*********Learning To live Again…*********
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Disclaimer: I own nil. Told you once; here it is again. Bansai and Sunrise are the bunch.
WARNINGS—6x9, 1xR, 2xH, 13x11, possibly hints of 3x4, but the relationships other than 6x9 are pretty much just insinuations. You won't see /anyone/ kiss. Oh, also there'll be fair amounts of sarcasm, and perhaps sappiness, and a fair amount of drama. /And/ the occasional realistic gory details, as I /am/ in a branch of medical grad school!
Flames will be ignored. In fact, lots of comments will be. But they /might/ be read first.
Synopsis: It's after the destruction of Libra, answering questions left in the dark between the TV series and Endless Waltz, focusing on what happened to Zechs, but with a fair bit on the rest, too. Viewpoints thus change throughout the tale, but it's 3rd person.
This chapter title's words are from a song called "The Bonny Swans", an old medieval thing that is NOT happy (about a murder). Was listening to Loreena McKennitt. I wanted to feel melancholy. Only reason I told you is because you might, too.
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---Chapter 3---
"The Swans, They Swim So Bonny-o…"
---Christmas Day, AC 196 (Later In The Morning)---
Noin was surprised to find Trowa in the hangar, talking to Wufei. Not that finding the two talking was strange, or that finding Trowa actually holding an actual conversation with someone was that unusual, but she'd though he would be by the infirmary, waiting still for Quatre to wake up. Neither looked like they had slept much during the remainder of the night… if at all.
//Ah, boys… They're all alike. Stubborn as brick walls. Whether they're fifteen or twenty…//
//And just as easily blown to bits by mobile suits.//
Mentally she kicked herself for that unhappy thought. //Enough being maudlin. Get your rear in gear, girl—you're a soldier. Keep down that train of thought and you won't be a soldier anymore—you'll be a puddle of mush!//
Memories of her training teased a slight smile to the edge of her lips as she strode toward the boys. Memories of barking sergeants screaming at her class to get their butts in shape and stop being wimps. Only firm, well- trained willpower kept memories of a certain fellow student at bay.
//Ten-hut! Your mission right now is to keep your spine intact and help Relena force some solid peace plan on these whining colonies and that snot- nosed earth faction! Can't let all the deaths be for nothing! /Remember that!///
Wufei became silent before she came into range of their voices. Noin couldn't blame him—she wasn't the wildest about talking to him, either. He had yet to train himself out of his reflexive biases—which rankled her—and she just didn't fit his standards of femininity—which rankled him. So far, they had a sort of… neutral understanding, a truce by mutual silence and respect. Their peace plan wasn't likely to ever get off the ground, though—Noin was betting they'd go their separate ways first. Which was fine by her. Some people you just couldn't win…
Trowa tended to be friendlier, if very reserved. But that attitude she understood well. Heck, hadn't her best friend—//Don't get maudlin Noin, don't start leaking now!//—been the reserved sort? Prying words out of Treize's favorite that did NOT pertain to business had been harder than pulling teeth. Sometimes she had wondered if Zechs would've preferred the latter, actually. But you learn to read people, as you spend more time with them. The body would betray what the mouth refused to. And sometimes, silence said more than anything else…
Noin was adept at reading subtle signs. And the silences. Maybe not so good with Wufei as she was with Trowa, but the latter at least didn't frown down at her so much.
"Hello, Trowa, Wufei," she offered kindly, with a hint of hope in her voice that was only a /littlee/ forced. "I'm surprised to see you both here. Come to see us off?"
Trowa tilted his head to one side slightly, an eyebrow twitching, threatening to arch. "Us?"
She wanted to laugh at Trowa's look, but smothered it into a true smile instead. Before Heavyarms' pilot could consider taking that as an answer to his silent question, she nodded slightly towards the observation deck. //You can stop looking at me like my brain is threatening a supernova. I'm not /that/ close to the edge.//
Wufei was staring at her. That wasn't new—when did they ever stand in the same room without throwing a cool gaze at each other? "You're leaving?"
//At least Wufei doesn't sound like he's going to throw a party at my departure. Though if he keeps up this emotionless tone, he'll start being mistaken for Heero.// "I'm going with Relena and Sally to the colony itself. I offered to fly the shuttle. Peace talks have to get underway as soon as possible, if we want all this sacrifice to be worth something."
"You intend to continue as her bodyguard," Trowa stated solemnly, nodding slightly. At least he seemed to approve of that.
Wufei just gritted his teeth, and looked over at the Gundams behind them. Noin took it he didn't agree with Trowa's opinion. But whether it was the opinion of her actions or just of her or Relena, it wasn't clear.
//Probably the latter. I don't think he likes her much more than he does me. Well… they're smart enough to see it's a good idea. But don't all hug me at once, guys.// "Someone has to protect her…"
That made a slight frown touch Trowa's face, as if that made him think of something perplexing. "We probably won't run into each other again, then." Though quiet, his hesitant reply sounded a bit sad.
Wufei just grunted, as if to say that's a good thing, but refused to turn around and rejoin the conversation yet.
The recesses of Noin's mind bounced into a little victory-dance. ///Touchdown!/ You managed to actually wring some hint of emotion out of Trowa! Who-hoo! Girl, you know your quiet-and-stubborn-as-gundanium men! Well, one of them…//
"That's true. But I'll miss you boys." There Noin had to smother a slight chuckle, for it included Wufei. Much as she found him annoying at times, he wasn't /bad/. //He's just harder to get to admit he's wrong than a politician under a media trial. If he didn't always try to act so macho and biased, he'd be fine. Even /I/ can tell that he knows better by now… at least as far as women being weak is concerned.// "You know where to find me, though—if you need a hand or just want to say hello."
Trowa nodded, and—to Noin's surprise and pleasure—smiled. "That's true. Perhaps… some of us will."
"Just make sure that peace you make lasts," grumbled Wufei, without turning around.
