"Me B'Elanna & Not Myself"

Chapter 2

Chakotay looked around the bridge.  "Was it really that easy?"

"Yes, apparently.  Guess luck even strikes here in the Delta Quadrant, ha?"  Janeway or rather B'Elanna said jokingly, but trying not to seem too surprised or too happy at the thought of all the leola root they had just gotten rid of.  After all, the captain had to keep up a certain façade, and right now, SHE was the captain.

"Well, it struck hard today Captain.  The loss of so much leola root is the luckiest thing that has happened to us yet."  Well of course, Tom was willing to say what B'Elanna couldn't.  She wanted more than anything to throw her arms around her husband, but it wouldn't look good for the Captain to be doing that.  It was tough, especially when her own face was staring back at her with the biggest grin of them all, but she managed to keep a straight face.  She had to get out of the same room as herself or she was going to lose it.

"Chakotay why don't you escort B'Elanna to her quarters.  I know she's dead tired after the events of the last few days, and the Doctor did order her off duty for the rest of the day, or… was that my first officer who did that?"  She added.

"What?  I am…  "  Janeway objected, but was immediately interrupted by Chakotay when he put his hand around her arm.  There is no way in hell I'm going to be able to rest now.

"My thoughts exactly Captain, and I was just about to suggest it."  Chakotay smiled at his friend, the one giving him a nasty sneer.  "I gave her one hour in engineering and it's been much more than that now, so it's about time."  Then he added, "And I'd really rather walk her there myself, I'm not sure she can be trusted not to make a detour."

"You're a pig Chakotay."  Janeway's thoughts betrayed her, and she couldn't help the small smile.  I'll get you for that oneFortunately, for you, you don't know the full story right now, or you would be in even deeper trouble buddy!

"I'm sure we can't trust her Commander."  B'Elanna was pushing it, but couldn't help it.  She tried not to look at the death glare coming from her own features.  "I'll see you in my ready room when you get back.  There are a few things we need to discuss."

"Actually Captain…  The Doctor explicitly ordered BOTH of you off duty for the rest of the day, which means that you too are supposed to be resting right now."  Chakotay said determinedly.  "I'll walk B'Elanna to her quarters, and then I'll come back for you!"

Janeway almost laughed, and the look on her own face was priceless.  "Commander!  I am perfectly capable of judging, if that's necessary."  B'Elanna tried, she definitely didn't want to spend the rest of the day in the captain's quarters.  "And it's NOT!"

Chakotay stepped close to her and whispered "Kathryn you know as well as I do that the Doctor outranks you in health matters, and for what it's worth, I agree with him on this one.  Now do you go willingly, or do I need to call him?"

B'Elanna put her hands on her hips and tried the 'I'm the Captain' look, but it didn't faze him at all.  Janeway continued to laugh quietly.  "Fine Commander!  I'll go.  Just give me a minute to finish up here, and I'll go, by myself thank you.  I am perfectly capable of finding my quarters without your help.  I'm not blind you know!"  She snapped defeated.

"Good, just don't let me catch you still here when I get back."  B'Elanna growled under her breath as Chakotay, still holding onto B'Elanna's arm, guided Janeway to the lift.

***

Janeway entered the turbolift right behind Chakotay and cast an approving glance at his nice, firm behind.  Get a grip woman, she thought with a smile.  What if he caught you?  Besides, if you play your cards right you might just…

She continued to watch him with appreciation, as the lift moved to its destination.  He may still be angry, she thought, but he looks very concerned.  She felt a pang of guilt.  It can't be easy for him.  He has no clue what's going on, and as first officer, he really should know.  Will he ever forgive me for not telling him the truth?  She wondered, a part of her knew he would, but still…

"Chakotay… "  Janeway started gently, but was interrupted when the lift stopped and the doors opened.  Damn short ride.  She thought reluctantly.  Oh, well, later.  She gently touched his arm, indicating for him to move and flashed a smile at the two crewmembers waiting to get in.  The touch sent sparks of electricity through her body.  What's wrong with you Kathryn?  This is just Chakotay, your best friend and confidante, nothing more!  Yet, a secret part of her wanted nothing more than for him to touch her in return.  Please Chakotay, she thought, as they moved along the corridor.  I am sorry.

Chakotay sensed her "discomfort" and placed an arm around her waist.  "B'Elanna, I know you don't want to acknowledge this, but it's ok to feel tired once in a while, to admit weakness."  He said gently, as he tightened his grip around her waist, determined not to let her pull away, and on learning the truth, finally.  Something's wrong and I want to know what it is.  He wanted to scream at her.

Janeway hesitantly leaned into him, enjoying the feeling of his arm around her waist or rather B'Elanna's, she thought with a chuckle.  She shouldn't allow it of course, and she didn't understand her own reaction, but somehow things just seemed different.  What the hell am I doing?  Is it just that no one knows, who I really am or…  NO!  Better not go there, she tried not to think of that, as she rested her head on his shoulder and moved her arm around him to draw him closer.  It felt so right, at least in B'Elanna's body.

They reached her quarters and she hurriedly punched in the code.  Thank God B'Elanna and I remembered to exchange codes in the ready room or this would have been rather embarrassing, Janeway smiled to herself.

She started towards the couch, but Chakotay held her back.  "What's wrong B'Ela?"  He asked with concern.  "It's just you and me now and I know something's bothering you.  We've been friends for a long time now and I'd like to help if I can.  Please!  We have always been honest with each other and I can't stand seeing you like this."

Janeway looked at him, compassion filling the dark eyes of her chief engineer.  She had wanted to explain in the lift, but somehow it didn't seem as easy now and she didn't quite know where to begin.  "Oh, Chakotay, I know you're concerned and I know you need to know, but I just don't quite know how to explain all this to you.  Hell, I can't even explain this to myself, I wouldn't believe me if I didn't know better."  They both had to chuckle, despite the frustration they both felt.

"I know these past few days must have been hell for you, not to mention for the captain… "  Chakotay said with compassion  "…but you both handled it well.  B'Elanna, you had been very badly injured, your body dead in fact.  How can anyone accept that, plus, you also had to accept finding yourself trapped within the captain's body.  I can't imagine how you both must have felt… or not killed each other."  At her expression, they both started laughing again.

"That is the miracle of all miracles Chakotay.  She is damn hard to live with."

