A/N This an insane, weird, and FUNNY short little pointless fic. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: all them characters belong to J.K. Rowling, and I don't know who purple kumquats belong to, and general insanity belongs to ME! MINE ALL MINE!



Whoa! A Talking Purple Kumquat!



Purple Kumquat: (singing) Row Row Row your boat, gently down the stream, merrily merrily merrily merrily, merrily, life is but a dream!

(James walks in) James: You said merrily one too many times. (does double take) what the hell? A singing purple kumquat???

Purple Kumquat: *sigh* I HATE that reaction.

James: Sorry.... I've just never seen a singing purple kumquat….or a just a purple kumquat either….or a singing kumquat for that matter….put them all together, and it's a bit shocking!

Purple Kumquat: Yo, you may think I'M weird….*cough* I wouldn't talk….

James: Oh shut up.

(Remus walks in) Remus: Whoa, a talking purple kumquat!

Purple Kumquat: *sigh* I HATE that reaction.

James (chuckles)

James: No kidding. How clever of you

Purple Kumquat: Oh you may think I don't have feelings, but that shows how much YOU know!

James: (summons dignity with summoning charm) actually, I know plenty of things!

Remus (grins) yeah, such as all the passages in the school, how to piss off the teachers, how to brew up a perfect hair dye potion, where the—

James (claps hand over Remus's mouth): Moony shut up.

(Lily walks in)

Whoa a purple kumquat!

Purple Kumquat: :::dryly::: Indeed

Lily: and it talks too!

Purple Kumquat: (to James) bright isn't she?

James (chuckles)

(Lily glares at James. Purple Kumquat glares at Lily. James holds in laughter in fear of getting smacked. Remus stands in backround enjoying the hilarious scene.)

(Sirius walks in) Whoa a purple kumquat!

Remus: Wonder how he figured that out!

Purple Kumquat (mutters under breath about idiots without brains): Honestly, you guys act like you have never seen a purple kumquat!

Remus: We haven't!

(Professor McGonnagal walks in)

McGonnagal: Get to class! Now! (notices purple kumquat) Whoa a purple kumquat!

Lily (Bursts out laughing)

Purple Kumquat *glares*

Sirius *sigh*

Remus: This is fun!

James: (struggles to keep face straight) so, purple kumquat, being a purple kumquat that talks, do you get a lot of attention

Purple Kumquat: *thinks* I dunno…

James: *cough* clueless *cough*

Purple Kumquat whispers something to Lily

Lily (smacks James)

James: OWW!

Lily: (smiles evilly)

Purple Kumquat: Thank you

Lily: No problem. I like doing that anyway.

James: Oh shut up Evans. *glares*

(Remus and Sirius stand in background looking amused)

Sirius: I'll be right back.

(Sirius leaves)

(Comes back)

Sirius: Whoa, a purple kumquat!

Remus (chuckles)

Purple Kumquat: Argh! I can't take this anymore!

(Purple Kumquat explodes, spraying everyone with blue juice)

Lily: Ewwie! I just washed my hair!

Sirius: Oh shut up

James (chuckles) darn, that was fun!

Lily: Whoa, a pink kumquat!

James: Where?!

Lily: (chuckles)

Lily: No where.

Remus: that was rather pointless

Lily: So?

James: great, now I'm all covered in blue kumquat juice

Sirius: (tastes it) Hmmm sour and icky.

James: Much like Lily (ducks slap)

McGonnagal: (stamps foot) Time for Transfiguration! Now!

(They all exit)

Piece of Purple Kumquat lurks in corner.

Purple Kumquat: (grumbles) those buttheads.



A/N weird I know. Hehehe that was fun! Review PLEASE! Tell me what u liked and didn't like!