Tears threatened to dampen her eyes, and Noin looked away to get a chance to get a hold of them. //I hope they do… all of them.// "We'll do our best. You know we will, all of us."
Trowa nodded again. Wufei finally turned, mouth set wryly, at the silence that descended, awkward and sad.
Unspoken, one thought flowed through all three: //That's what they died for, out there…//
Sighing softly, Noin broke the moment of reverent silence and stuck out her hand. "Well, I'd better be going. The sooner we start, the better our chances of getting good results."
Trowa took it first. "Take care." His eyes seemed to be trying to convey the parts of the sentence he left out. //Of myself, Sally, and Relena, he means, likely.//
Wufei startled them both by murmuring quietly, almost glumly, "At least you're not facing /him/ this time… So you can do it."
Trowa instantly looked like he wanted to groan. His hand tightened on Noin's in sympathy.
But her eyes closed in pain after just a glimpse of the Heavyarms' pilot's reaction. The pain was too sharp—the memory of facing Epyon with her Taurus too fresh and clear. //Oh Zechs…//
Opening her eyes and looking up, she caught Trowa's gentle green gaze… and to her astonishment, Wufei's sad sympathy.
//God, I never thought of Wufei as one who could wear "puppy-dog-eyes",// the irrational part of her brain exclaimed. The rest of her was too grateful and appreciative of their kindness to make a statement.
"Yeah, well…" Letting go of Trowa's hand, she offered Wufei a shake. After a slight bit of hesitation, he smiled slightly and shook awkwardly. "It was an honor fighting beside you all—instead of against you. Hopefully I'll see you boys sometime… Hopefully at some /good/ event, too—you know, without explosions left and right or persistent gunfire?"
That drew chuckles even from Wufei. Noin smiled sadly, memorizing them and their hesitant, sorrowful smiles. //You may not ever see them again, Noin… But your time with them was a true privilege and honor.//
//Don't forget them.//
//I won't. I don't forget such people.//
//I'll never forget him, either. Maybe, someday, I'll forgive him, too… for not taking me with him.//
"Well… That's it then. Take care of yourselves… and… goodbye."
Resolved to the future, Lucrezia Noin turned away, wiping her tears, and didn't look back.
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Duo grumbled and slashed to his left, frowning angrily at the data Deathscythe was scrawling on the screen to his right. Something to the left blew up nicely, finally, showering the stealthy Gundam with debris.
//Yeah, nothing left to fight. Suuuurrreee, Heero. These mobile dolls are just figments of my imagination, right?// He snorted.
"You know, this is going to make the job take a lot longer, Heero, not to mention eat up our fuel." It took effort not to yawn one of those jaw- cracking, threatening-to-lock-permanently-open yawns. Or to take the annoyance out of his voice.
"I know.," came an equally irritated reply. "But we /did/ come here to clean up."
//Do NOT hit the screen. Hitting Heero's image won't help any, 'cept hurt your hand. Just wait until it's all over and you can punch him in person. Much nicer. Hurts less.// That involved some self-restraint, but the additional knowledge that such an action would take effort and energy that he didn't care to expend right now /did/ help persuade Duo from slapping the console-screen silly. Or breaking his hand.
"At least that was the last of them…," Duo conceded with a sigh, leaning back in the seat, feeling as worn out as a treadless tire.
"Then resume searching." Heero wasn't about to sit back and relax yet, it seemed.
//Doesn't he ever sleep? We won't find anything… alive, anyway. I don't understand this rushing about. Ah well, it's Heero—I don't understand much about him anyway. Guess being an enigma is part of the package.// Wearily, he punched a course into Deathscythe's computers, setting it back hunting gundanium along the previously decided-upon spiraling route. //When did I buy that package, anyway?//
//Guess I bought it when I found Wing in the ocean. Go figure, Duo—you always find the weird ones. Must be some special talent…//
Smirking a bit wryly, Duo looked out at space as his Gundam floated along, docilely following orders. //Old Man, You definitely like to keep Your buddy Death's life interesting…//
Snuggling back in his seat as far as the harness allowed, Duo let out his yawn finally, settling back for the long wait. Dozing a bit couldn't hurt—they'd be alerted by the radar if more dolls appeared, and Deathscythe would be doing all the work without any need for him.
//Hey, Old Man…//
//Just don't let it get more interesting tonight, okay? I've had enough of "interesting" to get that much a respite, hm?//
Dark blue—almost violet—eyes closed slowly, lids flickering shut…
Something decided to make a beep just then.
Something that wasn't a mobile doll.
Duo's eyes jerked open wide, and he sat up abruptly, frantically looking at his consoles… //What is it? Low fuel? Something in the path? A shuttle?//
"I think I found something," Heero stated, sounding slightly awed, his image frowning at the readings Wing Zero was offering him.
//Oh, it was Wing… Damn, but things sound so loud when you're half asleep. Though I guess it means our search is over, right?// "What did you find?" he asked, hoping for success finally.
"I'm going in close to see," Heero reported, hands flying on the controls. Wing swooped close to a chunk of Libra, hovering…
Duo crossed his fingers. //C'mon, let it be what we're looking for. I want to get some sleep finally!//
But Heero was shaking his head, mouth set grimly, cool blue eyes becoming harder than usual. "It's Epyon's arm…"
//Oh damn... I /knew/ it'd be in tiny pieces. I bet it's scattered in small chunks all around us and /that's/ why we're not getting anything!// "With the rest of the Epyon still attached?" Duo tried weakly, struggling to hang onto hope that this search would be over soon.
"No."
Duo barely refrained from banging his head against the main screen. //Pounding your head into the nearest wall won't do much good,// he reminded himself firmly. //It kills brain cells, remember? You need every little grey glob you've got, Maxwell.//
"Resuming search," Heero reported tonelessly. He sounded like an automaton. Heck, weren't they both practically mechanical right now? The lack of sleep must be getting to Heero as well.
Shaking his head slightly, Duo wriggled into a more comfortable position on his seat, biting back a grumble about confining straps not letting a man sleep on the job comfortably.
