*** Disclaimers 'n' Notes 'n' Stuff ***
"Happy Noodle Boy" is copy-righted to Jhonen Vasquez, "Shoujo Kakumei Utena" is copy-right BePapas (and either of the artist's associated parties), you know the drill. Ahh… it's 9:14 PM, on a Friday night, and I'm sitting here at my computer, typing away, all for some people to read my stuff and scoff at my writing skills. Why, why do I do this? Who knows? Ah, the inner-torments of a writer. Anyway, this is the third episode of "Happy Noodle Prince-Girl", and I'm happy… or something. Is three episodes enough of an excuse for me to eat three Twinkies, drink five bottles of root-beer, all the while dancing to trance music, glow-sticks around my neck, and then go to sleep on the couch, and then call it a "wild party, man!" the next morning and pretend I'm having a hangover from the root-beer? Probably not, but who knows. Oh, well… just read the friggin' thing already… I hate myself.
HAPPY NOODLE PRINCE-GIRL GOES TO A SOAP FACTORY!
[Utena and Anshii, both represented by two poorly drawn stick figures, are standing behind what appears to be a production-line-belt-thingy, both dressed in yellow smocks.]
Utena [with a yellow hat covering her scribbled, long, pink hair]: "I HATE YOUR DONKEY, YOU COMMUNIST!" [throws a soap-bar at some poor, poor, passer- byer who just happens to walk by the belt]
[The passer-by falls over, knocked out.]
Anshii [also with a yellow hat that covers her scribbled, purple hair] "YOU HAVE DONE IT! YOU HAVE KILLED SATAN!"
Utena: "Yes, I know I have! Now, come, fellow hub-cap, and let us go chuck soap at kindergartners!"
LATER, AT THE BUSSTOP, AFTER SCHOOL…
[Utena and Anshii are busy hiding behind a tree, waiting for the kindergartners to come and wait by the busstop for their bus.]
[The kindergartners emerge from the school, they all happily trot to the busstop sign.]
Utena [soap in hand]: "Look at them, those fucking vanilla-tasting cheese- curls! With their stupid pudding-asses! I SHALL THWART THEIR PLAN OF COVERING THE EARTH WITH SOUPY SOUP! ATTACK!"
[Anshii and Utena then begin a full-frontal attack on the kindergartners, pelting every one with at least five bars of soap each; soon, every child lay still, knocked out, on the ground, yellow soap bars everywhere.]
Juri [emerges from the schoolbus; a stick-person with scribbled orange hair, dressed in the bus-driver's uniform]: "It wasn't very nice to chuck that soap at them, you stupid peepeeheads! I busdriver, I control all!"
Utena [eyes wide]: "Ahh, the great, wise, all-knowing bus-driver! We must bow down and surrender to your great awesomeness!"
Anshii [eyes wide]: "Ahh, the great, wise, all-knowing bus-driver! We shall bow down and surrender to your great awesomeness!"
Juri: "I CONTROL ALL OFFICE DEPOT'S! I AM BARBRA WALTERS!"
Utena [begins to chuck soap-bars at the bus]: "HAH! STUUUUUUUUUUPID MONKEY- ASS!"
[Touga, Miki, Saionji, Nanami, Akio, and ChuChu all emerge from the bus, singing and dancing, all stick-figures with scribbled hair. The singing and dancing stops.]
ChuChu: [head explodes]
[Everyone stops singing and dancing (Utena and Anshii and Juri are not singing or dancing, because they just aren't).]
Everyone [including Utena and Anshii and Juri]: "YAY!"
[Everyone then returns to singing and dancing again, Utena and Anshii and Juri go back to doing what they were doing before, which was not singing and dancing.]
SOON, EVERYONE BECOME BROADWAY STARZ! SOON, AT DA BROADWAY PLACE!
Big-shot director: "Now, I want all of you stupid fucks to just stand over there, in your costumes made of chile and stryofoam."
Utena [foaming at the mouth]: "I SEEK HUMAN FLESH, GRRRRR! I GRIZZLY BEAR! I MEAN AND FURRY WITH THE OCCASIONAL BALD-SPOTS!" [launches herself off of the stage, clutching a pink boa, jumping onto the director]
Nanami [gloms onto her brother]: "Onee-san, will you ever love me as much as you do that fucking piece of meat you hump?"
Touga: "No, you stupid bitch. I will never love anyone more than my dear Louise."
Nanami: "BASTARD! I HATE YOU AND YOUR STUPID MEAT FETISH! MEAT-RAPIST, YOU ARE!" [whacks him with a giant cotton-swab, knocking off his arm]
Saionji: "PEPPER-SPRAY!" [sprays everyone in the face with pepper-spray, then sprays himself]
Everyone [excluding Utena, who is busy killing the Big-shot director with a pink boa]: "OH, IT BURNS! IT BURNS! OH MY GOD, IT BURNS!"
Utena: "STUPID BOOBY-HEAD, DIE, DIE, DIE!"
[Suddenly, the whole theater explodes into a big cloud of Kool-Aid and rainbow sprinkles.]
