Mutual Obsession

Mutual Obsession
Prologue

Even now, I find myself at a loss as to how to relate myself with the other gundam pilots. I don't think we're friends exactly...but what then? Comrades? Peers? Roommates? We barely ever saw each other during the war. Missions were, for the most part, solo operations. There was little communication between all of us. When we did come together, it was because of outside forces- first fate, and then Lucrezia Noin and Sally Po. I know a lot of the citizens imagine that the gundam pilots were a fairly united force, a small organization hiding out from big, bad Oz in our safe houses, taking missions a la James Bond. Really, I probably spent a few days total with Heero Yuy during the war, even less with Trowa Barton and Chang Wufei. I spent the most time with Quatre Winner, hiding from Oz after Heero actually self-destructed. Jackass. It was a good idea to make Quatre the de facto leader later when we did, briefly, work together. I think Quatre spent the most time with each of us. He obviously had some kind of bond with Trowa, and I know he spent time with Heero in Sanct. In a way, he united us. But after the war, we parted ways, still strangers to each other. It wasn't until Dekim Barton resurfaced a year later that we saw each other again, this time working as a team from the start. And when that was over, it seemed...right, I guess, for us to move in with one another. I...I'd like to think that we were all friends. I haven't had any of those in a long time.

I like to think that I know them. At least on some level. Quatre, I know, likes Jasmine tea when he wakes up in the morning, and chrysanthemum right before he goes to sleep. I use to resent Quatre. He never wanted from things like love, shelter, or food, and yet he still found things in his life to complain about. So what if he wasn't born naturally...at least he was born into a family that cared about him. And Quatre's cheerfulness, unlike mine, isn't just a mask. But I'm grateful to Quatre, since he's the only one of the four that really bothered to treat me like a friend. And even then, I can still hear the condescending tones in his voice, and I can't help but think that to him I'm just the street kid he's obligated to pity. Before we bought this house, we stayed at one of his estates. He probably didn't think I would notice that my room was the only one without anything valuable in it, or that Rashid secretly snuck into my room and checked my luggage before we all left. I don't mind, though...not really.

Wufei...I know the least about. I know he doesn't trust me. I've seen him, sitting with Quatre in the backyard, or walking with Heero in the park, deep in conversation. We've never exchanged more than five sentences. And sometimes, when all five of us are talking, some one says something and they all have this meaningful silence. I know it has something to do with Wufei, but until he lets me in on his secrets, I'll be out of the loop. And he doesn't seem to be warming up to me any time soon.

Trowa tends to ignore me, but that's fine because he tends to ignore most people. I know he values Quatre, certainly as a friend, and maybe as something more. Right now, though, their relationship is strictly platonic. I know he respects Heero a great deal, I think at one point he wanted to be exactly like him. As to his feelings toward me...well, I don't know. I talk to him, rambling on about everything and nothing, while he eats breakfast or watches tv. I'm sure he's not listening, but at least he's not constantly telling me to shut up.

Which brings me to Heero, who I am currently rooming with. I thought that I knew Heero the most. I thought that I was really getting good at reading his expressions, and I thought I was getting him to open up a little. But today, I was looking for the others, to tell them to come to lunch. I opened the library door a little, but stopped as I stared at the sight inside. Heero Yuy was laughing. Actually laughing, with Trowa. Trowa...had gotten him to laugh. In all my time with Heero, I think he smiled at me maybe once or twice. And even those times I'm not too sure about. I mumbled something about lunch and closed the door, making my way back to the kitchen. So maybe I didn't know Heero all that well after all. And later on that day, we were doing our homework in our room when my pencil broke. I walked over and opened my mouth to ask him if he had another pencil when he beat me to the chase, not even looking up from his laptop.

"Can't you ever keep quiet?"

I closed my mouth.

So now, I've just decided to go back to L2. It's obvious the guys don't need, or even want, me here, and I doubt I'm benefiting from this arrangement any more than they are. I was packing up my things when Heero came in. I was contemplating the rather sad fact that all my earthly possessions fit into one medium sized suitcase when his voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Where are you going?"

It's strange, how he asks a question like that without sounding the least bit curious.

"Home."

"This is our home."

"Saa, Heero, this isn't really working out for me. I mean, the whole going to school for one thing...we were gundam pilots, doesn't it seem kind of anti-climactic to go back to school after saving the world? I was never one for formal education anyw..."

"So you're going back to L2."

I nod, grinning. "Yeah. The scavenging's business dried up, but one of the sweepers has a car garage there now."

"You're going to be a mechanic."

"You're one for stating the obvious today, ne?" When he doesn't answer I lock my suitcase and sigh. "And anyway, I think I'd be more comfortable living by myself. Claustrophobia, agorophobia, whatever, and besides you guys don't really want me here."

"We don't want you here?"

I pick up my things and make my way to the door, smiling softly at him. "Yeah, you don't have to act like it's not true. It won't hurt my feelings. I was kind of hoping we could all be a kind of family...I never really had one of those. But things just didn't work out."

I held out my hand, so we could shake one last time, and wasn't surprised when he didn't take it.

"Well, then..." I lowered my hand and grasped the door knob instead. "Ja ne, Heero."

And I left.