TITLE

TITLE: Crosses to Bear (Part 4/?)
AUTHOR: Rebecca Parker
EMAIL: LaVelleBelle@aol.com
RATING: R
SUMMARY: In order to get Faith out of jail, Buffy agrees to be with Lindsey for a year, and Angel is about to find out who his favorite slayer is sleeping with...
SPOILERS: Up to "Are You Now or Have You Ever Been" except Darla never returned.
FEEDBACK: Yes please!
DISTRIBUTION: This and the first three parts are at my site (http://www.ourowndestiny.com) and FINNatics. All others, please ask first.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. Joss and Mutant Enemy own all.
DEDICATION: To Sharon, who keeps me sane and keeps me grounded.




As Angel escorted her inside what would, from now on, be her room, Faith felt uneasy. She still felt like Cordelia and Wesley would hate her (even more) for copping out and sneaking in the back entrance like a dog with her tail between her legs.

"Nice room," she said, looking around. "I'd fire the decorator tho. Guy ripped you off," she said, grinning as she flopped down on the bed. She ran her hand over the bedspread, digging her fingers into the relative softness of the mattress. After prison, it felt like a bed of feathers.

"Well, he's been dead for over 50 years so I don't think there's much I can do at this point," Angel said, smiling awkwardly. "Are you sure this room is alright?"

"Compared to my last digs, this is like the Waldorff Fucking Astoria," she said, grinning.

"Good," Angel said, crossing his arms. "Can I get you anything? I thought I'd go out but if you want me to stay..."

"Go," she said, shrugging. "I just thought I'd catch some Z's. Gotta get ready if I want to start kicking some vamp ass tomorrow night."

"Patrolling? Are you sure you're-"

"I'm ready Angel," she said, rolling her eyes. "Gotta lot of catching up to do. I'm still the slayer, ya know?"

Angel nodded. "OK. We can go out tomorrow together."

"I don't need a babysitter," she said, starting to get a little annoyed and wondering if it would always be like this- the doubt in his eyes and words. And if it was this bad with him, she could only imagine what it would be like with Cordelia and Wesley.

"I just like the company," Angel admitted, and Faith believed him.

"Sounds like a plan then," she said.

"Good," he said, backing towards the door. "Sleep well. I'll see you in the morning."

"Night," she said, taking off her jacket. "Angel?"

"Yes?" he asked, turning back to her.

"I just wanted to say- Thanks."

"You're welcome Faith. It's good to have you back," he said, walking out the door and down the hallway.

Faith sat in silence for a moment before taking a deep breath. "Good to be back," she whispered.


++++++



Buffy had come to the very real conclusion that she hated Los Angeles.

As she strolled through a park, her stake tucked firmly away in the inside pocket of her jacket, she was sure that Los Angeles was less Hellmouth and more Hell.

Whereas in Sunnydale, most citizens knew it to be wise to keep off the streets at night, in Los Angeles everyone seemed to be blissfully ignorant. Although she knew she had to be back with Lindsey by 1 AM she was sure that if she stayed out till 4, she would still find the odd couple making out on a bench or the lone drifter walking the streets.

A real 24/7 buffet for vampires and Buffy started to understand why Angel was needed here.

She sighed; slowing her pace a bit as the night began to wind down. A quick glance at her watch and it was already midnight. She had maybe a half-hour left before she needed to head back to her apartment.

She stopped suddenly, as if the realization of her thoughts had hit her.

Her apartment. That's what it was, in truth. All her things had been moved in, her address, for the sake of bills and correspondence, had been changed. Buffy Summers now lived at 360 Victorian Road, Apartment 10-B with her "boyfriend", Lindsey McDonald.

She didn't know why she had reacted so harshly to him- as if this was a decision forced upon her instead of one she had agreed to willingly. She had no one to blame but herself.

Suddenly, the hairs on the back of her neck were standing on end and she could sense a vampire was nearby. She slipped her hand carefully into her jacket, skillfully removing her stake soundlessly. She slowed her pace a bit, listening to the soft footsteps behind her and bracing herself for the fight that would follow.

Quickly, she spun around, poised to attack but stopped when she realized who was behind her. Of course, it was him.

"Angel," she said, feeling her heart start to beat rapidly in her chest for several different reasons. She always felt like this around him, but now she realized, it was really beginning. Lindsey's little plan had just become an active one.

"Buffy?" Angel asked, looking at her with amazement. "What are you doing here?"

She smiled awkwardly, raising her stake as an answer.

"Yeah, I kind of figured you were patrolling with the almost staking me and all, but I meant- what are you doing in LA? Is something going on?"