//Well, back to dozing… At least it's something productive to do during this hopeless search…//
Deathscythe's pilot's eyes flickered shut determinedly this time.
//Old Man, if You decide I should wake again before I'm rested, please let it be important…//
It felt like two minutes.
This time, it was /Duo's/ console that beeped a success.
Yawning, the braided pilot opened gluey eyes and tugged at the controls, stopping Deathscythe from hunting further. //Whatcha find, buddy?//
"Hey, Heero, I think I got something… Don't know if it's what we want, though—let me see…" he reported absently, tucking tongue between teeth on one side of his mouth.
Peering over the data coming up, he ordered a magnification and more definitive scan. Data spluttered about something wide-spread but thin. Frowning, Duo sent Deathscythe in for a close visual.
//Don't let it be smeared over half the universe, don't let it be smeared over half the universe, don't let it be…//
//Damn. It /is/ smeared over half the universe.// Biting back a groan of dismay and frustration, Duo stared at the smears of once-molten gundanium, now solidly coating debris of Libra. //Hey Old Man, that was one heck of a blast! Glad /I/ wasn't in the middle of it…//
"Ah, Heero…? I don't know how much of it I found, but I think I found some of it…" Yeah, he knew he was blathering a bit, but Duo felt too tired to care. "If this has the Zero system in it, the Zero system became a true null… It's coating bits of Libra over here like spraypaint—and just as thinly as a cheap job of it, too!"
Heero's image actually grimaced, and looked aside at his own data glumly. Duo almost felt sorry for the guy, for this was as close to a torn expression that he'd ever seen the other pilot wear. //Sorry, man, but things don't look too good…//
Sighing softly, Duo sent Deathscythe up and along the path of gundanium smears, tracing it towards the end… "Hey man, I'm sorry… But at least it looks like it was quick…"
To Duo's surprise, he heard Heero mutter distastefully under his breath, "Road kill…"
Duo's eyebrows flew up and he made a face of disgust. //Ick… Not how I'd have put it, but pretty close a description. Damn… What a way to go—literally smeared flatter than paper. Note to self—don't try it.//
Glancing at the stars beyond the debris-field, Duo prayed sincerely, //Hey, Old Man? If You've gotta take me out of the game… do it with taste, okay? And fast, too, but I /really/ want it to be with taste. Not like this. Getting vaporized and splattered across several miles of metal debris just doesn't have any class.//
Shifting his gaze back to the data screen, he almost missed a big blurp.
"Whoa! Hey, what was that?" Hauling on the controls, Duo swung Deathscythe back around for a second look.
It was big. Bigger than a smear, at least. Gundanium, definitely. And almost solidly gundanium!
"What is it?" Heero actually sounded bored… and resigned to failure.
//He's given up,// Duo realized, heart aching in sympathy. //But hey, don't give up yet! Look what I found!//
"It's big! I think—I think I found it! Hey, come on over here and look! Well, not that there's much to see with the paint gone and the outside half melted, but it still has the /shape/ of a mobile suit…" he babbled enthusiastically, trying to bring hope back to those suspiciously-bright blue eyes.
//Don't give up on me, man! I know /I/ gave up on me a bit back there, but not when I've a good chance of telling you "Hey, told you I'm good!"//
Getting in close to the solid, half-molten mass, Duo brought up a close-up visual and sent scans probing it thoroughly, nodding thoughtfully to himself.
There were bits of stubs remaining where arms and legs and wings used to be, except for the arm Heero had cut off. It looked as if the blast had melted every appendage down to that length, rather like intense heat attacking a wax figure of a mobile suit. Not even a ghost of paint remained—the visible surface wasn't just scoured clean, but beaded with runnels of liquid metal frozen in time. The head and back, too, were now composed of frozen flowing metal, but not just gundanium—steel and titanium had joined the flow and crackled with weak flares of electricity.
Electricity…
Parts of it were still possibly using the energy supply.
//The Zero system might still be intact.//
///The pilot might still be alive!///
Wing Zero glided to a halt just beside Deathscythe Hell, also contemplating the mess of a mobile suit, which resembled a much-abused wax figure in almost every way possible.
Their pilots just stared at the sight before them in a silent sort of horrified awe for a few minutes, unable to get past the thought of what enduring that could have been like, what kinds of hellish forces had been involved to do that to the strongest material known to Man, or what might have happened if it had been one of them in there instead… or if the last pilot of Epyon might have even a hope of being alive in that sealed tomb.
//Good God.//
Duo couldn't think of anything to say. His mind was still repeating those two words.
//Good God…//
Heero, apparently, couldn't be awestruck for long, even by God. Suited up, Wing's hatch opened to expel its pilot. With armfuls of cable, he swept to secure the melted suit.
//Yeah, well, okay, don't just sit here, Maxwell. Get your butt in gear and help the man! That's why we're here… Work now, gawk later.//
Grabbing his helmet, Duo snapped it onto his spacesuit and triggered the hatch, reaching for the heavy coil of thick line behind the pilot's seat.
//Time to claim a soul, Shinigami.//
//Can't let the Soul of Outer Space do all the work now, can you?//
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Wufei sat with arms folded across his chest on the foot of his Gundam, waiting patiently, eyes closed and mind wandering the paths of meditation…
//This had better be damn good, Yuy…//
Well, maybe not completely. Or on much of a way towards peace.
Trowa had settled back on the foot of his Heavyarms, dozing. /He/ looked peaceful. Well, sedate, anyway. Or would calm be a better term? Wufei felt a pang of envy, for he himself couldn't sleep yet. His mind was too full of turmoil, and his heart ached with confusion.
//Lucky. Treize wasn't playing mind games with /your/ sanity or sense of honor, Trowa.//
But a touch of guilt reprimanded that attitude. //I know you're concerned over Quatre's health, though. How you can sleep right now… Well, I suppose after years of working as a mercenary, you learn to catch it when you can.//
//I'm not as strong as you there. I was only a scholar until this mess started. Sure, we catch sleep when we can, probably like you… but we don't get emotionally and psychologically pummeled beforehand.//
The com unit on the floor by his feet beeped.
