Author's Notes: This chapter idea was suggested in a review by The Traveler. I saw it, and thought, "Why not?" And, yes, the dream was an actual one I had.
Disclaimer: No own Zelda, Survivor, any songs, or movies, Star Trek, Monty Python, Scrabble, etc. Or any of the authors I stole. Sorry, guys.
Chapter 18: Survivor!
"Out-Play, Out-Scheme, Out-Last"
'Ello ev'ry body! Welcome back. Chaos decided to bump back my 15 minutes of fame so she could do another craptacular chapter of her own. Hmph. At least she promised I could be the host when she publicly humiliates G-dog and Link-man. Says she's waiting for more reader suggestions. Well, anyway…I think she's down there in that random-room-that-isn't-really-random-because-that's-the-same-random-room-everybody-goes-to-in-every-chapter.
Normal-a-Verse, in said random-room-that-isn't-really-random-because-that's-the-same-random-room-everybody-goes-to-in-every-chapter.
Chaos is apparently looking at a map while she balances a spoon on her nose and making up a theme song
Chaos: Lessee…"Near a kinda messed-up planet a bit far from outer space…"
Ganon and Link are still in the cages. Link is playing a harmonica (still in his underwear, I might add) and Ganon is rattling a tin cup against the bars
Chaos: And, um…"Some of the Zelda characters were stuck in a Narrative place…"
Link: quits playing That isn't working very well.
Ganon: still rattling cup Did you think to look up the original words for the MST theme?
Chaos: Grr. Yes, but I couldn't find them…."There to endure the insanity of one strange author girl…" AAIIIGGHH! THIS ISN'T WORKING!
Link: Told you.
Saria: walking in Am I interrupting anything?
Chaos, Link, and Ganon: No.
Saria: Oh, good. I wanna tell you about this dream I just had…
Link: Shouldn't you ask Zelda? Or even Impa?
Saria: Impa's busy. And I ain't asking Zelda! She's weird.
Ganon and Link: So is Chaos.
Chaos: Hey!
Saria: Is for horses. Anyway, can I tell you my dream?
Chaos: Fine.
Saria: I was sitting in my room with a couple of friends, and we were chillin' ya know, just kinda hangin' out, and suddenly Klingons invaded and my friends managed to run, but I was stuck hiding behind the door to my room, and one of the Klingon warriors came in, so I punched him hard and knocked him out and took his phaser, then ran after my friends who were already across this big ditch thing next to the house so I jumped over it and landed halfway up the other side which was really cool because it was a really long jump and it felt like I was flying but anyway I ran after them but they had disappeared into a forest which I swear wasn't supposed to be there so I followed them in and somehow ended up in a men's shower room in Venice!
Everyone, including those who wandered in during the middle of it: ……
Chaos: Saria…?
Saria: Yes?
Chaos: What the heck are you doing dreaming my dreams?!
Ruto: …That was your dream?
Chaos: Yeah. My dream, not hers!
Everyone: Freak.
Chaos: Hey!
Everyone: Is for horses.
Chaos: Grrrr…
Darunia: So, um, what's the map for?
Chaos: I'm plotting where to strand you all on a deserted island.
Darunia: Oh. Business as usual, then?
Rauru: Wait, run that by me again?
Chaos: I'm plotting where to strand you all on a deserted island.
Rauru: Ah. Mmmm…dessert island…drool
Zelda: Eeeww…
Ruto: And why are we going to a deserted island?
Chaos: To do a Survivor parody, why else?
Everyone: Ahhh…
Chaos: Anyway, I've got a Random Team Selector Thing *cough*pre-set*cough*, so all we need is the host…And I have the perfect one…heh heh heh.
Link: Who?
Darunia: Not…?
Impa: Oh no. Not again!
Chaos: Sorry. narrating And the victim, er, "guest host" was plucked from his dimension without any warning whatsoever…
DeadeyeDave appears, still holding a few Scrabble letters
Deadeye: Huh? Ay! Son of a monkey's uncle! Of all times, why now?! I was gonna spell "zipper" on two Triple Word Scores!
Chaos: Wow. Small world. I once almost did that, but then my brother-
Deadeye: Don't start. So, what'd you drag me here for this time?
Chaos: Survivor. Need a ref.
Deadeye: M'kay. When do we start?
Chaos: Now. Everybody in the chopper!
Everyone: What chopper?
Chaos: Oh, right. narrating A large helicopter arrived…
Whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Thud.
Everyone: O…K…
Ganon: You're going to let us out of these cages, right?
Link: And give me back my clothes?
Chaos: Yeah. Let's go, everyone!
