Without You
By Medina
*Characters property of Rumiko Takahashi. I am merely a lesser god meddling with her Creation. =)
Chapter 3
"Akane, are you ready?" Kasumi asked her in her always
gentle voice, although it had been twinged with of sadness, but
also extra care when it came to addressing her youngest sister.
Akane didn't answer, but she could see Kasumi peeking in through
her door in the mirror of her dressing table where she sat. Kasumi
sent her a look of understanding, and came into the room, where
she stopped behind her sister, putting her hand on the young woman's
shoulder.
"I know this has been a hard week, so don't worry about anything.
Take as much time as you need," she bent over and gave Akane
a kiss on her cheek. Akane finally turned around to look at her
sister, and with her large eyes filled with the same grief that
she had been feeling since it had started, gave her sister a hug.
Kasumi returned the gesture warmly, wrapping her arms about her
the girl's shoulders, and they stood there, immersed in the sisterly
comfort of the other. Akane relinquished her hold, and looked
back up at Kasumi again.
"Thank you... I'll be all right," Akane told her, to
which she nodded, and stepped out of the room. Akane turned back
into staring into her mirror, where she had been blankly living
in for the past hour or so, just looking at her own reflection,
feeling nothing but the same emotion that had pervaded her being
since that fateful moment. She felt it so much that she could
feel nothing else, a kind of strange numbness that pain produces.
The last three days had been a blur for her since the incident
befell her, and being engulfed in her own melancholy, it became
almost a comfort to her, in that she could handle it; otherwise,
she did her best not to react to, or even think about any other
feelings besides the blueness in which she had resided. She remembered
not seeing Ryoga when she came back out of the operation room
where Ranma had lain, but she made nothing of it, only feeling
tired and empty. Upon her return home, Genma broke the news to
the family, which brought out tears from her sisters and her father,
but she couldn't let another one fall from her face -- it was
too much -- she just wanted to sleep.
She didn't quite remember much of the following day, so she figured
that she must have slept a lot and not gone to school; her family
must have been spreading the sad news among the neighborhood and
the Saotomes probably let the school know about Ranma, because
the day after that all of the people came to visit.
She didn't remember many of them either, since there were too
many for her to handle, and she knew that she hadn't acted very
cordial with them, which she felt uncomfortable about now; wasn't
she stronger than that to be able to at least put on a mask of
pride and stability as she had always done before? It had always
worked with Ranma--
"I always had a reason to put on a front with him..."
she uttered to her reflection, sinking down into her arms, crossed
on the dresser top, her eyes drooping a bit, then wincing as she
remembered the rest of that day.
* * * *
"Ra...n... MAAAA!!" a wail came blustering in from the
street, past Nabiki, who had opened the door, nearly knocking
Kasumi over with her teapot, and not even noticing Akane. It came
to rest in front of Genma and Nodoka, bearing incense and gifts,
wearing a decadent black kimono, embroidered with black roses.
"Miss...?" Nodoka asked hesitantly when the woman took
her hand to kiss.
"Kuno, Kodachi, your... (sob) late son's, (sob) INTENDED!"
she flourished, her eyes watering intensely behind a black fan
she held before her face, "I was... too late to be by his
side at his final moment -- but in spirit I was! He must have
wished me there with his last breath..." With that, she feigned
a faint, with all of the Tendo/Saotome household glaring at her
in disgust, but close behind her, catching her midfall was a tall
man, draped in a black robe like the woman's.
"Please excuse my sister," he began, looking down at
the floor intensely, "We mean no disrespect."
Kodachi looked up at him with one eye, as she was trying to pretend
to be unconscious, her look full of spite. He pushed her up, and
forced her to stand, to which she stood there, eyes closed, face
frowning, insisting that she was fainted away, despite the fact
that she was standing. Her brother continued to look around the
room, his face sober, holding his incense stick and a small gift
in hand. He turned to Ranma's parents, bowing to each, then her
kneel down before the altar.