"Hmm, well at least you got to try and live with Kathryn."  Chakotay looked down, realizing he had just put his foot in his mouth.  He knew B'Elanna thought he and Janeway should be together, hell the entire ship did, but this wasn't the time to spill his guts to his friend.  After all, he was here to help her.  He quickly spoke up again before she could comment.  "I had thought you would both feel more like yourselves now, but instead of that you just seem more crazed and more unlike yourself.  I don't understand.  Please, talk to me!"  He sat down on the couch, hoping that would make it easier for her.  She joined him, sitting very close.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier" she muttered, her voice muffled by her face being pressed to his chest, as she leaned into his strong and comforting embrace.  "I should have.  You are my 'first officer', and you needed to know, but I just didn't know how…"

"What?  Back up!"  Chakotay pulled back slightly to look at her.  "What did you mean by 'MY first officer'?"  He said slowly, not sure he wanted to hear the answer.

Damn!  Not the best start.  She cleared her throat and tried again.  "The procedure in sickbay to transfer B'Elanna's conscience back to her own body, didn't quite go as planned.  No one expected this to happen and the Doctor still claims not to know why it did, but it did, and somehow I ended up in B'Elanna's body and she in mine."  Janeway stuttered, almost out of breath.  "I know it doesn't make much sense, but it's the truth, and I don't know how else to put it."

Chakotay just stared at her with his mouth open, a look of shock in his eyes and not a word coming out.  He didn't know whether to laugh, scream, or run for the nearest shuttle to get the hell off this insane asylum.  Then he saw the look of pure horror in her eyes and the laughter won out.  He knew something was wrong, had even thought about this being possible, but now that it was, it was just so insane he couldn't help it.

Janeway slugged him on the arm.  "This isn't funny damnit!  I'm telling you the truth, I'm me, Kathryn Janeway, Captain of Voyager."

Chakotay pulled her to him again, hugging tightly.  "Kathryn, I know it's you, I even suspected something like this, although I never really thought it could be possible."

"Well the impossible is possible with our EMH at the controls.  This is one blunder I'm not soon to forget."  Suddenly Chakotay's smile had vanished.

"Kathryn, this blunder, can it be fixed?  Is there a chance you… are you… can he…?"  Now it was Janeway who had the smile plastered on B'Elanna's face.

"I've never seen you at such a loss for words Commander.  Yes, well… he thinks he can fix it anyway.  Tomorrow at the latest, I hope.  To be myself again will be the best thing that's ever happened to me, well one of the best."  Chakotay tightened his hold around her.

"Kathryn, you should have told me sooner, maybe I could have helped, I could have been there for you."

"I'm sorry Chakotay, you are my first officer, and friend.  It just seemed so unbelievable, so ridiculous that I didn't know what to do."

"You're right, as YOUR first officer I should have been told immediately, and as your friend, you should have trusted me.  But I'll forgive you – this once, just don't let it happen again – EVER!"

She looked at him, disbelief written all over her face.  "AGAIN?  Have you lost your mind?  I'll NEVER do this AGAIN, Chakotay.  I give you my word on that!  I'll have a headache for months after this is over, that is if the Doctor ever… "

Suddenly Chakotay couldn't hold back his laughter again.  It's Kathryn all right, but with a bit of feisty Klingon on top.  He was laughing so hard the tears were blurring his vision.

"I don't see what's so funny Commander."  Janeway stated tensely.  "I REALLY DON'T."

"I am sorry, Kathryn, but my God… it all starts to make sense now."  He just couldn't stop.  "If only you could have seen your own face earlier… "

Janeway pushed herself away from him and stood up, folding her arms.  "If I'm not mistaken Commander, you're still on duty, and I'm sure they need you on the bridge."  She was trying to sound annoyed, but she couldn't keep the note of relief and humor out of her voice.  "Dismissed!"

"Yes, Captain!"  Still laughing, he moved towards the door, then turned back suddenly.  "Kathryn, I had a thought."

She smiled back at him.  "Really!  Do tell Commander."

"Maybe we could have some fun with this." 

Her smile vanished.  "I told you, this is NOT funny Chakotay.  What in the hell are you talking about?"

"Tom and B'Elanna.  Wouldn't it be… just a bit tempting to tease them with this."  Enlightenment hit, as the smile came back to her face.  "I believe you see what I mean Kathryn."

"Just what did you have in mind?  I'm not going to stay B'Elanna one second longer than I have to.  We don't have much time to plan something good."

"The plan has already been made for us, all we have to do is play the game.  I'm supposed to have dinner with you, well the other you I guess."  He started laughing again.

"Would you knock it off and just get to the point."

"My point is… since B'Elanna won't know that I know she isn't you, I can have a bit of fun with that.  She will not know what in the world to do when I… well when I… hmm, maybe it's not a good idea."  Chakotay's cheeks were a bit flushed and the butterflies were back in B'Elanna's stomach.  She smiled from ear to ear at his discomfort.

"No Chakotay, it's a great idea.  It's about time we get back at the biggest prankster on the ship.  Tom will not be happy when he finds out it was his wife you… just what were you planning for this evening anyway?"  She asked, knowing damn well the true answer, and knowing he wouldn't say it.

"Nothing but dinner with my best friend."  He tried, but the lie was as thick in the air as pea soup.

"Whatever you say Commander, just keep that acting face on and get out of here.  You have a ship to run, and a very beautiful date tonight."

"I'll say she's beautiful, and one hell of a Captain."

"You are so full of it.  Now, get out of here before I change my mind and don't let you have your little fun with my chief engineer."

"Yes Ma'am, and you have fun too."  He tried to control his laughter before he stepped into the corridor, but found he just couldn't and so gave up.  "See you later!"

You can count on it.  I can't wait to see you, more than you'll ever know.  The door closed, leaving Kathryn Janeway alone with her thoughts, well almost alone.  She looked at B'Elanna's face in the mirror on the wall. 

***

 "Mr. Paris."  B'Elanna walked out of the ready room where she had been forming her plan.  She needed to get off the bridge before Chakotay came back and caught her still there.

"What is it Captain?"  He turned around in his seat to face her.

