Relativity - by kyrdwyn
Rated: R - adult themes, etc.
Spoilers: none to the series
Synopsis: Gil gets a call from an old friend that causes him to confront someone from his past.
Disclaimer: I own all original characters in the story. Gil and the CSI crew are the property of Anthony Zuiker, Alliance Atlantis, other companies, and the actors who bring them to life.
Feedback is welcome and appreciated.
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It was after midnight, and Gil couldn't sleep. His body thought it was time for him to be working. So he was down in Natalie's living room, flipping though channels, the television volume on mute.
It had been ten years since he had seen his sister last. That had been at their mother's funeral in Santa Monica. Though they had sat next to each other, they had been miles apart. Neither Gil nor Julia wanted to bring up the past. That would have meant talking about their father. That was one subject both seemed to agree was best left in the past.
A noise made him look up to see Natalie standing in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest. "Couldn't sleep?"
He shook his head. "I'm normally at work," he explained.
Natalie pulled the sides of her navy terrycloth robe closer together and crossed the room to sit next to him on the couch. She curled her feet up to one side. "You always watch TV on mute?"
"I didn't want to wake you. Just because I can't sleep doesn't mean I should keep you awake."
"Did Dawn know about Julia?"
Gil sighed, knowing the question had been coming. He adjusted his watch. "She did."
"Oh."
Gil looked down at his hands. "I envied you and Dawn, you know. How close the two of you were. I don't know what happened between Julia and me. We were close when we were kids. She followed me around everywhere." He paused, knowing he was lying to himself and to Natalie. "No, I do know what happened. Our father had a lot to do with it."
Natalie looked at him sharply. Gil had mentioned his mother a few times, but Natalie had thought his father had been dead since Gil was young.
"You really don't like to talk about your past, do you, Gil?"
He was silent. She could see his facial muscles moving. "Never mind, I shouldn't pry."
"I'm sorry, Natalie. It's hard to talk about bad memories. Even to you, or Dawn."
She leaned her head against his shoulder, and felt him tense at the unexpected touch. "I understand, Gil. It's just…I'm here, if you need me."
He moved to put his arm around Natalie's shoulder. "I know. Thank you."
* * * * *
Julia Raven stared at the ceiling above her bed, her husband sleeping peacefully next to her. Gil's presence in Los Angeles brought up memories she thought she had been able to hide from. After their mother died, neither of them had contacted each other. They had no reason to. Julia hadn't asked him to give her away at her wedding because even thinking about calling him bothered her. Apparently, he hadn't planned on inviting her to his wedding, either.
Tears trickled down her cheeks as she realized how much she had missed her older brother. How much both of them had lost because of their father, and the fact that now, fifteen years after his death, Thomas Grissom was still driving his children apart.
* * * * *
Gil waited in the hallway while Detective Martin formally questioned Natalie about Josh Carlyle's death. The blonde woman had appeared on Natalie's doorstep early that morning, and had requested Natalie come with her. Gil had followed in his car, refusing to let Natalie go alone. He might not be able to be in there with her, but he felt better staying near her for support. He knew, in his heart, Natalie was innocent.
"I spoke to Dr. Wagner at Desert Palm and Father McGrath at St. Cecelia's. They both confirmed that Dawn Jensen was your fiancée, and that she passed away before you were married. I'm sorry, Gil."
He spun around at Julia's voice. She was standing a few feet behind him, in blue surgical scrubs. Her eyes were averted, looking anywhere but him.
"Sorry for what, Julia? Prying into the personal life of an innocent woman?"
"I was doing my job, Gil. How often do you pry into the personal lives of innocent people in your job? More often than I do, I'll bet." She looked at him now, her eyes angry. "You and I both know this job is about the evidence. Josh Carlyle was found in Natalie Jensen's classroom. He was known for asking her out on several occasions, making a nuisance of himself, despite his marriage. It's not unknown for women to dispose of men who are constantly harassing them."
"And it's not unknown for killers to frame an innocent person to avoid getting caught for the crime. I'd say the real killer probably knew about Carlyle's crush on Natalie."
"Or Natalie knew we would think that way. After all, in her own classroom her fingerprints and hairs and epithelials would not be unusual. She could have picked up that information from you. The two of you are obviously close." Julia took a step back as Gil turned and looked at her, his eyes angry.
"Yes, we are close. But do you honestly think I would try to defend a killer, Julia?"
"You were engaged to her sister - I think that could blind you to the truth."
"Or you're just letting our problems blind you."
The door behind them opened and Detective Martin and Natalie came out to find the two Grissom siblings glaring at each other. Gayle cleared her throat. "Ms. Jensen is free to go, for now."
Gil turned and nodded at Natalie. "Ready to go?"
She looked from Gil to Julia and back. "Yeah." She started toward Gil, surprised when he held out his hand for her to take. But she slipped her hand into his, needing his support and strength after an hour of trying to convince a cynical detective of her innocence. She would have had an easier time trying to teach her second graders to perform Shakespeare.
