From: Bruce Savage bruce.savage@sympatico.ca
Date: Sat, 03 Apr 1999 11:35:51 -0500
Subject: My story

TITLE: Thank Go It Was Only A Dream
AUTHOR: Angel Eyes
DISCLAIMER: All of these characters belong to the
almighty Surfer God himself, Chris Carter. They
will never belong to anyone or me else but him.
CLASSIFICATION: VA
RAITING: PG
SPOILERS: Everything 'till now. Some references
to past episodes.
SUMMARY: Scully dies while Mulder is in her pres-
ence. How will Mulder deal with her loss?
AUTHORS NOTE: This is my first attempt at writing a
story. Please feel free to tell me what you think
of it, I need great encouragement, if I want to
continue.
DEDICATION: This story is dedicated to Julia who
said I could do this. Thanx a bunch.

Thank God It Was Only A Dream

 As I gradually walked down that everyday hall-
way, a chill ran down my spine. Every time I got

near the door my stomach started to stir up, but I

had to be strong, had to be strong for her. I

couldn't show her that I was sorrowful, that I

would be alone for the rest of my life if she left.

 When I entered the room, her mother greeted me. 

She looked just as bad as Scully. Her eyes were

all puffy and red; her cheeks were stained with her

tears that wouldn't stop falling. Her eyes were

empty; looking as though there was nothing left in

them. My heart fell to the floor and I knew the

inevitable was finally here. She was leaving, for

good.

 I took a seat next to her on the bed and placed

her tiny hand in mine. Her hand was so still, it

was almost as if I was already too late but I

achieved to make it in time to say good-bye. To

tell her I love her. Hopefully. She stirs in her

sleep quietly and then her exquisite oceans blue

eyes open wide and speak to me. She goes to speak

but I place my finger over her lips. "Don't

speak," I murmur to her. "Just don't."

 I help her sit up in the bed and stroke the lone

auburn strip of hair away from her face. She looks

so pale and so fragile, almost like she would brake

if I touched her once more. But I had to touch

her, had to reassure her that everything would be

all right. I move in closer, leaning in to stroke

her cheek. She's burning up with a fever. I leave

for a second to go get a cold wash cloth and I hear

a slight whimper escape her but I reassure her that

I'm not going far. I return with a cold wet cloth

and start wiping it across her cheeks and forehead.

 I place the cloth on the table next to her bed

noticing she hasn't touched any of the hospital

food. Who could blame her, that stuff tastes like

crap anyway. I make a mental note to myself to get

her a little treat after visiting hours. We sit

there for what seems like an eternity before I fi-
nally speak up, "How are you feeling?" I ask qui-
etly. She looks down before she looks at me again

and there is a lone tear falling down her face now. 

I know the answer; she doesn't even have to say. I

wipe away the tears but I can't stop them now,

they're falling like a waterfall.

 I take her in my arms and let her cry it out;

it's what she needs right now. I rub the small of

her back; it seems to calm her down a bit. I don't

try and stop her and I don't push her away or let

go of her when Bill JR, walks in the room. I stand

my ground; I let him know that I don't care anymore

of what he thinks of me. I just want to hold her. 

She turns her head slightly and notices him but she

doesn't let go of me. I guess Bill noticed that as

well and walked out the door.

 Finally she speaks, "I'm going to be ok, they

said I would," she said through her sobs. I just

nod my head; I can't say anything, not now and not

ever. I don't want her to go on believing the lie

as I have all these years but if it's the only

thing that's keeping her going then I won't stop

her. I pull her back and place my hands on either

sides of her face. I just stare into those eyes,

those eyes that have at times hidden things from me

but also have saved me a thousand times over. I

place a kiss atop her forehead. I look back into

her eyes and see the tears coming back. I tell her

it's ok to cry it's natural. For her it's not; it

never has been ever since she started working with

me. The last time I saw her cry was in my hallway

when we almost kissed. The day I made my speech to

her that would change our lives forever, "But you

saved me?As difficult and as frustrating as it's

been sometimes your goddamn strict rationalism and

science has saved me a thousand time over. You've

kept me honest; you've made me a whole person. I

owe you everything, Scully and you owe my nothing. 

