Truth Unknown (part 3)

Chandler woke up later than usual the next morning, at seven fifteen instead of half six. He had already decided not to go to work, but to stay home with Monica. But he still had to get the kids ready for school.

"Come on you two," he called them, standing outside their rooms and throwing both doors wide open.

"Aww, Dad," Shay moaned, burrowing further under her covers.

"I have a tummy ache," Beth complained. She said that every morning. She just didn't like getting up early.

"I'm not in the mood guys. Get up now. There's cereal and milk in the kitchen, help yourselves," he said. They weren't used to him being impatient with them, he was usually the fun one.

An hour later, Chandler sent the kids to school. They whined about having to walk, and Chandler was slightly apprehensive about sending them out alone after what had happened to Monica, but there were loads of kids and parents around, they weren't in much danger.

Once he was alone, he called his work and claimed he had to stay home because he was sick. Ever since Shay had been born, Chandler rarely skived off work, so his boss had no problem letting him stay off work. He even told Chandler not to come in until he was completely better.

The only reason he had stayed home was so he could be there for Monica, but she was still fast asleep. He wasn't sure if she would even be glad to have him there at all. But Chandler decided to make the best of his day off and cleaned up the livingroom, more so that Monica wouldn't have to, than because he enjoyed cleaning.

Monica woke up around ten o clock and her first thought was 'where's Chandler', but then she remembered the rape, and why Chandler wasn't in bed with her, and realised why she had overslept. She was a little disappointed at being alone, wishing she had a shoulder to cry on, preferably Chandler's, but she was also a little relieved, she needed time to think things over.

Monica walked stiffly downstairs, her stomach aching and her legs shaky. She heard someone moving around in the kitchen, and at first she was scared that someone had broken in, but the door opened and Chandler came out, still wearing his pjs.

"Hey, you're up!" he greeted her cheerfully, then suddenly hoped he wasn't being too cheerful, after everything that had happened last night.

"Morning," she mumbled. She felt a little embarrased that she was only wearing a baggy shirt that technically belonged to Chandler, but Monica had adopted it as a nightshirt. She also felt a little guilty for feeling embarrased. After all, Chandler was her husband. He had seen her in this shirt every morning since forever, and nearly every night, he had seen her in even less. She had no real reason to be embarrased, and he clearly wasn't.

"How you feeling?" he asked. She shrugged and ran her fingers distractedly through her hair.

"I don't know. Not as bad as I was feeling last night. Still not brilliant though," Monica said, not mentioning the fact that her stomach still hurt and her bruises were still the same delightful shade of purple. Chandler smiled. He thought she was doing great. "What are you smiling for?" Monica snapped. "It still happened. I'm coping. I'm coping because I have to. Its the only think I can do. being miserable and hating myself forever won't change the fact that I was raped, it'd just make me feel even worse.

"Mon, I'm just so proud. Seeing you last night, I don't know, it scared me. But now you're doing so great. I'm happy, that's all," he said. Monica smiled slightly. She knew what she had told Chandler was right, there was no point in spending every minute of her life thinking about it. But knowing that didn't stop her blaming herself for being stupid enough to walk home alone in the dark.

"How come you stayed home today?" Monica asked, wanting to change the subject before Chandler realised that her brave act was just that: an act.

"I just thought I'd keep you company," Chandler said. She smiled gratefully.

"Thanks Chandler. I really do appreciate it, but I'm not an invalid," Monica said. Chandler made his puppy dog face at her. "I'm sorry. I just want to forget this happened," she added so he wouldn't feel bad.

"Yeah okay. So, do you want breakfast?"

"Sure," Monica agreed.

They spent the day together, trying to act normal and avoiding mentioning the rape. Monica had a sharp look in her eyes which told Chandler she really didnt' want to talk about it, and he knew she would only get mad at him if he brought it up and tried to force her to open up more about how she felt about it. He hoped she would open up in time, but had no real way of knowing.

The kids arrived home at about three thirty, and were mildly surprised to find both parents at home. Chandler had told them that morning to walk home, which they usually only did when Chandler and Monica both had to work, and one of the others was meeting them at the house to watch them for a couple of hours.

The family spent the evening as normally as possible. Shay seemed to have guessed that something was wrong. Her big blue eyes kept drifting to the bruise on her mothers face that make up only partially hid. But Shay saw the look in Monica's eyes, and like her father decided it was best not to bring the issue up. Beth noticed to, and although she knew that it was a bad idea to ask Monica, she asked Chandler as he put her to bed.

"Honey, nothing's the matter," he told her.

"Then how come Mom was acting weird?" Beth asked.

"She wasn't acting weird."

"Well, how come her face is hurt?"