DA STUPID BOOBY-HEAD END!
"Happy Noodle Boy" is copy-righted to Jhonen Vasquez, "Shoujo Kakumei Utena" is copy-right BePapas (and either of the artist's associated parties), you know the drill. Ahh… it's 9:14 PM, on a Friday night, and I'm sitting here at my computer, typing away, all for some people to read my stuff and scoff at my writing skills. Why, why do I do this? Who knows? Ah, the inner-torments of a writer. Anyway, this is the third episode of "Happy Noodle Prince-Girl", and I'm happy… or something. Is three episodes enough of an excuse for me to eat three Twinkies, drink five bottles of root-beer, all the while dancing to trance music, glow-sticks around my neck, and then go to sleep on the couch, and then call it a "wild party, man!" the next morning and pretend I'm having a hangover from the root-beer? Probably not, but who knows. Oh, well… just read the friggin' thing already… I hate myself.
HAPPY NOODLE PRINCE-GIRL GOES TO A SOAP FACTORY!
[Utena and Anshii, both represented by two poorly drawn stick figures, are standing behind what appears to be a production-line-belt-thingy, both dressed in yellow smocks.]
Utena [with a yellow hat covering her scribbled, long, pink hair]: "I HATE YOUR DONKEY, YOU COMMUNIST!" [throws a soap-bar at some poor, poor, passer- byer who just happens to walk by the belt]
[The passer-by falls over, knocked out.]
Anshii [also with a yellow hat that covers her scribbled, purple hair] "YOU HAVE DONE IT! YOU HAVE KILLED SATAN!"
Utena: "Yes, I know I have! Now, come, fellow hub-cap, and let us go chuck soap at kindergartners!"
LATER, AT THE BUSSTOP, AFTER SCHOOL…
[Utena and Anshii are busy hiding behind a tree, waiting for the kindergartners to come and wait by the busstop for their bus.]
[The kindergartners emerge from the school, they all happily trot to the busstop sign.]
Utena [soap in hand]: "Look at them, those fucking vanilla-tasting cheese- curls! With their stupid pudding-asses! I SHALL THWART THEIR PLAN OF COVERING THE EARTH WITH SOUPY SOUP! ATTACK!"
[Anshii and Utena then begin a full-frontal attack on the kindergartners, pelting every one with at least five bars of soap each; soon, every child lay still, knocked out, on the ground, yellow soap bars everywhere.]
Juri [emerges from the schoolbus; a stick-person with scribbled orange hair, dressed in the bus-driver's uniform]: "It wasn't very nice to chuck that soap at them, you stupid peepeeheads! I busdriver, I control all!"
Utena [eyes wide]: "Ahh, the great, wise, all-knowing bus-driver! We must bow down and surrender to your great awesomeness!"
Anshii [eyes wide]: "Ahh, the great, wise, all-knowing bus-driver! We shall bow down and surrender to your great awesomeness!"
Juri: "I CONTROL ALL OFFICE DEPOT'S! I AM BARBRA WALTERS!"
Utena [begins to chuck soap-bars at the bus]: "HAH! STUUUUUUUUUUPID MONKEY- ASS!"
[Touga, Miki, Saionji, Nanami, Akio, and ChuChu all emerge from the bus, singing and dancing, all stick-figures with scribbled hair. The singing and dancing stops.]
ChuChu: [head explodes]
[Everyone stops singing and dancing (Utena and Anshii and Juri are not singing or dancing, because they just aren't).]
Everyone [including Utena and Anshii and Juri]: "YAY!"
[Everyone then returns to singing and dancing again, Utena and Anshii and Juri go back to doing what they were doing before, which was not singing and dancing.]
SOON, EVERYONE BECOME BROADWAY STARZ! SOON, AT DA BROADWAY PLACE!
Big-shot director: "Now, I want all of you stupid fucks to just stand over there, in your costumes made of chile and stryofoam."
Utena [foaming at the mouth]: "I SEEK HUMAN FLESH, GRRRRR! I GRIZZLY BEAR! I MEAN AND FURRY WITH THE OCCASIONAL BALD-SPOTS!" [launches herself off of the stage, clutching a pink boa, jumping onto the director]
Nanami [gloms onto her brother]: "Onee-san, will you ever love me as much as you do that fucking piece of meat you hump?"
Touga: "No, you stupid bitch. I will never love anyone more than my dear Louise."
Nanami: "BASTARD! I HATE YOU AND YOUR STUPID MEAT FETISH! MEAT-RAPIST, YOU ARE!" [whacks him with a giant cotton-swab, knocking off his arm]
Saionji: "PEPPER-SPRAY!" [sprays everyone in the face with pepper-spray, then sprays himself]
Everyone [excluding Utena, who is busy killing the Big-shot director with a pink boa]: "OH, IT BURNS! IT BURNS! OH MY GOD, IT BURNS!"
Utena: "STUPID BOOBY-HEAD, DIE, DIE, DIE!"
[Suddenly, the whole theater explodes into a big cloud of Kool-Aid and rainbow sprinkles.]
DA STUPID BOOBY-HEAD END!