In the car, Gil didn't say anything. Natalie stared out the window. When they got to her house, Natalie went upstairs to her room, curling up on her bed. She really missed her sister right now. Gil was wonderful, dropping his job and coming to her side when they hadn't spoken in a year, mostly because their lives had diverged after Dawn's death. But Natalie missed her sister's warmth and sense of humor. Most of all, she missed her sister's touch. Dawn had been what their mother called a "hugger". It was natural for her to hug people, to put even one arm around them and provide the human contact that could be so necessary. She had curbed that inclination while teaching, but had always dropped that restraint around Natalie and Gil. Even at the end, when she'd been too weak to even breathe on her own, she'd managed to grab Natalie and Gil's hands for one last, loving, hold.
That was what Natalie needed now. Someone to hold her, to reassure her without words that it was okay. But Gil either didn't see that need or couldn't act upon it. Natalie suspected the latter. Something in his past made him shy away from physical contact. Even with Dawn, he'd always been a little hesitant at times. By the time Natalie had met him, he'd gotten used to Dawn's ways. But he'd reverted back into his old ways since her death. Even the other night, when he'd put his arm around her, she could tell it was more of a mechanical response than true feeling. Still, it had surprised her how much she had needed even that little connection with him.
Gil stood outside Natalie's door. He had his hand raised to knock, but couldn't bring himself to do it. Not for the first time, he keenly felt Dawn's absence. She would be able to reassure her sister, to comfort her. The first time he'd met Dawn, she had been comforting the child of a victim, a neighbor who had been killed. When talking her to, she'd reached out to cover his hand with her own, begging him to find the killer. He'd been startled by the touch. When they solved the case, he had personally gone to tell Dawn, who had thrown her arms around him in gratitude.
He had been intrigued by Dawn's open nature, so when she invited him in for coffee, he'd accepted. Finding out she was a science teacher in a public high school had given them common ground for the rest of the conversation. Coffee in her apartment had led to an invitation to speak to her students and dinner afterward, and a relationship where she had accepted his reluctance and hesitancy and given him room when he needed it and closeness when he was ready for it.
He leaned a hand against Natalie's doorframe. Dawn's illness, diagnosed three months after he asked her to marry him, had shaken him worse than his mother's death in a car accident. Watching her slip slowly away from him day after day, knowing this was something he couldn't fight for her, couldn't find the villain who had done this to her because there wasn't a human villain, had been sheer hell. Hell that was hidden for Dawn's sake. She was fighting her own emotional battle against her illness. She didn't need his problems as well.
Natalie had taken a leave of absence from her school to come to Vegas and help Gil when Dawn's illness had advanced to the point where he couldn't take care of her alone. Dawn hadn't wanted to be hospitalized until there was absolutely no choice. So Natalie moved in with them, and she and Gil had taken care of Dawn until the end.
Gil sighed, pushing open the door. Natalie had been there for him when Dawn was ill - holding his hand, listening when he railed at the unfairness of life. She'd held him when he'd cried the night Dawn had gone into the hospital for the last time. He owed Natalie so much, yet he couldn't bring himself to give her even the slightest touch of reassurance. He looked into Natalie's room. She was curled up on the bed, her back to the door. He sighed quietly. Dawn would have curled up on the bed next to Natalie and put her arms around her. He sat down on the edge of the bed and awkwardly rubbed her arm. He wished he could do more for her. But he couldn't.
Natalie felt his hand on her arm, and tears filled her eyes. It wasn't the comforting she wanted, but she knew it was all he was prepared to give right now. And she was grateful for that.
* * * * *
"So, the crime scene unit found something interesting in Natalie Jensen's classroom."
Julia looked up at Gayle. "Let me guess - hairs and fibers that weren't Natalie Jensen's, Josh Carlyle's, or Gina Carlyle's?"
"You knew and didn't tell me?"
"I just found out - the lab sent me the results on the hairs and epithelials found on the body." Julia held up the manila folder. "None belonging to Natalie Jensen, a few belonging to Gina Carlyle, and a ton of unknowns."
"Not unknown anymore - they belong to another teacher at the school - Richard Swenson. He's the physical education and health education teacher. Has his own classroom at the other end of the school. According to some of the other teachers, Swenson and Carlyle were at odds over Carlyle hitting on Swenson's wife."
"Carlyle got around."
Gayle smiled. "I talked to Leticia Swenson. She admits to having an affair with Carlyle. And to her husband walking in on them in flagrante delicto."
"So he killed him?"
"Looks like it. He doesn't have an alibi. I'm bringing him in, but I thought you would want to know. Hey - what did you find out on the Grissom guy?"
Julia kept her face neutral. "He is what he says he is - forensic scientist in Las Vegas. David told me he runs the night shift up there. Tends to get into trouble with his boss because he puts bodies before politics, but he's a good guy. Apparently, no one knows why he's in LA - he called one of his shift members and told them he had personal business."
"So he dropped everything to come down here for this girl? Does this guy have a brother?" Gayle asked, only half-kidding. Julia glared at the woman over her glasses and Gayle relented. "Seriously, he says he's engaged to the sister, but doesn't bring the sister with him? He's staying at her house? Sounds awfully convenient to me. Either he's involved with her romantically or she hired him as a defensive maneuver."
Julia sighed. "I went and spoke with him, and spoke with some other people in Las Vegas. He was engaged to Ms. Jensen's sister three years ago, before she died."
