3: The White Route

Flying, gone,
As if in a dream;
the plummeting is within you.
Don't be afraid, should I be wounded,
I'll surely be embracing this dear kindness.
Flying, fall down,
A plummet while flapping my wings,
At your side.
When a tomorrow where I have nothing arrives,
I'll hold to my heart the miracle of meeting you,
And be lulled to sleep
-"Flying"



Needless to say, I had quite a bit of explaining to do. My quarters and myself were a wreck. Alia had probably run to Suri to warn him about my aberrant behavior. It was enough to make me want to try again, but I feared the left door too much. Next time, I did not believe I would have a chance to speak to the angel.

After repairing myself, I began work on reconstructing my room. It took about two or three hours of work, but I was able to bring my small corner of the world back into some semblance of order. By the time I finished putting the barest essentials of my room together, I was too tired to deal with the aesthetic details. I sank into my charger and let the metallic web embrace me. My body and mind both felt drained. My body I could heal, but my mind… if I knew how to do that, however, I wouldn't be in this situation.

I was interrupted three hours later by my door chime. I disconnected myself, for once sorry to leave the blasted thing. I could have used a little rest. I stepped into my armor, sealed it, and went to answer the door.

I had no chance to speak before a hand crushed my newly reconstructed throat. It was clad in a silver and blue armored gauntlet- Suri's. His violet eyes burned with deadly anger. Apparently, Alia had been talking.

"Explain yourself, Unit Gate," he hissed.

"It's rather difficult to explain anything when you're crushing my vocal synthesizer."

This of course only made Suri squeeze harder. Was I a masochist or what? "Do you really wish to increase your punishment, robot?"

The strangest thing was, all I could think about was how he, a human, managed the strength to lift me by the neck and dent my throat. I was made of metal, and rather heavy. It would merit further investigation, however, I needed to save my own life first. "N-no, Dr. Suri."

"Then you had better tell me why you've been misbehaving, unit Gate, and you had better have a damn good excuse."

"Occupational... stress."

"Wrong answer, robot." He threw me across the room. At least his hand was off my throat. I pushed myself up in time for him to plant a solid kick into my side. Not for the first time I was grateful for armor.

Unfortunately, I must have been thinking too loudly.

He lifted me and ripped off my chestplate. Reflexively I covered myself. Not that I was naked- I had a bodysuit beneath my armor, but the psychological effects were the same. He struck the back of my head, hard enough to disorient me for a moment. It was time enough for him to tear off the rest of my armor, amazingly enough. After only four seconds I had been stripped of every last plate of armor.

I stared at him in horror. "You're not human," I said, crossing my arms over my chest in a lame attempt to defend myself. "You can't be!"

I was answered by an armored boot to the stomach. "I am more than you could ever be," he snarled. "Worthless waste of scrap metal. You are becoming more trouble than you are worth."

I stared in mute defiance. I would be lying if I said there was no fear in me, though. I had heard stories of what he did to those who seriously offended him. He had dismembered Kakumei alive while her brother was forced to watch. After he surrendered, Suri was still not satisfied. To sate his thirst for Reploid blood, he tore the optics from Agile's head and replaced them with second-rate scanners. And that was before they 'killed' him.

"When you are deserving of that armor, you might get it back," he snapped. "Until then I fully expect you to do your work. Begin now."

I rose, as steadily as I could manage. "Very well, sir," I replied, hoping that he would just go away.

He waited a moment, regarding me with an expression of contempt. Apparently he was satisfied for the moment, so he left me alone. I collapsed against a wall. My body was shaking. My armor was my only defense against Suri's attacks. I felt secure in it to a degree, as secure as one could feel when one's life was hanging in the balance at every moment. I never stepped out of it unless I was charging. I felt naked, despite my bodysuit. All of my confidence and serenity was gone now, replaced by shaky paranoia. I felt unstable. Cold. Small.

I was not physically imposing even in my armor. I stood 5'7" in my armor, but armor usually adds four inches to height. Out of armor I stood a much less impressive 5'3". I was of slight build, what could be described as effeminate. My rose-lilac hair, a bit too long for my taste, fell in my face and obscured my vision. It would be a problem for me when I began work... not that my lack of armor wasn't problem enough.

I thought for a moment of snatching my armor and repairing it, but as I moved toward it several of my colleagues came in and began collecting it. I froze in horror. How had they gained access? Had Suri taken the privacy lock off my door?