The small Buddhist family shrine, in its red lacquer and gold
trimmings housed a small image of the Buddha himself, along with
a place for offerings, where a few tangerines upon mochi cakes
sat and a metal incense burner with quite a few smoldering sticks
already in it. Beside the shrine was a recent picture of Ranma,
smiling, in his favorite red jacket, looking as strong and lively
as he ever had... exactly how the families thought he should be
remembered.
Kuno placed the gift down in a pile below the shrine and put the
incense in the holder, then kneeled down to chant a prayer for
his soul.
"Namanda... namanda..." he stopped suddenly, his eyes
still closed, "What, what was that?" he said aloud,
"Is that you Ranma? Are you telling me that you want me to
take care of Akane in your absence? Well, I am honored!"
He opened his eyes, and looked at Akane, who was sitting drolly
at the dining table, trying to tune the Kunos out; "Akane!
Ranma's spirit spoke to me! He wants us to be together--"
as he stretched his arms out to her, about to leap to her side,
he ran his face smack into that of another -- his "Aloha"
father, the principal of Furinkan High.
"Pleas' excuse da keiki, folks, dey's a little loopy,"
he said, bowing to the ever-increasingly disturbed household,
and Akane finally just groaned and put her head down. Principal
Kuno pushed Tatewaki to the floor, his arms and legs rigid in
shock, next to his sister who was still standing with her eyes
tightly shut.
The principal took his turn before the altar, leaving a gift and
incense as well, then peered at the picture of Ranma.
"Dyin'...." he whispered as he looked at the picture,
taking of his sunglasses momentarily to wipe away at the small
tears under them. He put the shades back on slowly, and looked
down at the picture again. "DAT'S TEN DEMERITS!!!"
"AUGHHHH!!!!" Akane screamed, leaping up, and in one
swift kick of her foot the Kunos were sent flying out the door,
Kodachi with her eyes still closed. Akane stood, seething with
tears in her eyes, screaming, "YOU CREEPS!!" She felt
a gentle hand touch her back, and turning around, saw Nodoka's
understanding eyes.
"Thank you."
* * * *
On her dresser, there stood a picture from the previous summer's
excursion to the beach, which caught her eye as she remembered
the visit of the disgusting Kuno family. Picking up the framed
print, she gazed at each face that had somehow managed to end
up there, including Kuno and his harpy-sister. Akane felt a wave
of deep-set anger wash over her, and she searched for a black
marker from her pen-can, from amidst cartoon painted pencils,
shiny pens and other presents. Knocking the can down, she found
the sharp-tipped marker, and uncapped it as the rainbow of pens
crashed to the floor. She forced the picture from its frame, cracking
the wood, breaking the glass, tearing a corner, she slammed it
down on the dresser top and vehemently went to blacking out first
Kodachi's serpentine puss, and then scratched out Kuno's smug
grin.
She sat, seething again, realizing how livid a simple picture
had just made her feel, remembering why she had kept herself so
numb to these things -- she could not control herself. Having
regained her previous state of morose contemplation, she picked
up the picture again, looking over the people. She saw Ukyo, Shampoo,
Mousse, Cologne, Happosai, her family, herself, Ryoga, Uncle Genma
and Ranma... How happy they had all been then, despite the constant
conflicts that scattered their days with a sort of annoying excitement.
She longed for those days.
And then she remembered: Ukyo. Shampoo. The other fiancés.
* * * *
"Hello?" a cheerful voice called from the doorway, accompanied
by the sound of heavy objects being sloughed to the floor. "Is
anyone here? I came by to say hi to y'all, and the door was just
left wide open and no one's about. Hello??"
Into the living space of the Tendo house peeked the ample-haired
head of Ukyo Kuonji, the resident Okonomiyaki chef, and one of
many of Ranma's admirers. After the incident with the Kunos, the
Tendos had decided to retire to other areas, seeing that, perhaps,
the Saotomes would be better left to attend to business by themselves.
