I DO NOT OWN EVANGELION. I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS.

I slowly drifted back into one of the myriad worlds that I knew to be "reality". Though why, I could not discern at the present point in time, for I was completely devoid of any reasoning power. As more of my thoughts diffused into my consciousness, I divined that I was the child Shinji Ikari. Now that I thought about it, I was perhaps better in my state of nonbeing; my life sucked so much at the moment that I was probably better off in my previous void of being. However, now that I think about it, "good" and "bad" are merely imperfect inventions of the imperfect human mind. We all, after all, are created by the imperfect module of existence, evolution, which has absolutely nothing at all to do with such ideals as "good" or "bad", but is only based on survival. Therefore that which our brain tells us is "bad" is of no object; for it is merely "bad" with relation do survival. Grimly, I thought that my life was not the best place for survival. But is survival "good" of "bad"? Our minds, biased by our mode of creation, can give no accurate portrayal of this ultimate question. The need to know pervades my consciousness as I once again look at my unfamiliar ceiling, wondering if this will be the last day of my imperfect life.

A certain redhead screaming for her breakfast suddenly ripped me from my reverie. I resigned myself to the task at hand, for while it is easy to say that pain is merely an invention of the human mind, in "reality", it is very hard to ignore.

*****

I watched Shinji drift into the kitchen with a faraway, glazed look in his eyes. He cooked my breakfast with a mechanical motion, clearly only minimally aware of his surroundings. I stopped screaming at him when I realized that he did not register anything I was saying. It was like he usually was, but of late he seemed even more introverted than usual. I decided to have some fun with him.

Asuka: "Be sure to fix everything how I like it!"

Shinji: "Hai."

Asuka: "Make our lunches too!"

Shinji: "Hai."

Asuka: "And stop thinking dirty thoughts about me!"

Shinji: "Hai."

It took Shinji a full 5 seconds to realize what he had said - about 5 times his usual reaction time. On the inside, I was worried. On the outside - well, I laughed my ass off. Shinji was always good for a laugh, if nothing else. He isn't nearly as perverted as most boys are, despite the fact that I tell him so all the time. I just like to watch him squirm. His kiss last night wasn't even that bad, for a first kiss. I just wish that it had been my Kaji. I am much angrier with Misato than Shinji; however, he is by far the more convenient target.

Perhaps I should talk with Hikari about this today...

*****

I took a long time to walk to school.

I had a great volume of questions to wonder about. Why is Shinji even more introverted than usual? Why doesn't Kaji like me over Misato? Why aren't all my talents enough? Why am I unhappy, when I have everything that a girl my age could want?

For the second time today, I resolve to talk to Hikari about it. Even if she likes that oaf Touji, she seems to be a lot happier than I.

*****

As I walk into the classroom, I cannot find Hikari. Strange, she has never been late for a school day before. I pause to wonder, and Shinji notices me.

Shinji: "What's up? You left before me, and now you're late."

Asuka: "..."

Touji: "No fight between the newlyweds today?"

That pushed me over the edge.

Asuka: "I just didn't want to look at your stupid faces!"

As I stormed out of the classroom, I saw that Shinji looked genuinely concerned, which only made me madder. I really had to talk to Hikari.

*****

I looked around for Hikari as lunch period started, but she was nowhere to be found. This was starting to get on my nerves. The time when I most needed to talk to her, she wasn't here, and she was always here before. I asked the teacher where she was.

Sensei: I got a note this morning excusing her. It didn't look like her handwriting, though...

Asuka: Anything else that might mean anything?

Sensei: Well, a NERV security agent did hand it in...

What could Hikari possible have to do with NERV? They didn't work with children. Unless, of course they were pilots. Unless they were pilots? Ohhhhhhhhhhhh...

Hikari was a pilot now. Of course it all fit together now. Touji's overly sarcastic mood, Hikari's lateness, Shinji's introversion. Now we have something else to talk about, I thought happily. I just with I could talk to her now.

Sighing, I walk over to Shinji, who is looking at the ceiling. I ask for my lunch, and he quickly hands it to me slowly, as if he were not really there.

Asuka: "Hey Shinji, where's your lunch?"

Shinji: "I forgot to make it. I had a lot on my mind."

Asuka: "Your always like that. Tell you what, today; you and I can share my lunch. You look like you could use the grace of my company."

Shinji: (a bit taken aback) "OK. So what exactly possessed you to talk with the lowly Shinji?"

Asuka: "Your stooge friends aren't here, you looked like you could use some company. That and Hikari isn't here..."

Shinji: (only slightly disappointed) "Of course."

Asuka: "Where are your stooge friends anyway?"

Shinji: "Touji went outside, said something about not feeling well. I think he's talking to Rei. Kensuke is filming it, like he always does. Say, where is Hikari?"

Asuka: So he doesn't know. I wonder what WAS he thinking about? Well if he doesn't know, I won't tell him. Serves him right anyway. "TOUJI'S talking to REI? Oh well, it'll never last. Hikari is so much better at communication than she is. She would set this right if she weren't sick. So what have you been thinking about lately?"

Shinji: (very taken aback) oh well um yeah well...

Asuka: You can tell ME, can't you? Unless, of course, you've been dreaming about me?!

Shinji: No, of course not!

Asuka: (a barely noticeable degree of real disappointment) Ok, then what?

Literally saved by the bell, the klaxons began to ring. Shinji wiped a huge sweat drop off the back of his head. I resolved to shake it out of him as soon as possible; he had set off my insatiable curiosity.

*****

I am permeated with a feeling of worry as I float in my entry plug. The explosion had come from Matsushiro, the place where Hikari's Eva was being tested. I couldn't help but think that something bad had happened, despite my optimistic nature. I know that Hikari can take care of herself, but this explosion sounded worse than just a routine glitch. After all, why would they put all three Eva's out at once?

And then it came, like the black angel of death, with the unconscious form of a pure Japanese girl carried within. What is more, that girl was my friend. I watched in stunned silence as it took out both Shinji and Rei with ease. Then it swooped down on me.

Try as I might, I could not work up the rage I needed to destroy the Angel for fear of damaging my only friend. The Angels are inhuman opponents, and as such I have no qualms about releasing all my rage upon them. However, I could not seem to get past the fact that my best friend was inside that black monster. I attempted to restrain it, but that soon failed, for without my Eva's full strength I was soon overpowered. I was being slowly strangled to death, and I was powerless to stop it.

Gendo: "Initiate the dummy plug system."

I was even denied the chance to die a warrior's death on the field of battle. I was soon spared the pain of strangulation, but pain of a much worse kind was soon to ensue. I watched as the dummy plug's horrifying power slowly dissected the black giant before me. It was a sickening sight to watch. Then, the coup de grace...

My Eva, ME, picked up the entry plug...

with my only friend,

and

smashed

it

into tiny pieces.