Oh, God, Alia-!

Almost as soon as the thought crossed my mind she appeared. I forced myself not to tremble. Tears burned my eyes, but I held them back. I was humiliated enough, I need not add to it by falling apart. I would be damned before I lost every last shred of my dignity. Unless I had already passed that point and was unaware...

"Oh, Gate..." she said. The pity in her eyes was unbearable. I bolted. I don't know where exactly I was trying to go, but I knew I wanted to be as far away from her as I possibly could be. Was I really that pathetic? Was I so sad that someone as oblivious and robotic as she would pity me? I didn't want pity. I wanted my damn armor back. I didn't want everyone to see me like this...

Vulnerable...

My feet led me to the worst possible place. I cursed my luck, getting rather tired of continuous misfortune. I had arrived at the cargo bay of the complex. The only way I could possibly have found a more public place would be to transport myself to the center of Kuragi's shopping mall. Quickly I darted behind a stack of crates. I hoped to God there were no live Reploids inside them.

I heard Suri's voice nearby, and my heart nearly stopped. "Is this all?"

A female voice replied, "No, my boss should be sending you another shipment."

"When?"

"I'm due to return in two days. You'll be receiving it in another four."

"That is simply too long."

"That's what you get for relying on outer suppliers," came the quick reply. She was obviously not one of us. I hoped she would live.

"I see." I recognized the strained anger in his voice. "Send Fusoya my regards. And do be careful. This world is no place for a young lady such as yourself."

"I'm no princess, I'll live."

"Very well. Suit yourself." I heard his footsteps receding. I didn't dare move until I was certain he was gone. Very carefully, I peeked around the edge of the crate. I saw no one, not even the woman. I turned back, and to my great surprise, I was not alone. I jumped, a human response which quite frankly puzzled me.

Standing over me, leaning on the crate was a human woman, dressed in an unfamiliar gray pilot's uniform. Her hair was carbon black, cut short, and slightly curled. Her eyes were a soft, icy shade of blue, the same shade the sky was once rumored to be. She had an almost sad look about her, even though she was smiling at me in amusement. Most definitely different from Alia's customary wide-eyed obliviousness. She seemed rather relaxed, another clear mark that she was not from here. "Looking for something?"

"I.. I merely wished to a...ascertain that he was gone," I stammered. I looked down, feeling extremely uncomfortable and exposed. I felt my face warm a bit, another unexplained humanistic reaction.

"Oh? That was your boss?"

"Y... you could say that."

"Well, are you just going to sit there all day?" she asked, slightly impatiently.

I rose, still looking down. I was glad once again that my hair obscured my face. I kept my arms firmly crossed, as if that would do any good. It made me feel slightly less exposed, if nothing else.

After a few moments, she said, "I'm waiting."

"For what?"

"For you to introduce yourself."

"Oh... I... my name is Gate."

"Gate? Is that all? Just Gate?"

"Yes." I kept the defensive edge out of my voice.

"Oh. I see. Your people must not have family names."

"My people?" Despite myself, I looked up.

She paused for a second upon seeing my face. I don't quite know what emotion it was that flickered across hers, but it was gone quickly enough. "My people general have two names, a given name and the family."

"The humans here do as well."

"Humans?" She raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you one of them?"

"Hardly." That time, a bit of bitterness seeped through. "I am quite often reminded that I am a Reploid."

"But... you're human looking. You aren't attached to your armor."

That stung a bit. Physically it was true, I was not attached to my armor as most Reploids were. Emotionally was an entirely different story. I felt more uneasy. "No, I'm not. I realize that makes me different from every other Reploid ever created." Thank you for reminding me.

"So there are no more like you?"

"No."

"Who made you?"

Was she trying to hit on every emotional wound I had? "I don't know."

She seemed to realize how intrusive she was being. She ceased her interrogation. At the least she was perceptive. "I'm sorry, I'm interrogating you and you don't even know my name."

"True."

"I'm Mawata Kei. I'm a cargo pilot from Careta."

"I've never heard of that city."

"It's not a city, it's another world."

I had to stop for a moment there. Another world? Granted, our scientific research ever since Light and Wily had been almost exclusively based around robotics. The exploration of space had been given much less attention than it should have. There was no record of alien contact in any database I had seen. Then again, I didn't believe that the government would let such things be common knowledge unless they were good and ready. Yet, here was a true alien. I doubted seriously that I could find records of her world with my limited resources. I could attempt to hack into the government's main computers, but I did not wish to die that badly. Especially considering what I had just come back from.