Everyone: Yay!
Day 1
in the helicopter, over the ocean…
Deadeye: Ok! We're approaching our destination! You can see out the window…
everyone moves to look, and the 'copter becomes unbalanced, beginning a nose dive…
Everyone: AAAIIIIIHHHHHH!
Deadeye: Trim the heli! Trim the heli! everyone moves back, and balance is restored
Everyone: Yay!
Deadeye: Whew…anyway, the island is right down there. It's a secret island, so no one knows where we'll be and none of you will be able to escape, I mean, leave the island…
Link: Is that Kolholint?
Deadeye: …Darn you Link, now we have to find a new island!
Link: Sorry.
Chaos: Oh, nevermind it! We'll start again tomorrow!
Day 2
landing on an island that no one recognized
Deadeye: Ok! Now, unless anyone knows where we are…?
Everyone: …
Deadeye: Good. Here's the teams:
Team 1
Chaos
Link
Ganon
Ruto
Impa
Team 2
Zelda
Saria
Darunia
Rauru
Nabooru
Nabooru: Chaos, you're playing too?
Chaos: Of course!
Link: Why'd you put me with Ganon and Ruto?!
Chaos: Because I felt like it.
Link: Grrr…
Deadeye: cracking his whip, remember that? Enough! Here's the rules:
No alliancesRuto: But I wanted to team up with Linkie!
Link: shudder
In certain immunity challenges, some of the team members are fair game
In some immunity challenges, teaming up my be optional or required
No author powers are allowed
Chaos: Crud!
Everyone: Heh heh heh.
And no Sage or Triforce powers either
Everyone else: Crud!
Deadeye: Ok, build your huts so we can get to the first Immunity Challenge! First group done who has chosen a name gets smoothies!
everyone rushes off in roadrunner-esque puffs of dust
Deadeye: Gullible.
half an hour later, both teams, covered in bandages, arrive at the same time
Deadeye: Too bad. Tie. So, what're the names?
all of team 2 are standing like statues with identical drone expressions
Deadeye: Uh…Teams?
Team 2's Collective Voice: WE ARE THE BORG. LOWER YOUR SHIELDS AND PREPARE TO BE ASSIMILATED. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.
Deadeye: O…k…Team 2 are "The BORG." And Team 1?
Link: Ready? One, two, onetwothreefour!
suspiciously familiar music starts up
Deadeye: Oh, no…!
All of Team 1:
We're Outcasts of the Round Table
We dance whene'er we're able.
jump up on table
We do routines and chorus scenes
With footwork impeccable!
lots of tap-dancing
We dine well here in Hyrule
We eat ham and jam and spam it's cool!
even more tap-dancing
We're Outcasts of the Round Table
Our shows are formidable
yet more tap-dancing, and looking quite silly
But many times we're given rhymes
That are quite unsingable!
everyone is simply staring at them
We're opera mad in Hyrule
We sing from the diaphragm so blow raspberries you!
Chaos, Link, Ganon and Impa do a synchronized dance number, and Ruto plays drums on the Borg Team's heads
In war Link's tough and able
Quite indefatigable
dancing again, marching about, etc.
Between his quests he sequins vests
And impersonates Clark Gable
Link: in a sequined vest and in a Clark Gable-ish voice It's a busy life in Hyrule…
Deadeye: Right! Stop right there! I get your point. Team 1 are the Outcasts.
Ruto: Uh, Chaos?
Impa: You can stop now.
Chaos: still tap-dancing Hehehe! This is great!
Deadeye: Er, let's just get to the first Immunity Challenge, ok?
Saria: Already? Isn't this supposed to last a month, or something?
Chaos: still tap-dancing I don't have that much patience. It'll be about 10 days.
Saria: Oh.
Darunia: What's the first challenge?
Deadeye: Well, it's…crud! Not another singing scene!
Impa: Kareoke?
Deadeye: Yup. So, to the stage everyone! Now! cracks whip
Everyone runs, or tap-dances, to the stage…
DeadeyeDave: Ok peoples, here's the rules! Each team has to sing two songs, alone or with backup. Sing the song however you want, but I'm grading it!
Link: Don't we get judges?
Deadeye: Yeah, me. Outcasts Team, you're up first, so go get ready!
Backstage…
Ruto: Who should sing?
Impa: Ganon has a good voice, so he should.
Ganon: Me?!
Chaos: Yes, you. Who else?
Ruto: I can't sing, so not me.
Link: You can't sing? But Lulu-er, I mean, nevermind.
Ruto: YOU (censored)!! WHO'S LULU?!?!