I can't do this to you Tom.  I have to tell you the truth, but not here.  She squared her shoulders and stood right in front of him.  "I have some reports I want to discus with you.  I need to get out of here before my first officer calls a mutiny and I lose all my pips."  Sorry Harry, you can have one.  She thought, then seeing the look in her husbands face, thought best to add more to her lie.  "This isn't a request Lieutenant, it's an order.  In my quarters, 15 minutes."

"But Captain, does it have to be tonight?  I need to get back to B'Elanna, she needs me."  B'Elanna was so touched, but angered that she couldn't get through to him.

"This won't take long Tom.  Besides, I know B'Elanna will be just fine, I've lived with her too you know.  Now, be there, or you'll be on report."

"Aye Captain, anything you say."  That was not what he wanted to say, but he thought better of it at the last second.  He turned back around, so he didn't have to face the Captain.  This is bullshit!  He pretended to fly the ship.

"Tuvok, you have the bridge, goodnight."  B'Elanna entered the turbolift, smiling all the way to Janeway's quarters.  This is going to be fun!

***

"Doctor to Captain Janeway."  He was hoping to get the real Captain instead of both this time.  One Captain on this ship is quite enough.

"What is it Doctor."  B'Elanna's voice answered the hail.  The Doctor gave a bit of a sigh of relief.  Janeway was in Tom and B'Elanna's quarter deciding her next move, or better yet, how to get out of her next move.  "You better have some good news Doctor, your very existence may depend on it."

"I know that Captain, you have reminded me enough.  How many times do I need to say I'm sorry?"

"Oh I don't know Doctor, there may not be enough, 'I'm sorry's' in the universe.  Now, what good news is it this time?"

I would have done better with Lieutenant Torres; at least she would just decompile me and get it over with.  The poor Doctor sighed again in frustration.  "I just wanted you to know that I may be ready as soon as tomorrow morning, unless you intend to deactivate me beforehand."

"I have no intention of deactivating you Doctor, your expertise, or lack there of is all we have right now.  Just do whatever you have to and get this resolved, FAST!  I don't intend be my chief engineer one second longer than necessary."

"Understood Captain, and may I say, I'm sorry once again."  The Doctor was hoping for a bit of compassion, maybe even a hint of understanding, well he could hope.

"Yes you may Doctor, but until I'm me again, you're not forgiven.  Now quit wasting time and get back to work.  You know where I am, if you need me."  Janeway plopped down on B'Elanna's couch, holding another cup of coffee.

"Yes Captain, sleep well, and no more coffee, it's not good for B'Elanna."  The Doctor smiled at his remark.

"Doctor, just how did you know I was drinking...  never mind, just get back to work.  I know how to handle B'Elanna's stomach."  She cut he link and sat back with a sigh.  This just keeps getting better and better.  B'Elanna's stomach started to rumble.

***

"Come in Tom."  B'Elanna called out when the door chime alerted her of his presence.  Tom Paris, none too happy, walked in.  He had rarely been in the captain's quarters and he didn't particularly care for it, knowing that nine out of ten times it was to reprimand him, or worse.  "You can come in Tom, I'm not going to bite you."  Second thought, I would love to bite you and… B'Elanna had a wicked smile to match her thought.

"I am in Captain."  Tom couldn't help but think she had snapped.  I don't blame her, but I think she's gone 'out to lunch, gone fishing, and lost in space.'  He had to chuckle at his own dry witty humor.  "Are you sure you aren't gong to bite me?  You have a certain look about you."  The one that B'Elanna gives me when… My God, no way!!!!! 

B'Elanna was on him in a flash, nibbling at the tender flesh of his neck and growling in Klingon.  Tom was so shocked and caught off guard that he lost his balance and fell over the back of the chair with B'Elanna landing on top.  She never let up on her feast of flesh.

"Captain!  B'Elanna!  What the hell is this?  Have you lost your mind???"  He was doing his best to push the beast off, but she was undaunted in her task.  When the nibbling reached his mouth, he was a goner.  The struggle was over as he gave in to the kiss of life, or death in this case.

"Now, have I lost my mind Tom?"  B'Elanna purred into his ear after releasing his lips. 

"No, not your mind, but your body.  B'Elanna!  I can't believe this, how, why, are you…?"  Tom was so confused he didn't know what to do or say.  He was rewarded for his trouble with another kiss of even greater intensity. 

"Of course it's me, Flyboy.  Who else would kiss you like that?  And you better not have an answer to that one."  They both sat up, neither quite sure they had their legs back in full control yet.  The floor would do just fine for now. 

"B'Elanna, this is just a bit hard to swallow, are you all right?  How did this happen?  Does this mean that the Captain is you, I mean she is in you, I mean… oh hell what do I mean?"  B'Elanna was laughing at his attempt to get this crazy situation straight.  She had given up on trying to figure it out, but had to hand it to Tom for his efforts.

"Yes Tom, I'm ok, well as ok as one can be when one isn't one's self.  Yes, the Captain has set up house in my body, and the Doctor is to blame for this one.  Somehow, he screwed up and didn't put the puzzle together quite right."  They both laughed at her analogy of what had happened.  "Our so talented EMH said he should be able to put 'humpty-dumpty' back together again sometime tomorrow.  If not, you are married to the Captain of Voyager, and I have to live with saggy boobs and coffee."  That did it, the tension was gone and Tom burst out laughing. 

"I guess I could get used to living with the Captain, and her boobs aren't so bad, in fact…"  He was rewarded with a slug on the arm.

"Just what are you doing looking at Janeway's boobs anyway?  You're a married man Mr. Paris."

"Yup, and right now I'm married to the Captain and her… OUCH!!  Ok, ok, I'm just kidding."  Tom was rubbing at his arm.

"You're a 'pig', but you are kind of cute.  I guess I'll forgive you."  B'Elanna was all smiles, although they were not really hers.

"Forgive me!  I should be the one to forgive you.  Why didn't you tell me this before?  I've really been worried about you.  I thought you and the Captain had lost it, now I know you have."  He rolled out of the way to avoid another slug.  Getting to his feet, he was still laughing.  "This does explain the weird behavior from both of you."

"Well it wasn't like we had much choice Tom.  If we were to tell the crew what happened they would never be able to trust either of us again.  It's just too bizarre to even figure out.  I've been thrown into hell over the last few days, and this was just the icing on the cake.  I don't know any other way to handle this, but to laugh my way through.  I miss my old self, I miss my body, and I miss you!"