"You seem surprised."

"Alien life is not common knowledge here. I do not believe there have been any notable advances in extraplanetary research, let alone contact with another culture."

She paused again, getting a rather faraway look on her face. I did not for the life of me understand why.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

"No... you just remind me of someone." She shook her head. "Let's be going, then. Cargo bays make terrible conversational backgrounds."

"Going? Where?" I didn't know what she had planned, but I was to begin construction on pain of death.

"Well, I thought you might want to leave this place for a while."

More than she could know. "I'm sorry, but I have work to do."

"Life's not all about work, you know."

"Only if you have the freedom to make that choice." All right, so I let some bitterness slip there. "I am a slave, and unless I begin construction on Project Makenai, I will die a particularly slow and unpleasant death. I cannot leave."

She looked angry. "That isn't right."

"Tell me something I am unfamiliar with. I must be going." I was beginning to be aggravated with her.

"You're just going to go obey your orders like a good little automaton?"

I physically flinched at that. Considering all that I had just been through, she dared call me an automaton? Yet I reigned in my anger- barely. She did not know what had happened to me. "I... am quite... the opposite," I said through clenched fists. "However, I know when to fight and when doing so is futile and dangerous."

"Would you rather live a slave's life than die free?" She seemed disappointed in me.

"I've tried dying. Apparently I can't yet."

That stopped her, and put a rather confused look on her face. "What are you talking about?"

"Three hours ago I attempted to end my miserable existence for the reasons you have so adequately stated. I was sent back to life to my great dismay because apparently the time is not right for me to die. I am quite displeased with this particular turn of events, and I am even more displeased to be reminded of my failure to free myself. To put it as simply as possible, I have no choice. Now if you are quite done tearing at my emotional wounds, may I go now?"

She had nothing to say to that. I made my exit.

For the next day, I locked myself in the lab and began construction on Makenai. I only left when I had no other choice but to stop and charge. I didn't want to see anyone in this state. Alia tried to stop by a few times, but I wouldn't have it. The look of pity on her face still burned into my mind's eye. I could not take that. And that pilot... How easy it must be for her to stand there and tell me what I should and should not be doing. She did not know Suri. She did not know what sort of pain I lived with. She was human. How could she ever understand me? Aside from that, she was alien. She had no idea about robots and Reploids. She expected me to be one of the normal Reploids, an animal-type. Granted, I was a freak as a human-type. But what gave her the right to show up out of nowhere and tell me what I should be doing with my life? She didn't even know me. She was just another Alia, asking me why I bothered.

No, that wasn't right... she'd been doing the exact opposite. She'd been disappointed at my apparent complacency. Just like I was with Alia, I realized. Was this how Alia felt about my judgment of her? Had I been too harsh with her? Had I been only seeing things from my own perspective? Was Alia merely unable to defend her way of life? If it were true, then what a bastard I had been. It was a wonder she would put up with me...

So maybe she was right after all. I sighed heavily, a human mannerism. I found it slightly irritating how natural human mannerisms were to me. I was not human. Why should I act like them? Why should I remind myself of what I wasn't? And why was it so damned natural?

I had stopped working whilst lost in my own mental debate. I rested my chin on my crossed arms as I leaned against Makenai's table. I worked incredibly fast- his body was mostly complete. His physical specifications were bordering on the absurd- the body was to stand seven feet tall, and the frame was so slight that it seemed almost impossible for any being to be that thin. He was to look delicate as glass, yet be strong as Damascus steel. If anyone could do it, I was the one.

I touched his silken auburn hair. It was precisely the same shade and length as Agile's had been. He was an exact physical copy of Agile, the same warm, dark skin tone, the same slanted golden eyes, the same thick, chin length hair. Beautiful... looking at him was almost painful. To see his face, his real face instead of a mesh of wires and metal plates, brought home the sadness of losing him. It was hard not to think of him as my son as he lay there, so humanlike and helpless. I couldn't bear to think of him suffering at the hands of Suri. Yet, what could I realistically do? If I sacrificed myself to try to free them, Suri would hunt them down. Only by staying alive could I hope to help them.

