TITLE

TITLE: Crosses to Bear (Part 5/?)
AUTHOR: Rebecca Parker
EMAIL: LaVelleBelle@aol.com
RATING: R
SUMMARY: In order to get Faith out of jail, Buffy agrees to be with Lindsey
for a year, and Angel is about to find out who his favorite slayer is
sleeping with...
SPOILERS: Up to "Are You Now or Have You Ever Been" except Darla never
returned.
FEEDBACK: Yes please!
DISTRIBUTION: This and the first four parts are at my site (
http://www.ourowndestiny.com) and FINNatics. All others, please ask first.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. Joss and Mutant Enemy own all.
DEDICATION: To Jen'fr.



It was fairly scary when Faith opened her eyes and couldn't remember where
she was. For almost a year, she had memorized every groove and crevice of
her prison cell's ceiling, and when she woke up, staring at a new one, it was
daunting.

She got up out of bed with a start, feeling the sheets fall away to bunch
around her waist and she felt awkward automatically that she had slept with
her clothes on. It was either that, or sleep naked, and she wasn't exactly
comfortable enough here to fall back on those old habits.

Of course, she could have taken her boots off before she hit the hay, but
from the moment she laid back on that bed, despite the lumps and squeaks the
old mattress afforded, she had drifted into slumber and somewhere in the
middle of the night had moved her body underneath the warmth of the stale
sheets.

She slipped out of the bed, letting the blanket fall to the floor and she
stretched her arms up, turning her body so her arm wrapped around the
opposite shoulder, feeling the bones crack and settle comfortably. She
switched arms and did the same again, then bent down and felt her back crack.


She looked at herself in the mirror across the room and frowned. Angel had
it easy. It was hard enough to deal with the things you've done, but to look
at yourself in the mirror every day and hate the person you see reflected
back made it even harder.

She stepped closer, pulling her hair back and staring at the contours of her
face. Without the usual protection of her dark makeup, she seemed vulnerable,
and that wasn't a trait Faith liked to see in herself. Five years fending
for herself while her mother was out getting drunk or getting laid had
instilled a hardness in Faith and a self-reliance.

Now, three years and one prison sentence later, she felt nothing but soft,
weak, and very much reliant on a vampire she had tried to kill on numerous
occasions. She liked the feeling that she knew she could trust him, but
hated the feeling that she had to trust him with so much.

She had been standing in front of the mirror for several minutes when the
door knocked, the unexpected sound causing her to jump back a little. She
laughed at herself; she showed no fear against vampires and demons, but a
knock on the door caused her heartbeat to soar. Any smile on her face
dissipated when she realized that there was a good chance that the person on
the other side of that door was someone she owed apologies to.

She nervously wiped the sweat from her palms on her jeans and crossed the
room to the door, quickly taking a deep breath before she opened it.

"Good morning Faith," Wesley said, his face void of any expressions at all.
"Cordelia informed me you would be staying with us. I thought you might be
hungry for some breakfast."

Faith felt like all of the oxygen had been sucked out of her lungs. No
matter how much she had tried to prepare herself for this moment, she knew
when the time came; she wouldn't be ready. She opened her mouth to say
something, but no words came despite the fact that her head was full of
thousands.

"Faith," Wesley said, moving inside the room past her. "I understand there is
a lot that needs to be said between us."

"Yeah," Faith said, instantly chiding herself for that being the first thing
she said.

"I will not pretend that things are not going to be comfortable between us
for quite some time, if ever," he said, turning around to face her and Faith
shrank when she saw the hurt and betrayal that now adorned his face. She
closed her eyes and remembered the way she had looked when she cut into him;
the cut she had made on his forehead, the way the blood dripped down into his
line of sight. She opened her eyes again, trying to get rid of the image
and, looking at Wesley, was instantly sure he was doing the very same thing.

"I know. Look Wes," she started, her mouth open again but other words still
failing her.

"I wasn't finished," Wesley said. "While things will probably never be right
between us, I have a duty to Angel to not only respect his wishes, but
protect him from any harm. I intend to do both, you understand."

"I wouldn't hurt him," Faith said defensively. "What Angel did for me-
there's no one-"

"That's where you're wrong, Faith. That's where you've always been blind,"
he said, shaking his head. "I understand that this world and many of the
people in it have done you a disservice but that does not mean that some of
us haven't tried to make things right. We all reached out a hand to you only
to have it slapped away. So you'll excuse me if your promise of not hurting
Angel because he's done good things for you does not quite convince me."

