Final Fantasy: Kindergarten Wars

It was unanimous among the children that this game was going to be played with the traditional 'boys against girls' attitude. The first move was Sabin's to make. The blond haired boy, who sported a short pony tail at the back of his head, walked towards the Blitzball with confidence, broad shoulders moving gently back and forth as he moved.

A young boy dressed in Paladin attire cheered him on. "Go Sabin! Get those cootie making girls!"

"Shut up Cecil!!" one of the other girls with shoulder length black hair yelled. "Well at least nobody here is stupid enough to have a ball stuck in their hair!"

"Yeah?! Well I hope that phantom pops outta your chest and eats you alive, Aki!!" Cloud retorted.

Sabin raised his hands to silence his bickering peers. "How much you guys bet I can get the cute little pink one with the staff??" he smiled.

"Two lollies!!" came a reply from a squire boy.

"Ramza says two lollies! Anyone else wanna bet?!" Sabin declared. "What about you, Squall?" he asked a brown haired boy dressed in leather.

"Whatever," Squall replied.

"You're no fun, no wonder you have no friends." Sabin picked up the ball with two small hands, held it in front of him, and dropped it. He brought his foot up hard and with a magnificent kick, it was sent flying through the air at the hordes of girls scurrying out of it's path, heading directly for Aeris.

"AAAHHH!!!" Aeris screamed and ducked, expecting the ball to strike her back and take her permanently out of the game. But to her surprise, she heard someone yell "Protect!!!" and she felt nothing. Instead, she heard a loud 'clang'. Aeris opened her eyes to see Quistis standing over her, with her arms outstretched. She had just deflected the ball with a Protect spell.

"Mighty Guard!!" Quistis proclaimed. In an instant, every member on the girls team was protected with Regen, Aura, Shell, Float and Protect spells. "Let's see you boys try something against us now!!"

The next move belonged to the girls, and Aki Ross, a little scientist, was the first to act offensively in favor for the girls. She took out her gun and aimed at the air above the boys heads and shot. A flaming ball shot from the gun and whistled as it travelled above the boys and exploded, showering them with hot sparkles. "Eat phantom!!" she declared.

As the boys ran around while the sparks burned their skin, Aki ran to a ball and kicked it, landing on Cloud's head - again. The ball exploded with such force that he was thrown backwards into the bushes. The girls jumped and laughed in victory while Cloud was removed from the game.

While the girls bathed in their glory, a boy with a monkey tail, who went by the name of Zidane snuck up and grabbed a Blitzball. With what arm power he had, the threw the ball at oriental girl dressed in baby blue with gold streaks in her hair. The girl was hugging her dog in celebration and didn't even see the incoming ball. However her dog noticed it and lunged at it. "Angelo, NO!!!" the girl screamed but it was too late. Angelo was struck and put out of the game. Since the girl was his partner, that meant she was out too.

"It's okay, Rinoa!" Rydia said giving her a hug. "We'll get those boys for you."

"You can't let those boys win!" Rinoa told her, tears filling up her eyes. "Our very social status relies on our victory! We must get that bucket of....." Rinoa pointed at the pedestal that Matron Edea had set up to put the Candy Bucket on. But the Bucket was gone.

"What... what.... happened to our candy?" Rydia stammered. She looked desperately to Rinoa for answers who was just as clueless. They stood staring at each other for a moment.

"AAAAHHH!!!!!! Our candy's GONE!!!!!" they screamed in unism. This caught the attention of the boys who laughed.

"Stupid girls think our candy is gone!" Seifer declared. "Dummies, Matron put the Candy on the - "

"It's gone you dumb head," Ramza said with his arms crossed.

Seifer took a double take. "WwwaaahhhHH!!! Where's our candy?!?!?!"

Behind the pedastal stood a round baby Quale with a chef's hat. Without a gender, the Quale, Quina, was forced to sit out of the game. "Oooh!! Lolly is taste good!!" he/she declared.

"Quina!!" Garnet screamed , "You poo face! Did you eat our lollies??"

Quina shook his/her head in reply. "Only one."

"Well then where's the rest?!" Cecil asked, demanding an answer.

"It's with ME!!" said a voice just a metres away from the group of angry children. They looked in that direction to see a boy with long gray hair and a long sword attached to his belt, holding the sacred Candy Bucket.

"Sephiroth!!" Sabin said. "Give us back our Candy Bucket!"

"Hahaha!" Sephiroth laughed. "Without this candy, you will all be powerless to stop me from taking over the world!!!......OUCH!!!!!!"

"No!" said a girl dressed in red with small crow wings attached to her back. "We're going to kompress time! Along with the SeeDs, spreading like lokusts akross generations! How they diskust me!!"

"Shut up, Ultimecia!" said a feminine looking blue haired boy. He grinned, red lips spreading across his blushed face as he pulled a lock of hair behind his ear. "We're going to spread mist throughout this land for me to frolic in!"

"The point is, taking the Candy Bucket and destroying the world!" Sephiroth attempted at reminding his fellow Final Fantasy antagonists.

But the comment went unnoticed by Ultimecia as she rolled her eyes. "Oh pfft, what damage is your stupid mist gonna do? 'Oh, please don't destroy me! I'm afraid your mist is gonna make me crash into an Iifa Tree! Oooh!! Mr. Kuja, you're so scary!'"

"Uh guys, the Candy Bucket plan??" Sephiroth waved his hands for attention in front of Kuja's face, his efforts again in vain.

Kuja was offended by Ultimecia's taunts and shot back with an trick card up his sleeve. "At least I can spell," he said grinning again.

The world fell silent and the kids shrunk back in fear. True, Ultimecia's spelling may have been worse then Quina's grammar, and she may have failed one or two of Matron's spelling tests, but you never, EVER brought the subject up to her face.

Kuja's pretty face was about to be re-arranged permanently.