I don't know if I want to do this alone, I don't

even know if I can and if I quit now, they win!"

 I knew from that moment on we would belong to

each other, whether it be physically or mentally or

emotionally, we would be one. I was about to an-
nounce to her again that I loved her. I finally

built up all my courage. This time I wasn't under

the influence of the hospital's wonderful drug. I

was about to say it when her heart rate machine

started to go psycho on me. The look I saw in her

eyes at that very moment made my heart shatter into

more than a million pieces. She was slipping away

on me and fast. I screamed for a doctor, a nurse,

for a prayer but I was too late. She was dead. 

The last words to escape her mouth were, "I love

you!" and then she was. No good-byes, any last

kiss anything but the three words I wanted to tell

her.

 Her brother, mother and doctor all entered the

room to find me balling my eyes out. I was saying

the same words over and over hoping it would bring

her back, but it wouldn't. "No, no, Scully,

please, please wake up. Please!" My tears were

drowning out my words. I couldn't stop them. They

were like an annoying water faucet that wouldn't

stop in a hotel room. Her mother came over to com-
fort me, her tears soaking my shirt. "It's ok Fox,

it's going to be ok." She tried to reassure me but

I wouldn't listen. I shrugged her arm off my

shoulder and kept trying to talk to Scully. 

"Please, wake up, I need you, Scully I need you. 

Please. I love you. I love you so much. Please

don't leave me alone, I can't do this without you." 

My tears increasing with each declaration that es-
caped my orifice.

 The doctors and nurses finally announced to the

family that she was gone. Both her brother and

mother just nodded but not me. I was tranquil; I

was like a dead weight. Her family started to

leave the room but her mother noticed that I still

wasn't moving. She came and placed her hand back

on my shoulder. "Fox, honey, please come with us. 

There's nothing you can do. She left peacefully,

please just let her go. Let her go Fox!" she said

in almost aggravated tone. I stand up; I still

haven't let go of her hand, which is now completely

limp. Her mother pulls me by my arm but I don't

want to budge, I don't want to leave her. After

five minutes I let go of her hand which brought

more sorrow.

 The doctors departed giving all of us their con-
dolences. One of them in particular giving me a

hug and a kiss on the cheek telling me how sorry

she was; that she knew how close Scully and I were. 

It took me more than a minute to see that it was a

best friend of mine, someone who has always been

there for me just like Scully and who has helped me

through the rough times when Scully was in the hos-
pital. I could tell Mrs. Scully was about to say

something but I interrupted her by starting to cry

again. This time I felt like I wanted to die,

there was no reason to keep on living, not without

Scully. She was my universe, my air, and my reason

for living. But what was I supposed to do not that

she was gone? I didn't stop crying for more than

20 minutes in Mrs. Scully's arms. I think I'm go-
ing to have to buy her a new sweater, one more men-
tal note that I'll probably forget.

 I didn't know where to go, what to do or how to

do anything. My brain had just shut itself off. I

decided to go to the hospital cafeteria not yet

wanting to go home. I got myself a table and sat

down. I had the blankest expression on my face. 

All of a sudden a large coffee and chocolate chip

muffin were placed in front of me. I expected it

to be Mrs. Scully but it wasn't. It took my eyes

the longest time to move up to her face to find out

who she was.

 I slowly drifted my eyes up her body, starting

from her feet. From what I saw, she was very tall. 

She had nice slender, muscular legs, she also

seemed to have a fit body but it was hard to tell

because it was hidden behind that white coat of

hers. I looked at her nametag and felt better, not

much though. It read Dr. Isabelle Reed. She also

had a little design on her coat of Tigger and

Eeyor.

 "Can I sit down or are you just going to sit

there staring at my chest?" she asked whimsically.

 "Be my guest and I wasn't staring at your

chest!" I stated though a mumbled voice. She

started to rub my forearm and the back of my hand

soothingly.

 "How are you, really?" she asked in a very con-
cerned voice. I think she's the very first person

to ask me. I hesitated for a moment but decided

not to say anything. I don't want anymore sympathy

and especially not from one of my best friends. 