Akane had elected to stay behind; not that she had really told
them that she would, but she just had, in that she didn't try
to get up and leave. She was the first to notice Ukyo, and when
she saw the young woman, she felt something that she hadn't expected:
her heart wrenched for a moment, and her skin tightened uneasily
as she was going to have to face someone with a serious emotional
attachment to him again. She hadn't thought of how she would deal
with it, so she hadn't even imagined that upon visiting the pain
of others she would see her own in their eyes.
Ukyo saw Akane and smiled brightly, then turned around to pick
up the luggage she had dropped in the hall. Walking in, she looked
about casually; she didn't seem sad or even upset at all -- was
this how Ukyo dealt with it? Akane wondered, which made her more
curious to inquire into what was on the girl's mind. Yet despite
her curiosity, she waited in her corner of the kitchen, feeling
held back by her fear of facing her own reflected emotions.
"Smells like incense in here... Hey there, Akane, where is
everyone? This place is usually hoppin' with life! Right now,
it's as empty as a tomb -- what's up?" the cute chef asked,
Akane wincing at each of the unfortunate words Ukyo had unwittingly
used. She paced back and forth, awaiting Akane's reply, but when
none came, she continued on her own; "It's been a while since
I've been around. I'm thinking of opening another location of
"Ucchan's" near the beach, since it's not worth shutting
down the one here every summer just to hit the crowds there ...
are you okay, Akane?" she asked again, pulling herself way
from her own little world when it became apparent that she would
be the only one talking.
"..."
"Uh, okay... Anyway," Ukyo continued, brightening again,
"as soon as I've got it all up and ready, it'll be just in
time for y'all to come and visit the beach during the summer months!
Doesn't that sound great, everyone having a special place to hang
out by the beach? And it'll be good for all of our "cursed"
friends to get a hold of some hot water, although, I think that
Ran-chan likes that girl's swimsuit a little too much, wouldn't
you say?" she giggled. Akane's stomach twisted in anxiety
and her mind swam in another tide of horrible emotion as the gleeful
musings of the girl before her brought up the same memories in
herself; normally wonderful, treasured memories, but now only
reminded her of what would never be again. She couldn't look up
into Ukyo's eyes anymore, and shot her gaze to the floor suddenly.
"Ah, of course you would!" she said, taking the movement
for a gesture of consent, "of course, I'm not sure if you
can handle my competition for him, huh? Hee hee, you know that
I'm just a big tease! Oh, I almost forgot -- I brought something
with me." Ukyo nearly fell into one of her big sacks that
she had carried with her, then popped right back out with a box
in her hands. "I figured, that since I've been gone so long,
that my dearest Ran-chan would appreciate some of my signature
okonomiyaki--"
"RANMA'S DEAD!!!!"
"for lun.... what?"
Akane found herself standing over the kitchen table, her face
red, screaming into Ukyo's unsuspecting face. Realizing this,
after a brief pause from the shock of her own action, she sat
down just as quickly, throwing her eyes back down to the table's
surface. Ukyo stood there, the box of her special dish still in
her hands, staring down at where Akane had so abruptly cut her
off. Like a melting statue, she slowly sat down, placing the box
on the table, and reached her hand across to touch Akane's folded
grasp.
"What -- did you say?" Akane felt her touch, gentle,
and caught Ukyo's face again, the brightness changed to a horrified
look of hope against her own hearing. A tear escaped Akane.
"It's true. Three days ago. It... it was an accident."
"B- but how?? Ranma NEVER has 'accidents'!" Ukyo pressed,
her hand gripping Akane's tighter.
"It was an accident!" Akane repeated, this time
with more intensity; she didn't really believe herself.
I wish you were dead!
The words weighed on her chest as heavily as the debris that had
pierced Ranma's chest, as if they were one and the same...
Akane lost herself momentarily within her own bitter guilt, but
was jostled back to reality when she heard gentle sobbing across
from her; how could she only think of herself! Ukyo had known
Ranma for many more years than she had, and had endured the indignities
of being a 'second-place' fiancee -- the girl had lost just as
much, if not more than she herself did in this situation. Akane
sat in silence, allowing her own tears to slowly trudge their
way down her cheeks while she studied Ukyo's reactions.
