterfly! Huh? You seem to have some whip cream on your face-

The butterfly bites Navi.

Elsewhere in the Courtyard

Zelda, lost in not so deep thought, stares at the ground while wandering around. Glancing under a lawn chair, she spies an M&M.

Zelda: Oooh! An M&M! crawls under chair to grab it Yum, M&M. And blue, my favorite! she eats it Maybe there's some more in the kitchen…

Zelda tries to get out from under the chair, but for some reason the chair's legs collapse, trapping Zelda's head in the chair.

Zelda: I cannot believe I just got my head stuck in a chair. she hears singing Huh? Who's there?

Navi flies into the courtyard. She is flying in loops, upside-down, however her random impulses dictate she should fly. She is foaming at the mouth.

Navi: singing …Oh, Billie Jean, is not my lover! She's just a girl…uh huh, git down! Ya know I'm Bad! I'm Bad! And the whole world has to answer right now just to tell you once again, Who's Bad? Uh huh!

wolfos howls

Navi: still singing It's close to midnight, somethin' evil's a-lurkin' in the dark! Out of the moonlight, you see a sight that almost stops your heart! You try to scream, but terror takes the sound before you make it! You start to breathe, as horror looks you right between the eyes, your very eyes! 'Cause this is Thriller! Thriller night, and no one's gonna save you from the beast about to strike!

Zelda: …Navi? Could you, maybe, help me? I've got my head stuck in this chair.

Navi flies over, hearing Zelda's voice.

Zelda: Thanks Navi. Um, Navi, you seem to be foaming at the mouth…were you just eating sugar? N-Navi?

Navi: Grrrrraaaaahhhhhhgggggg! Grr! Snarl! Thriller! Thriller night! Grr! Snarl! bites Zelda Gyahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

To be continued…