Impa: Squabble later! I like that word. Squabble! Squabble! Squabble!
Link: I know a song! I know a song!
Ganon: What is it?
Link: Can't tell. But could Impa and Ruto help me with it?
Chaos: I don't see why not.
Ruto: You want me to help?! Can we sing a romantic duet?!
Link: No…I want you and Impa to be back-up dancers.
Impa and Ruto: Oh.
Deadeye: from front of stage You ready yet?
Ganon: No-
Link: Yes!
On the stage…
Ruto and Impa are on stage, in *ahem* interesting outfits
Ruto: What do you think he's gonna sing?
Impa: Knowing Link…I have no idea.
Deadeye: Ok! You can start anytime! grabs clipboard
music starts up
Impa: Is that…? No, it couldn't be…
Ruto: He wouldn't dare.
Rauru moves in the audience chairs, turning around so he could get at his Mega-Size popcorn
Impa: Oh my gosh, Ruto, look at his butt!
Ruto: It's so big…!
Impa: He looks like one of those sumo wrestler guys.
Ruto: Ya know, I don't understand those guys. They look like they're wearing diapers, ok?
Impa: But look at his butt, I mean it's just so big, and I can't believe it's so round!
Ruto: It's really sticking out there. Gross!
Impa: He's just so fat…
Link walks out, looking like Sir Mix A Lot
Link: singin' and dancin'
I loathe big butts and I can not lie
You simply can not deny
When Rauru pounds by with no hint of a waist
And him with that round thing in your face
You get squashed
Wanna get away
'Cause you know that his butt just stinks
You can see it through the robe he's wearing
Wanna look away but I can't stop staring
Rauru I wanna get away from ya
Butt wouldn't fit in your picture
My friends tried to warn me
'Bout that butt you got
Fat but you're still hungry
Your skin's jiggly and rubbery
You say you wanna eat more, well you'll get bigger
Butt's already so big it could host it's own kegger
Everyone's mouths hang open as they watch Impa and Ruto dance, and how Rauru's face is slowly turning purple
I've seen you dancin'
Your butt hampers your prancin'
You're fat, fat, weigh more than a two-ton 'Vette
I'm tired of magazines
With food pictures chewed out that's the thing
Next to the average man you'll see that
You pack way too much back
Link and the girls bow, then exit
Everyone: …… O.o
Rauru: ……!~_~!
Deadeye: looking at Rauru's expression O..k…@_@
Link: What's with all the symbols?
Ruto: Beats me.
Impa: Let's get out of here. they go sit down in the audience
Meanwhile, backstage…
Ganon: I can't do it!
Chaos: You have to!
Ganon: No!
Chaos: Yes!
Ganon: No!
Chaos: Yes!
Ganon: No!
Chaos: Yes!
Ganon: NO! I-I can't…
Chaos: Well, why the heck not?
Ganon: Ever since Link shoved that radio in my ear…
Chaos: You're scarred for life?
Ganon: Yes.
Chaos: We already told Deadeye that you'd be singing!
Ganon: I guess you'll just have to pretend that you're me.
Chaos: What?!
Deadeye: from audience Anytime!
Chaos: Grrr…
Back in the audience…
Link: Ganon should be ready by now…
Ruto: What's he going to sing?
Impa: No clue. You can bet it'll be dark, though.
Rauru: …
Link: Rauru?
Rauru: I'm still not speaking to you.
Deadeye: Ah, here he…is?
Chaos, wearing Ganon's armor, cape, etc. walks out on stage
Everyone: What the-?
Link: Is that Chaos?
Saria: WOAH. Ganon turned into Chaos!
Zelda: Don't be silly. Chaos obviously turned into Ganon.
music starts up
Deadeye: …Bon Jovi? What the hey…?
Everyone: Is for horses.
Chaos: obviously has no idea of what to sing Um…deepens voice To all you sages here tonig…er, day. begins singing
The Triforce power is what you sell
You promised me heaven and put me in hell
Sent me to the Void when ya got hold of me
But gone is the prison and now I am free
I've got a loaded gun
There's nowhere to run
No one can save you
The damage will be done
You're shot through the heart
And I'm to blame
'Cause you give Sage a bad name
I played my part but you played your game
You give Sage a bad name
You give Sage a bad name
A painted smile on your dead lips
Blood red stains my fingertips
Power was my dream, it was raised so high
Burst is my bubble so now say goodbye
I've got a loaded gun
There's nowhere to run
No one can save you
The damage will be done
You're shot through the heart
And I'm to blame
'Cause you give Sage a bad name
I played my part but you played your game
You give Sage a bad name
You give Sage a bad name
Chaos bows, and exits the stage
Deadeye: Alright…that was…interesting…
Ganon: coming out from backstage Yeah! That was great! mimes a gun with his fingers, pointing at the Sages Bang!