Wufei scooped it up and switched to listen in a single smooth motion, glancing over at Trowa to find that his fellow pilot was already on his feet and looking Wufei's way expectantly.
"Hey you guys, Death here."
"I got it," Wufei snapped sharply, before Quatre's man from the Maguanac Corps could reply from the observation deck. "What's your status, Maxwell?"
"Hey, Wu-man, we got what we were looking for, but we're running on fumes now. Better get a docking bay ready for us and this mess. Oh, and probably some gundanium-cutters and some kind of medical team while you're at it…"
//What the hell?// "What's going on, Maxwell?" Wufei demanded.
"Let me talk to him, Duo." Heero's voice was weary, but carried a hint of triumph. "Wufei, just get what Duo asked for, however you can—and keep it quiet. This is important—especially keeping it quiet. There may be… unpleasant things involved that nobody but us should know about."
Wufei's eyebrows practically hit his hairline. //What in Nataku's name is going on here? You'd better know what you're doing, Yuy.// "Fine. Time of arrival?"
"Two hours."
"Are you going to tell us what's going on here?" Wufei couldn't hold back that question any longer—it snuck out past his lips before he could stop it. He doubted he'd get a straightforward reply.
//Or any. This is Yuy we're talking about.//
But one actually did come. "We might be saving a life. Or we might be killing one."
//Treize? Could they have…?//
"Not Treize," Duo interjected. Apparently Deathscythe's pilot could do a little mind reading when deprived of sleep.
//Zechs?// Wufei's eyes hardened, narrowing sharply, dangerously. //Are they /INSANE?///
"We'll explain later. No time now," Heero stated firmly, quickly, before Wufei could take in a deep breath and start yelling over the com. "Over and out."
Stunned, shocked, and struggling to contain his rage and confusion, Wufei lowered the com unit slowly, turning to Trowa, who had come up beside him unnoticed and apparently heard everything.
Trowa frowned slightly… then shrugged a little. "They know something we don't," he observed quietly.
//Obviously,// Wufei reluctantly agreed…
//But what? And why must it stay secret?//
Trowa was watching him carefully, that green-eyed gaze almost concerned, but Wufei just made a grimace, shoving his emotions aside. //They're not stupid… They know what they're doing, even if they leave us in the dark…//
//They're smart enough to tell me sometime soon.//
//Well, I /hope/ they're smart enough to do that.//
"We had better do as they asked. Quatre's doctor and medical team are discreet. And the Maguanac Corps can help with the rest while keeping it from outsiders," Trowa decided quietly.
"Fine," grumped Wufei, still against what they were about to do. // I still don't like it. I will help with these arrangements. But I will not include myself in them. I will not be a part of this beyond what Maxwell asked for.//
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Confusion shoved its way past the persistent pain slowly, going against the current to tickle Zechs' wavering consciousness for attention. Something wasn't right, something was different, something had changed…
Movement.
His eyelids felt so hot and heavy that he had to struggle to lift them. The action was more reflexive than anything else, for no more sparks lightened the cockpit enough for him to see. A shiver coursed through his thin frame, a movement he was helpless to stop and that was occurring more and more frequently of late.
//It's so cold here… Yet I feel so hot…//
His icy-blue eyes slid shut again, dampness escaping the edges to bead in the air.
//Movement… That should be important to me…//
//Why don't I care anymore, Epyon?// His thoughts felt so… fuzzy. Half disconnected, half worn out, half confused and directionless, half listless and uncaring.
//Wait… That's too many halves…//
A weak chuckle made him cough blood again. He could feel a droplet splatter onto the hand in his lap. How his hand had returned there after he tried moving it, he couldn't remember. He couldn't remember how long he'd been awake so far. Or conscious. Or how many times he had drifted in and out of the black of oblivion he so craved to stay in…
Or why he was here anymore. Or how he got here.
Zechs simply didn't feel enough energy to find the memories, the reasoning, the plans and dreams he'd once had. He couldn't grasp thoughts that complex right now—they were too slippery.
//Movement…//
//My back hurts…// That felt more important. But somehow he knew that the previous thought should be of greater significance. He couldn't imagine why.
//Forgive me Father, for I have sinned…//
That one struck out of the blue, a drifting thought hitting his consciousness randomly, and sent a chord of acceptance through body, heart, and soul. It was over. All that remained in his emotions were acceptance and relief, letting Fate and Time do as they will to him. All that mattered was that it was over, everything was over.
//Forgive me Father, for I have sinned…//
Had he spoken those words once? The memory teased the edge of his conscious mind but stayed just out of reach.
//I have sinned…//
//Through my own fault…//
//In my thoughts and in my words…//
//In what I have done, and what I have failed to do…//
//And I ask…//
//I ask…//
//All the… all the angels and saints… brothers and sisters… friends? Enemies?//
//To pray for me…//
Something recited, ages ago. It came too easy to mind to be anything else. It wasn't complete, though… but that was okay. They'd understand. Everyone would.
//They'll all know the truth one day… Maybe I'll remember the truth, too… I'm too tired now to remember it… It's okay, though… It can wait.//
//I'm tired… and it's so cold here…//
//Cold…//
//Brrrr…//
The shudders were almost constant now.
//Goodnight sweet prince,// the irrational part of his mind whispered gently, kindly, quoting something he couldn't recall, as his consciousness slid back into oblivion.
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To be continued.
The "Father forgive me, for I have sinned…" That's an actual prayer. I recalled it from mass. I don't recall all the exact words, though I know more than what Zechs remembered here. It seems fitting. It's something I bet he would have said after his first kill. But that's a side-tale I intend to write and not this one, and one at a time, guys.
I might have more by next weekend. Depends on school. We'll see, hmm?