Tom pulled her to her feet and wrapped his arms around his wife, and it really was his wife, no thoughts of Janeway entered his mind.  "B'E, I'm so sorry you've had to go through this and that you had to face it alone.  But you wouldn't have been alone, if you'd told me.  I'm your husband, you should have trusted me Sweetheart."

"I do trust you Tom, it's the rest of the ship that has a problem with it.  You aren't exactly known for your discretion when it comes to rumors.  Besides, it was Captain's orders.  I just couldn't keep this from you any longer.  I could see how much this whole crazy mess was hurting you."

"I just didn't understand, and it's you and the captain that have us all concerned.  I just want my wife back, and I want our life back to normal.  Ok, it's never normal, but at least it's our life, yours and mine, not mine, yours and the Captain's."

"I won't argue that one, but I think I've got a plan that might make us feel a bit better, and at the very least it'll be damn fun."

A smile spread over Tom's face, as the plan unfolded.  Both thought they would have the upper hand, for a bit.  "B'Elanna, I'm not so sure how I'll pull off my part, after all, it's your body, and I've missed you."  He was rewarded with another slug.  "Would you stop that, you'll put me in sickbay, and maybe the Doc will end up putting your conscience into me."

"Oh you are so funny.  I'm sure you can find a way to handle your new sleeping arrangement, just keep the hands and lips to a minimum, as in 'touch and die.'

"Got it, and I love what you have planned for Harry, he'll flip, and so will the captain when she finds out."  They both started laughing again, as they made the final plans for their fun.  Fifteen minutes later, Tom Paris was strolling down the corridors on his way to his quarters. 

***

B'Elanna was enjoying this way too much.  She had been running around in the Captain's quarters getting ready for Chakotay.  She felt completely at ease, having told Tom the whole story, and even better that they could have a bit of fun with their commanding officers.  I just hope I can pull this off; I love Chakotay, but not that much.  Oh well, Tom will be with the Captain, so I may as well enjoy what I can.  She was looking through Janeway's closet, trying to find something suitable to wear.  These clothes are awful; damn I wish I had some of my own clothes, not that they'd fit this old body.  She was laughing to herself, as she grabbed an old tea-shirt and pair of jeans.  Running a comb through Janeway's hair, she was ready.

She replicated Chakotay's favorite soup, 'mushroom', which B'Elanna thought was disgusting.  Give me a big fat rare steak anytime.  She thought, as she licked Janeway's lips.  However, tonight, it's mushroom soup and bread… gag me.  B'Elanna was still in the process of getting the dinner ready when the door chime sounded.

"Come in Chakotay."  She sang out in Janeway's deep, sultry voice.  The door swished open and the man of the hour ambled in, with a bottle of wine and a devilish smile.  B'Elanna turned around, as Chakotay walked up behind her.

"Kathryn, you look… comfortable."  He wasn't quite expecting her to be dressed in an old shirt and tight jeans.  B'Elanna, you just don't quite have the look of the Captain.  Keeping that thought to himself, he handed her the bottle of wine.  "This is your favorite Kathryn, would you like me to get the glasses?"

B'Elanna took the wine, turning up Janeway's nose just a hint.  I hate wine and I hate mushroom soup, damn… this is going to be harder than I thought.  "Thank you Commander, but I think I'll pass on the wine tonight, but you're more than welcome to enjoy it."  She hoped that would appease him, but feared it wouldn't.

"Kathryn, aren't you feeling well, maybe we should get you to the Doctor, you've had more than your share the last few days."  Chakotay was smiling inside, but kept a concerned face on. 

"No need to worry Commander… umm Chakotay, I'm fine, I just don't want any wine tonight."  She turned away to hide her expression and finished getting the table ready.  "We are having your favorite soup though, I hope you like it."  I think it's revolting!  B'Elanna bit hard on that thought.

"It does smell great, I'm sure I'll love it."  Chakotay walked to the replicator.  "Can I at least get you a cup of coffee?"  He asked, knowing how much she hated the stuff.

"NO!  I mean, no thank you.  I have had all I want for the day."  Janeway's stomach churned at the thought, making B'Elanna want to run to the other room.

"Now I know there is something wrong Kathryn.  I've never seen you turn down a nice, hot cup of coffee."  He brought the cruel concoction and stuffed it right under B'Elanna's sensitive nose.  She damn near knocked it out of his hands and ran out of the room.

You can do this Torres.  For hell sakes get a grip.  She willed her mind and turned Janeway's body away from the obnoxious smell.  "There's nothing wrong Chakotay, I just don't want any, ok?"

"Ok, you're the Captain."  You wish my friend.  He was having entirely too much fun with this.  Just be careful, don't want to give myself away.  Chakotay took his seat at the table and waited for the next move.

B'Elanna dished him a large portion of soup and one much smaller for herself.  Tom, you'll owe me the biggest steak dinner your rations can buy.  "Would you like some bread Chakotay?"

"Yes, thank you.  That isn't much soup you've got for yourself, sure you're ok, maybe, and you need some wine after all."  He was pouring himself a glass while he gave her a dimpled smile that he only used on the real Kathryn.

"I'm just not too hungry.  You know, since B'Elanna left me, I just haven't been up to eating much.  I'm sure it's got something to do with her eating like a pig in my body."  She thought she was doing a good job at convincing him, but the smile on his face led her to believe otherwise.  Thinking fast, she put her hand on his cheek and flashed him Janeway's most dazzling smile.  The one B'Elanna had caught her giving him on more than one occasion.

Chakotay loved this whole game.  "Well, if you're sure then, but let me know, if you get too tired to entertain me.  I'll just hop on out of here, so you can rest."  He continued the smile.

What the hell is this, has the whole ship, no…  the whole Delta Quadrant gone frog crazy?  "Just keep that butt in the chair Commander, there'll be no hopping tonight.  I'm just fine."  She looked away from his dark, piercing eyes, only to be greeted by large pieces of slimy mushrooms, swimming in her bowl.  Another flip-flop of the stomach hit.  "Let's just eat, ok?"

Chakotay was already shovelling the soup down.  "Yes Ma'am," was his reply.

B'Elanna sipped at her soup while Chakotay ate like it was his last meal in his life.  "What's the matter Commander?  Did you run out of rations and haven't eaten in a while?"  B'Elanna was starting to enjoy this.