Chaos: Thanks. Hey, this armor's great for tap dancing! begins dancing
Link: whispering You distract her, I'll get the tranquilizer darts.
Ganon: Gotcha.
Link backs away slowly, then runs
Ganon: Um, Chaos…
Chaos: still dancing madly Yep?
Ganon: Um…let's boogie! begins dancing also
Link comes back with a dart gun. He shoots both the tap-happy dancers.
Impa: THANK you.
Deadeye: looks at the blacked-out pair. Shrugs. Ah well. Are The BORG ready yet?
Nabooru: Yep! I'm going first!
Saria: Whatcha gonna sing?
Nabooru: You'll see. Muweheheheheh…
On the stage, again…
a lively tune starts up
Ruto: Is that Mandy Moore?
Impa: I think so…
Nabooru steps out on stage. Through some miracle of physics, she has managed to stuff Darunia into her pockets.
Deadeye: What?!
Nabooru: prances around with Darunia in her pocket
Among the many Gerudo faces
You'll find me in the spaces
See the writing drawn on the wall
Stay out of quicksand to keep from sinking
Close your eyes to keep from blinking
And I'll sing this song
'Cause my clothes are too revealing
And I know what I'm needing
Nothing but Dar is in my pocket
Nothing but him to keep my hands warm
My fingers would break without him
Tell me, how much for your gloves?
I slipped Dar into my back pocket
All I got to keep my hands warm
Dar, please don't leave me here without them
How much for your gloves?
(Nothing but Dar is in my pocket)
How much for your gloves?
Nabooru stops dancing, bows, and then dumps Darunia out of her pocket
Darunia: Ow!
Deadeye: Somehow…that was just wrong.
Rauru: Me next! Me next! Thud! Thud! Thud! Thud!
Link: He's going to sing?!
Rauru runs (thuds) up on the stage as the music starts up. He's wearing black leather pants and a red leather jacket and an "Eat at Joe's" T-Shirt
Rauru: eating as he's singing
I've never been a very fussy young man
I want some Captain Crunch, give me some Raisin Bran
Don't you know I'm starving for some Spam
So I'll eat it, I'll eat it
Don't try to argue, don't try to debate
I don't wanna hear what kinda food you hate
I want dessert right after I finish this plate
I'll eat it
I am never full
I'll eat it, eat it
Get me a dozen hams then beat it
I'll take some more chicken, got any more pie?
I don't care if it's boiled or fried
I'll eat it, eat it, I'll eat it, eat it
I'll eat it, eat it, I'll eat it, eat it
My table manners, they're a crying shame
I play with my food, it's a real fun game
But if I starve to death then you'll be to blame
I'll eat it, eat it
You better listen and do what you're told
Since you haven't touched that tuna casserole,
Mind if I chow down before it gets cold?
I'll eat it.
Rauru tries to bow, but since he doesn't have a waist, he topples over
Boom!
Deadeye: That was even more wrong. Immunity goes to the Outcasts!
All of Outcasts Team: YAY! victory dance
Deadeye: I've had enough dancing for one day. cracks whip Stoppit!
Ganon: Chaos, can I have back my armor?
Chaos: But I like it!
Deadeye: Ok, BORG, you hafta vote out a member.
Nabooru: Now?!
Deadeye: No, when we meet later tonight. For now, go back to your separate villages.
Later, in the BORG Collective…
Saria: humming Hm hm hm hmm hm hm hmhm hm…
Rauru: THAT'S THE SONG LINK WAS SINGING, ISN'T IT?!?!?!
Saria: Uh, yes…
Rauru: Grrrrr…!
Saria: I'll just go over…here…now…
Saria, on the way to somewhere else, trips over some scattered rocks
Saria: Woah! Whew, that was close.
Darunia: Aiigghh! My rock garden! You've ruined it!
Saria: Sorry!
Darunia: Grrrr…!
Saria: Aaahh! runs away
Saria seeks refuge in Zelda's hut.
Saria: Zelda! I was walking along and humming and Rauru almost bit my head off for no reason and then when I walked away I tripped over Darunia's rock garden and almost broke my neck and he yelled at me so I came in here and did I ever tell you about this weird dream I had Chaos says it's her dream but in this dream I was sitting in my room with a couple of friends, and we were chillin' ya know, just kinda hangin' out, and suddenly Klingons invaded and my friends managed to run, but I was stuck hiding behind the door to my room, and one of the Klingon warriors came in, so I punched him hard and knocked him out and took his phaser, then ran after my friends who were already across this big ditch thing next to the house so I jumped over it and landed halfway up the other side which was really cool because it was a really long jump and it felt like I was flying but anyway I ran after them but they had disappeared into a forest which I swear wasn't supposed to be there so I followed them in and somehow ended up in a men's shower room in Venice!
