Imp decided to make use of Tolkien's severed appendages and used them to catch the attention of a taxi cab driver. He didn't seem to notice that one of his customers was dead, but hey, this was New York…you just become REALLY jaded.
They arrived at JFK, and after a brief episode with the security over Ian's pilantir, (they forced him to strip down to his tighty whities before they decided that for all his evil vibe he really wasn't a threat, and his pilantir really wasn't a bomb)
The actual flight went well, and they arrived in Florida. Grabbing another taxi (the driver wasn't QUITE as jaded, and unsettled by the rotting angelo-saxon professor in his cab) they drove to Sanabell Island.
"Why have you dragged us here, Ian?" Imp testily said as the cab driver sped away in search for the nearest bar.
"We have come to see the Lady."
"Oh!" Imp exclaimed, "I have heard of her! She's supposed to be benevolent and wise and powerful!"
"Er…yeah. She's something like that," Ian hesitantly said.
They traveled cautiously through the resort town. Suddenly, a figure emerged from the shadows of the trees. He had black hair and glasses, and was extremely gangly, and just short of tall—though, to protect his fragile ego, no one ever told him that. In his eyes, he was six feet.
"Nifty!" Imp yelled in glee.
"I have been searching for you! The Lady requires your presence!" Nifty choked as he was hugged in Imp's death grip.
"How are things in Sanabell?" Imp asked.
"Our people are slowly leaving these shores. Our time has passed on, leading us away from the fair land of Florida," Nifty said, sadly.
"That's terrible!" Tolkien exclaimed. "I feel so sorry for you."
"Yes…The seasons are changing. More specifically, vacation is ending," Nifty said. "Come. The Lady waits."
Nifty led them into a wooded grove where they beheld a tall, thin woman pouring water from a Poland Spring bottle into a silver basin. She had long blonde hair, and was dressed in the latest fashion.
"I am the Lady," Juanita said, her voice mellow and soothing. "Look into the waters, Tolkien, and much will be revealed to you."
Tolkien slowly approached the basin.
"Could you hurry it up!" the Lady snapped. " 'Passions' comes on in ten minutes!"
Tolkien quickly stared into the water, and was confronted with images to disgusting to mention.
"WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO MY LIFE'S WORK!?!" Tolkien screamed in agony.
"I know what it is you saw, for it is in my mind as well." Juanita cast a lusty look at Nifty.
Imp grimaced as Juanita and Nifty started making sexual gestures at each other. "Er….how are we suppose to beat this slash?" Imp asked.
Juanita glared at her. "Christ, can't you see I'm busy!," she mentally shouted at Imp. As Imp cowered, Juanita snapped her fingers and her ripped surfer male slaves came, bearing gifts for all.
To Imp, she gave a floppy disk. "Since I don't like you, I give you the responsibility to destroy the slash. There will be a LOTR slash convention at the very heart of the dark land."
"Excuse me, but I didn't ok a slash convention in Mordor!" Ian said, defensive.
"Not Mordor, dumbass! It's in Jersey!" she yelled in frustration. She composed herself, and continued. "You must travel there, and download the virus on that disk into the computer that will be there. This virus will destroy all the Internet files containing slash. You, Imp of Long Island, are the virus bearer. You will be tempted to break the disk and read the slash. Do not give in!"
Imp gulped, and took the disk with shaky hands. "Why me?" she moaned.
"You whiney ho!" Juanita yelled. "Shut up and be grateful I'm sending people with you for protection."
She motioned for the others to step forward. "Ian, heir of Sauron. I give you this." She handed him a black leather jacket. "And remember Ian—Accessorize!"
Ian stepped back, a bit confused by her council, but digging the new jacket.
"Tolkien! I give you this." She handed him a no-battery, hand powered flashlight. "Take the Light of Florida with you on this perilous journey."
"And Nifty," she said, turning to him. "What is it that you want?"
He motioned for her to lean forward, and whispered into her ear. A sensual, lazy smile covered her face. "Once I dismiss the others." She told him.
She turned back to the others. "I will and another to your Fellowship to add a plot device," she announced. "You shall meet him before you go. Now, go—rest and put on the clothes I offer you, for your lack of fashion sense pains me greatly. Leave me. Not you Nifty. You stay right here."