"You should know Kathryn."  He spoke between mouths full of soup and bread.  "When I'm out of rations, it's only because I give them to you."  Janeway's ocean-blue eyes widened with B'Elanna's shocked expression.

"You do!  I mean, thank you!"  Damn, this is not working.  "Would you like more bread?"  She tried to recover.

"No thank you Kathryn, I think I've reached my limit, and you know damn well I do."  This was the most fun Chakotay had had in ages.  He got up and started taking the dishes over to the replicator.

Thinking fast, B'Elanna hopped up to help him.  Grabbing her own, 'hardly touched bowl,' she followed him to the replicator.  Slowly she put her arms around his waist, hugging him from behind.  "I know you do Chakotay, I was just teasing.  You're so kind to share with me."  She rested her head against his back grateful he couldn't see the smile on her face.

B'Elanna, you are pushing it here.  Kathryn would never do this, although I sure wouldn't mind.  Chakotay had a smile of his own to match his thoughts.  B'Elanna let go, sliding around to stand in front of him.  Tilting Janeway's head, just a bit, she smiled sweetly.  What are you doing B'Elanna?  He asked himself, afraid he new what the answer might be,  "What's for dessert?"  He stepped back a bit.

You big chicken, Chakotay, just kiss her… me that is.  B'Elanna covered her mouth to stifle the laughter, and then cleared her throat.  "Whatever you like Commander, it's on me, well you that is."

"Well in that case, just some coffee will do."

"You HATE coffee Chakotay."

"Well you don't."  He was getting to her and he knew it.

I'm not falling for this again buddy.  "Yes I do love coffee, and we all know it, but tonight, how about just some coffee ice-cream."  She turned back to the replicator and ordered two bowls of it.  Handing him one, they walked over to the couch and sat down.  The mocha-flavored dessert wasn't either of their favorites but they choked it down, neither willing to give up the game.  "You know Chakotay, the last few days have been very stressful on me.  Do you think I could get one of your famous back rubs that I've heard about?"  She slid a bit closer.

"Just who told you about my famous back rubs?"  He began to massage the base of her neck.  This may not be Kathryn, but the memory of a different time is right under my fingers.

Hmm, not bad, does feel nice.  B'Elanna was lost in her own thoughts for a moment.  The hands moved lower down her back, sliding up under the tea-shirt, just a bit.

"Kathryn, you didn't answer my question."  B'Elanna sighed.

"What question?"

"Where did you hear about my famous back rubs?"  Her eyes popped open, and for a second, panic hit.

Shit!  "I… I'm the Captain, I know all on my ship."  Good one Torres, now pay attention.  Chakotay was laughing behind her.

You're good my friend, you're good.  He slid his hand even further up her back, causing goose bumps to form under his more than magic touch.  B'Elanna jumped slightly and moved away.  "I didn't hurt you did I?"  He knew damn well he hadn't.

"No, of course not.  I just think it's getting late, and I'm more tired than I care to admit."  She had turned around to face him.  "Maybe we should call it a night ha?"  Please!

Chakotay knew he had gotten to her and he was laughing like a mad man inside.  Yup, you're good B'Elanna, but not good enough.  "You're right, it's getting late, and you do need to rest.  The Doctor wouldn't be happy, if he knew I'd kept you up this late already."

"The Doctor's an idiot, but I'm tired.  I'll go straight to bed."  Not a chance!  They walked arm in arm to the door.

"You shouldn't be so hard on the Doctor, he did his best to fix B'Elanna's body fast enough.  It was your choice to help her out."  They were standing at the door, and B'Elanna had the sudden thought to just push him right through it.

"Ya, ya, he's a great guy.  Now, would you get out of here, so I can go to bed?"  Blue eyes locked with dark-ebony ones, and for a moment, B'Elanna thought he WAS going to kiss her.

I don't know, if I can do this.  It's Kathryn's lips, but it's my dear friend inside, just isn't right.  He stepped back until his back was almost touching the door.

"Ok, but promise me you'll go right to bed, you do need to rest."

"I promise."  In your dreams, that is.  He leaned in, kissing her on the forehead and backed out the door.  B'Elanna sighed with relief when the doors swished closed.  Now, time for plan B, I'm going to make sure my husband doesn't have too much fun with Janeway.  This is a hell of a lot harder than I thought it would be.  There is no way I'm going to trust Tom with Janeway in MY bed.  She walked through Janeway's quarters, making plans and cleaning up the dinner table.  Yup, I think it's time for a surprise inspection of the jefferies-tubes by the chief engineer herself.  Plus… I don't have much time to get Harry that promotion.

***

Tom walked along the corridors to his quarters with a smug smile on his face.  He was tired, but couldn't wait to see Janeway's reaction.  B'Elanna had told him everything, but only because she wanted his approval and didn't want to hurt him, well that and the fact they both love to tease.  Janeway, however, had no idea.  As far as she was concerned no one knew, even that gorgeous first officer of hers.  The smile grew wider.  She had no idea what was coming and this time they would make sure to get it right.

He punched in the entry code and the door opened swiftly.  It was very quite, so perhaps she was already in bed.  He had hoped to find her still awake, but no challenge was too great for Tom Paris.  None.

He headed quietly for the bedroom trying not to ruin the surprise by tripping over something in the dark.  Fortunately, the starlight provided a little light and he got there without accident.

When he reached the door to the bedroom he just peeked around the corner trying to determine, if she was asleep or not.  She seemed to be, tucked comfortably on her side with a big, fluffy pillow in her arms.  He laughed quietly at the sight, and his admiration for her grew a bit more.  However, he had a mission to accomplish and he had to find out, if she was asleep or not.  He couldn't really be sure one-way or the other right now.  Would she fall asleep that easily in HIS quarters?  Not likely, but there were ways to find out.

He stood there a moment longer just looking at her.  He knew he shouldn't, because it wasn't really his wife, but she looked so beautiful, lying there in the starlight, a stray strand of hair hanging down in front of her nose, tickling her just a bit, and she kept blowing at it lightly.

***

She heard the door open, and focused all her energy on keeping the illusion of being "asleep". She hugged the pillow closely under her chin to make it seem more real, to make her seem more real in this crazy mixed up nightmare.