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Disclaimer: I own nil. Told you once; here it is again. Bansai and Sunrise are the bunch.
WARNINGS—6x9, 1xR, 2xH, 13x11, possibly hints of 3x4, but the relationships other than 6x9 are pretty much just insinuations. You won't see /anyone/ kiss. Oh, also there'll be fair amounts of sarcasm, and perhaps sappiness, and a fair amount of drama. /And/ the occasional realistic gory details, as I /am/ in a branch of medical grad school!
Flames will be ignored. In fact, lots of comments will be. But they /might/ be read first.
Synopsis: It's after the destruction of Libra, answering questions left in the dark between the TV series and Endless Waltz, focusing on what happened to Zechs, but with a fair bit on the rest, too. Viewpoints thus change throughout the tale, but it's 3rd person.
This chapter title's words are from a song called "The Bonny Swans", an old medieval thing that is NOT happy (about a murder). Was listening to Loreena McKennitt. I wanted to feel melancholy. Only reason I told you is because you might, too.
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---Chapter 3---
"The Swans, They Swim So Bonny-o…"
---Christmas Day, AC 196 (Later In The Morning)---
Noin was surprised to find Trowa in the hangar, talking to Wufei. Not that finding the two talking was strange, or that finding Trowa actually holding an actual conversation with someone was that unusual, but she'd though he would be by the infirmary, waiting still for Quatre to wake up. Neither looked like they had slept much during the remainder of the night… if at all.
//Ah, boys… They're all alike. Stubborn as brick walls. Whether they're fifteen or twenty…//
//And just as easily blown to bits by mobile suits.//
Mentally she kicked herself for that unhappy thought. //Enough being maudlin. Get your rear in gear, girl—you're a soldier. Keep down that train of thought and you won't be a soldier anymore—you'll be a puddle of mush!//
Memories of her training teased a slight smile to the edge of her lips as she strode toward the boys. Memories of barking sergeants screaming at her class to get their butts in shape and stop being wimps. Only firm, well- trained willpower kept memories of a certain fellow student at bay.
//Ten-hut! Your mission right now is to keep your spine intact and help Relena force some solid peace plan on these whining colonies and that snot- nosed earth faction! Can't let all the deaths be for nothing! /Remember that!///
Wufei became silent before she came into range of their voices. Noin couldn't blame him—she wasn't the wildest about talking to him, either. He had yet to train himself out of his reflexive biases—which rankled her—and she just didn't fit his standards of femininity—which rankled him. So far, they had a sort of… neutral understanding, a truce by mutual silence and respect. Their peace plan wasn't likely to ever get off the ground, though—Noin was betting they'd go their separate ways first. Which was fine by her. Some people you just couldn't win…
Trowa tended to be friendlier, if very reserved. But that attitude she understood well. Heck, hadn't her best friend—//Don't get maudlin Noin, don't start leaking now!//—been the reserved sort? Prying words out of Treize's favorite that did NOT pertain to business had been harder than pulling teeth. Sometimes she had wondered if Zechs would've preferred the latter, actually. But you learn to read people, as you spend more time with them. The body would betray what the mouth refused to. And sometimes, silence said more than anything else…
Noin was adept at reading subtle signs. And the silences. Maybe not so good with Wufei as she was with Trowa, but the latter at least didn't frown down at her so much.
"Hello, Trowa, Wufei," she offered kindly, with a hint of hope in her voice that was only a /littlee/ forced. "I'm surprised to see you both here. Come to see us off?"
Trowa tilted his head to one side slightly, an eyebrow twitching, threatening to arch. "Us?"
She wanted to laugh at Trowa's look, but smothered it into a true smile instead. Before Heavyarms' pilot could consider taking that as an answer to his silent question, she nodded slightly towards the observation deck. //You can stop looking at me like my brain is threatening a supernova. I'm not /that/ close to the edge.//
Wufei was staring at her. That wasn't new—when did they ever stand in the same room without throwing a cool gaze at each other? "You're leaving?"
//At least Wufei doesn't sound like he's going to throw a party at my departure. Though if he keeps up this emotionless tone, he'll start being mistaken for Heero.// "I'm going with Relena and Sally to the colony itself. I offered to fly the shuttle. Peace talks have to get underway as soon as possible, if we want all this sacrifice to be worth something."
"You intend to continue as her bodyguard," Trowa stated solemnly, nodding slightly. At least he seemed to approve of that.
Wufei just gritted his teeth, and looked over at the Gundams behind them. Noin took it he didn't agree with Trowa's opinion. But whether it was the opinion of her actions or just of her or Relena, it wasn't clear.
//Probably the latter. I don't think he likes her much more than he does me. Well… they're smart enough to see it's a good idea. But don't all hug me at once, guys.// "Someone has to protect her…"
That made a slight frown touch Trowa's face, as if that made him think of something perplexing. "We probably won't run into each other again, then." Though quiet, his hesitant reply sounded a bit sad.
Wufei just grunted, as if to say that's a good thing, but refused to turn around and rejoin the conversation yet.
The recesses of Noin's mind bounced into a little victory-dance. ///Touchdown!/ You managed to actually wring some hint of emotion out of Trowa! Who-hoo! Girl, you know your quiet-and-stubborn-as-gundanium men! Well, one of them…//
"That's true. But I'll miss you boys." There Noin had to smother a slight chuckle, for it included Wufei. Much as she found him annoying at times, he wasn't /bad/. //He's just harder to get to admit he's wrong than a politician under a media trial. If he didn't always try to act so macho and biased, he'd be fine. Even /I/ can tell that he knows better by now… at least as far as women being weak is concerned.// "You know where to find me, though—if you need a hand or just want to say hello."
Trowa nodded, and—to Noin's surprise and pleasure—smiled. "That's true. Perhaps… some of us will."
"Just make sure that peace you make lasts," grumbled Wufei, without turning around.
