Part 7 – Final Goodbyes, Only for Some

            The music was playing and the tears were flowing. A tiny solemn poem was read out by Squall himself at the side of the solid oak casket, covered in elegant carvings and white roses.

"I walked out this morning, it was like a veil had been removed from

Before my eyes. For the first time I saw the work of heaven, in the line where the hill had been married to the sky. And all around me, every blade of singing grass, was calling out your name, and that our love would always last. And inside every turning leaf is the pattern of an older tree, the shape of our future, the shape of all our history. And out of the confusion, where the river meets the sea, came things I'd never seen. Things I'd never seen." 
               Squall sat down after reading the poem and fought back the tears accumulating in his eyes. The tenderness of his heart as he stared at the brown box before him exploded into a mass of emotions; he finally gave up the struggle and broke down in tears. Even though you are always with me, my heart still feels that you are gone. Forever. Quistis placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder as they dropped the coffin into the ground. Squall shrugged off this hand and ran away in the direction of the Garden; he wasn't going to come to terms with the fact that she was gone. Quistis sighed and looked at the rest of the tearful crowd, they nodded their head and she ran after him. The moist air rushed through her golden locks of hair as she was racing to catch up with Squall; the suddenly, he stopped at the foot of the Garden and just stared up at the mighty structure. Quistis stopped a way behind Squall to catch her breath and adjust her composure before confronting him. 
 
               "You know, I never thought I would miss someone this much." Squall's words collided with the air and were absorbed by Quistis' ears that sunk to her stomach and made her stuck for words. They both stood there in silence—not even twitching a single cell—just thinking. 
 
               "To be honest Squall…" she took a deep breath and slowly walked towards him, "…I never thought you would either." Squall turned around to address her comment and yet even with the severity of the point she was making, he smiled. "Squall, you've changed from the Squall I knew and grew up with…you…"
 
"I've begun thinking of others? Is that what you were going to say?" Squall took a few steps towards Quistis and stopped again.
 
"Well, um…yes. That is what I was going to say." Quistis looked at Squall and he returned the look in the exactly the same fashion. "What happened to you out there?" Squall turned around once again and carried on walking towards the Garden at a slow pace, I kept a promise… "…I said goodbye…" his pace remained the same as he walked up the ramp and his body blended in with the shadows that were cast over the entrance. I kept a promise and said goodbye. Quistis' arms dropped to her side as she looked at the doors as they closed behind him.
 
               Squall walked through the empty corridors and the silence was surrounding him and nearly breaking him down. He walked into his dorm and rested on his bed—his comfy bed where Rinoa had woken him up many times in the middle of the night; the bed that had held him for years—his eyes wanted to close and were heavy with fatigue, but couldn't shut with fear of seeing Rinoa slumped on the floor again; with fear of the emotionless look on her face. The pain of her departure was still tearing him apart inside but he eventually gave in to his ever-increasing tiredness and fell asleep. His dreams were plagued from fear and sadness, to anger and regret and he couldn't shake his main fear; fear of being alone. The air went bitterly cold and Squall bolted up in bed and surveyed the room around him. The window was blasting the sea breeze into the room. He got up out of bed and walked casually over to the window and looked up at the stars. This is no way to behave…wallowing in self-pity. I should be ashamed of myself; walking around like it was the end of the world. I even told the others not to do that. What have I turned into? With that thought, he slowly made his way back to his bed and reclined in the masses of pillows sitting on top of the bed. His dreams once again awashed with the swipes of Seifer's blade raining down upon him, and himself buckling under the might. Fear loomed over him and blurred the dream as the hefty first light sunbeams filed through the blinds and filled the room; it was morning already. Squall bolted up in bed yet again only to see Quistis peering over him with an acid glance of disappointment. He crumbled under the impact of the glance and fell back onto his bed. The ripples ricocheted outwards from the force of the heavy body colliding with the sheets and it all seemed to pass in slow motion. As if time stood still for that instantaneous moment. 
 
               "Why did you do it Squall?" The tone in her voice was almost unforgiving.
 
               "Do what?" He sat there and his facial expression dropped, "I didn't mean to do anything."
 
               "You let us down Squall, you were the strong one, the capable one, the leader, and all you did was run away from your fears instead of facing them." It was usual for Quistis to give him a piece of her mind, almost like a mother scolding a child for coming in late for supper. They were both isolated within the single dorm—trapped inside so Squall had to face his problem.
 
               "I know I did Quistis. I came to realise that last night." Squall looked at the floor solemnly and sighed, "I looked at the stars last night when I woke up and I realised that I'm not alone, I have you and all the rest of the Garden. I still feel alone though, it's like I'm lost." He got up and walked out of his dorm with the eager Quistis behind him. 
 
               "I know how you must feel—"
 
               "No! You don't! That's the thing. People are trying to understand, but they can't…no one can understand." A single, solitary tear greeted the floor as the minute fragments of memories in the tears shatter endlessly and dash along the ground. "I AM alone, no one can feel my pain no matter how much they try. That, however, isn't going to stop me. Quistis. You're wrong; I can tell you are thinking that I have given up, but on the contrary, I'm ready for anything. Set a course for Galbadia. I'm going to finish this!"
 
               "That's the way to go!" That's the Squall I know, and love…
 
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