Disclaimer/Notes: Yes, still, by the fourth chapter, I still do not own the characters. Although some are falling so far out of character, I'm not so sure anymore.... (is jabbed in the back by her lawyer). Um, yeah, no, I don't own them. (takes off a sock and throws the growling article at the lawyer) haha, take that son-of-a....
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*first day back and i'm going to be late for my favorite year's class. damn, i'm such a good teacher. yeah, i'm being cynical now....*

I dashed down the long hallway, hoping I might possibly (no chance in frozen hell) be on time for my third year's DADA class. The third years were by far my favorite, although I admit that was only because of Harry. Still, I found it hard to be around Harry. He reminded me so much of the past. I saw James and Lily each time I looked at the young boy.

*stop it remus, don't think those thoughts. you heard the author, this is a comedy fic, think of something funny. um....... peanut butter. yes, that's better. funny funny peanut butter. oh dear god, i'm going mad* (a/n: what the hell was that all about? AH! i don't have control over this story anymore! the mountain dew does!) *wow, these corridors were never so long when i was young. ohmygod, am i getting old? no. maybe sirius (damn him to hell) was right all those years when he said all i needed was a girl*

I leaped around a corner and ran straight into the wall. No, not the wall....

*a girl. wow, this is easier than i thought. uh-oh, not just a girl, a student-girl. better get up before she files a law suit. they make movies on the Lifetime channel about this sort of thing*

I was very happy no one had caught me in this accidental, yet quite embarressing, position.
"I was in a rush....not paying attention to where I was going..." I mumbled, helping her to her feet.
Hermione squeeked in reply.

*oh no, what's wrong with her? she looks terrified. why? uh oh, did i hurt her?*

"Hermione, are you okay?" I said, visions of a law suit still bouncing in my head. I grabbed her by her shoulders.

*why is she blushing so much? well, that was kind of embarressing, but still... she's redder than ron weasly's hair. dammit, i have to get to class*

I invited Hermione to walk to class with me and together we went up the stair case.

*now, this girl is acting strangely. no, not strangely, just plain weird. i'm thrity three years old, and i STILL can't understand them. then again, this one doesn't really count. that sounds mean, but hey, it's not really my job to understand her generation. i only teach them.....what is up with her? smiling, blushing...did her arm just brush against mine? wait, that was no accident....*

I almost laughed out loud when I realized that I was the object of Hermione's affection.

*well, that's nothing to be ashamed of. i mean, even i've had a crush on a teacher before! hahaha, mcgonnagal in second year, yeah, those were the good times. she was a lot younger than, just as crabby though....thank god my friends never found out about that! this makes a lot more sense now....*

I walked into my room and set my briefcase down on my desk. I smiled as numerous students peaked around the corner, grinned, waved to their friends, and entered, usually saying, "It's okay, he's back.".

*it's nice to be preferred over snape. not that much of an accomplishment, but still, it's nice. ouch, my back hurts...i really could have done with about three more hours of sleep*

The bell rang, class started.
"It's not fair! He was only filling in, why should he give us homework?" one boy said, in response to my question about Slime Ball's (er, okay, I'll be professional for once), I mean, Professor Snape's assignment.
"We don't know anything about werewolves-"

*WHAT?!?!?! WEREWOLVES?!?! he assigned them....no way!! he wouldn't have, not just to give me away! he isn't that cruel, is he? yes, he is.*

"Did you tell Professor Snape we haven't covered them yet?" I asked, only frowning slightly, instead of letting my true emotions come through. That was a challenge for me, I was never very good at keeping a poker face.
"Yes, but he said we were really behind-"

*well that son-of-a-*

I smiled, becuase of their looks of violation, and because of the way the world will always work against you.

*now i understand why sirius laughed in the market place, after he realized he was caught and done for...no. not now. not him*

"Don't worry," I said, "I'll speak to Professor Snape. You don't have to do the essay."
"Oh no," Hermione sighed, "I've already finished it!"
My heart leaped inside of my chest.

*she's finished it? she's learned about werewolves...she's so smart. she doesn't know...does she? well, i guess we'll just have to wait and see*

I worked my way through class, biting down hard on the comtepmt that kept swelling inside my chest. But trust me, hinkypunks were the LAST thing on my mind.