Tears threatened to dampen her eyes, and Noin looked away to get a chance to get a hold of them. //I hope they do… all of them.// "We'll do our best. You know we will, all of us."
Trowa nodded again. Wufei finally turned, mouth set wryly, at the silence that descended, awkward and sad.
Unspoken, one thought flowed through all three: //That's what they died for, out there…//
Sighing softly, Noin broke the moment of reverent silence and stuck out her hand. "Well, I'd better be going. The sooner we start, the better our chances of getting good results."
Trowa took it first. "Take care." His eyes seemed to be trying to convey the parts of the sentence he left out. //Of myself, Sally, and Relena, he means, likely.//
Wufei startled them both by murmuring quietly, almost glumly, "At least you're not facing /him/ this time… So you can do it."
Trowa instantly looked like he wanted to groan. His hand tightened on Noin's in sympathy.
But her eyes closed in pain after just a glimpse of the Heavyarms' pilot's reaction. The pain was too sharp—the memory of facing Epyon with her Taurus too fresh and clear. //Oh Zechs…//
Opening her eyes and looking up, she caught Trowa's gentle green gaze… and to her astonishment, Wufei's sad sympathy.
//God, I never thought of Wufei as one who could wear "puppy-dog-eyes",// the irrational part of her brain exclaimed. The rest of her was too grateful and appreciative of their kindness to make a statement.
"Yeah, well…" Letting go of Trowa's hand, she offered Wufei a shake. After a slight bit of hesitation, he smiled slightly and shook awkwardly. "It was an honor fighting beside you all—instead of against you. Hopefully I'll see you boys sometime… Hopefully at some /good/ event, too—you know, without explosions left and right or persistent gunfire?"
That drew chuckles even from Wufei. Noin smiled sadly, memorizing them and their hesitant, sorrowful smiles. //You may not ever see them again, Noin… But your time with them was a true privilege and honor.//
//Don't forget them.//
//I won't. I don't forget such people.//
//I'll never forget him, either. Maybe, someday, I'll forgive him, too… for not taking me with him.//
"Well… That's it then. Take care of yourselves… and… goodbye."
Resolved to the future, Lucrezia Noin turned away, wiping her tears, and didn't look back.
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Duo grumbled and slashed to his left, frowning angrily at the data Deathscythe was scrawling on the screen to his right. Something to the left blew up nicely, finally, showering the stealthy Gundam with debris.
//Yeah, nothing left to fight. Suuuurrreee, Heero. These mobile dolls are just figments of my imagination, right?// He snorted.
"You know, this is going to make the job take a lot longer, Heero, not to mention eat up our fuel." It took effort not to yawn one of those jaw- cracking, threatening-to-lock-permanently-open yawns. Or to take the annoyance out of his voice.
"I know.," came an equally irritated reply. "But we /did/ come here to clean up."
//Do NOT hit the screen. Hitting Heero's image won't help any, 'cept hurt your hand. Just wait until it's all over and you can punch him in person. Much nicer. Hurts less.// That involved some self-restraint, but the additional knowledge that such an action would take effort and energy that he didn't care to expend right now /did/ help persuade Duo from slapping the console-screen silly. Or breaking his hand.
"At least that was the last of them…," Duo conceded with a sigh, leaning back in the seat, feeling as worn out as a treadless tire.
"Then resume searching." Heero wasn't about to sit back and relax yet, it seemed.
//Doesn't he ever sleep? We won't find anything… alive, anyway. I don't understand this rushing about. Ah well, it's Heero—I don't understand much about him anyway. Guess being an enigma is part of the package.// Wearily, he punched a course into Deathscythe's computers, setting it back hunting gundanium along the previously decided-upon spiraling route. //When did I buy that package, anyway?//
//Guess I bought it when I found Wing in the ocean. Go figure, Duo—you always find the weird ones. Must be some special talent…//
Smirking a bit wryly, Duo looked out at space as his Gundam floated along, docilely following orders. //Old Man, You definitely like to keep Your buddy Death's life interesting…//
Snuggling back in his seat as far as the harness allowed, Duo let out his yawn finally, settling back for the long wait. Dozing a bit couldn't hurt—they'd be alerted by the radar if more dolls appeared, and Deathscythe would be doing all the work without any need for him.
//Hey, Old Man…//
//Just don't let it get more interesting tonight, okay? I've had enough of "interesting" to get that much a respite, hm?//
Dark blue—almost violet—eyes closed slowly, lids flickering shut…
Something decided to make a beep just then.
Something that wasn't a mobile doll.
Duo's eyes jerked open wide, and he sat up abruptly, frantically looking at his consoles… //What is it? Low fuel? Something in the path? A shuttle?//
"I think I found something," Heero stated, sounding slightly awed, his image frowning at the readings Wing Zero was offering him.
//Oh, it was Wing… Damn, but things sound so loud when you're half asleep. Though I guess it means our search is over, right?// "What did you find?" he asked, hoping for success finally.
"I'm going in close to see," Heero reported, hands flying on the controls. Wing swooped close to a chunk of Libra, hovering…
Duo crossed his fingers. //C'mon, let it be what we're looking for. I want to get some sleep finally!//
But Heero was shaking his head, mouth set grimly, cool blue eyes becoming harder than usual. "It's Epyon's arm…"
//Oh damn... I /knew/ it'd be in tiny pieces. I bet it's scattered in small chunks all around us and /that's/ why we're not getting anything!// "With the rest of the Epyon still attached?" Duo tried weakly, struggling to hang onto hope that this search would be over soon.
"No."
Duo barely refrained from banging his head against the main screen. //Pounding your head into the nearest wall won't do much good,// he reminded himself firmly. //It kills brain cells, remember? You need every little grey glob you've got, Maxwell.//
"Resuming search," Heero reported tonelessly. He sounded like an automaton. Heck, weren't they both practically mechanical right now? The lack of sleep must be getting to Heero as well.
Shaking his head slightly, Duo wriggled into a more comfortable position on his seat, biting back a grumble about confining straps not letting a man sleep on the job comfortably.
