Disclaimer: None of them belong to me, unless they have the Carolina seal of approval on their ass.
Author's Notes: Holy crap, I have no idea how many chapters this story is going to have. So please hang in there while I improvise a little. This chapter is from Carter's POV. Don't worry, I'm exploring Luka and Abby's POVs later, so don't bug me about it. This one goes to my fish Maroon, who died on August 25th, and was flushed on August 26th. :(
24 Steps: Part 14
Confusion. The more innapropriate state of mind when your job is to save lives. In a place as fast paced as an emergency room, the last thing you want on your mind is nothingness. Yet as he stood there, the sound of the slammed door still echoing on his mind, he felt nothing but wretching confusion.
His heart still raced after his attempt to control Luka's outburst. The table laid upside down on the floor and plastic cups of coffee were scattered everywhere. He stood there still, scared this was the eye of the storm and the winds would return to knock him over again. He knew Luka would not be coming back and yet, he stood still. A couple of minutes passed before the door opened.
Dave looked at Carter with the same ignorance, looking around the mess that was the lounge. "What the hell was that?" Dave finally asked.
It was the push Carter needed to finally move, and with Dave's help, pick up the table to put it back in place. "I don't know," Carter answered truthfully.
"Oh, man, I thought he was gonna kill Weaver," Dave said with a huge grin.
Still dumbfounded, Carter just nodded slightly.
"I mean, if she bitches me out one more time, I'm calling Kovac," Dave continued, with a couple of chuckles.
Carter didn't say anything, and began to pick up the plastic cups from the floor.
"Oh man, I wished I had a camera. Hey, if we had to put them on a ring, who do you think would win?" Dave asked. "I mean, Weaver has that cane..."
"Dave," Carter finally said.
"Yeah?" Dave asked.
"Shut up," Carter answered and after putting the cups on the table, walked outside. Everyone was still murmuring and talking, and gossiping about the earlier events. Mark and Kerry were no where to be found.
"No, I heard Weaver told him he couldn't date Abby because she used to be a med student," Chuny told Amira as she ate some chocolate.
"That doesn't make any sense, she's a nurse now," Amira added.
"I'm just telling you what I heard," Chuny replied.
"Chuny?" Carter asked, looking over a chart. "Gomez in 4 needs a new IV bag."
"I'm on a break," Chuny added, hoovering her box of chocolates.
"Then go to the lounge," Carter added, looking at her. She gave him a look he knew he would pay for later and picked up her box of chocolates, walking away. But he couldn't control the stories that were dispersing throughout the hospital already. He knew somewhere on the fifth floor someone was hearing the story of how Kerry was trying to get Abby to dump Luka so Mark and Abby could go out and then Luka gave Kerry a black eye.
Shaking his head, he put his chart down and signed his name on it, setting it on the rack. A few patients were waiting in chairs and he glanced at the clock on the wall, desperate to leave the hospital and talk to either Abby or Luka.
"Well, if your friends jumped off a cliff, would you do that too?" Carter asked, peeling his gloves off his hands.
Danielle smiled, "Yeah, I guess."
"Really," Carter added, absentmindedly writing something on his chart.
"Yeah, I mean, if they jump first they'd cushion the fall, right?" she chuckled to herself.
Carter looked at her for a moment, and then shook his head. "Just give the ___ a chance to work."
~*~
The exact moment when Abby slammed the door to her apartment, she collapsed on the floor and began to cry. Sitting down, she hugged her knees and began to rock back and forth as her pants became soaked in tears. Something inside of her was tugging her whole body into her stomach and suddenly she couldn't breathe.
She laid on the couch and picked up the phone, reading the numbers on the paper in her hands through tears. After a couple of rings, someone finally answered. "Renee?" Abby cried.
"Who's this?" Renee asked, a little worried.
"Abby," Abby said.
"Abby, honey, is everything ok?" Renee asked, a little alarmed.
"No," Abby whimpered.
"What happened?" Renee asked. "Where are you?"
"At my apartment," Abby said as the tears kept flowing.
"What happened, Abby?" Renee asked again.
Abby took a deep breath, shutting her eyes tight. "I can't, I can't," she stammered.
~*~
"Dave, this is an emergency room, stop procrastinating," Carter said
"Let me teach you something, Carter. Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now," Dave said, and raised his eyebrows slightly at the end.
Carter looked at him, dumbfounded. "What?"
Dave tapped Carter's head with his pencil and grabbed the chart. "Think about that one."