She noted my silence and took it as a hint that I

didn't want to talk right now, that I needed some

time to be alone and gather my thoughts before re-
ceiving anymore-fake sympathy from people who

really don't care. She let go of my hand as she

stood up and I felt the wave of sadness return. 

She walked behind me and whispered into my ear,

"I'm here for you, you know that right? Take as

much time as you need but not too much though. 

When you are ready to talk about it, I'll be ready

to listen. Go home, get some sleep and please try

to eat something. And please don't do anything

stupid. I know it hurts loving the person you love

with your whole heart but it's not worth dying is

it? I don't want to loose another friend." And

with that she left. I nodded after she left, she's

right, I had thought about killing myself after

Scully had died but I had to continue, had to con-
tinue for her. To find these bastards who did this

to her and took her from her family and I. First,

I had to get out of here but something was holding

me back from leaving.

 I finally managed to get out of that hospital. 

There are so many unpleasant memories there that if

I hadn't of got out of they're instantaneously; I

would have started to bawl again.

 I sat in my car and didn't budge. The radio was

blaring just as I turned the key in the ignition. 

I went to turn it down but a song that reminded me

of her was playing. Somewhere, beyond the sea. 

Somewhere waiting for me? My eyes started to tear

up but I quickly changed the channel. I went

through all the AM and FM stations each time there

was a song that reminded me of Scully. I finally

turned off the radio hoping the silence would wash

away my tears. The silence only seemed to bring me

more sorrow. I can't do this without her.

 I turned the car off as I pulled up into her

parking space. I kept thinking of her dying words

to me. They would not cease to repeat over and

over in my head. I love you! I looked over to

the passenger seat in my car and saw her coat lying

there. I picked it up remembering the last time

she sat in that seat wearing it. It was only a few

days ago when we were driving back from a case. 

That's how this all happened actually.

 It was on a Wednesday morning and we had just

got off the plane coming back from Nevada. All

throughout the flight she looked like she was going

to pass out. She was white as a ghost and she was

freezing cold, just like I had found her in Antarc-
tica. We got in my car and all the way home she

complained about the temperature. I thought she

was just being foolish and told her to stop acting

as if she were trying to get my sympathy. But then

it happened, just like that. She started to get a

nosebleed. When I saw that blood fall from her

nose, I almost got us killed in a car accident.

 She turned and faced me with an expression I'll

never forget. It was that same look she gave me

just before she died. I closed my eyes and held

her jacket closer to my heart hoping that she was

in that jacket. I sobbed silently into her jacket

wishing she were hear in my arms so I could hold

onto her forever and never let go, never.

 I made my way up to her apartment door. I stood

there studying, remembering all the many times I

knocked down that door to save her or knocked on it

to disturb about some worthless case. I position

my hand in the knocking position when I remembered

that no one lived here anymore. Once unlocked and

then locked again, I was all-alone in this barren

apartment, many memories still lingered in my head. 

But it was her, her spirit and her smell that was

still present in the air. I still love that smell.

 I moved myself around the living room noticing

many things that I had never seen before. It's

probably because I was never here to sit, talk and

admire her place; it was always about work. That's

all it's ever been about. I don't think there was

ever a day where I just stopped working to ask her

how she felt, how she really felt. I was so

wrapped up in trying to restore the burned X-Files

that I didn't even notice her withering away before

my very eyes. I fell onto her couch and it made a

tiny thud. Her couch, how many memories do I have

of her couch. How many times had I fallen asleep

on her couch after something bad has happened to

her? More times than I care to remember. I picked

up a picture that caught the corner of my eyes. It

was of her, sitting under a tree a reading a book,

one of her favorite pass-times. There was a beau-
tiful sunset in the background and the sky was

clear. She looked like angel, my angel.

 I stayed on that couch for what seemed to be

days on end but it was actually a mere three min-
utes. I told myself to get over this, that there

was nothing in the world I could do to bring her

back, nothing. I had to start packing up her

stuff; her mother would probably want to put it

somewhere she could always look at. I went and

found a couple of boxes in the basement of the

apartment building. I also found a large masking

tape roller. I was about to go upstairs when her

super stopped me.