"The fiancée died, and he still keeps in touch with her sister? Gotta wonder about that relationship."
"Geez, Gayle, stop being so cynical all the time."
"Can't help it. I'm a cop."
Julia laughed and made shooing motions with her hands. "Go pick up your new suspect."
* * * * *
Gil opened his eyes and frowned at the unfamiliar ceiling. His mind was still foggy with sleep, and he couldn't remember where he was or why he had fallen asleep fully dressed. He could feel the presence of another person in the bed with him. Rolling onto his side, he saw who it was and smiled.
He reached out to stroke her hair and cheek. She was as beautiful to him now as the first time he'd seen her. He'd had to hide his reaction because of his job, but she had looked perfect to him. She still was perfect.
He leaned over to kiss her awake, dropping a few butterfly kisses onto her eyelids and the tip of her nose before pressing his lips against hers. It took a few seconds for the kiss to wake her up, because she was hesitant in responding to him. They spent several moments lost in the kiss before he had to break it off to breathe.
She smiled as she opened her eyes. Green eyes. The shock jolted Gil fully awake. Dawn's eyes were the blue of a midsummer sky. Natalie's eyes matched the color of a pine forest. Dawn's eyes had closed for the last time three years ago. Natalie's were looking at him now in surprise.
There was a long moment where the two of them stared at each other, both trying to absorb what had happened. Gil couldn't believe what he'd done. This was Natalie, one of his best friends, his lover's sister.
"Nat…I…I'm sorry." Gil rolled away from her and off the bed, practically bolting out of the room. He stopped in his room for shoes and keys and retreated to the refuge of his car and mindless driving.
* * * * *
Several hours later, Natalie opened the door to find Julia Raven on her doorstep. "What can I do for you, Dr. Raven?"
"Is Gil here?"
"No, he's out at the moment."
"May I come in?"
"That depends on what you want."
"Just to talk. Detective Martin arrested Richard Swenson for Josh Carlyle's murder yesterday, and he confessed."
Natalie blinked in astonishment. "Good Lord, I would never have guess that Richard….why?"
"Josh and Leticia."
Natalie's mouth quirked. "That does explain it."
The two women stood there. Natalie wasn't moving an inch.
"Ms. Jensen, I really would like to talk to my brother."
"Are you so sure he wants to talk to you?"
Julia sighed. "No, I'm not."
"Then why are you here?"
"Why are you so protective of him?" Julia countered.
"Because he's my friend and almost my brother and I don't want to see him hurt any more than he has been in the past few years."
Julia paused. "I'm not here to hurt him, Ms. Jensen," she said quietly.
Natalie sighed. "Come on in, Dr. Raven."
Julia entered the hall and followed Natalie back to the kitchen. Natalie had apparently been cooking when Julia rang the bell. "Can I get you something to drink?"
"No, thank you. Whatever you are cooking smells good."
Natalie smiled. "Thank you. I'm making chili for Gil. As a 'thank you' for coming down." And as an apology, but she wasn't going to tell Julia that.
"Chili? I didn't know Gil liked chili." Julia suddenly realized this young woman knew more about her brother than she did.
"He does. My sister used to make it for him all the time."
"You must think it odd, that he and I never speak."
Natalie turned from the stove to look at the brunette woman. "I didn't know you existed until you showed up in my classroom."
Julia's eyebrows went up. "You've known him for how long and he never said anything about me? Wasn't he almost your brother-in-law?"
"Yes, and that means if he spoke to anyone about his past, it was my sister. And she wouldn't tell me because it was none of my business."
Julia looked down at the kitchen table, then back up at the redhead. "Tell me about your sister?"
"Why?" Natalie asked quietly, seeing not her sister but the scene in her bedroom that morning.
"Because she was apparently almost my sister-in-law, and I never knew my brother was getting married."
"Have you told Gil that you got married and had a daughter?"
"How did you know I have a daughter?" Julia was concerned that Natalie Jensen knew so much about her.
"Your daughter Marissa is going to be one of my students this year. I always check student files before the year starts. You and your husband's occupations are listed. I doubt there is more than one Julia Raven working in the coroner's office."
"I hadn't had time to look at the announcement from the school telling us who Marissa's teacher was going to be."
Natalie shrugged. "If you're worried you can ask to have her transferred to Marsha Jordan's classroom. I'm sure Dean Montgomery would understand the conflict - daughter of coroner in a class taught by a murder suspect," Natalie said wryly.
"I don't think that will be necessary."
Natalie nodded, secretly relieved. She hated to lose students, especially because of something she couldn't control - like this case.
The sound of the front door closing made both women look toward the door. Gil was back.
* * * * *
Gil had driven for hours before deciding he needed to talk to Natalie. On the way back to her house, he stopped at a mall. He knew, from experience, that Natalie wasn't the type to be won over by flowers. The last time he and Dawn had visited Natalie, her boyfriend had brought flowers over as an apology for an argument. Natalie had gotten mad. She'd explained later that, to her, flowers were a guy's way of saying he didn't care enough for her to try to find something more unique - specific to a woman's personality. Gil had been amused, and so had Dawn when he'd not brought home flowers after their next argument, but a book he had noticed her eyeing. She'd cried, then kissed him, and they'd made up passionately.