//Well, back to dozing… At least it's something productive to do during this hopeless search…//
Deathscythe's pilot's eyes flickered shut determinedly this time.
//Old Man, if You decide I should wake again before I'm rested, please let it be important…//
It felt like two minutes.
This time, it was /Duo's/ console that beeped a success.
Yawning, the braided pilot opened gluey eyes and tugged at the controls, stopping Deathscythe from hunting further. //Whatcha find, buddy?//
"Hey, Heero, I think I got something… Don't know if it's what we want, though—let me see…" he reported absently, tucking tongue between teeth on one side of his mouth.
Peering over the data coming up, he ordered a magnification and more definitive scan. Data spluttered about something wide-spread but thin. Frowning, Duo sent Deathscythe in for a close visual.
//Don't let it be smeared over half the universe, don't let it be smeared over half the universe, don't let it be…//
//Damn. It /is/ smeared over half the universe.// Biting back a groan of dismay and frustration, Duo stared at the smears of once-molten gundanium, now solidly coating debris of Libra. //Hey Old Man, that was one heck of a blast! Glad /I/ wasn't in the middle of it…//
"Ah, Heero…? I don't know how much of it I found, but I think I found some of it…" Yeah, he knew he was blathering a bit, but Duo felt too tired to care. "If this has the Zero system in it, the Zero system became a true null… It's coating bits of Libra over here like spraypaint—and just as thinly as a cheap job of it, too!"
Heero's image actually grimaced, and looked aside at his own data glumly. Duo almost felt sorry for the guy, for this was as close to a torn expression that he'd ever seen the other pilot wear. //Sorry, man, but things don't look too good…//
Sighing softly, Duo sent Deathscythe up and along the path of gundanium smears, tracing it towards the end… "Hey man, I'm sorry… But at least it looks like it was quick…"
To Duo's surprise, he heard Heero mutter distastefully under his breath, "Road kill…"
Duo's eyebrows flew up and he made a face of disgust. //Ick… Not how I'd have put it, but pretty close a description. Damn… What a way to go—literally smeared flatter than paper. Note to self—don't try it.//
Glancing at the stars beyond the debris-field, Duo prayed sincerely, //Hey, Old Man? If You've gotta take me out of the game… do it with taste, okay? And fast, too, but I /really/ want it to be with taste. Not like this. Getting vaporized and splattered across several miles of metal debris just doesn't have any class.//
Shifting his gaze back to the data screen, he almost missed a big blurp.
"Whoa! Hey, what was that?" Hauling on the controls, Duo swung Deathscythe back around for a second look.
It was big. Bigger than a smear, at least. Gundanium, definitely. And almost solidly gundanium!
"What is it?" Heero actually sounded bored… and resigned to failure.
//He's given up,// Duo realized, heart aching in sympathy. //But hey, don't give up yet! Look what I found!//
"It's big! I think—I think I found it! Hey, come on over here and look! Well, not that there's much to see with the paint gone and the outside half melted, but it still has the /shape/ of a mobile suit…" he babbled enthusiastically, trying to bring hope back to those suspiciously-bright blue eyes.
//Don't give up on me, man! I know /I/ gave up on me a bit back there, but not when I've a good chance of telling you "Hey, told you I'm good!"//
Getting in close to the solid, half-molten mass, Duo brought up a close-up visual and sent scans probing it thoroughly, nodding thoughtfully to himself.
There were bits of stubs remaining where arms and legs and wings used to be, except for the arm Heero had cut off. It looked as if the blast had melted every appendage down to that length, rather like intense heat attacking a wax figure of a mobile suit. Not even a ghost of paint remained—the visible surface wasn't just scoured clean, but beaded with runnels of liquid metal frozen in time. The head and back, too, were now composed of frozen flowing metal, but not just gundanium—steel and titanium had joined the flow and crackled with weak flares of electricity.
Electricity…
Parts of it were still possibly using the energy supply.
//The Zero system might still be intact.//
///The pilot might still be alive!///
Wing Zero glided to a halt just beside Deathscythe Hell, also contemplating the mess of a mobile suit, which resembled a much-abused wax figure in almost every way possible.
Their pilots just stared at the sight before them in a silent sort of horrified awe for a few minutes, unable to get past the thought of what enduring that could have been like, what kinds of hellish forces had been involved to do that to the strongest material known to Man, or what might have happened if it had been one of them in there instead… or if the last pilot of Epyon might have even a hope of being alive in that sealed tomb.
//Good God.//
Duo couldn't think of anything to say. His mind was still repeating those two words.
//Good God…//
Heero, apparently, couldn't be awestruck for long, even by God. Suited up, Wing's hatch opened to expel its pilot. With armfuls of cable, he swept to secure the melted suit.
//Yeah, well, okay, don't just sit here, Maxwell. Get your butt in gear and help the man! That's why we're here… Work now, gawk later.//
Grabbing his helmet, Duo snapped it onto his spacesuit and triggered the hatch, reaching for the heavy coil of thick line behind the pilot's seat.
//Time to claim a soul, Shinigami.//
//Can't let the Soul of Outer Space do all the work now, can you?//
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------
Wufei sat with arms folded across his chest on the foot of his Gundam, waiting patiently, eyes closed and mind wandering the paths of meditation…
//This had better be damn good, Yuy…//
Well, maybe not completely. Or on much of a way towards peace.
Trowa had settled back on the foot of his Heavyarms, dozing. /He/ looked peaceful. Well, sedate, anyway. Or would calm be a better term? Wufei felt a pang of envy, for he himself couldn't sleep yet. His mind was too full of turmoil, and his heart ached with confusion.
//Lucky. Treize wasn't playing mind games with /your/ sanity or sense of honor, Trowa.//
But a touch of guilt reprimanded that attitude. //I know you're concerned over Quatre's health, though. How you can sleep right now… Well, I suppose after years of working as a mercenary, you learn to catch it when you can.//
//I'm not as strong as you there. I was only a scholar until this mess started. Sure, we catch sleep when we can, probably like you… but we don't get emotionally and psychologically pummeled beforehand.//
The com unit on the floor by his feet beeped.