What are you doing Kathryn Janeway?  The Captain of a Star Ship trapped in someone else's body, lying in someone else's bed, about to sleep with someone else's husband.  Is this what too many years in the Delta Quadrant have done to me?  If I survive this night, I'll never complain about being me again, and I sure as hell won't EVER enter any of this into my logs, personal or otherwise.  She hugged the pillow tighter, praying for a miracle and hoping she didn't kill her chief engineer's husband before the night was through. 

She lay there with her thoughts, listening to Tom moving about.  An evil smile spread across her lips, but she quickly closed her eyes and schooled her features.  Being Captain had certain advantages after all, and at this point, she wasn't above using them.

She felt him looking at her from the doorway, but managed with some effort to keep her eyes closed.  He didn't know the truth, and she couldn't help but wonder what he would do, if he found out.  On second thought, best not to know what he would do, it wouldn't be good that was for sure.

He came closer.  She could feel him right next to her.  He sat down beside her on the bed and lightly touched her hair.  Janeway thought she was prepared, but she almost jumped at the contact.  She felt his fingers stroke B'Elanna's hair a bit and then he reached for the lock of hair that kept falling into her face.

He touched it lovingly for a second and then stroked it back with the rest of her hair.  Tom then got up and headed for the bathroom, or so she thought.  Very slowly she looked up… yes, the bathroom.  Oh, God… how am I ever going to get through the night?

***

Tom headed for the bathroom and called for lights, as he went in, but didn't close the door.  He never did and realized it might make her suspicious, if she WAS awake.

He kicked of his boots and took off his jacket slowly, then the turtleneck and suddenly noticed that the angle of the bathroom mirror allowed her just a bit of a view.  Tom chuckled to himself, as he thought about what might be going through her mind right now.  He took off the rest of his clothing until he stood clad only in his boxers.  Looking down he decided to keep them on.  He would normally have taken those off as well, but that might be stretching it a bit.  Besides he kind of liked them, they were his favorite, purple, silk boxers with the cute, little, yellow smiley faces on them.  They had been just the things in the late 21st century.

He brushed his teeth, put on a splash of cologne and looked around him.  The bathroom was a mess and B'Elanna would have a fit, but he couldn't be bothered by that and right now, she wasn't really here anyway.

He turned off the light and slinked quietly towards the bed.  She was still lying on her side, having not moved even a little bit.  Hmm…. he pulled the covers back on his side of the bed, preparing to slide in and then sat down looking at her.  She looked so sweet, so beautiful and for a moment, he almost forgot.  He had missed her so much and had been so afraid he wouldn't get her back after the accident, and if not for this little mix-up, she would be back now.  Instead, his wife was spending the night with Chakotay, well she better not be WITH Chakotay.  The smile spread across his face, may as well have a bit of fun while I can.

He might spend the rest of the journey in the brig, but this was sure going to be worth it.  It was not too often you got to have a bit of innocent fun with your Captain and without her knowledge no less.  A slight chuckle escaped his lips, but he stifled it quickly.  It wouldn't do for her to hear him laughing now.

He hesitated, realizing he was a bit nervous despite his usual, cocky appearance.  After all, she WAS still the Captain and he had no idea what she might do to him.  The brig almost seemed too light a punishment.  Pushing the thought away, he edged a bit closer, gently reaching out a hand to stroke her hair again.  She didn't stir, but he hadn't really expected her too, so he went a bit further and pulled the covers down a bit more, only a bit, but enough to show him that she was wearing a green, flannel pajamas, with frog slippers on her feet.

He bit back a laugh and snuggled up to her to place a sweet goodnight kiss on her cheek.  He felt her stiffen significantly and had a difficult time not bursting into laughter on the spot.

***

Janeway dared a glance towards the bathroom and saw him standing only in his boxers.  The sight was almost too much, even for her and only years of training prevented her from giving herself away.  Only Tom Paris, her pilot and 21st century enthusiast would wear something like that.  She decided the information might come in handy, if her cocky, young pilot… besides they weren't exactly Starfleet issue…  A smug look briefly crossed her face.

She heard him order the lights off and move towards the bed.  Time for round two!  God's, I just hope he doesn't sleep in the nude.  Please!  Keep the boxers on.  I guess I'll find out soon enough.  She was suddenly very glad she had had the foresight to replicate herself a new and very safe pajamas, compliments of a certain chief engineer's replicator rations.  A chief engineer who might soon find herself in a great deal of trouble.  She normally preferred a silk nightgown, but tonight she would need every bit of help she could get, and besides she couldn't wait to see his expression when he found his wife clad in green flannel frog.

She felt him turn down the covers and sit down.  He turned a little and edged a bit closer, his right toenail just scraping against here bare ankle under her pajamas leg.  Then she felt him wrapping his leg around her, as he snuggled closer.  Kathryn Janeway stiffened, but tried to remain still, but the KISS did her in.  She bolted upright, screaming at the top of her lungs.

"What the hell was that?" she yelled, flying out of bed and stamping her frog-clad feet on the floor.

"What!  Where?"

"There!  Right there!  Can't you see it?"  Janeway jumped on a chair and pointed towards the bed.  She needed time to think and this seemed like her best option, or her first thought.

Tom hopped out of bed trying to keep a straight face and, trying to look genuinely interested, but he didn't see anything of course.  "I'm sorry, Love, but I don't see anything.  Come back to bed, you probably just imagined something.  I'm sure a good night's rest will make it all better."  He smiled sweetly.

Janeway wasn't giving in so easily, and she needed time to think.  "I'm not getting back in that bed until you get rid of it", she said with passion, fire burning in her eyes.

He sighed, "get rid of what?"  He bent down, and looked under the bed and decided to play along.  She was trying to buy some time, and he would give her a little more, but that was it.  "I think I see it…"

"You DO??" she exclaimed surprised.  DAMN!  Times up, but what the hell has he found?  Well, I'll worry about that later, I've more pressing matters to worry about right now, like… how the hell do I get out of this?

"I need a… hmm… two seconds!"  Tom said smiling sweetly at her.  "Don't worry, I'll take care of it in a flash.  Now DON'T look, it's not a pretty sight"

Tom left the room and she frowned after him.  What the hell was going on?  Janeway wanted to scream.

He walked through the living room towards the replicator and replicated a strange looking container.  Then he turned back and entered the bedroom.  Janeway was still standing on the chair looking after him with a quizzical look in her eyes.