It took him five stores in the mall before he found what he wanted. He drove home, hoping that he could patch things up. He was in the front hallway when he smelled the chili. His stomach rumbled at the scent - it was the Jensen family recipe. Dawn had often made it for him. Natalie was making it now.
Just then Julia's voice came from the direction of the kitchen. Gil frowned - what was she doing here? Was she questioning Natalie again? He hurried forward to find his sister sitting at the kitchen table and Natalie at the stove. Both women were watching the doorway. Gil glanced at Julia. She was in jeans and a top. The LAPD jacket was nowhere in sight.
"Julia. What are you doing here?"
Julia sighed inwardly, hearing the older brother tone in Gil's voice. He was very protective of Natalie. Julia missed having that tone in her own life.
"I came to tell Ms. Jensen that Mr. Carlyle's murderer has been caught, and he confessed."
Gil glanced at Natalie and she nodded. "One of my colleagues wasn't too happy to find Josh boinking his wife."
"So he killed the lover. Hmm. I wonder how long it would have taken before he killed his wife for having the affair," Gil mused absently. Julia's jaw dropped.
"Gil!" Natalie reproved with a smile. "You just can't leave anything alone, can you?"
He shrugged, happy to see her smile. The movement revealed the bag he'd tried to keep hidden.
"I'd've never figured you for the music box type, Gil," Julia commented.
Natalie looked at the bag, then back at Gil. He saw the understanding appear in her green eyes, along with something that looked like guilt as she glanced at the stove.
Julia caught the looks between the two of them. Though she, like Gil, was more comfortable among the dead, she still was able to catch the emotions that ran though the living. And right now, she could see that Gil and Natalie had something they needed to talk about. There was guilt in her brother's eyes.
She pulled out her business card and wrote her home number on the back. She got up from the table and handed it to Gil. He looked at it with surprise.
"Please, call me before you go back to Las Vegas, Gil. I would really like to talk to you," she said, her blue eyes pleading. Gil nodded, and Julia turned to leave. Natalie followed her to the front door and stopped Julia before she left.
"I'll do my best to get him to call you," she said quietly. Julia looked at her with surprise, but nodded her thanks.
Natalie sighed as she watched Julia drive off. She headed back to the kitchen and found Gil at the stove. She shook her head, seeing the spoon in his hand and the expression on his face. He looked like a little kid with his hand in the cookie jar.
"So what makes you think I'm angry?" she asked.
Gil looked at her, guilt in his eyes. "After this morning?"
Natalie sighed. "Oh, Gil. I'm not angry." She moved over to the kitchen table and the bag. She pulled out the store box inside and looked at him. "But since you thought I was, why did you think a music box would help me to forgive you?"
"Open it," he said quietly.
She opened the cardboard to find a wooden music box. She looked up at Gil in surprise, and lifted the lid. The mechanism began to play, and tears came to Natalie's eyes at the choice of music.
"For a man who claims to be a science geek, you sure know how to charm a woman," she said quietly.
He shrugged. "I know how much you like that song."
"It was something between me and Dawn, with her being in Vegas," she replied softly. She sighed and closed the lid, cutting off the notes of 'Somewhere Out There'.
"Natalie, I'm sorry."
She cut him off. "I know. You didn't mean to kiss me. You thought I was Dawn." She couldn't hide the hurt in her voice. "I'm not mad, Gil. We both see each other as the last connection to Dawn. Frankly, I've been expecting something like this, given how neither of us wants to let go of her. I'm just hurt because I had hoped when it happened you would have known it was me you were kissing, not my sister. I'm tired of this, Gil."
She turned away from him, determined not to let him see the tears in her eyes. "Have you ever looked at me, seen me as Natalie Jensen, Gil? I don't think you have. I was Dawn's little sister - a friend but not too close. Now I'm just a substitute for Dawn. The way I've apparently been a substitute for Julia. I've never been Natalie Jensen, friend to Gil Grissom. And I'm tired of it. I love you, Gil. You're one of my best friends. But I can't hold up this relationship on my own. I can't be a chameleon for you - changing who I am to fit what you need, and hiding my own needs. I can't be Dawn for you because she's gone. And I know she wouldn't want you to hold on to her like this. She loved you, Gil. You made her happier than I'd ever seen her. She would want you to be happy now. But you're stuck in the past, using me to hold onto her. God knows, I wish she were still around, Gil.
"I can't be Julia for you either. It's one thing to have you treat me like a little sister when I thought you were an only child. I could understand that natural impulse - I see it in some of my students. But you have a sister, Gil. One who lives 5 hours away from you and is now reaching out to you. How much of each other's lives have you missed in your estrangement? You didn't know she got married. She didn't know about Dawn. I don't know what happened between you, but she's still your sister. God, I'd give anything to have…"
Natalie broke off and started sobbing, her entire body shaking. Gil's heart broke. Her crying sounded like it was an old friend to her. How many nights had she lain awake, crying for her sister? Too many nights, he knew. He had rarely cried, but he knew everyone one of those sleepless nights himself.
He couldn't leave her like this, so he broke one of his own rules, buried a lifetime of old scars, and reached out to Natalie, pulling her against him and letting her cry. After a while, tears started to slip down his cheeks.