Zelda: ZZZZzzzzZZZZzzzzZZZZzzzz…
Saria: ……
Meanwhile, in the Outcasts' Camp…
a victory celebration is well underway
Link: Truth or Dare, guys! Everybody gets one Truth and one Dare!
Everyone: Yeah!
Link: Ok, um, Chaos! Truth or dare!
Chaos: Um, gee, uh…Truth!
Link: Sissy. Chaos…aw, crud I can't think of one! Someone help me out!
Impa: whispers in Link's ear
Link: Perfect! Chaos, since the dream Saria, uh, shared was yours, then what was your strangest?
Chaos: Well…I think that one was my strangest. Unless you count the one where everything was polygonal and it looked like I was inside FF7, and I was at summer camp (I've never been to one) and we were about to leave but I lost my retainer, so I was looking everywhere for it.
Link: …That's it?
Chaos: Yup. Ok, Ruto! Truth or Dare!
Ruto: Dare! Dare!
Chaos: Ok! Ruto, I dare you to dress as someone in this room, other than yourself! And you have to imitate them for the rest of the game!
Ruto: Ok…hmmm…runs into another room
Ganon: Who do you think she'll pick?
Link: Probably me.
Ruto: comes back, dressed as none other than…Impa! Hey, Impa, is this supposed to be a katana you've got strapped to your bum, or bicycle handles?
Impa: Not telling.
Ruto: Hmph. Link, Truth or Dare!
Link: Crud.
Chaos: Hahaha! Either way, she's got you!
Link: I know. Dare.
Ruto: I dare you to kiss me!
Link: Ok! gets up…and kisses Impa!
Impa: Wow…!
Ruto: AY! You were supposed to kiss me!
Link: But you're Impa! So, I kissed Impa!
Impa: Heh heh heh…
Link: Speaking of which, Ganon! Truth or Dare!
Ganon: Um, Dare!
Link: I dare you to…whispers to Ganon
Ganon: Grrr. Ok…
In the BORG Collective…
sort of a post-defeat meeting
Zelda: I can't believe we lost…
Darunia: Now someone has to be voted out…
Saria: What do you suppose the Outcasts are doing…?
Just then, Ganon enters to complete his dare…
Ganon: wearing a sign that says VICTORY
I had visions I was in them I was looking into the mirror
To see a little bit clearer
The rotten little losers behind me
Tastebuds have memories
I can't forget the taste of your defeat
And since I feel a bit naughty
I'll run it up the flagpole to see
That everyone knows that you lost, 'cause…
everyone begins to chase him, and he runs, still singing
Ganon: Paranoia! Paranoia! Everybody's coming to get me! stops singing Run run run, as fast as you can, but you won't catch me, I'M THE GINGERBREAD MAN! blows raspberry
Back in the Outcasts' Camp, Ganon has returned…
Ganon: Hehehe! That was fun!
Link: Ya got it on tape, right?
Ganon: Of course! Ok, Impa, Truth or Dare!
Impa: Dare your worst.
Ganon: I dare you to…drink as much hot sauce as you can!
Impa: What?!
Ganon: Do it!
Impa: Very well…gets the Super-Hot Sauce Bottoms up! guzzle, guzzle
Everyone: gasp!
Impa: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHGGGGGGGG!!!!!! Bugger, that's HOT! AAHHGG!
Everyone: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Impa: Oooooooohhh…Chaos! Your turn for a dare!
Chaos: Ach. Dare away!
Impa: I dare you…to…to…
Ruto: whispers something
Impa: Great! Chaos, I dare you to give Link a makeover!
Link: WHAT?!
Chaos: WHAT?! I know nothing of makeup!
Impa: Too bad.
Chaos: Alright. I'll need someone's makeup case, though…
Impa: Here. gives her a makeup case
Chaos: Thanks. C'mere, Link!
20 minutes later…
Link: his hair has been dyed into a rainbow, and cut to a mohawk. He has on badly smeared lipstick, blue blush, and black eyeshadow I hate you.
Chaos: Hehehehehehe! Ruto, Truth time!
Ruto: Okies!
Chaos: blinks Ok…Ruto, what's your second most precious possession?