 "Hey you, drop whatever you got in your hands

now and get the hell out of my basement before I

call the cops!" his annoying voice went through one

ear and out the other. I walked right past him and

kept going, not even turning around to see the ex-
pression on his face.

 After three hours of packing almost everything

in her livingroom and kitchen in the boxes, I found

myself starting to un-pack them as well. I remem-
bered there was still the bathroom and bedroom,

also any closet I missed. I went straight to her

bathroom noticing a heavy weight was lifted off my

shoulders. I guess it must be because I have no

really bad or good memories of Scully and her bath-
room. Well, except for the Tooms thing but I saved

her. I picked up all the bottles, towels, and any

other little accessory I could find. They all

smelled like her, this was her scent. The one I

always longed to smell everyday. Wild Strawberries

seemed to be one of her favorite scents in this

bathroom. I always dreamed of Scully and strawber-
ries but it was too late for that. I was always

too late, always.

 After packing up in her bathroom I moved myself

to the place I had been dreading since my arrival,

her bedroom. There were so many memories that lay

in that room that I was afraid I might brake down

and start crying again. I don't think it's possi-
ble though, I completely drained my tears in her

jacket.

 The moment my whole entire body was through her

bedroom door, it was like a huge wave of sadness

passed through my body. I almost started to cry

again but I held it back. I walked over to her

closet and opened it. "Wow!" I said in utter

amazement. I never knew Scully had so many suits. 

But behind her suits were clothes I had never seen

before. Never in the seven years I have known her. 

They were dress clothes, not office clothing but

fancy dinner clothing. No wonder I had never seen

her in any of them. I removed everything from her

closet; placed all the clothes neatly on her chair. 

I moved toward her dresser.

 I decided to start from the bottom and work my

way up. The bottom drawer contained pants. Every

kind she owned. Like jeans, sweats, and spandex. 

Those must be for exercising, which she used to do

regularly. The next drawer contained her shirts. 

From the mini-tees she owned all the way to the

loose baggy shirts she wears for relaxing. Every-
thing of hers is so stylish, but they lost touch

when they were placed in the boxes with everything

else. I was now at the final drawer. I knew what

awaited me there. I thought about letting Mrs.

Scully clean out that area but I knew it would take

too long. I swiftly opened the drawer.

 It wasn't as bad as I thought. Inside were the

usual panties and bras but there were also some

boxers and some really short shits. All rolled up

neatly in the corner were her nylons, knee-high

stockings, and socks. She had quite an amount of

stuff in these drawers.

 I started to feel faint. I was tired after

hours of packing. My stomach was rumbling and my

throat was very dry. I moved back to her kitchen

for some food and something to drink. There wasn't

that much in choice to eat or drink. Actually

there was nothing good per say. It was mostly

health stuff or low-fat stuff. Blah! It seemed

the more I cleaned up all of Scully's stuff, her

apartment was somewhat looking more and more like

mine; cluttered yet barren at the same time.

 I had eaten the muffin that Belle had given me

earlier tonight. It was actually quite good. It

was hard to believe that it came from the cafete-
ria. I moved myself back to her bedroom and sat on

her bed. God, this bed held so many memories for

me. It usually involved something dangerous but it

reminded me more and more of Scully. I went

through the books beside her bed. 'The Deep End of

the Ocean' 'Kiss the Girls' 'The Shinning' 'Break-
fast at Tiffany's'. A lot of good books, hard to

believe she had great taste in book as well. What

didn't she have great taste n, oh yeah, men. There

was another book that caught my attention. It had

no author nor a title. I picked it up and flipped

through it quickly. There seemed to always be the

same name but different dates. Could it be that I

had stumbled upon a diary of hers?

 I placed the diary back realizing that I had no

right to read her personal thoughts. I had put my

foot down but my curiosity won me over and I leafed

through her diary. Some of the entries were very

interesting or so they seemed. I wasn't really

reading them, I was just looking for a name, mine. 