Carter watched him go, and rolled his eyes as he walked inside the front desk. "Randi, have you seen Dr. Weaver?"
"Check the ER," Randi replied behind the magazine she was reading.
"We are..." Carter began to protest but stopped when he realized it was her way of saying 'I don't know'. "How about Mark?" he added.
"Want me to page them?" Randi asked, not moving.
"No, no, that's ok," Carter let out a sigh and looked around, his eyes landing on the board. "Why is the board empty when there's a hundred patients waiting in chairs?"
Randi turned around to look at him, "I have this new idea for emergency efficiency," she said, watching as Carter crossed his arms, waiting for her to continue, although by the look on his face she could tell he was not in the mood. That didn't stop her.
Randi took a deep breath, "Ok, you know how people are always coming in here complaining about something?"
Carter nodded slowly, a monotonous stare on his face.
"I figured: If we stop treating patients, then maybe they'll stop bugging us," Randi said with a bright smile.
Carter kept looking at her, feeling the tension pressing on the side of his head, and the stress boiling the insides of his stomach. He finally looked down, closed his eyes, and pinned the sides of his nose with his fingers. "Except this is a hospital, not a department store, and we are being paid to listen to people complain!" he snaped at her, looking intense.
"Gee, relax, it was just a joke," Randi said.
Carter ran his hands through his hair, looking around. He kept trying to count to ten, but couldn't get past 3. "Page Weaver," he said softly and walked away.
"You needed me, Carter?" Kerry said as if on cue, taking a chart from the pile.
Carter opened his mouth to say something, but didn't know what. The chairs were piling up with patients, but he wanted to know what had happened with Luka, Mark, and Kerry. He knew Kerry would not give him any information, but you can't shoot a guy for trying.
"Uh, there's... there's a lot of patients..."
"I can see that," Kerry said, looking over her glasses. "Thank you for taking over, John."
"Yeah, yeah, no problem," Carter added. "Um, Dr. Weaver, I was just wondering..."
"John," Kerry interrupted, looking up at him. "It's been a long day."
"Right," Carter added, watching her leave. He tapped his fingers against the counter for a couple of seconds, trying to find Mark with his eyes. Two ther pair of eyes found him instead.
He heard someone clear his throat, but everyone seemed to be coughing or complaining, so he decided to ignore it.
"John?"
Carter turned around and jumped back, almost slipping on the floor. "Georgia," he exclaimed but then cleared his throat, trying to appear nonchalant and manly. "What, uh, what are you doing here?"
Georgia smiled and leaned against the window of the front desk. "I need to ask you something."
Carter looked around and went over to the other side to meet her, walking away with her towards the lounge. "Something wrong?"
"No, no," Georgia smiled and fidgeted with her fingers a little. "Um, my sister is crashing at my place, and she's studying for the bar. I already got an ultimatum about being quiet and staying out of her way. Sooo," she hesitated, looking at his wide open brown eyes. She looked around to make sure no one was watching and continued. "Do you... wanna have some dinner? Or something"
Carter nodded, with a smile. "Or something?"
Georgia panicked a little, "I mean no. Um, just like, something something. Not sooomething," she added a little seductively at the end.
Carter chuckled, looking at his shoes. He couldn't possibly think of a reason as to why it was still hard for the both of them to ask the other on a date. It had been so simple at first. It didn't take him five seconds to make up his mind and ask her out when she first came into the ER. But now, every time they saw each other, it was as if they were strangers. That scared him. Not because it seemed as if they were doomed. On the contrary, it scared him because he was beginning to care about her, and
~*~
Dave let out a sigh as both him and Carter stared at the number 1214 on Luka's door. He turned to Carter before they did anything. "Why are we here. Or more importantly, why am I here?"
Carter tried to whisper, "Because, I don't know what's gonna happen in there. You didn't see him on the lounge, he almost killed me."
"So basically I'm here to keep the big guy down," Dave said.
"In a nutshell, I am the brains, and you are the brawn," Carter said.
"I don't like playing cupid, Carter," Dave warned his friend as he put his hands inside the pockets of his jacket.
"We're not playing cupid, Dave. We're just making sure he's fine," Carter said.
"Whatever," Dave added nonchalantly. "Just knock on the door already cause I don't want anyone to see me going into a hotel room with a guy."
Carter rolled his eyes, knocking on the door just once.
"I mean, you're a handsome man, Carter. I just don't swing that way," Dave continued.
Carter shook his head, "I'm starting to regret my decision of bringing you along, Dave."