Ruto: That would be my copy of the video you made when you punished Link by making him fall in love with me.
Link: And let us never talk of that again.
Ruto: Hmmm…Ganon! Truth!
Ganon: Truth then.
Ruto: What did you do while you were in the Void?
Ganon: Learned to play the guitar.
Ruto: Oh.
Ganon: Truth time for you, Impa! If you're supposed to be guardian of the royal family, you should know this.
Impa: Ask.
Ganon: Why is the royal crypt infested with ReDeads and filled with acid?
Link: I wouldn't mind knowing that as well!
Impa: Well, the man who built the crypt was a schizophrenic, and didn't know his alternate persona was a thief. So when he found items from the royal crypt in his possession all the time, he started booby trapping the crypt, but since he knew what the traps were, his other self could disarm them. Eventually, he filled the crypt with acid and some ReDeads, and we never heard of him again.
Link: Oh.
Impa: Your Truth, Link. If you had to get married today, who would you choose?
Link: Uh…
Ruto: Pickmepickme!
Link: I'd choose-
Deadeye: Ay! It's time for the meeting!
Ruto: AAAAAAIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Deadeye: What?
Ruto: YOU RUINED IT! HE WAS GONNA PICK ME I KNOW IT!
Deadeye: I sense I've interrupted something…
After they calmed Ruto down, and bandaged Deadeye, the meeting began…
Deadyey: Ok everyone! The Outcasts have Immunity, so the BORG must now vote out one of their own! To the voting stations, BORG!
Darunia's Vote: Saria
Darunia: She doesn't work with the team, and there's no real use in keeping her around. I voted Saria.
Zelda's Vote: Saria
Zelda: I had this really weird dream involving Klingons and Venice, then I found out it was because Saria told me it while I was sleeping. If she's going to mess with people's dreams, then she can do it somewhere else. I vote Saria.
Rauru's Vote: Saria
Rauru: She's laughing at me behind my back, I know it! I vote Saria.
Nabooru's Vote: Saria
Nabooru: An island like this is no place for children. Saria must go, for her own good.
Saria's Vote: Saria
Saria: We vote for who we want to win, right? Isn't that how this works? I vote for myself then.
Deadeye: And the results are…unanimous! Saria's out of here!
Saria: WHAT?!
Deadeye: Everybody voted against you Sar. Tough luck.
Saria: …YOU (censored)!!!
Deadeye: No need for that. Chaos, you're a contestant, so may I?
Chaos: You may.
Deadeye: narrating Saria was sent back to the castle to wait for the end of the game…
Saria: Noooooooooo!
Deadeye: Hehehe, that's kind of fun.
Chaos: Isn't it though?
Deadeye: Well, everyone should go back and get some sleep. Tomorrow's another day!
Nabooru: Obviously.
Day 3
In the Outcasts Camp…
the remains of the victory party can be seen, seeing as that they're not invisible or anything, so of course they can be seen. Link is still wearing the makeup and haircut
Everyone: ZZZZZzzzzzZZZZZzzzzzZZZZZzzzzz…
Deadeye: GOOOOOOOOD-MOOOOOOOOOOOOORNING!!!
Everyone: Aaaaahhhh!
Deadeye: Time to get up. Make yourselves some breakfast, then meet down at the Challenge area in, say, two hours. K? Good! Bye!
Everyone: …
Chaos: Well, that was abrupt.
Link: Anyone in here know how to cook?
everyone stares at Impa
Impa: sigh Very well, I'll cook…but I expect help!
And, in the BORG Collective…
everyone is still asleep. Rauru takes up half the hut, Zelda has her own curtained-off corner, and Darunia is, once again, in Nabooru's pockets
Nabooru: waking up Uhg…ahy?…huh? Ay! Darunia, what are you doing in my pockets?!
Darunia: But it's so comfy!
Deadeye: And that's even more wrong. Everybody, GET UP! GREET THE DAY! Then be at the challenge area in two hours. Cheerio!
Rauru: ZZZZzzzz…mmm…Cheerios…ZZZzzz…
Two hours later, at the Immunity Cove…
Both teams have assembled and are waiting for Deadeye, who's looking at the notecard for the challenge's directions
Deadeye: Hmmm…
Everyone: …
Deadeye: Hmmm…
Everyone: …
Deadeye: Hmmm…
Everyone: …Soooooooo…?!
Deadeye: Huh? Oh. Today's Immunity Challenge is certainly…odd.
Zelda: So will you tell us what it is already?
Deadeye: Alright. You all have 2 hours to catch as many as you can.
Nabooru: As many what?