I didn't find it, not even once. How weird. Just

as I was about to lace the diary back for a second

time, a piece of paper fell out, actually a couple

fell out. I picked them up and was shocked at what

I saw. It was a letter and it was addressed to me. 

I was very curious about this letter. I placed the

papers in the right order and started to read.

Dear Mulder,

 If you are reading this letter it means that I

am dead or that you are just plain snoopy. I know

you are probably going through a pain right now. 

All I can say is sorry. Whatever happened to me is

not your fault, well unless you really killed me. 

These jokes are just as bad as yours but I guess

that comes from spending more than 7 years with

you.
 I know it will take you a while to get over me

but you must be strong, you must continue. You

must go on to find the men who did this to me and

who took away your sister. You must continue you

work on the X-Files to find the truth.

 

Love you always and forever,
 
 

Dana

 Silent sobs escaped Mulder. His tears were

soaking the letter. "I did find my truth Scully,

you, you are my truth." He refolded the letter and

placed it in his back pocket. His eyes started to

droop. His body curled up on her side of the bed. 

He held her pillow and sobbed some more. He

quickly fell into a deep sleep; he had cried him-
self to sleep.


 I paced around her livingroom waiting for some-
one to come, anyone. Then all of a sudden she was

there, right in front of me and looking as beauti-
ful as ever. Could she be an angel, the angel she

always was?

 "Scully? Scully is it really you?"

 "Mulder," she whispered quietly. I was speech-
less. "Mulder, Mulder, Mulder?"


 I was suddenly being shaken, then it stopped. 

Now there was a warm, soft hand stroking my cheek

and hair. "Hey sleepy-head, wake up. You're

sleeping on my pillow and pj's. Get up." I was now

being shoved further on the bed. I opened my eyes

slowly, letting them adjust to the dim light.

"MMMRRRPPPHHH?" I said groggily, clearing my

throat. I gradually lifted my head from the pillow

and noticed it was wet in one particular place. I

was drooling, how embarrassing. When I saw the

person in front of me I almost had a heart attack. 

It was her, right there before my very eyes. The

same eyes that hours ago saw her die. But she was-
n't dead, she was alive.

 "Earth to Mulder. Hey, common get moving, I

want to get to sleep," she said with a slight laugh

in her voice.

 "Scully, you're?you're alive. But how, I saw

you die? What?how?" I mumbled through a question-
able voice.

 "Mulder, I'm very much so alive, I assure you. 

You fell sound asleep on my bed after you threw-up

three times in my bathroom. You must have had a

nightmare because you were crying and tossing and

turning in your sleep. What were you dreaming

about?" She asked with a sympathetic tone.

 "It was horrible Scully. I dreamt that you had

died, right in front of me and I never get to tell

you I loved you," I paused for a moment to see the

expression on her face. She was smiling at my last

words. "I didn't know what to do or where to go,

so I cam here, to your apartment. I decided it

would be best if I clean up your stuff seeing as

how I would be the only person who could do it. I

was so sad that I cried myself to sleep on your

bed. I was actually surprised that I had more

tears to cry because I cried them all in the hospi-
tal and the car. I was so scared, I though I had

lost you forever, then I had a dream in a dream,

that was even weirder. Promise me Scully you won't

ever leave me, I don't think I could deal with it. 

I need you and I?I love you!" I stated it quite

proudly and her eyes teared up. The tears started

to fall and I hugged her with a lot of force. I

never wanted to let her go, never. I guess I held

her too tight because she tried to push me away and

tried to gasp for air.

 "Oh Mulder, I'm never going to leave. I prom-
ise. You have my word that I wont leave unless

there is a really good reason and even then they

will have to drag me away from you," she laughed a

bit through her tears. "Common, why don't you get

up and we'll go watch a movie and order some food,

hoping you can keep it down." She pulled me up off

her bed and brought me to her couch. She sat me

down, wrapped me up in a blanket and popped in a

video.

 I didn't know what movie we were watching I was

too busy try to stay cuddled up to Scully. It has

been a long time since we've cuddled. I like it,

she's tiny yet warm. We stayed like this until the

next morning but we would always stay like this,

for eternity.



The End

What do you think? E-mail me at

angeliceye@hotmail.com