Dave only bopped along to an imaginary music, looking around the hallway as they waited. "Do you think he'll let me take some towels home?" he asked all of a sudden, being shot with a deadly stare from Carter. "What? Mine are worn out."
Carter rolled his eyes, "Dave, this is serious. If you don't wanna help you can just leave."
Dave smiled playfully. "Well, I don't really give much of a damn, but Luka's a decent man," he said. "Mostly I just wanna hear the gossip."
Carter decided to ignore Dave, and knocked again, looking down at the floor.
"Who is it?" a muffled voice came from the inside.
Carter looked at Dave with a semi alarmed look. He knew Luka would not open the door if he knew they were there. But before all of that, Carter was surprised Luka was in his room. He suddenly felt an elbow being jammed into his ribs
Carter shook his head in confusion, "I don't get it, she said she was fine."
Dave looked at Luka and chuckled. "Let me teach you something about little boys and little girls, Carter. We use different languages. When guys say fine, it means fine." He turned to Luka, "What does it mean when women say they're fine, Luka?"
"I am not fine, and I'm going to make you pay for it," Luka said, tapping on the sides of the chair with his fingers.
"See?" Dave said.
"That's crazy," Carter shook his head again.
"And women, my dear friend, are crazy," Dave said matter of factly and leaned back.
Carter looked at Luka, who nodded approvingly.
~*~
"One down, one to go," Carter whispered to himself as his stomach turned to knots. He took a deep breath as he stood in front of Abby's door alone. When he went to see Luka, he was scared the man might physically harm him. He was scared now also, but scared of what he might find, scared that something might have happened. He wanted to give Abby some credit and believe she wouldn't go to a bar and get drunk after all the hard work. But after seeing her the night before, acting as if nothing had happened... he just wasn't sure anymore. 'Some kind of friend,' he thought. But he knew Luka was right.
He cleared his throat and looked at his watch, he'd have to pick up Georgia in a couple of hours. So he kicked the fear away and knocked on her door a couple of times. And then, he feared for his safety here also. No answer.
"Abby?" he called out as friendly as he could, trying to let her know he wasn't the enemy.
Still no answer. "Abby?" he called again, knocking on her door.
He let out a sigh, looking at the top of the door and then at the knob. He could hear movement inside, so he knew she was there. "Abby, open up, it's Carter," he added louder.
For a moment he dwelled on the idea of leaving, but then, the door unlocked, remaining closed. He looked at the knob for a moment, waiting for her to open the door, but when that didn't happen, he realized it was his job to do so. It reminded him of scary movies he saw as a child, when the victim opens the door slowly to peek his head into a dark room, and from the inside, the monster would shred him to pieces. He turned the knob all the way first, and then pushed the door slowly, peeking his head in. No monster.
"Abby?" he asked again.
"What do you want?"
Carter walked in and closed the door behind him. He looked at the apartment, which looked like the remaining of a nuclear testing in a Pacific Island. She was walking from one side to the other, trying to clean up after her outburst of rage.
"Are you ok?" Carter asked, standing still.
"Never been better," Abby said as she swept some broken glass.
"I can see that," Carter added. He smiled, looking down, and then looked up at her again, putting his bag down. "Luka told me what happened."
Abby stopped what she was doing, and looked at him. She was about to let the anger take over, but instead, let the sarcasm sit behind the wheel. "Oh yeah, I forgot you two were
~*~
She cried forever, and when forever was over, she kept crying. Carter just held her, rocking her back and forth. He knew he had done something cruel, and it was hard for him to keep his own tears back. It felt like shooting your own dog because he had rabies. But he knew someone had to snap her out of that denial. He knew someone had to let her know she wasn't fine, that because she had done this before, it didn't mean that she was an expert.
He had lived a year after his recovery in denial also. He had taken it for granted and it almost costed him his job and his life. Funny to think it was Abby who used to tell him to take it slow, and here she was, making the same mistake he had made.
She tried to control her sobs as the smell of Carter's new shirt tickled on her nose. "... I hit him."
"I know," Carter said.
"I hit him in the face," she cried.
"I know," Carter repeated.
"Is he ok?" she asked.
Carter smiled, "He'll live." He kissed her forehead and craddled her for a couple of minutes until she calmed down. "Abby?" he added in the middle of the silence.
"Yeah?" she answered.
"You're not ready to go back to work," he said and heard her chuckle, and he chuckled as well.
~*~
Luka sat on the bed, his back against the backboard. "You don't have to be ashamed, Abby. And if someone says something, just join them," he said simply.