Her pretty face and green eyes were already red, and she was moving
her hands slowly back to the box that she had brought -- a gift
too late. Pulling on a string, the top was released, and she fumbled
back the lid to reveal an okonomiyaki masterpiece: in the shape
of a heart, lined with shrimp and crab, the sauces applied in
just the right amounts, and written with the most care, "Ran-chan"
stood out in the white sauce. She blankly stared down at it, occasionally
shaking with a sob. "Ran-chan..." her mouth formed the
words, but no sound came from her throat. She closed her eyes.
Akane was touched, and hadn't expected to feel so for one of her
'rivals'. So many new feelings were born at each aspect of this
whole incident, she could hardly keep up with them all. Akane
pulled a tissue from her pocket and placed it into Ukyo's trembling
fingers, to which the girl looked up to see an earnest look of
compassion and understanding from Akane, and nearly smiled. Taking
up the tissue, she blotted her eyes and looked about the room
uneasily. Her eyes lingered across the kitchen into the living
room where the family shrine had been opened up to welcome the
spirit of the deceased.
Impulsively, she stood up, her eyes never leaving the shrine,
bringing her creation with her, and began to shuffle over to it
as a sleepwalker might move. Arriving there, she scanned the area
for an unlit incense stick, finding the last of the sweetly-scented
orange blossom incense that the family had always kept with their
shrine. Lighting it, she placed it into the metal burner, and
closed her eyes again to take in the aroma of the wisps of smoke
that now rose from the altar like spirits into the heavens. Gingerly,
she opened the box again to look at the gift that she had intended
to bestow upon her beloved, which now would have to serve as an
offering to his spirit in the netherworld. She kneeled before
the shrine, holding the still-warm okonomiyaki up to the picture
of Ranma.
"I give this as a love-gift to my Ran-chan; may your spirit
be restful... and always remember that I will never stop loving
you..." her voice gave out on the last few words, and she
placed the offering on the altar before she completely broke down,
falling prostrate on the wooden dojo floor, her body wracked with
great heaves, her love and loss pouring out as her salty tears
stained the floor. Akane rose and ran to her rival's side, putting
her arm around her back while her own eyes still were full of
her own lamentation. Ukyo slowly sat up, her hands covering her
face, and sank herself into Akane's waiting shoulder, where they
remained for some time, taking a small comfort in the other's
presence and shared grief.
* * * *
"It's amazing," Akane mused, "how something
so horrible can remove rifts between people. I've never thought
much of Ukyo's feelings towards Ranma, but... but she did love
him. And I.... I... still, I can't say it, even to myself,"
she glanced over the picture some more, and noticed that she and
Ranma, although on two different sides of the picture, somehow
looked to the other, and their stances matched perfectly.
"After all... he was so mean to me at times... yet I was
the same way to him. My feelings seem so unclear most of the time;
I'm never quite sure what I'm feeling when I do something, or
say something. Maybe it was just the hurt talking at times, or...
the gratitude. Maybe... maybe I never loved him at all...
maybe I'll just miss him as a friend..." she mulled it over,
but as soon as the notion crossed her mind, her heart and stomach
seemed to wrench into a great knot, falling somewhere down into
her entrails, but attempting to take with them the tons of baggage
that came with any true feelings for him. It felt completely and
utterly wrong. She tried to think it again, to convince herself
that he meant less to him than she had made out...
"NO," her psyche shouted, the twists and turns
inside of her loosening, but with them the pain of her true feelings
returned "Damn it, why can't I just rationalize it all
away? Why did it have to be the other way around... that he really
meant more than I had ever realized?" another of many
tears dripped onto the picture, this time wetting Shampoo's exotic
smile. "I guess we all try some way to lessen the burden...
even to deny it completely."