Tom bent down and wriggled under the bed, making sure to look like he was making quite an effort to rid the bedroom of her imaginary monster.  He scraped the container against the floor a few times before…  "Ah-ha… got ya!"

He then dug out from under the bed, grabbed his robe, held the container close and ran out of his quarters, calling back as the door closed.  "I'll just be a second, honey, don't worry, I'll take care of it."

As the door closed, he erupted in laughter.  He just couldn't help himself, the whole situation was simply too hilarious.  The look of her flying out of bed and jumping onto that chair would have been worth several replicator rations.  He allowed himself a good laugh and only entered his quarters again when it was believable that he had gone to dispose of the hideous monster under the bed.

***

She watched him leave, but couldn't quite believe what had just happened.  Had he actually found something or was he just playing along?  Did he know something?  No, how could he?  Janeway realized she was still standing on the chair and hopped down to go sit on the bed.  She tried to think, but couldn't.  How the hell was she supposed to figure this one out?  Well, better play along and get it over with.  Damn, B'Elanna's head is killing me.  Closing her eyes, she lay down and waited for the next bomb to drop.

Tom stopped in the doorway and looked at her.  "Are you alright?" he asked concerned.

"Yes, thank you" she meekly answered.

He walked to his side of the bed and lay down.  This had turned out much better than he had ever expected.  Turning on his side, he leaned towards her, his feet lightly touching her in the process.  She shivered involuntarily.  It was only a little, but he noticed immediately.  Of course, he would, she thought.

"Are you SURE you are OK?"

"Yes, but your feet are cold and it surprised me.  Sorry," she said quietly, trying to close the subject.

"Oh, if that's all it was then... "  He leaned in and gave her a nice, sweet, husband like kiss.

Janeway jumped up for the second time that night, this time starring directly at him.  "What the hell do you think you are doing?" she yelled at him.

"Giving my wife a goodnight kiss?  I missed you," he answered tentatively, trying desperately not to laugh, for God knows what time in the past few minutes.

She looked at him, a stunned look in her eyes, and a sinking feeling in B'Elanna's queasy stomach.  What the hell am I supposed to say now?  She blinked several times hoping a good answer would hit her like a bolt of lightning.  "Oh, I'm sorry, guess I'm a bit more jumpy than I thought.  Maybe a bit of sleep will do me good after all, ha?"  Not the lightning answer she had hoped for, but that was all she could muster.

"That must be it Sweetheart," he said, patting the mattress beside him.  Janeway moved back slowly, lay down, and even allowed him to give her a light kiss on the cheek.

"I'm sorry…  I don't know what's wrong with me" she tried.

"Don't worry about it, just get some sleep.  Good night."

"Good night."  Not for me Mr. Paris, but she kept that thought to herself.

He turned towards his own side of the bed and went to sleep, leaving Captain Janeway wide-awake in the wrong bed, the wrong quarters and most definitely beside the wrong man.

***

"What the hell is that noise?"  B'Elanna walked out of the Captain's bedroom with a puzzled look on her face.  She had her little spy bag in hand, ready to sneak out and make sure her husband was as trusting as he would have her believe.  She couldn't quite pin point the growling, rumbling noise that seemed much louder in the bedroom.  "Computer, identify that noise."

"Unable to identify, be more specific."

"Be more specific!  That growling noise, like the damn warp core is about to breach."  B'Elanna walked back into the bedroom where the noise was louder.

"There is a 0.52 chance of a warp core breach at this time.  Noise is coming from Commander Chakotay's quarters."

"What!!"  She doubled over in laughter.  "That is Chakotay snoring?"

"Unable to identify, repeat request."

"Never mind."  B'Elanna continued to laugh, as she made her way to the door.  Guess I don't have to worry about Chakotay catching me out of bed.  She stuck her head out the door, checking in both directions, making sure no one was in sight.  It wouldn't do for someone to see the Captain sneaking around in the middle of the night.  On second thought, I wouldn't blame her, if she did this every night.  How the hell can anyone sleep through that?  She looked at Chakotay's door again, holding back the laughter.  Silently, she made her way past it and crept to the nearest jefferies tube.

She felt safer sneaking through the ship that way, as there wasn't many crewmen, who found joy in crawling on hands and knees through the bowls of Voyager.  It wasn't her favorite way either, in fact she hated it, but it was the best way for the task at hand.  OUCH!  DAMNIT!  She stopped crawling and sat back to look at the blood on Janeway's knee.  How am I going to explain this one?  'Sorry Captain, I tore a hole in your knee crawling through your ship to make sure you weren't sleeping with my husband.'  Not good.  She shined her wrist light to inspect the damage.  Aw, she'll live, but damn these legs are hairy.  Making her way a bit more carefully now, she made it to her destination with no further injury.

She listened closely for any sounds, and then exited the jefferies tube.  Her quarters were just around the corner.  Slowly she crept to the door, taking out her handy dandy manual door opener.  She didn't want to alert them of her presence with the sound of the door swishing open.  Quietly, she pushed the door open, just enough to slid Janeway's small frame through, then closed it just as quietly behind her. 

All seemed quiet, and it took her eyes just a second to adjust to the dim lighting in the room, not that she needed light to get where she was going.  She tiptoed like a tooth fairy far enough in, so she could see her bed.  Two bodies were under the covers.  One foot sticking out of the covers she knew belonged to her husband, the other body was her own, and it was wrapped like a 'king-cobra' around him. 

First instinct was to 'KILL', both of them, and she almost leaped on top of the piled bodies, until… she saw another foot sticking out.  This one was not her husband's; it was a frog.  A frog slipper!  B'Elanna slapped a hand over her mouth before the hysterical laughter could escape.  With tears filling her eyes, she noticed that her body was totally covered in green flannel, well what was visible from under the covers.  Hardly breathing, she just stood for a moment, watching something that not many wives would ever get to see.  I dare say, no one has ever seen this before.  Watching your husband in bed with yourself, only not yourself.

Tom stirred, just a little, but it was enough to get B'Elanna to move.  She had no intention of getting caught, not now.  The second part of her plan was underway in her mind.  Revenge is sweet, no matter what form it takes.  She made it to the door, and used the same manual opener and slipped out, creeping back to the safety of the jefferies tubes where she made her way to engineering, the second part of her plan.