Rated: R - adult themes, etc.
Spoilers: none to the series
Synopsis: Gil gets a call from an old friend that causes him to confront someone from his past.
Disclaimer: I own all original characters in the story. Gil and the CSI crew are the property of Anthony Zuiker, Alliance Atlantis, other companies, and the actors who bring them to life.
Feedback is welcome and appreciated.
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It was after midnight, and Gil couldn't sleep. His body thought it was time for him to be working. So he was down in Natalie's living room, flipping though channels, the television volume on mute.
It had been ten years since he had seen his sister last. That had been at their mother's funeral in Santa Monica. Though they had sat next to each other, they had been miles apart. Neither Gil nor Julia wanted to bring up the past. That would have meant talking about their father. That was one subject both seemed to agree was best left in the past.
A noise made him look up to see Natalie standing in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest. "Couldn't sleep?"
He shook his head. "I'm normally at work," he explained.
Natalie pulled the sides of her navy terrycloth robe closer together and crossed the room to sit next to him on the couch. She curled her feet up to one side. "You always watch TV on mute?"
"I didn't want to wake you. Just because I can't sleep doesn't mean I should keep you awake."
"Did Dawn know about Julia?"
Gil sighed, knowing the question had been coming. He adjusted his watch. "She did."
"Oh."
Gil looked down at his hands. "I envied you and Dawn, you know. How close the two of you were. I don't know what happened between Julia and me. We were close when we were kids. She followed me around everywhere." He paused, knowing he was lying to himself and to Natalie. "No, I do know what happened. Our father had a lot to do with it."
Natalie looked at him sharply. Gil had mentioned his mother a few times, but Natalie had thought his father had been dead since Gil was young.
"You really don't like to talk about your past, do you, Gil?"
He was silent. She could see his facial muscles moving. "Never mind, I shouldn't pry."
"I'm sorry, Natalie. It's hard to talk about bad memories. Even to you, or Dawn."
She leaned her head against his shoulder, and felt him tense at the unexpected touch. "I understand, Gil. It's just…I'm here, if you need me."
He moved to put his arm around Natalie's shoulder. "I know. Thank you."
* * * * *
Julia Raven stared at the ceiling above her bed, her husband sleeping peacefully next to her. Gil's presence in Los Angeles brought up memories she thought she had been able to hide from. After their mother died, neither of them had contacted each other. They had no reason to. Julia hadn't asked him to give her away at her wedding because even thinking about calling him bothered her. Apparently, he hadn't planned on inviting her to his wedding, either.
Tears trickled down her cheeks as she realized how much she had missed her older brother. How much both of them had lost because of their father, and the fact that now, fifteen years after his death, Thomas Grissom was still driving his children apart.
* * * * *
Gil waited in the hallway while Detective Martin formally questioned Natalie about Josh Carlyle's death. The blonde woman had appeared on Natalie's doorstep early that morning, and had requested Natalie come with her. Gil had followed in his car, refusing to let Natalie go alone. He might not be able to be in there with her, but he felt better staying near her for support. He knew, in his heart, Natalie was innocent.
"I spoke to Dr. Wagner at Desert Palm and Father McGrath at St. Cecelia's. They both confirmed that Dawn Jensen was your fiancée, and that she passed away before you were married. I'm sorry, Gil."
He spun around at Julia's voice. She was standing a few feet behind him, in blue surgical scrubs. Her eyes were averted, looking anywhere but him.
"Sorry for what, Julia? Prying into the personal life of an innocent woman?"
"I was doing my job, Gil. How often do you pry into the personal lives of innocent people in your job? More often than I do, I'll bet." She looked at him now, her eyes angry. "You and I both know this job is about the evidence. Josh Carlyle was found in Natalie Jensen's classroom. He was known for asking her out on several occasions, making a nuisance of himself, despite his marriage. It's not unknown for women to dispose of men who are constantly harassing them."
"And it's not unknown for killers to frame an innocent person to avoid getting caught for the crime. I'd say the real killer probably knew about Carlyle's crush on Natalie."
"Or Natalie knew we would think that way. After all, in her own classroom her fingerprints and hairs and epithelials would not be unusual. She could have picked up that information from you. The two of you are obviously close." Julia took a step back as Gil turned and looked at her, his eyes angry.
"Yes, we are close. But do you honestly think I would try to defend a killer, Julia?"
"You were engaged to her sister - I think that could blind you to the truth."
"Or you're just letting our problems blind you."
The door behind them opened and Detective Martin and Natalie came out to find the two Grissom siblings glaring at each other. Gayle cleared her throat. "Ms. Jensen is free to go, for now."
Gil turned and nodded at Natalie. "Ready to go?"
She looked from Gil to Julia and back. "Yeah." She started toward Gil, surprised when he held out his hand for her to take. But she slipped her hand into his, needing his support and strength after an hour of trying to convince a cynical detective of her innocence. She would have had an easier time trying to teach her second graders to perform Shakespeare.