* * * *
Ukyo hadn't stopped crying, but she had stopped shaking and sobbing
uncontrollably. Akane had walked her back into the kitchen and
offered to make her some tea; the girl consented with a forlorn
glance back. Now Akane was apprehensive, because it was time to
prepare tea -- tea was a beverage, something that is taken with
food... Akane didn't "do" food. Even if she tried, and
oh, how she tried. Her cooking fiascos were one of Ranma's favorite
jokes...
She sniffled again, and pushed back the thought. Must make tea
for Ukyo! She found the teapot, and the jar of tea.. and hoped.
"Here you go, Ukyo."
"Th- thanks, Akane..." the girl gave a heartfelt reply,
and cradling the mug in her hands, brought the teat to her parched
lips, the liquid warming her body. A smile washed over her face
for a moment, and Akane brightened -- the tea hadn't killed her!
As she watched Ukyo sink down into the chair, sipping the tea
in silence, Akane felt suddenly peaceful, as if someone had reached
out and given her a hug. She looked about the room in a wonder.
"Ranma...?"
"EVIL GIRL!!!"
The wall crashed in, covering Ukyo and Akane in plaster dust,
and causing the teapot to tip off of the table, the tea dribbling
out of the top and spout. The noise and sight of a crumbling wall
suddenly brought Akane back three days, and she cowered back,
her heart racing as she looked about wildly, searching for Ranma.
What she found, as the dust settled was Shampoo, beyond irate
-- almost crazed.
"Sha- Shampoo! What do you--"
"Shut up! Where pervert-girl hide Shampoo husband?"
the Amazon looked razor-sharp daggers down at Akane, now broken
from her stupor, her ornate weapon millimeters from the girl's
nose. Both Akane and Ukyo were confused; she thought that they
were hiding Ranma?
"Speak! Where hide Ranma?! Tell!" now Shampoo's face
had switched positions with her weapon. Akane felt something odd
in the gaze...
"Don't you know? Ranma's..." Ukyo interjected, feeling
the tension between the other women and attempting to at least
begin to bridge a way past it. Shampoo shot her glare over to
Ukyo, and pointed her weapon at her.
"You in on too? Pervert-girl and boy-girl hiding Ranma for
selves?"
"But--" Akane tried now, but only caused Shampoo's attention
to return to her.
"People tell grandmother that Ranma dead! That Akane last
person seen with him! I know it all lie! Great-big lie!"
she blared into Akane's face, then backing off, her weapons pointing
at the other fiancees, spoke again. "If tell Shampoo where
you hid Ranma, I not fight. TELL!"
Ukyo and Akane exchanged pitiful glances, both realizing the same
thing: Shampoo was falling into a madness of denial. The look
that had been evident in the girl's eyes when Akane had see them
up close showed of an unbearable grief beneath the rage, grief
that Shampoo would rather deny to the point of lunacy than deal
with. She believed her own conspiracy theory.
"Shampoo... can't you see? The shrine, his parents, the obituary
in the newspaper..." Ukyo pressed gently, tears welling up
in her own eyes in the telling, "The two of us? Shampoo,
this is all horribly real... how I wish we were only playing a
trick on you, how I do--!" Shampoo glared down, unmoved.
"You lie bad. All put-on."
Akane could take no more -- she had lived through the whole incident,
had held his hand until his last breath -- she knew too-well of
Ranma's fate, and as much as she wished it hadn't happened, she
couldn't stand someone getting away with denying the truth of
the pain that would haunt her for the rest of her days.
"You goddamned little whore," she growled, striking
both Ukyo and Shampoo's attention, "you think that you're
more special than anyone else, that you can just go and not believe
it, not recognize the pain that the rest of us are feeling --
the pain that he went through as he bled to death beside me!!"
she paused, beginning to see a shimmer of a tear in Shampoo's
angered watch. "Yes, Shampoo, he bled to death, it happened.
