A/N: This story was written by me and my sister Nanyrah about two months ago. Please leave a review in the box below. Any flames are welcome!



1 The sweat strikes back

By Shazirah & Nanyrah

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

It is a time of galactic unrest.

The young Jedi Anakin Skywalker has died to to a mysterious disease. This causes Queen Amidala's displeasure. The Jedi Obi Wan Kenobi has been sent on a mission, given to him by the secret service. He has to investigate the secret construction project of the surpreme chancellor Palpatine.

Meanwhile, Jar Jar Binks is in mortal danger. The spirit of the evil Sith lord DARTH MAUL is continually chasing him, to take revenge for his failure in Theed. Jar Jar, despairing, rushes to Coruscant on his starship, to beseech the Jedi Council to help him...

Concentrating, Obi Wan screwed his eyes up. He decided that he really needed a bath. It had been over seven hours since he last had had the opportunity to bathe, and already he thought that a slight incense of sweat came pouring into his nose, directly from his armpits. Disgusted, he turned his nose up and decided to bath at the next opportunity, whatever that might be. It didn't matter how. It didn't matter where.

Obi Wan was walking through the scorching heat that was special to Tatooine's desert. Strictly speaking, he was not supposed to be here at all. He was supposed to be on Coruscant, to receive an update on his mission and collect new instructions. Somehow, though, he had been pulled to Tatooine.

After five more steps, the odour was more than Obi Wan could bear. He pulled the compact Deodorant-Spray out of his pocket and thoroughly supplied his armpits with manly smelling deodorant. Having done that, he felt much better, being able to breathe normally again. But to late! The smell of sweat had already attracted dozens of animals. In a very short time, Obi Wan was surrounded by his worst nightmare. Flies.

He feverishly searched for his weapon, but when he found it, he had to discover that his insect spray had run out. Obi Wan panicked, and sent out a powerful force-push to get rid of his opponents. They died immediately, and Obi Wan stopped, looking scared. What had he done?

This was not the light side of the force; it was something completely different. It was darker. more evil. What now? Obi Wan thought in shock. He decided to phone his twin brother.

A dark, cruel voice answered the Comm. "James Bond. Unfortunately I am not in at the moment (because I'm taking a bath). Please leave your message after the tone and I will get back to you as soon as possible (or not)."

Obi Wan rolled his eyes.

"James," he said. "Stop being childish, I know you're there."

"He-theta!" James growled discontentedly. "Make it short, I'm in the bathtub. And I still need to polish my nails."

Obi Wan looked at the Comm with envy. This was just unfair! He wanted to have a bath as well, and this arrogant idiot of brother was able to. He decided to bathe at the next opportunity, whatever that might be. It didn't matter how. It didn't matter where.

"What's the matter?" his brother's voice asked. "You still there?"

"Yes!" Obi Wan cried, and silenced again, at a loss of words.

"Idiot," James growled. "We're not at the pantomime. And my water will get cold, if you decide to keep your silence up for much longer."

Obi Wan defiantly looked at the Comm. This was unfair. It was not his fault that he was not as intelligent as his brother.

"This is getting ridiculous," James said. "You have exactly one minute to tell me whatever you wanted to tell me in the first place, and then I'll pay full attention to my beauty care again."

"I'm bored," Obi Wan whined. "And I'm hot. And there are thousands of insects buggering me."

"Ugh," his brother's oily voice remarked. "Insects. Why aren't you using insect spray? As for the heat - just take a bath, and then everything will be all right. Oh, this reminds me - my water is getting cold. Have fun in the desert."

Click.

Indignantly, Obi Wan stared at the Comm in his hand. He had hung up! Just like this! This was not fair! He decided to bathe at the next opportunity, whatever that might be. It didn't matter how. It didn't matter where.

He took another five steps, and the odour came up again. Obi Wan sighed, and unpacked his deodorant again. He gave his armpits a good spray.

Another five steps, and he could smell it again.

"That's it!" Obi Wan cried. Seemingly, his deodorant would not work in the desert. He had to use something more drastic. From his other pocket, he pulled out the Armpit Glue Ultra. He glued a sheet to each shoulder.