In the car, Gil didn't say anything. Natalie stared out the window. When they got to her house, Natalie went upstairs to her room, curling up on her bed. She really missed her sister right now. Gil was wonderful, dropping his job and coming to her side when they hadn't spoken in a year, mostly because their lives had diverged after Dawn's death. But Natalie missed her sister's warmth and sense of humor. Most of all, she missed her sister's touch. Dawn had been what their mother called a "hugger". It was natural for her to hug people, to put even one arm around them and provide the human contact that could be so necessary. She had curbed that inclination while teaching, but had always dropped that restraint around Natalie and Gil. Even at the end, when she'd been too weak to even breathe on her own, she'd managed to grab Natalie and Gil's hands for one last, loving, hold.
That was what Natalie needed now. Someone to hold her, to reassure her without words that it was okay. But Gil either didn't see that need or couldn't act upon it. Natalie suspected the latter. Something in his past made him shy away from physical contact. Even with Dawn, he'd always been a little hesitant at times. By the time Natalie had met him, he'd gotten used to Dawn's ways. But he'd reverted back into his old ways since her death. Even the other night, when he'd put his arm around her, she could tell it was more of a mechanical response than true feeling. Still, it had surprised her how much she had needed even that little connection with him.
Gil stood outside Natalie's door. He had his hand raised to knock, but couldn't bring himself to do it. Not for the first time, he keenly felt Dawn's absence. She would be able to reassure her sister, to comfort her. The first time he'd met Dawn, she had been comforting the child of a victim, a neighbor who had been killed. When talking her to, she'd reached out to cover his hand with her own, begging him to find the killer. He'd been startled by the touch. When they solved the case, he had personally gone to tell Dawn, who had thrown her arms around him in gratitude.
He had been intrigued by Dawn's open nature, so when she invited him in for coffee, he'd accepted. Finding out she was a science teacher in a public high school had given them common ground for the rest of the conversation. Coffee in her apartment had led to an invitation to speak to her students and dinner afterward, and a relationship where she had accepted his reluctance and hesitancy and given him room when he needed it and closeness when he was ready for it.
He leaned a hand against Natalie's doorframe. Dawn's illness, diagnosed three months after he asked her to marry him, had shaken him worse than his mother's death in a car accident. Watching her slip slowly away from him day after day, knowing this was something he couldn't fight for her, couldn't find the villain who had done this to her because there wasn't a human villain, had been sheer hell. Hell that was hidden for Dawn's sake. She was fighting her own emotional battle against her illness. She didn't need his problems as well.
Natalie had taken a leave of absence from her school to come to Vegas and help Gil when Dawn's illness had advanced to the point where he couldn't take care of her alone. Dawn hadn't wanted to be hospitalized until there was absolutely no choice. So Natalie moved in with them, and she and Gil had taken care of Dawn until the end.
Gil sighed, pushing open the door. Natalie had been there for him when Dawn was ill - holding his hand, listening when he railed at the unfairness of life. She'd held him when he'd cried the night Dawn had gone into the hospital for the last time. He owed Natalie so much, yet he couldn't bring himself to give her even the slightest touch of reassurance. He looked into Natalie's room. She was curled up on the bed, her back to the door. He sighed quietly. Dawn would have curled up on the bed next to Natalie and put her arms around her. He sat down on the edge of the bed and awkwardly rubbed her arm. He wished he could do more for her. But he couldn't.
Natalie felt his hand on her arm, and tears filled her eyes. It wasn't the comforting she wanted, but she knew it was all he was prepared to give right now. And she was grateful for that.
* * * * *
"So, the crime scene unit found something interesting in Natalie Jensen's classroom."
Julia looked up at Gayle. "Let me guess - hairs and fibers that weren't Natalie Jensen's, Josh Carlyle's, or Gina Carlyle's?"
"You knew and didn't tell me?"
"I just found out - the lab sent me the results on the hairs and epithelials found on the body." Julia held up the manila folder. "None belonging to Natalie Jensen, a few belonging to Gina Carlyle, and a ton of unknowns."
"Not unknown anymore - they belong to another teacher at the school - Richard Swenson. He's the physical education and health education teacher. Has his own classroom at the other end of the school. According to some of the other teachers, Swenson and Carlyle were at odds over Carlyle hitting on Swenson's wife."
"Carlyle got around."
Gayle smiled. "I talked to Leticia Swenson. She admits to having an affair with Carlyle. And to her husband walking in on them in flagrante delicto."
"So he killed him?"
"Looks like it. He doesn't have an alibi. I'm bringing him in, but I thought you would want to know. Hey - what did you find out on the Grissom guy?"
Julia kept her face neutral. "He is what he says he is - forensic scientist in Las Vegas. David told me he runs the night shift up there. Tends to get into trouble with his boss because he puts bodies before politics, but he's a good guy. Apparently, no one knows why he's in LA - he called one of his shift members and told them he had personal business."
"So he dropped everything to come down here for this girl? Does this guy have a brother?" Gayle asked, only half-kidding. Julia glared at the woman over her glasses and Gayle relented. "Seriously, he says he's engaged to the sister, but doesn't bring the sister with him? He's staying at her house? Sounds awfully convenient to me. Either he's involved with her romantically or she hired him as a defensive maneuver."
Julia sighed. "I went and spoke with him, and spoke with some other people in Las Vegas. He was engaged to Ms. Jensen's sister three years ago, before she died."