A falling wall, a ceiling, a metal pipe pierced his chest, his
blood still stains the floor of the old shrine. I saw the rusty
metal inside of him, the blood... oh, the blood... how he struggled
to stay awake, he told me, coughing through his own blood, to
leave him, to not watch him die. But I did. I watched him grow
pale, his strength leave him, and I SAW HIM DIE!! I felt his cold
forehead at the hospital, and I'm helping to arrange his funeral!
HOW DARE YOU deny what I have to live with, that Ranma DIE while
I still live. You have no right, NO GODDAMNED RIGHT!!!!"
The room was unnervingly silent after that. Ukyo sat, dumbfounded
again, frozen with the cooling cup of tea still in her hand. Akane
was now the one staring down Shampoo, tears freely leaving her
livid, hurt eyes. Shampoo's visage had melted, her mouth hung
open, her weapons were down at her sides. A tear welled up in
her left eye.
"NO!!! LIES!!!" she screamed again, bringing her hands
up to clutch her head, her nimble body writhing at the conflict
within herself. Ukyo dropped her cup, watching the breakdown of
a fellow fiancee, but Akane remained firm in her gaze. Shampoo
looked up, her eyes showing no sign of coherence, just a red haze
that covered up truth.
"I KILL YOU!!!" the Amazon screeched, clenching her
fists in the air, and beginning a rush at Akane. Pushing her back
to the opposite wall, she pinned her shoulder with her left arm,
and held up her right hand in a blade, ready to strike at Akane's
throat.
"Do it."
Shampoo blinked.
"Do it," Akane whispered, her eyes closed, held her
head up high and bared her neck to her attacker.
For a second, Shampoo's face showed the grief that she felt inside,
the second that it took to drop her offensive. She reeled back,
unsure in her mania why she was suddenly taken with fear of the
weaker girl.
"Fine. If you not tell Shampoo, Shampoo find him on her own!!"
with that, she was gone, swift as the wind out the same hole in
the kitchen wall that she had entered through.
"RANMAAA!! WHERE YOU???"
When Shampoo's pitiful cry could no longer be heard, Ukyo turned
back to Akane, who still stood against the wall, but now with
tears streaming from her closed eyes, her chin trembling. Ukyo
hesitantly walked to Akane -- her 'outburst' had scared not only
Shampoo, but the young okonomiyaki chef as well. She touched Akane's
hand with a finger, and the girl spasmed away, her eyes opening.
"A-Akane... was that all... the truth?"
She nodded.
"Oh my god..." Ukyo began to cry again, but this time,
wrapped herself around Akane's shoulders. She was shaking horribly
-- she couldn't cope with that kind of strain. Feeling lightheaded,
the room spun, her legs buckled beneath her, and the world faded
into a most welcome black. Yet, in her unconscious state, in her
ears the desperate cry still rang...
"RANMA? WHERE YOU?"
* * * *
"Poor Shampoo... somehow... I envy her madness," she
looked down at the picture again, sniffling back what was left
of the few tears she had let out in her reminiscence. She propped
it up against her mirror, although it looked a shambles. "I
guess that's how it's going to be... Ranma, why'd we have to part
that way? So angry -- like so many other days, but you must have
known that I never really meant it," she sighed, but also
remembered the things that he had said to her which caused their
last fight.
"You're such a jerk! Why couldn't you have understood me
better? I was just trying to be worthy in your eyes, do something
right for a change! You just HAD to get angry with me..."
She put her head down again, staring at the wall of her room.
"Ranma, you jerk, why'd you have to die...?"
* * * *
Her black dress felt stiff; the cotton material had been starched
the last time she had it washed... when had that been? She didn't
remember; the dress had been used for formal occasions, and was
actually a rather pretty dress, but now, it's gloomy color represented
more than a mere formality -- the day was dark, for her heart
was clouded over with sadness for he whom she had lost.
Forever.