Faith nodded. He had no right to believe her and, in the same situation, she
would have done the same. She had been burned too many times, and so had he,
only in this case, both figuratively and literally. "I can't give ya
anything but a promise for now," she began, finally feeling strong enough to
continue. "I sat in prison for over a year trying to think of a way to make
it right, but I don't know if there is one."

"There may well not be," Wesley admitted. "But I'll appreciate your efforts
and perhaps in time-"

"Maybe ya'll trust me again?" Faith offered, feeling like this time hers
would be the hand slapped away.

"Perhaps," Wesley said, sighing. "Although I truly don't believe there's much
of a chance of it, to be honest. I hope you can understand that.

"Yeah," Faith said. "I gotcha. I'll try my best. I just hope that's enough
for ya," she said, shrugging.

"So do I, Faith," Wesley said, sighing. "So do I."

They stood in silence opposite each other for another minute or two before
Faith's stomach spoke up with a loud growl. She smiled, looking down and
blushing a bit. "You said somethin' about breakfast?"

"Yes," Wesley said. "Cordelia made french toast a bit earlier. Your plate is
most likely cold by now, but we can always heat it up if you like."

"Yeah. Sounds good," she said, nodding. "Thanks Wes."

"You're welcome," he said. "I'll walk you down. One has a tendency to get
lost in this place."

"Yeah. Gotta feeling I'm gonna need one of those 'You are Here' maps," she
said, smiling awkwardly at her admittedly bad joke.

"Yes," Wesley said, nodding. "Perhaps. Shall we, then?"

"Yeah," Faith said, walking past him and out the door.

****

Faith could smell the french toast before the kitchen was even in sight. She
licked her lips, imagining what it would taste like to have something besides
cold oatmeal for breakfast. It had been a while.

She followed Wesley into the kitchen, her hands dug firmly in her pocket as
she tried to brace herself for the next encounter.

"Good morning Faith," Cordelia said, leaning back against the counter and
folding her arms. She looked the slayer over from head to toe before finally
saying, "You're about as pale as Angel."

"Yeah. I wasn't big on yard time," Faith answered, trying to hide the unease
she felt. "Always some bitch tryin' to put on a show. Got old quick," she
said, shrugging.

"Yeah, I just hate those people who hit you for no reason other than they're
psychotic," Cordelia said sarcastically. "You know what I mean?"

Faith took a deep breath. "Listen, I'm sorry," she said, looking over to
Wesley who had moved to stand next to Cordelia. "I'm not gonna pretend like I
didn't fuck up, cause I know I did. I fucked up so much I don't know how I'm
ever gonna make it up. But I'll find a way. I swear it."

Cordelia shrugged. "Whatever. Angel believes in you, and I believe in him. So
we're fine as long as you don't go all Barber of Seville on us again."

"I won't," Faith promised. "I know ya don't believe me..."

"Like I said, I believe in Angel. I just hope you know there's a lot more at
risk here than you," she said.

Faith nodded. "I know."

"And if you hurt any of us, I'll make you sorry you ever took that risk."
Before Faith could respond, Cordelia turned around and grabbed a plate. "So
I'll just nuke your breakfast for a few and you can dive in," she said. "You
like french toast?"

Faith smiled. "Yeah. Love it," she said, eyeing the plate as Cordelia placed
it in the microwave. "Thanks."

"Yeah well, don't expect it often," Cordelia said, grinning. "Wesley had to
pay me to cook it."

"You like french toast too?" Faith asked, turning to her watcher.

"No," Wesley said, shaking his head. "I just knew you did."

++++++++

"Buffy," Lindsey said, running his fingers smoothly down the length of her
arm as she slept next to him. The night before had been great, for two people
who had been thrown together without any real emotional commitment, the sex
between them had been surprisingly deep.

He sighed, realizing she wouldn't wake up with just gentle words and
movements. He leaned down and kissed the nape of her neck, loving the feel
of his lips against her skin. They had been all over her the night before;
Lindsey McDonald had always been one to give as well as receive.

He turned onto his back and moved his hand to rest on his chest. Things were
not simple in his life right now; more than anything he wanted revenge for
what Angel had taken from him- more than just a hand but dignity. He knew in
his heart that this was the best way to hurt Angel- to be with her.