"The fiancée died, and he still keeps in touch with her sister? Gotta wonder about that relationship."
"Geez, Gayle, stop being so cynical all the time."
"Can't help it. I'm a cop."
Julia laughed and made shooing motions with her hands. "Go pick up your new suspect."
* * * * *
Gil opened his eyes and frowned at the unfamiliar ceiling. His mind was still foggy with sleep, and he couldn't remember where he was or why he had fallen asleep fully dressed. He could feel the presence of another person in the bed with him. Rolling onto his side, he saw who it was and smiled.
He reached out to stroke her hair and cheek. She was as beautiful to him now as the first time he'd seen her. He'd had to hide his reaction because of his job, but she had looked perfect to him. She still was perfect.
He leaned over to kiss her awake, dropping a few butterfly kisses onto her eyelids and the tip of her nose before pressing his lips against hers. It took a few seconds for the kiss to wake her up, because she was hesitant in responding to him. They spent several moments lost in the kiss before he had to break it off to breathe.
She smiled as she opened her eyes. Green eyes. The shock jolted Gil fully awake. Dawn's eyes were the blue of a midsummer sky. Natalie's eyes matched the color of a pine forest. Dawn's eyes had closed for the last time three years ago. Natalie's were looking at him now in surprise.
There was a long moment where the two of them stared at each other, both trying to absorb what had happened. Gil couldn't believe what he'd done. This was Natalie, one of his best friends, his lover's sister.
"Nat…I…I'm sorry." Gil rolled away from her and off the bed, practically bolting out of the room. He stopped in his room for shoes and keys and retreated to the refuge of his car and mindless driving.
* * * * *
Several hours later, Natalie opened the door to find Julia Raven on her doorstep. "What can I do for you, Dr. Raven?"
"Is Gil here?"
"No, he's out at the moment."
"May I come in?"
"That depends on what you want."
"Just to talk. Detective Martin arrested Richard Swenson for Josh Carlyle's murder yesterday, and he confessed."
Natalie blinked in astonishment. "Good Lord, I would never have guess that Richard….why?"
"Josh and Leticia."
Natalie's mouth quirked. "That does explain it."
The two women stood there. Natalie wasn't moving an inch.
"Ms. Jensen, I really would like to talk to my brother."
"Are you so sure he wants to talk to you?"
Julia sighed. "No, I'm not."
"Then why are you here?"
"Why are you so protective of him?" Julia countered.
"Because he's my friend and almost my brother and I don't want to see him hurt any more than he has been in the past few years."
Julia paused. "I'm not here to hurt him, Ms. Jensen," she said quietly.
Natalie sighed. "Come on in, Dr. Raven."
Julia entered the hall and followed Natalie back to the kitchen. Natalie had apparently been cooking when Julia rang the bell. "Can I get you something to drink?"
"No, thank you. Whatever you are cooking smells good."
Natalie smiled. "Thank you. I'm making chili for Gil. As a 'thank you' for coming down." And as an apology, but she wasn't going to tell Julia that.
"Chili? I didn't know Gil liked chili." Julia suddenly realized this young woman knew more about her brother than she did.
"He does. My sister used to make it for him all the time."
"You must think it odd, that he and I never speak."
Natalie turned from the stove to look at the brunette woman. "I didn't know you existed until you showed up in my classroom."
Julia's eyebrows went up. "You've known him for how long and he never said anything about me? Wasn't he almost your brother-in-law?"
"Yes, and that means if he spoke to anyone about his past, it was my sister. And she wouldn't tell me because it was none of my business."
Julia looked down at the kitchen table, then back up at the redhead. "Tell me about your sister?"
"Why?" Natalie asked quietly, seeing not her sister but the scene in her bedroom that morning.
"Because she was apparently almost my sister-in-law, and I never knew my brother was getting married."
"Have you told Gil that you got married and had a daughter?"
"How did you know I have a daughter?" Julia was concerned that Natalie Jensen knew so much about her.
"Your daughter Marissa is going to be one of my students this year. I always check student files before the year starts. You and your husband's occupations are listed. I doubt there is more than one Julia Raven working in the coroner's office."
"I hadn't had time to look at the announcement from the school telling us who Marissa's teacher was going to be."
Natalie shrugged. "If you're worried you can ask to have her transferred to Marsha Jordan's classroom. I'm sure Dean Montgomery would understand the conflict - daughter of coroner in a class taught by a murder suspect," Natalie said wryly.
"I don't think that will be necessary."
Natalie nodded, secretly relieved. She hated to lose students, especially because of something she couldn't control - like this case.
The sound of the front door closing made both women look toward the door. Gil was back.
* * * * *
Gil had driven for hours before deciding he needed to talk to Natalie. On the way back to her house, he stopped at a mall. He knew, from experience, that Natalie wasn't the type to be won over by flowers. The last time he and Dawn had visited Natalie, her boyfriend had brought flowers over as an apology for an argument. Natalie had gotten mad. She'd explained later that, to her, flowers were a guy's way of saying he didn't care enough for her to try to find something more unique - specific to a woman's personality. Gil had been amused, and so had Dawn when he'd not brought home flowers after their next argument, but a book he had noticed her eyeing. She'd cried, then kissed him, and they'd made up passionately.