She hated the sound of that word, or at least what it meant, for
she couldn't grasp completely the impact of it. Maybe that's what
scared her more. How could there be a forever without someone
once they had come into one's life? He would always be in her
memory, he, in his good and bad, female and male, she would never
forget... or would she? Was she destined to forget him, to move
on? Being rid of the pain sounded wonderful, but she didn't want
it that way.
To forget.
Forget, forever.
Maybe that's where they fit, what she didn't like. Without her
memories, she would truly lose him... forever. She shuddered,
and pulled closer to her father, who put a comforting arm over
her shoulders and squeezed her shoulder. They were on the short
walk between the Tendo Dojo and the closest temple, where the
cremation ceremony was to begin soon.
Akane's mind was racing with such philosophical thoughts the entire
walk, all trying to make sense of what she was feeling. Yet, each
time she seemed to come to a conclusion, it wasn't good enough
and her mind continued on its endless way. She wished it would
just stop. Maybe she'd pass out again, but then she'd probably
dream... dream of him, or relive his death, or find another horrible
nightmare pertaining to him. There seemed to be no escape. She
stared down at her shoes; their shiny blackness was hypnotizing
in the incandescent light of the streetlamps, creating flashes
and shapes in the darkness. She watched as specks of water formed
shining beads on the shoes, drops of rain that had been coming
and going that day.
"He'll need his umbrella..."
She choked at the the thought that had naturally popped up in
her mind at the thought of rain. Tears began to creep down her
face again. Despite the fact that she knew that he was gone, something
deep inside her, irrational, thought that he was still there.
It was the place where routines dwelled, where the normal, comfortable
ideas that were everyday for her sprung from. It had only been
a matter of a few days; how could that part of her simply shrug
off what had been there for two years now?
Rain.
In the shadows of the night, dancing amidst the puddles and drips
that fell from the eaves of the houses, Akane could see the figure
of Ranko -- Ranma's female embodiment. A smiling wisp with red
hair and a surprise to all men who thought that such a small girl
should be just as demure. She may have been a small girl, but
she held inside her the spirit of a great man. She stared as the
dancing figure began to fade from her mind's eye, and with a giggle,
waved good-bye to Akane, and as she disappeared, she turned back
into Ranma, eyes closed.
Snapped out of her fancy, Akane realized that it was Ranma who
she was looking at -- they had entered the temple and were already
inside the cremation hall, where his body lay in state. She stopped
abruptly as soon as she set her eyes on him.
Strangely enough, he looked just as he did when she last saw him
in the hospital -- hair perfect, face set into a serene mockery
of sleep, skin pale and she knew that there was no more warmth
in that face, she didn't need to touch him to know. He was dressed
in his nicest set of clothes, the outfit that he had worn on the
few dates that he had attempted, sans hat. His hands were rested
over his chest in a natural position that normally was used to
add to the illusion of sleep, but Akane knew that if Ranma were
merely sleeping, he would be sprawled out like a monkey. She almost
smiled at the memory, yet almost immediately the amusing memory
turned to lead and sank in her soul.
There were many people there, some of whom she didn't recognize;
must have been friends of the Saotome's. She saw schoolmates and
teachers from Furinkan, the neighbors, the old lady who always
threw water on Ranma on their way to school. The Kunos had the
gall to arrive as well, although Kodachi already looked bored
and her eyes wandered about the room. She spotted Happosai looking
honestly distraught; had the old man truly thought that much of
Ranma after everything that he put the boy through? Cologne and
Mousse stood closer to her, Cologne letting a tear betray her
hardened face and Mousse trying to be as stoic and uncaring as
he could, but Akane was sure that he was struggling with memories
of Ranma trying to help him get Shampoo. Ukyo stood on one side
of Akane, and she could hear her sniffling back tears and took
momentary note of her surprisingly pretty black kimono.
She felt someone bump into her and turned to see Ryoga looking
more haggard and haunted than ever before. Their eyes met and
found the same emotions mirrored back: pain, sorrow, grief and...
guilt.