I let his hair slip through my fingers. "So... what will happen to you once you're born, Makenai? What kind of future do you have? Knowing Suri... I fear that I'm bringing you into a life of pain, suffering, and slavery. And I'm also afraid that I'll never see you again. He probably plans to take you away from me... I'll never know you. Even if I do create someone, I don't get to keep them. Ironic. I am alone if I do, and alone if I don't. All I have... is the hope that I can see you one time before I lose you... But I'm not counting on it... my... son..."

Small drops hit the table below me. I was crying again. How unsurprising.

"I do this too much lately..." I said, wiping my eyes. "I hope your future isn't quite as full of tears as mine. You would think I would learn to get used to being alone." I smiled weakly, though for whose benefit I don't know. "Look at me, I'm talking like Alia. How desperate do I have to be to resort to such empty-headed tactics?"

I rested my head on my arms once again. "Perhaps things won't be so bleak when you learn to talk... Learn to talk- I act as if you are a human child. Yet...you are a child. A child of metal, but a child nonetheless. I don't quite know what to do with you... but I promise you that I will do whatever I can for you. You aren't born yet, and you still mean so much to me. I'm so tempted to hurry and finish you, but I shall take my time and make sure everything is perfect with you."

Yet, I was not satisfied with that. I wanted so much more... I had so many more dreams, so much I wanted to do for them, so much more I wanted from my life. As I watched him I could imagine a life with him, raising him as my son, watching him grow up. It hurt... i wondered why I tortured myself with such horrid thoughts. I would never have it, so why did I have to dwell on it?

But I didn't want them to forget me... I wanted them to know me, even if I died because of it. I decided then that I would leave a message for them, one for each. I began typing furiously as the words spilled from my overflowing heart.

To my son, Makenai.

I don't know when you will find this message. I have buried it in your heart, out of Suri's reach. Truly, he would never understand my reasons for doing so. I do not know what sort of future you will have, or if you will know me at all. Or even if I will live to see the day you find this message. In the event that you do not know me, my name is Gate. I am the Reploid who made you, and the one who gave you the inner abilities you have probably discovered already. I do not know what will have come of me, but if I am alive know that I would always be happy to see you. I will always welcome you, no matter where your path in life leads you.

Truly, though, I am concerned about you. I refused to program you as the mindless killer he wished you to be. Instead I believe I may have gone too far to the other side. I hope your softer heart does not break under the weight of the world. I believe in your strength, though. You are my son, and therefore you are not alone, as I am. Use your abilities well, and take care of your dear sister. Or let her take care of you, either way. You will always have each other, and you never need be alone. If there is anything that I can tell you, it is to cherish those around you who love you. The absence of love is a painful state indeed.

Never believe that you are lesser because of what you are made of, and be proud that you are unique. I was too, and my path was a hard one. But I survived because I never gave in to their will. I am Gate, and I will always be who I am no matter what the world thinks of me.

Goodbye for now, my Makenai. My path diverges from you now, but you will always be in my heart. I love you.

My emotions were running dangerously high after that. I needed to distract myself quickly before I dissolved into a useless, weeping wreck. I began construction on Hikari's frame. It was mindless work, and I could get lost in the details. According to her specifications, she was to be made much weaker. I knew what sort of training Suri would expect her to endure. I also knew that if I did not hold to his designs, I would be punished. As it stood, I might be punished for the messages. I knew I needed to give her an edge, but what that could be I was not sure. Unless I gave her an energy attack... schematics flashed through my mind, nullifying the emotional tempest for now. Yes, that might work...

I worked until exhaustion, until I had to literally drag myself back to my quarters by my one functional limb. I charged as quickly as I possibly could and hurried back to the lab. Now that I had so many ideas for my daughter, I wanted to implement them all as soon as possible. I rejected the idea of making her identical to Kakumei, who was only different from Agile by shorter hair, green eyes, and gender. No, I wanted Hikari to be special. I would make her... I would make her an angel. I gave her hair of the purest white, the white the moon once was. I gave her eyes the same soft, watery blue color I remembered so vividly. Her armor I also made white, in contrast to Makenai's shadowy black. Light and shadow...

I also planned to give her the same mental abilities her brother had, telepathy I believe the humans called it. Makenai was string, and he also had the ability to bend minds to his own will. It was an adaptation of a wonderful little device Dr. Light left to us. Apparently, dr. Light did a bit of dabbling in the field of robotic control. I found with a bit of digging that he was the one responsible for the development of heart cages as well as the CPU-wiping technology I incorporated into Makenai. Granted, I had to modify it quite a bit so that it would affect non-robotic minds. I did not have any such parts left over for Hikari, but with a bit of inventiveness I was able to give her some measure of telepathy. that way, she need never be alone... She could feel her brother's mind wherever she was.