It took him five stores in the mall before he found what he wanted. He drove home, hoping that he could patch things up. He was in the front hallway when he smelled the chili. His stomach rumbled at the scent - it was the Jensen family recipe. Dawn had often made it for him. Natalie was making it now.
Just then Julia's voice came from the direction of the kitchen. Gil frowned - what was she doing here? Was she questioning Natalie again? He hurried forward to find his sister sitting at the kitchen table and Natalie at the stove. Both women were watching the doorway. Gil glanced at Julia. She was in jeans and a top. The LAPD jacket was nowhere in sight.
"Julia. What are you doing here?"
Julia sighed inwardly, hearing the older brother tone in Gil's voice. He was very protective of Natalie. Julia missed having that tone in her own life.
"I came to tell Ms. Jensen that Mr. Carlyle's murderer has been caught, and he confessed."
Gil glanced at Natalie and she nodded. "One of my colleagues wasn't too happy to find Josh boinking his wife."
"So he killed the lover. Hmm. I wonder how long it would have taken before he killed his wife for having the affair," Gil mused absently. Julia's jaw dropped.
"Gil!" Natalie reproved with a smile. "You just can't leave anything alone, can you?"
He shrugged, happy to see her smile. The movement revealed the bag he'd tried to keep hidden.
"I'd've never figured you for the music box type, Gil," Julia commented.
Natalie looked at the bag, then back at Gil. He saw the understanding appear in her green eyes, along with something that looked like guilt as she glanced at the stove.
Julia caught the looks between the two of them. Though she, like Gil, was more comfortable among the dead, she still was able to catch the emotions that ran though the living. And right now, she could see that Gil and Natalie had something they needed to talk about. There was guilt in her brother's eyes.
She pulled out her business card and wrote her home number on the back. She got up from the table and handed it to Gil. He looked at it with surprise.
"Please, call me before you go back to Las Vegas, Gil. I would really like to talk to you," she said, her blue eyes pleading. Gil nodded, and Julia turned to leave. Natalie followed her to the front door and stopped Julia before she left.
"I'll do my best to get him to call you," she said quietly. Julia looked at her with surprise, but nodded her thanks.
Natalie sighed as she watched Julia drive off. She headed back to the kitchen and found Gil at the stove. She shook her head, seeing the spoon in his hand and the expression on his face. He looked like a little kid with his hand in the cookie jar.
"So what makes you think I'm angry?" she asked.
Gil looked at her, guilt in his eyes. "After this morning?"
Natalie sighed. "Oh, Gil. I'm not angry." She moved over to the kitchen table and the bag. She pulled out the store box inside and looked at him. "But since you thought I was, why did you think a music box would help me to forgive you?"
"Open it," he said quietly.
She opened the cardboard to find a wooden music box. She looked up at Gil in surprise, and lifted the lid. The mechanism began to play, and tears came to Natalie's eyes at the choice of music.
"For a man who claims to be a science geek, you sure know how to charm a woman," she said quietly.
He shrugged. "I know how much you like that song."
"It was something between me and Dawn, with her being in Vegas," she replied softly. She sighed and closed the lid, cutting off the notes of 'Somewhere Out There'.
"Natalie, I'm sorry."
She cut him off. "I know. You didn't mean to kiss me. You thought I was Dawn." She couldn't hide the hurt in her voice. "I'm not mad, Gil. We both see each other as the last connection to Dawn. Frankly, I've been expecting something like this, given how neither of us wants to let go of her. I'm just hurt because I had hoped when it happened you would have known it was me you were kissing, not my sister. I'm tired of this, Gil."
She turned away from him, determined not to let him see the tears in her eyes. "Have you ever looked at me, seen me as Natalie Jensen, Gil? I don't think you have. I was Dawn's little sister - a friend but not too close. Now I'm just a substitute for Dawn. The way I've apparently been a substitute for Julia. I've never been Natalie Jensen, friend to Gil Grissom. And I'm tired of it. I love you, Gil. You're one of my best friends. But I can't hold up this relationship on my own. I can't be a chameleon for you - changing who I am to fit what you need, and hiding my own needs. I can't be Dawn for you because she's gone. And I know she wouldn't want you to hold on to her like this. She loved you, Gil. You made her happier than I'd ever seen her. She would want you to be happy now. But you're stuck in the past, using me to hold onto her. God knows, I wish she were still around, Gil.
"I can't be Julia for you either. It's one thing to have you treat me like a little sister when I thought you were an only child. I could understand that natural impulse - I see it in some of my students. But you have a sister, Gil. One who lives 5 hours away from you and is now reaching out to you. How much of each other's lives have you missed in your estrangement? You didn't know she got married. She didn't know about Dawn. I don't know what happened between you, but she's still your sister. God, I'd give anything to have…"
Natalie broke off and started sobbing, her entire body shaking. Gil's heart broke. Her crying sounded like it was an old friend to her. How many nights had she lain awake, crying for her sister? Too many nights, he knew. He had rarely cried, but he knew everyone one of those sleepless nights himself.
He couldn't leave her like this, so he broke one of his own rules, buried a lifetime of old scars, and reached out to Natalie, pulling her against him and letting her cry. After a while, tears started to slip down his cheeks.