Abby raised her head from her pillow, her hair all over her face, "Join them?"
Luka's head danced, "You know, if someone says something funny, like Dave, just make fun of yourself too."
Abby didn't move for a while, but kept looking at him. Her face then fell, "Oh my God, you've been watching Full House," she said in complete disbelief.
Luka smiled guiltily and continued, "See, DJ got a D in Spanish, and Danny went over to talk to her teacher, only they kissed and DJ was ashamed to go back to school because she knew everyone would make fun of her. So Joey gave her this advice to diffuse the situation with humor, and it worked."
"Until Danny came out of the coats closet and everyone made twice as much fun of her, and the teacher didn't even change her grade," Abby said and stood up, walking to the bathroom.
Luka shook his head and followed her, "The point is you can't let them get to you. And trust me, no one will say anything, they all just wanna see you again."
Abby put some paste on her toothbrush and turned to look at him. "Didn't Jesse tell her that it was better if she used violence?"
Luka nodded his head. "See, comedy works."
Abby threw him a tissue, closed the door and began to brush her teeth.
~*~
"Well, this is me," Georgia said, looking up her apartment building.
Carter looked up also and nodded, feeling the sudden change in the air. "It's nice."
"Yeah," Georgia nodded as well. "I'd... I'd ask you up, b-but..."
"That's ok," Carter interrupted her. He looked down at her, green eyes staring up at him like two emeralds suddenly discovered in the depths of the earth. A sudden chill made the trees hum as they rocked back and forth, and without knowing why he rubbed his hands against her arms to prevent her from the cold. If she was experiencing anything like him, then there was no need for it because he was completely oblivious about temperature changes... or a nuclear holocaust for that matter.
And then as natural as it is to grow up, live and die, he bent down and kissed her. Her lips were cold, and now that he could feel his own, they were too. But as he gently stroked her cheek with his thumb, the temperature seemed to rise. And it wasn't the kiss itself, but the fact that she was kissing him back.
And as quickly as it came, it was over. He pulled back, not breaking eye contact and watched her face lit when she smiled. At that moment he wanted to hold her even closer. Just hold her in the middle of a cold night as the trees hummed and her eyes looked like emeralds and her lips were cold. But even rainbows have an end.
"Good night," she whispered at him with a sweet smile.
Carter was well aware that he should have said good night back, or good bye, or I'll call you. But the words he was fighting to blurt out were simply not coming.
He watched her go up the stairs, looking back and shooting a flirty look at him. He wasn't sure where the music was coming from, but suddenly there were trompets, pianos, drums and Frank Sinatra.
As he walked away, he danced to the music on his head. "If this is just the beginning, my life is gonna to be... beeeeautiful!" He whistled along, very well aware that the few people on the streets were shooting glances at him. He simply bowed his head to a lady and continued on his musical path.
If this was cloud nine, then people were selling it short. It felt more like could 90. A cloud so high and exhilirating that you are no longer in the atmosphere, but somewhere where the air is sweeter, and breathing is not even necessary. It's not love. It's the realization that love exists, and it's not just something you read in books, see on movies, or hear from someone who heard from someone, who heard from someone that love was real.
Could John Carter be fortunate enough to experience it full bloom this time? Could this wild rhythm of booms and poundings inside his heart mean something significant? Something good? Something? The answer, as real as was the music only he was hearing, came painfully in the image of Luka. The music stopped with the crack of the record. He looked back at Georgia's apartment building. Love, as well as a rollercoaster, the stock market, life, comes with its ups and downs. But how low were the downs? Could they completely inhaliate him?
As he walked in the silence of the night the pieces of the puzzle all danced in front of him. There was Luka, in love. Love is something that should wipe you off your feet and send you wam, bam, straight to the moon. Could it also pound you to the ground until you reach hell? Because Luka looked like one of Satan's hostages. As much as a little voice inside of him reminded that Luka and Abby were a special case, maybe a little too special, a louder voice kept repeating, "That's you, John Carter. Call security on love and release the hounds."
By the time he reached his apartment, his mind was ready to call it quits. All of this after a little kiss, a small yet glorious kiss that had made him go up and down and up and down again. As he dropped his body into the bed, he turned off his lamp and above all the sirens blaring inside his head and the warning signs hurting his ocular membranes, he smiled to himself. He thought of Luka and Abby and the hell they were going through. Yet the heartache his friends were going through was opaqued by the events of the night. All of this for the sake of the heart.
Ain't love a kick in the head?
To be continued...