*maybe i'll just eat him for supper...after washing him*

*~*~*~*~*~later that afternoon~*~*~*~*~*

I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to slam the door to the teacher's lounge open (where he wold undoubtly be this time of day), grab him by his robes, throw him against the wall, and sink my teeth into his skin, leaving him with the very affliction he discriminated against. Unfortunately, Dumbledore would also be there, as usual, not to mention many other witnesses. And, I am a civilized person. Three weeks of the month, anyway.


*no, i'll have to take it down a few notches if i want to keep my job. and my good hygene. bite snape? yuck. my mother always told me to know where my food has been. and only god knows the last time he bathed. yuck....*

I took a deep breath and pushed open the teacher's lounge door. Minerva and Albus were the only other people in there, and they both looked up and smiled in recognition. Severus kept his slimy head bent over his work. I slowly approached him and stood over him until he finally looked up.
"Can I help you, Lupin?" He used his most annoyed tone of voice. He was obviously rather confident of himself.
I remained silent for a moment, trying to calm the seething rage that wanted to be released. It wasn't just the rage. The wolf wanted out. This was unusual, the moon was waxing.
"Werewolves?" I began quietly. "You assigned them an essay on...werewolves?" Snape kept his stare locked with me, but I could sense the change in him. He didn't know what was coming next. It felt good to have that kind of control.
"I suppose so," he said.
I allowed my voice to raise a little. "Has all that grease finally penetrated your brain?"
He stood up to look me straight in the eye. I could tell that Albus and Minerva were practically holding their breath.
"As though any of the students are smart enough to understand," said Snape.
"Hermione Granger finished the essay," I retorted. "You should know well enough that she is most certainly smart enough to understand."
"I was trying to protect my students," he hissed. "They should not be taught by a monster!"
"Precisely," I calmly replied, "but I don't believe we could find a new potions master on such short notice."
Wrath flashed in his eyes. "Listen to me, you dirty beast-"
Something else flashed in my eyes. Flickers of gold burst through the grey. I could feel it, like warm water going over my eye lids. I didn't mind letting a little of the wolf shine through. I allowed a soft growl to escape my throat, low enough for only him to hear. Snape blanched, and his lip began to tremble.

*my god, i think he's actually going to piss his pants!*

"No! You listen to me!" I said, putting a hand losely around his throat. *why aren't albus and minerva saying anything? good, i hope they keep quiet* "I will personally make sure that you never teach my class again. And if you ever so much as think about pulling a stunt like that in the future, well, I can't garentee that you and I will both make it out of the same room alive. One of the reasons I am here is so I can protect James's son. I will NOT allow that to be jepordized!"
I let go of him and stepped back. He stumbled backward, his face in a twist of fury and terror. I paused to take a breath, once again calm, and completely in the control of my human side. I continued, my voice sounding nearly cheerful. "But, since we are going to have to work together, I guess I should just forget about this little episode. Please don't allow any repeat incidents to jog my memory."
I turned and strode towards the door. On a second thought, I looked back at the two innocent bystanders.

*look at mcgonnagal! you'd think she'd just witnessed an explosion! ha! and dumbledore, hmm, he just seems amused, like this sort of thing happens every day*

"Sorry `bout that," I quietly said to them and slipped out the door.
I knew I would have to assure Dumbledore later that I would never imagine hurting anyone (well, maybe with the exception of Sirius Black), not even Snape, but for now, I was happy to linger in the glory of my victory. I was brought out of this happy mood by one thought.

*hermione*

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okay, there it is! hope you liked this chapter! probably not... this story is taking a lot of twists i didn't expect it to. in the next chapter, we'll see hermione and remus sort of come to terms with each other, not in a romantic way, more of an I-know-you're-a-werewolf-but-I-won't-tell way, and an I-know-you-want-to-sleep-with-me-but-i-think-its-cute way. hee hee, i know, i'm twisted. just keep reading...... oh my! there were no sock jokes in this chapter!!!! AHHH!!! we'll have to compensate in the next one.....