Buffy took a deep breath, hearing Lindsey's instructions in the back of her mind. Every possible question Angel could have asked her had it's answer pre-planned. "I actually moved out here," Buffy said, shrugging. "Sunnydale's been kind of slow and I heard things were hopping out here."

"No more than usual," he said, his expression one of confusion. "Sunnydale's slow? Why is that?"

"I don't know. We think maybe it might have to do with the Initiative," she said, tucking her stake up her sleeve. "Hellmouth or not, the place has a bad rep for demons right now. I thought I should come to someplace where I could be more useful."

"Why didn't you call me and let me know you were here? We could have used a slayer," he said, stopping abruptly as he remembered Faith's return. He recalled the animosity Buffy had towards her and decided to broach the subject later.

Buffy noticed the look on Angel's face when he mentioned the slayer and felt hurt that he didn't mention Faith's return to her. Too many secrets; but Buffy had ones of her own.

"Well," she said, tucking her hair nervously behind her ear. "I thought it might be weird. I mean, there are extenuating circumstances."

"Such as?" he asked, leading her to a park bench and sitting down. "Buffy, you can tell me anything. Is everything OK?"

She nodded, sitting down and crossing her legs nervously. "It's just- on certain subjects, I don't feel comfortable talking to you."

"You're here with Riley," Angel said, nodding and shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "I should have known."

"No," Buffy said, swallowing hard at the mention of Riley. "We...we broke up," she said, looking down at her fingernails.

"Ah," Angel said, nodding. As cruel as it seemed, he was having problems keeping a smile off his face. "So you're here alone?"

Buffy took a deep breath. She knew what she was supposed to say. She had been instructed on exactly what to say to that very question yet the words didn't want to come out of her mouth. "No," she said, looking away from him. "I'm here with someone new. I'm living with him actually," she said. She took a deep breath and turned back to Angel.

Angel looked at her for a moment as if waiting for her to laugh and tell him she was just kidding. "So let me get this straight," Angel finally said, and Buffy winced at the angry tone of his voice. "I saw you two months ago and you were with Riley, but since then you've broken up and are now in a relationship with someone to the point that you're living with him?"

She nodded. "I know it sounds quick," she admitted, "but he's great, Angel. I really love him." She looked up at him and felt horrible. The fact that it was all a lie made it even worse and Buffy hated herself. "I'm sorry, Angel."

"No," he said, shaking his head. "I shouldn't make you feel bad. You've moved on. I'm glad you're happy." He looked at her. "You are happy, right?"

~Not even close~, Buffy thought to herself but forced a smile. "Very," she said.

"Then that's all that matters, I suppose," he said, standing up. "I'm just gonna go back to the Hotel. You should stop by sometime."

"I'll do that," she said, looking up at him. "It was nice seeing you again, Angel."

"Likewise," he said, and after a long glance, he walked away. He knew he should stay and talk to her about things, but the sting of her news was too much to take.

As he turned the corner, his hands dug firmly in his pockets, he realized that she had never told him this new guy's name....

++++++

"You're late," Lindsey said, pouring a glass of wine as he watched Buffy walk in the door.

"Well, Angel didn't show up until after midnight. I tried to tell him I had a curfew, but he didn't believe me," she said sarcastically.

"So Angel knows you're in town," he asked, handing her a glass. "Did you tell him about us?"

Buffy nodded. "Yeah. In the no names sense," she said, taking the glass and sipping the alcohol. Lindsey had good taste.

"How did he take it?" he asked, lifting his own glass to his lips. By the look on her face, he could tell Angel hadn't taken it well.

"He was hurt," she said, sighing as she slipped onto the barstool next to him. "But he said as long as I'm happy, he's happy."

"Do you think he means it?"

"Yes," she said, looking down into her glass. "And no. Things with Angel and I have never really been that cut and dry."

"I understand," Lindsey said, getting up and moving behind her, his hands reaching out to her shoulders, his fingers starting to work into a gentle massage. "Things never are."

Buffy sighed, feeling the tension start to evaporate under Lindsey's skilled hands. "That feels good," she said, feeling guilty for the pleasure he always gave her.

"I'm sorry for being such a dick before," he said, increasing the pressure and letting his fingers run along her shoulders. He leaned down and kissed the base of her neck softly. "I know this must be hard for you."

She turned around, ignoring his apology and taking his hands in hers. She looked down at his right hand and moved her fingers over it. "This was the one he took from you?" she asked, looking up at him.

He nodded. "The firm paid for it to be re-attached," he said. "It doesn't feel the same though." He brought his other hand up to cup her face and pulled her to him for a kiss.

Buffy brushed her lips in return against his and sighed when she felt his hand slip underneath her top. She closed her eyes, determined to block all thoughts of Angel and what lay ahead from her mind, and just enjoy this night with him. She deserved that much.

To be continued....