But part of him felt more guilty for what he had done to her than for
anything else. Yes, she was a willing participant, but Lindsey was pulling
the strings to make her one. She was doing it to save a friend, he was doing
it to save some face.

The phone rang, and, groaning, Lindsey rolled out of bed, feeling the cold
air hit his naked body as he walked across the room to reach it before it
could wake her.

"McDonald," he answered, his voice low.

"The time has come, Lindsey," the voice on the other end said. "Today is the
day for new discoveries. Make it a good one." The man hung up.

Lindsey smiled, putting the phone back down. Senior Partners weren't very
loquacious.

So today was the day. Lindsey expected that. With Buffy making contact with
Angel the night before, the time was ripe for Angel to find out- no doubt the
vampire's emotions were running high.

"Who was that?" he heard Buffy groggily asked, and he put the phone down on
the coffee table.

"The office," he answered, walking back to the bed and feeling oddly
subconscious strolling around nude. "Big day ahead of us," he said, sitting
down next to her and moving the hair off of her forehead.

"*The* big day?" Buffy asked, frowning.

"Yeah," Lindsey said. "The one."

"Great," Buffy said sarcastically, sitting up and pulling the sheets around
her. "How long do we have?"

"We'll need to get in contact with Faith- let her know where to be and when.
We're aiming for around 7 PM. There's a Bloomingdales at the Beverly Center.
We think it would be an ideal spot."

"What time is it now?" she asked, brushing the sleep from her eyes.

Lindsey turned to the clock on the wall. "Noon," he answered. "We slept
late."

"So we have all day," she said, moving past him, still keeping the sheets
close to her skin. "I'm going to take a shower."

"No," Lindsey said abruptly. "The uh- Senior Partners think it best if you go
as you are."

"In a sheet?" Buffy asked, sarcastically. "Is this a toga store we're going
to?"

"No," Lindsey said, sighing. "I mean, they think it best if you- don't
shower."

"Why would they care-" Buffy stopped. "Oh. That's cruel, Lindsey. I can't do
that. He'll smell us."

"That's the plan, actually," Lindsey said, looking down. "We think it would
be an effective tactic."

"Tactic," Buffy said, angrily. She shook her head. "I need to get out of
here." She started to head towards the den when he called her back.

"Buffy," he said. "Wait. You need to make the call."

"The call?" she asked, looking back. "To Faith? Don't you think that will
look like one hell of a coincidence?"

"That's why we have this," Lindsey said, moving over to the night table and
pulling a small electronic box from it. "It's a voice filter. You speak
through this and you'll sound like some butch prison guard. Tell whoever
answers that you need to speak to her regarding an incident that happened the
night before she left with some inmates. When she gets on the phone, tell her
the North entrance to Bloomingdale's at 8 PM."

Buffy moved back to Lindsey, taking the box from him and trying it out. The
voice that came out sounded like nothing she could have faked if she tried.
"Fine," she said, looking at him. "I'll do this. But I don't want you to
touch me tonight. Deal?"

"Buffy-"

"Deal?"

Lindsey nodded. "Fine. Just make the call."

Buffy took the phone and sat on the couch, fully aware of Lindsey who had
moved to stand over her. She quickly dialed the Hyperion.

****

Faith had just swallowed her last piece of French Toast when the phone rang.
She watched as Cordelia crossed the room to the cordless and answered it.
"Angel Investigations, we help the hopeless."

Cordelia stopped, listening intently. "Uh huh," she said. "Uh huh. Yeah,
she's here. One second." Cordelia put her hand over the receiver. "Faith,
some prison guard calling. Wants to get your take on an incident last night
for their records." She stretched the phone out to the girl to take.

"Uh thanks," Faith said, taking the phone. Fuck all if she could remember an
incident. "Hello?"

Faith's eyes grew wide as she listened to the voice on the other end.
"Yeah," she said, moving across the room and starting a steady pace.
"Ok....You sure?....and everything's OK? Uh huh.... Ok..... Yeah, I know....
Alright," she said, finally hanging up and handing the phone back to
Cordelia.

"Some shit goes on at that prison," she said, swallowing nervously.

"Everything's OK?" Cordelia asked, putting the phone down and moving to clear
the table. "The Guard sounded nervous."

"Yeah," Faith said. "Five by five." In reality, it was anything but.

*****

Buffy hung up the phone and turned to Lindsey. "She'll be there."


TO BE CONTINUED....