This time however, she didn't sneak in, but rather just walked through the doors.  There was no sense in even trying to sneak in there, because there was always people in engineering, any time, day or night.  She was the Captain, so… who would say a word about it.  She did receive a few glances, and even a comment on the injury to her knee, but she dismissed them with an 'I'm fine', and a nod, walking over to the main replicator system.  By the time Janeway found out about this, it would be too late anyway. 

With a few modifications, Harry would soon be a Lieutenant, with a shiny pip to prove it.  B'Elanna smiled with a bit of satisfaction from living through this entire nightmare.  One good thing, and my friend Harry, deserves it. 

***

Something had disturbed Tom's sleep.  He didn't quite know what, but he rubbed his eyes and turned his head to look at the old fashioned clock standing on the bedside table.  It was only 3 am, so what had awoken him?

Then he felt it… a slight movement and a nice warm feeling along his left side.  He smiled and moved his arm to place it around her, and suddenly, he remembered.  Oh, shit!  I almost forgot.  This ISN'T B'Elanna.  Shit!  He took a look, and sure enough, there she was, snuggled comfortably up against him.

At some point during the night, Kathryn Janeway had exchanged the pillow for him and now lay with her head resting next to his on the pillow.  One arm under her chin, the other securely wrapped around his bare chest, her left leg covering both of his and a big smile on her lips.  He stiffened.  What the hell am I supposed to do now?  They will BOTH kill me, if they ever find out!  He tried to disentangle himself from Janeway, but found it useless.  Each time he moved a bit, she followed, so he stopped.  Why not enjoy it?  He thought, it's not everyday you get to snuggle with your Captain, and there's nothing I can do about it now.  I've tried and I'll be safe as long as B'Elanna doesn't find out.  I sure as hell don't plan on telling her myself and Janeway… he smiled, he was willing to bet a month's worth of replicator rations that she wouldn't tell anyone!  He placed his left arm around her again and prayed she wouldn't' kill him when she found out in the morning.

He felt her move a bit, but it was only to arrange herself more comfortably around him.  This night has turned out better than I could have ever expected.  That was Tom's last thought as he drifted back to sleep.

***

Janeway was dreaming.  She knew she was, and it was a good dream.  She was lying, snuggled comfortably in her First Officer's arms with her head resting on his bare chest.  She felt him move a bit, the warmth of his arm left her for a minute, and she missed the feeling, but he soon placed it back around her, and she sighed contentedly and tucked herself even closer to him, if that was possible.  What a dream!  She thought with no intention of waking up yet.

***

Tom awoke at the sound of the Doctor's first hail and hurried to answer, so as not to wake sleeping beauty.  Janeway was still snuggled up close to him and he didn't want her to wake up right now.  He rather liked his life the way it was and would do everything he could to keep it that way.  Tom quickly removed his arm and tried to move away a bit, but it proved just as fruitless as earlier.  She was just too comfortable and very stubborn.

He reached for her combadge and asked the computer to lower the volume.  "What's up Doc?"  He asked quietly.

"Mr. Paris?  I'd like to speak to the Cap…  B'Elanna, please call her."

"Sorry, but she's still sleeping" and I have my reasons for wanting her to stay that way a bit longer, he thought.

"I agree she needs all the rest she can get, and normally I wouldn't do this, but this is important", especially for me, the Doctor thought.  He still hadn't forgotten the Captain's threat to turn him into a frog.  He knew she might be serious and trembled at the thought.  "Very urgent Mr. Paris!  Now, please wake her up!"  The Doctor added.  He had been working all night and thought he had finally found a solution to their problem.

Tom smiled and kept back the laugh that threatened to come out.  He had a good idea of what it was that was so important, but couldn't say anything of course, and it wouldn't do to annoy the Doctor too much either.  He still had shifts in sickbay after all.

Tom was just about to answer the Doctor when he felt Janeway stir.  Oh!  Shit!  He thought, but it was too late.

She was still snuggled up against him, her arm tucked tightly around him, and she was definitely about to wake up.  DAMN!  This isn't what I planned, AT ALL!  He looked at her, terror and mischief mixing in his eyes.  He heard her make several faint smacking noises with her lips, and then he smiled, so, this is how the great Captain Kathryn Janeway wakes up.  Her eyes fluttered and she reached up a hand to remove an invisible strand of hair.  Then she turned slightly, tucking her arm more securely around him.  He was dead meat for sure.  She would have a fit and there was nothing he could do about it.

Slowly she opened her eyes fully and looked directly at his panicked stricken face, whereupon she positively flew out of bed, the past few days completely forgotten for a while.

"What the hell are you doing in my quarters?"  She screeched quietly, almost to quiet.

He started laughing hard, not smart, but what else could he do.  The sight of her in her green pajamas with her frog-clad feet was too much to behold, and he just couldn't help himself.

Of course, it didn't improve the situation any and she was beat-red and fuming when she growled "I DEMAND an explanation, Mr. Paris.  NOW!"

Suddenly she realized where she was, who she was supposed to be and what she was wearing and all the air went out of her with a huge gasp.  She heard the Doctor trying to get a word in and wondered if it was possible to save what was left of her dignity.  Finding one last breath, she choked out a response.  "Yes, Doctor, what can I do for you?"

"Could you please report to Sickbay?  I've got some information I'd like to discuss with you as soon as possible," he said trying to keep the mirth out of his own voice.  The EMH could just imagine the scene, taking place in the Paris' quarters.  Oh to be a fly, he thought, but I'm only a hologram and very soon to be non-existent, if this doesn't work.

"I'm on my way", she said forgetting her present attire and stormed towards the door.

"But Captain…"  Tom called after her, picking up one frog slipper.  However, the door had already closed, and she was a good way down the corridor before she noticed the starring faces of the crewmen she passed and realized she was in green pajamas and one frog slipper. 

"Shit!"  She grumbled under her breath.  She had been so embarrassed to wake up in… she had completely forgotten.  Well, the embarrassment falls on you B'Elanna, so what do I really care?  A slightly smug smile appeared, until she remembered something else.  Oh God!  It WASN'T a dream, it was real and it was with my arrogant pilot no less.  How will I ever live this down?  Fortunately, Chakotay didn't know, and THAT was her only comfort.

On the Chapter Three