Deadeye: Bosses. This is Boss Wrangling Challenge. cracks whip GO!
everyone is stunned for a minute
Chaos: looks at Ganon …grabs him GOT ONE!!
Ganon: Hey!
Chaos: Is for horses.
Ganon: Is this legal?
Deadeye: I'll allow it!
Chaos: Yay! puts Ganon into the Outcasts' Boss Holding Chamber
Ganon: I'll get you for this…
Meanwhile…
Link is hunting through the jungle
Link: This'll be easy! I catch these guys for a living!
there is a rustle in the bushes
Link: Gasp! There's one now! Come out and show yourself!
Small Thing From Bushes: leaping out YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Link: EEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK!!!!
Elsewhere…
Darunia is in a clearing
Darunia: Do I hear…drums…?
there is a drumming sound
Darunia: That beat…it's so…WOW!! WHAT A HOT BEAT!! begins doing that silly dance of his
Bongo Bongo: drumming the ground with his hands Yeah! Hot beat!
(A/N: Does BB even have a mouth?! How does he talk?!)
the two dancing sillysters dance their merry way to the BORG Containment Room
And, somewhere else…
Zelda walks into a smaller clearing. The ground is wet.
Zelda: Hmm. Got to be one here…I heard some really disgusting slobbering and belches earlier…walks deeper into clearing RAURU?!
Rauru is sitting on a rock. A round grape-ish bob is next to him
Rauru: belch Yum!
Zelda: What the…recognizes grape-like orb OH MY GOSH RAURU, YOU ATE MORPHA?!?!?!
Rauru: Morpha? I thought it was Jell-O!
And, checking up on Ruto…
Ruto is, naturally, in a pond. A large pond.
Ruto: speaking Zoran, 'cause she's underwater Kee! Kee! Yah-kee! (Translation: I saw something in the water. Yah-kee!)
JAWS theme! Dun dun dun dun dun dundundundun!
Ruto: Kiiish? (Translation: Huh?)
a black shape creeps up
Ruto: …? (Translation: …!)
Gyorg: Krrrrrr-kkii-ththththt-kkkrrrrggg! (Translation: We must have lunch sometime!)
Ruto: KEEEEEEEEEEEE-YAAH!! (Translation: KEEEEEEEEEEEE-YAAH!!)
Back to Link…
Link: Ok don't panic there's something out here stalking me and it's really scary and it's stalking me. pause I'M PANICKING!!! AAAHHH!!
dull thuds are heard
Link: It's coming back it's coming back oh no oh no what'll I do what'll I do?! I know…RUN!!
Ghot crashes through the bushes, doing that cool Ghot roar!
Link: being chased by Ghot, don't ask me how Link's fast enough to race him AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!
And, to check up on Z again…
Zelda: I can't believe…oh, wait, yes I can believe Rauru ate Morpha!
rustling is in a bush…again…
Zelda: It must be a Boss! Gasp!
rustling is also in another bush
Zelda: There's two of them…begins twitching in panic
Odowola: leaping out of bush um, whatever that Odowola-type roar is. I can't spell it.
Majora Incarnation: leaping out of other bush sigh, again, the Majora Incarnation type high-pitched squeaks. I can't spell those either.
Zelda: If I stay quiet, maybe they won't see me…
Odowola: I'm making up the sound, ok? Kyuuna! Kyuuna! Ahvitahsoy! Ahvitahsoy! swings sword
Majora: making these up too Keeou-kut! Kut! Kut! Neee-hee! does that silly-looking dance he does when he's not running around like mad
Zelda: ……
Suddenly, both Bosses realize Zelda is there…
Zelda: $#*!
Heh heh heh. What's Nabooru doing, hmmm…?
Nabooru has drifted over to the more desert-like parts of the island, naturally
Nabooru: Not a Boss in sight…
Wham!
It seems as though Nabooru ran smack into something. Or, rather, an angry someone
Volvagia: GRRRRR!!!
Nabooru: Uh..um…ulp Grrr?
Volvagia: Grrr? GRR! GR?
Nabooru: Grrr! Gr-grr grr!
Volvagia: GRR!
they both walk or fly back to the BORG Containment Room, Grrr-ing all the way
And, how about Impa?
Impa is stalking the jungle
Impa: I am a warrior. I am a warrior. I fear nothing. I am a warrior…
a rustling in the bushes. Again.
Impa: …!
Skullkid: leaping out of bushes YEEEE! BOOOYAAAA!!
Impa: Oh, it's you.
Skullkid: WHAT? YOU'RE NOT SCARED?
Impa: No.
Skullkid: OH.
Impa: Hey…you're a Boss, right?