Come to think of it, I hope they did not end up hating each other.

That was neither here nor there. I worked at a feverish pace, wanting so badly to complete her and see if my innovations would work. I had to keep myself in check, for I did not really want Suri to know of all of her abilities. That would only encourage him to throw her in front of Makenai more often. Makenai was the more durable of the two, yet she was the one who was charged with his defense. I was not going to let my daughter be nothing more than an inhuman shield.

By the end of the day, I had nearly finished Hikari as well. It was then that I began composing my message to her.

To my daughter, Hikari.

From the plans they have given me, I do not believe that they expect very much from you. Yet I know better- I know you will have a stronger heart than all of them, as strong as mine. I am uncertain of your future, but I am confident in your ability to survive. Your will is stronger than your body. Yet you are at a physical disadvantage, so I shall grant you power he cannot control. I do not know when your heart will be strong enough to unlock this message or your power, but I trust that it will happen.

Who am I? My name is Gate, and I am the man who built you. I too am a Reploid, and I am also owned by Suri. One day this path may lead to my demise. I am almost certain of it, because I am not the type to bow to his will. So it is more than likely I will be dead by the time you find this message. I do not know of my past or who built me, nor do I know if I will ever know. So I do not know if there are other relatives out there for you to find after I am gone. I wish for you to have a family, starting with your brother Makenai. With him, you need never be alone, as I am... I believe at times that is my defining characteristic. My name should be Hitori, not Gate.

If I am alive, I shall always welcome you into my home. Come and find me if you wish, I do not know where my path will lead me. I do not know what lies in store for you, but I hope you do not have to face what I faced. I wish more than anything that I could be with you to protect you, but I believe the likelihood of Suri allowing that is close to the likelihood of my spontaneously turning human.

I believe in you, Hikari. I know that you will make me proud. Never let anyone tell you that you are weak because of the limitations of your body. Your heart has no such bindings. Be free and brave for your brother... I believe that he will need you.

I am sorry I cannot raise you as my own... it was my wish to do so. Goodbye, dear Hikari... Should our paths meet again, I shall welcome you with open arms. Be strong, my daughter. I love you.

The tears came too readily, even before I finished. It seemed that the more I did, the worse I felt. Was I supposed to anesthetize myself completely? Was I expected to have no emotion at all? It seemed very much that way. There was no way I could be expected to keep up this path without breaking again... and, why did I feel so strongly? Why was my heart all the sudden being wrenched so by these people I didn't know? Why did I care so much? No one else did. Apparently it was easy for others to just build a Reploid and send it on its way without so much as a second thought. Why was I so attached? I knew no amount of self debate would rid me of the bond I had formed with them, even though the had never spoken a word, nor knew who I was. But... why?

Did I truly write these words? I had no idea such things were within me. In the beginning I would never have thought it possible for myself to speak of emotion so fervently. I was dry, cold, scientific. It was easier that way. Why then must I complicate my life? Would I never be able to live a day without pain and endless questions?

I sighed. Perhaps these feelings and self scrutiny meant I would not be such a terrible father after all. I cared too much... I held myself to such strict standards. I would never allow myself to make a mistake with them. Besides of course the mistake of letting them go, of which I saw no avoiding. If that was to be the way, if I truly had no choice, then I would make the most of every moment I was with them.

I paused for a moment, becoming still as death. I heard no one around me, nor did I see anyone. I waited a bit, making sure that I was alone. I did not wish to be disturbed. There was little more I could do until the actual AI work, and I was unsurprisingly ahead of schedule. I decided to try a bit of mental rest. Timidly, I climbed up onto the table Hikari lay on. I was shaking with trepidation at being so close to another person, especially out of armor. I could never do this with a person who was alive and awake. I was just too paranoid, too afraid of more pain. I settled beside her, slowly becoming more at ease. She was warm... it didn't occur to me at the moment to question why. I draped one of her arms over my shoulder. It may have seemed pathetic to an outside observer... but for once I felt safe without my armor. Tears welled in my eyes again as I pulled her closer. Would this be the only time I could ever hold my daughter?

If only...

That day, I knew I would never stop crying.