"I tried to turn myself into the police..." Ryoga whispered
to Akane as she turned away from him. She stiffened. "I told
them that it was because we had been fighting, that I knocked
the floor in and that's what caused the collapse. But they told
me that it was an accident, that what caused Ranma's death couldn't
have been my fault. They told me that it was normal to feel guilt
when these things happen to friends... Akane, they said Ranma
was my friend..."
Akane turned around to look at Ryoga again. He was trembling and
weeping, his yellow eyes wide and piercing with the termoil that
was raging inside of him.
"He was... the closest thing to a friend I had. I killed
my friend, Akane, how could I?"
"It was an accident, Ryoga..."
"Do you believe your own words? I told myself that and I
knew that I was fooling myself. I hear you like I heard myself."
"I... I..."
"It's okay to hate me, Akane. I hated a man who never had
any malice towards me, who I should have embraced as a friend,
and I killed him. I always told him to die, Akane, I always said
I wanted to kill him, and look, look, I did it... I did it."
"No, Ryoga..."
"You cannot save me from this, Akane. Somehow, I must find
a way to have justice for him. The police would not do it, so
I'm going to search, if there is any way to cleanse my soiled
hands of his blood..."
With that, Ryoga turned around and walked back out into the night,
umbrella in hand. Akane wanted to grab him, and tell him...
"It's not your fault... it's mine. I had to be so stubborn
and so hateful towards him... if only I had been more sensitive,
if I hadn't taunted him... if I hadn't told him that I hated him...
that I wanted him dead.. Ryoga... if you are at fault for trying
to protect me, than how much more am I for leading him in there,
for never telling him... for never..."
"Akane," her father whispered to her; he hadn't even
been aware of Ryoga's sudden arrival and departure, "It's
time to pay our last respects... I think it is right that you
go first."
She nodded to him and slowly approached the altar where he was
lain. Her eyes took in all that she could, but she told herself
that this was not how she wanted to remember him... however, it
would be the last time that she would ever see this body face
to face. She wished she could look into those deep blue eyes again,
just one more time, and try to tell him what was in her heart.
"Ranma, I just never saw it all ending like this... and so
soon. Even with all of the adventures, I was sure that at least
I would go before anything got you," she whispered to him
while stroking his hair again, "who would have ever thought...
that it would happen so easily? So I'm going to say goodbye now,
and don't call me a tomboy, but I don't want to cry in front of
you... I will never forget you Ranma Saotome, never..." she
touched his cheek and winced at the coldness, then forced herself
to return to the crowd and let others leave him some final words.
The time had come. Everyone had said their goodbyes, and it was time for the body to be cremated. Many of the guests opted to leave, and the Saotomes held no ill will to anyone who didn't want to be present for the actual cremation. Only Ranma's school buddies, Hiroshi and Daisuke, and Cologne, Mousse, Ukyo and Happosai were the only non-Saotome/Tendos to remain for the cremation. The priests lit the furnace and bore the body slowly and carefully inside.
Before they could shut the door on the furnace, a wall crumbed
down and revealed a horrible looking Shampoo, her hair matted
and dirty, her face cut with marks that looked as if they had
been inflicted by her own fingernails, her clothes torn and half
falling off. Her eyes showed no sign of coherence; they looked
about the place as would a crazed animal.
"Shampoo, what are you--" Cologne scolded her great-granddaughter
only to be cut off.
"Where Ranma? Where Ranma?" she hissed, her voice raspy
and mechanical.
"You're too late. The body's already gone into the cremator,"
the old Amazon pointed to the furnace. "Now Shampoo, you
come back to the Nekohanten with us right now. This is not how
an Amazon warrior should be dealing with this!"
"Ranma... there?" Shampoo said, her face lighting up
with a dazed smile. She looked to the furnace and could see his
form amidst the flames. "Ranma! Ranma, airen, I come, I come
with you!"
"Shampoo, no!" Mousse shouted, but no one was fast enough
to stop the girl at full sprint. She slipped around the shutting
door on the furnace and dove into the fire.
"Ranma, we together now..."
*****TBC...