Tentatively, he took five more steps and sniffed. Nothing. Relieved, Obi Wan continued on his way.

He noticed that the heat was increasing, and soon the familiar odour came up again.

"That, my friends, is enough," Obi Wan told his armpits. "You seem to think that you always get special treatment, huh? Well, not with me, my friends!"

Worked up, he took out his entire Armpit Glue Ultra content and distributed the adhesive sheets evenly between his armpits.

Like this, he was able to continue undisturbed on his way, when he entered a large canyon. Obi Wan looked around, eyebrows raised in confusion. What was he doing here anyway? Why was he here and not in Coruscant? So many questions.

Obi Wan rested on a rock and pondered.

He came up with the explanation that he must have followed some strange feeling. A call of the force?

"But I've already been here, with Qui Gon," Obi Wan muttered unhappily. "You would think that once is enough, wouldn't you?"

"Oh, not at all, Obi Wan Kenobi," someone behind him said.

Alarmed, Obi Wan leaped up. In flowing motion, he had drawn his lightsaber and cleanly sliced his opponent in two pieces. Or at least he thought so, until he heard the voice again.

"Really, Obi Wan," the Voice mocked him. "I would have thought that a Jedi was more of a passive fighter and had control over his actions."

Obi Wan was getting really angry. Who did this two-sliced marionette think he was to tell him that he did not have control over his actions? He had had enough trouble with his armpits, didn't he?

"That's enough, dear friend! First my armpits keep annoying me, then I can't find a place to take a bath, and now some stupid, invisible . thing comes here to annoy me . or whatever! Anyway, I'm sure this is all your fault!"

Having said that, Obi Wan furiously raised his hand with the lightsaber again. He sliced the air like a berserker. Hoots of laughter answered him, and Obi Wan paused in his chopping and slicing and indignantly looked in the direction of the sound. He could feel, or rather, smell, the presence of his opponent. This invisible guy, whoever it was, apparently did not care about body care.

"Why are you laughing at me?" Obi Wan asked, completely baffled. "Anyway, how about you using a deodorant? This smell is unbearable!"

Obi Wan held a gloved hand over mouth and nose to escape the smell, which seemed to be increasing in intensity.

"Really, you should take a bath! This is repulsive!"

The invisible did not respond, but the smell was still there. Obi Wan sniffed. Could it be? But he had already.

"Again?" Obi Wan asked his armpits, incredulous. "You seem to never get enough! So you want the hard tour? All right then!"

He fished in his pockets, and emerged with a tube of All-Purpose Glue Super- Ultra. Satisfied, he nodded his head. Then he began, slowly and thoroughly, to spread the glue in his armpits.

"So, you're done!" he cried happily and ungracefully slumped on the rock again.

Why was it that he was here? Well, probably it wasn't that important.

Obi Wan looked around again. On second thought, the canyon looked rather nice compared to the desert - it had the huge advantage of providing shadows. He decided that he was hungry now, and searched his pockets. He found nothing.

"But that's impossible!" Obi Wan shouted at all the rocks around him. "I know that I've taken my food with me, and I'm hungry!" "Hungry --- hungry -- - hungry," the rocks echoed.

Obi Wan buried his head in his hands. Great, he was all alone in the desert and had forgotten to take his lunch with him. Suddenly, he started. Of course, great moron that he was! Of course he had not forgotten his lunch at home! With a thankful sigh, Obi Wan heaved his backpack from his shoulders and produced his Mickey-Mouse lunchbox.

Hungrily, he consumed the food.

"Now I need a little bit of rest," he told the rocks. "Please look after my belongings, OK?"

He was so grateful that Qui Gon had taught him on the living force! Otherwise, he would never have known that he could, just like that, without anybody to look after him, take a nap. But the rocks, anything really, was connected with him through the Force. Obi Wan smiled happily and crouched into a tiny ball. Nothing could happen to him.





So, that was Chapter 1! If I get five reviews, I´ll post chapter 2!