Wufei scooped it up and switched to listen in a single smooth motion, glancing over at Trowa to find that his fellow pilot was already on his feet and looking Wufei's way expectantly.
"Hey you guys, Death here."
"I got it," Wufei snapped sharply, before Quatre's man from the Maguanac Corps could reply from the observation deck. "What's your status, Maxwell?"
"Hey, Wu-man, we got what we were looking for, but we're running on fumes now. Better get a docking bay ready for us and this mess. Oh, and probably some gundanium-cutters and some kind of medical team while you're at it…"
//What the hell?// "What's going on, Maxwell?" Wufei demanded.
"Let me talk to him, Duo." Heero's voice was weary, but carried a hint of triumph. "Wufei, just get what Duo asked for, however you can—and keep it quiet. This is important—especially keeping it quiet. There may be… unpleasant things involved that nobody but us should know about."
Wufei's eyebrows practically hit his hairline. //What in Nataku's name is going on here? You'd better know what you're doing, Yuy.// "Fine. Time of arrival?"
"Two hours."
"Are you going to tell us what's going on here?" Wufei couldn't hold back that question any longer—it snuck out past his lips before he could stop it. He doubted he'd get a straightforward reply.
//Or any. This is Yuy we're talking about.//
But one actually did come. "We might be saving a life. Or we might be killing one."
//Treize? Could they have…?//
"Not Treize," Duo interjected. Apparently Deathscythe's pilot could do a little mind reading when deprived of sleep.
//Zechs?// Wufei's eyes hardened, narrowing sharply, dangerously. //Are they /INSANE?///
"We'll explain later. No time now," Heero stated firmly, quickly, before Wufei could take in a deep breath and start yelling over the com. "Over and out."
Stunned, shocked, and struggling to contain his rage and confusion, Wufei lowered the com unit slowly, turning to Trowa, who had come up beside him unnoticed and apparently heard everything.
Trowa frowned slightly… then shrugged a little. "They know something we don't," he observed quietly.
//Obviously,// Wufei reluctantly agreed…
//But what? And why must it stay secret?//
Trowa was watching him carefully, that green-eyed gaze almost concerned, but Wufei just made a grimace, shoving his emotions aside. //They're not stupid… They know what they're doing, even if they leave us in the dark…//
//They're smart enough to tell me sometime soon.//
//Well, I /hope/ they're smart enough to do that.//
"We had better do as they asked. Quatre's doctor and medical team are discreet. And the Maguanac Corps can help with the rest while keeping it from outsiders," Trowa decided quietly.
"Fine," grumped Wufei, still against what they were about to do. // I still don't like it. I will help with these arrangements. But I will not include myself in them. I will not be a part of this beyond what Maxwell asked for.//
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------
Confusion shoved its way past the persistent pain slowly, going against the current to tickle Zechs' wavering consciousness for attention. Something wasn't right, something was different, something had changed…
Movement.
His eyelids felt so hot and heavy that he had to struggle to lift them. The action was more reflexive than anything else, for no more sparks lightened the cockpit enough for him to see. A shiver coursed through his thin frame, a movement he was helpless to stop and that was occurring more and more frequently of late.
//It's so cold here… Yet I feel so hot…//
His icy-blue eyes slid shut again, dampness escaping the edges to bead in the air.
//Movement… That should be important to me…//
//Why don't I care anymore, Epyon?// His thoughts felt so… fuzzy. Half disconnected, half worn out, half confused and directionless, half listless and uncaring.
//Wait… That's too many halves…//
A weak chuckle made him cough blood again. He could feel a droplet splatter onto the hand in his lap. How his hand had returned there after he tried moving it, he couldn't remember. He couldn't remember how long he'd been awake so far. Or conscious. Or how many times he had drifted in and out of the black of oblivion he so craved to stay in…
Or why he was here anymore. Or how he got here.
Zechs simply didn't feel enough energy to find the memories, the reasoning, the plans and dreams he'd once had. He couldn't grasp thoughts that complex right now—they were too slippery.
//Movement…//
//My back hurts…// That felt more important. But somehow he knew that the previous thought should be of greater significance. He couldn't imagine why.
//Forgive me Father, for I have sinned…//
That one struck out of the blue, a drifting thought hitting his consciousness randomly, and sent a chord of acceptance through body, heart, and soul. It was over. All that remained in his emotions were acceptance and relief, letting Fate and Time do as they will to him. All that mattered was that it was over, everything was over.
//Forgive me Father, for I have sinned…//
Had he spoken those words once? The memory teased the edge of his conscious mind but stayed just out of reach.
//I have sinned…//
//Through my own fault…//
//In my thoughts and in my words…//
//In what I have done, and what I have failed to do…//
//And I ask…//
//I ask…//
//All the… all the angels and saints… brothers and sisters… friends? Enemies?//
//To pray for me…//
Something recited, ages ago. It came too easy to mind to be anything else. It wasn't complete, though… but that was okay. They'd understand. Everyone would.
//They'll all know the truth one day… Maybe I'll remember the truth, too… I'm too tired now to remember it… It's okay, though… It can wait.//
//I'm tired… and it's so cold here…//
//Cold…//
//Brrrr…//
The shudders were almost constant now.
//Goodnight sweet prince,// the irrational part of his mind whispered gently, kindly, quoting something he couldn't recall, as his consciousness slid back into oblivion.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------
To be continued.
The "Father forgive me, for I have sinned…" That's an actual prayer. I recalled it from mass. I don't recall all the exact words, though I know more than what Zechs remembered here. It seems fitting. It's something I bet he would have said after his first kill. But that's a side-tale I intend to write and not this one, and one at a time, guys.
I might have more by next weekend. Depends on school. We'll see, hmm?