Skullkid: WELL…I WAS THE MAIN ENEMY FOR A BIT…WHY?
Impa: Oh, nothing. Sleep now.
Skullkid: HUH-ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…
Impa slings Skullkid over her shoulder and marches back to the Outcasts' Boss Holding Chamber
Oooh, time's almost up. To the Immunity Cove!
Deadeye: Time's almost up…Z, Link, and Ruto haven't come back…
Ganon: from cell Maybe they were killed! Heh heh heh…
Don't get your hopes up. Here comes Z now…
Ganon: Drat.
As promised, Zelda comes back, holding the hands of Odowola and Majora. They kinda look like a scene from Wizard of Oz…
Zelda, Odowola, and Majora: Heroes, Bosses, and Authors, oh my!
Odowola and Majora walk into their cages and wave goodbye to Zelda
Zelda: I made some new friends!
Deadeye: That's…nice…but where are Link and Ruto?
On the way, unfortunately…
Deadeye: a dull thudding is heard Oh.
thudding gets very loud
Link: riding Ghot like the mechanical bull that he is YEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAA!!!!
Deadeye: AHH! jumps out of the way as Link rides Ghot into the pen-thing
Link: being thrown from Ghot AAAAHHHHHHHHHGGGGGG!!!!
Crash.
Link landed in a tree. Nobody helps him.
Deadeye: Oooook…that's Link…but Ruto?
a splashing sound is heard
Deadeye: I don't want to know…I don't want to know…
Everyone else: I DO!!!
In a spectacular display of Special Effects, Ruto comes riding in on Gyorg (don't ask me how)
Ruto: AY YI YI YI YI YI YI! The Xena thing-yell
Gyorg flips around for a bit, then into his stall/cage just as time runs out
Everyone: Bra-vo!
Deadeye: Nice. But you still lost. The score is: Outcasts- 4, BORG-5!!
BORG Team: YAAAAAYYYY!!!
Outcasts Team: NOOOOOOOOO!!!
Deadeye: Immunity goes to BORG!
Much later, at the Voting-Out thingie…
Deadeye: Ok, Outcasts. One of you has to be cast out. Vote! Now! cracks whip
Chaos's Vote: Ganon
Chaos: Sorry, Ganon, but you're going to try revenge for the stunt I pulled today. Therefore, I must eliminate the threat.
Link's Vote: Ruto
Link: Do I really need to explain this? She makes me nervous. And I just know Chaos is thinking up ways to torture me using her.
Ruto's Vote: Impa
Ruto: Link kissed her! She's competition! Nobody can have Link but ME!
Ganon's Vote: Link
Ganon: I must get back at Chaos for that stunt she pulled! And I don't want to get rid of Impa, 'cause she's the only one that can cook. Chaos could ruin grilled cheese. (A/N: It's true! I have!)
Impa's Vote: Ruto
Impa: I have the feeling she's angry with me. Besides, she's such a fussy eater! I don't like to cook fish, then she complains about it!
Deadeye: And the results are…Ruto!
Ruto: WHAT?!
Deadeye: Close call, but you're out.
Ruto: Link, you better not have voted for me!
Link: Well, I…erm, no, of course not! whistles innocently
Ruto: I knew you wouldn't! tries to kiss him
Link: AIGH! Dave, get her away!
Deadeye: Gladly. narrating Ruto was sent back to the castle to wait…
Everyone: …YAY!
Later, at the BORG Collective…
Darunia: Whoo! We won! We won!
Nabooru: No, we didn't. We just got off lucky.
Darunia: We didn't win?
Rauru: Not yet.
Zelda: Hey…what do you think the prize is?
Darunia: A box of rocks!
Rauru: A lifetime supply of jelly donuts!
Zelda: A big bag of M&M's! And a free castle!
Nabooru: Is all you ever think about food?
Rauru: YES!
Nabooru: Thought so. I'm going to bed.
Zelda: Why so early? We should celebrate!
Darunia: Yeah! sings Weeeeeeeeee are the chaaaaaaaaampions, my frieeeeeeeends!
Everyone else: …everyone throws something at him
Darunia: OW! Fine, I'll stop.
Everyone: Good.
Eventually, after much throwing of objects, everyone went to bed, and awaited the new day…
Author's note again: Sorry peoples. I wanted to finish this in one chapter, but it was getting long, so I decided to post this part now, then combine it later, ok? I've selected a punishment too, by the way…(I actually selected it before an anonymous reviewer left a similar suggestion. Whoever you are, maybe you're psychic). Enjoy this part for now, and keep you eyes open for the next installment!