"She fell down," Chandler said, unsure if Beth would believe him, but not wanting to have to tell an eight year old that her Mom had been attacked, and he REALLY didn't want to start explaining 'rape' to her. Luckily, Beth seemed to accept his stupid answer, although she gave him a look that said she wasn't sure. Chandler was relieved. Half an hour later, when he was tucking Shay in, Chandler could see the questions she wanted to ask on her face, but she stayed silent, and Chandler didn't want to bring it up himself. He knew it was cowardly and unfair to Shay, but he didnt want to answer any questions about it, and he knew once Shay got started she would be more persistant than her sister, and being older she would understand more, although still not enough.

Once both kids were in bed, Chandler went back downstairs. Monica was curled up on the couch watching TV, but not really paying attention. She didnt' look up when Chandler came in. Normally, he would have sneaked up and hugged and kissed her, but he knew that however well she appeared to be handling ita ll, she wouldnt' appreciate him startling her.

"Hi," he said softly, coming to sit next to her on the couch, but still far enough away so she wouldnt' be scared, or so he thought.

"Hi. Are the girls in bed?" Monica asked.

"Uh huh."

"I think I'm gonna go up and say goodnight to them."

"'kay."

Monica stood up and left the room. Chandler sighed. He thought she was trying to avoid being alone with him and hated it, but he didnt' want to pressure her. however, when she came back Monica surprised him by sitting very close to him, like she would have done just a couple of days ago.

"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings last night," Monica said softly. Chandler lifted a hand to her face and slowly stroked her cheek. He was delighted when she didn't jerk away.

"Mon, don't apologise. It really is okay. I don't expect you to act like everythings okay. I know things will have changed. You dont' have to pretend its all okay because you don't want me to think somethings wrong between us. I know things will be different for a while because of this, but that's not your fault, or mine. Its that fucking rapists fault. You don't have to pretend for my sake," Chandler said. Monica leaned against him. He was so sweet.

"Chandler, I know that. I'm just saying I'm sorry I pulled away from you last night, I know you were only trying to help. I just needed to be left alone, that's all."

"I know," Chandler interrupted her. "I know, and I don't mind, honestly."

"Chandler, that's not what I'm saying," she said. She snuggled even closer to him and smiled when he slipped his arm around her. Her skin was still extra sensitive and she felt his light touch on her waist through the thin fabric of her shirt.

"Oh," Chandler said, confused. "What are you saying then?"

"That I don't want us to sleep in separate rooms tonight," she said. She was very nervous about suggesting this, but tried not to let it show.

"Are you sure?" Chandler asked, concerned, but he couldn't help smiling. He couldnt' deny that he had missed Monica's warmth next to his last night, but that didn't mean he wanted her to go further than she was ready to.

"Yes, I'm sure," Monica nodded. She was. Finally, there was something that she knew for sure how she felt about. She hated the thought that the last person she'd had sex with had been a stranger who had raped her. She needed to be with Chandler again, to remember what it felt like to make love to them man she loved. She wanted to feel his tender caresses, his loving kisses, as well as the comfort of simply being in his arms.

"You know you don't have to do this," Chandler said.

"Yes I do, but not for the reasons you think. I'm not saying this because I feel I owe it to you or anything, because I know you'd never hold something like this against me. I'm saying this because I need to be close to you again. I need to experience this with you again. I know you probably don't understand," Monica tried to explain.

"No, Mon, I think I do. You want to have sex with me to show that you've gotten over the rape," Chandler said.

"No," Monica insisted, although thinking about it, she admitted to herself that maybe he was at least a little bit right. "Chandler, I don't want to spend weeks knowing that the last man I had sex with raped me. I want to go back to it being you."

"You don't have to justify your reasons to me. If you're sure you really want to do this, I'm not going to say no. Just promise me something, okay? If you want me to stop, at any point, you HAVE to tell me. I don't care why you want to do this, or what you're trying to prove to yourself, if you're not completely comfortable with what I'm doing, you tell me to stop, and I will," Chandler said, so firmly he almost sounded angry.

"Chandler, I will, I promise," Monica said smiling. She loved knowing that Chandler cared to much about her.

"Okay then. Let's go have sex," Chandler said, suddenly feeling nervous, like he had when they had only just started dating, eighteen years ago. He didn't know why, it wasn't like he and Monica never had sex, he was just worried that she wasn't as ready for this as she thought.

"Don't worry Chandler. Its going to be fine," she assured him, kissing him on the lips. He realised it was their first kiss since yesterday morning, since that was the last time he had seen her before she was raped. He hadn't known how much he missed kissing her until this moment, and he kissed her back with more passion than he had first intended. They stood up and wrapped their arms around each other. After a while, they broke the kiss and Monica took his hand. She lead him upstairs. Chandler started to ask if she was sure, but she put her finger on his lips to silence him.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Okay, so Monica has totally changed, but that's what a good nights sleep can do for you. :) Please review, even if you hated it.