Crosses to Bear Part 8 TITLE: Crosses to Bear (8/?)
AUTHOR: Rebecca Parker
EMAIL: NumfarGal@aol.com
RATING: R
SUMMARY: Buffy's with Lindsey to get Faith out of prison, and Angel just found out.
PAIRING: B/L
FEEDBACK: I do the dance of joy upon receipt of feedback.
DISCLAIMER: Joss and Mutant Enemy own all.
DISTRIBUTION: At my site, Our Own Destiny, and all the usual suspects. Anyone else, please ask first.
DEDICATION: To all who feedbacked. Thank you, and I'm sorry I'm so slow in getting this out.



Faith felt hung over, but without the pleasantries of getting drunk first. She rolled out of bed, her head pounding unbearably. She looked at the alarm clock on the side of her bed, and was frustrated when she saw it was only 9 AM. She had gotten back to her room around midnight, and hadn't been able to fall asleep until almost 4.

She had tossed and turned angrily, her sheets tangling this way and that as she thought of what had just happened.

Angel was about to burn Los Angeles to the ground because of her. Angel was about to jump onto a nice wooden fence because of her. Angel was suffering because of her. As she walked over to the bathroom, slipping her clothes off her body and to the floor as she did so, she felt the need to scream. She couldn't forget that everything that was happening was because of her.

She had deserved her time in prison. She could have been locked up for another 10 years, and Faith knew that it was what she had coming to her. The thing she had done... Faith sighed, opening the door to the bathroom and stepping inside. She deserved it all. What she didn't deserve was a second chance- especially not at Buffy and Angel's expense.

She had considered just confessing everything to Angel and letting herself be thrown back in jail once Wolfram & Hart got pissed off that she had let the cat out of the bag. She had even opened her mouth to say it once or twice. But she didn't. She couldn't. She wasn't sure what would hurt Angel more- going through what he was now, or knowing that Buffy was hurting him intentionally; knowing that she was teaming up, for whatever reasons, with the bad guy; knowing that Faith knew exactly what was going on and didn't say a thing. Faith sighed as she turned on the water full blast, and stepped into its burning spray. She was the bad guy too now. Again.

She bit her lip and punched the wall. She couldn't let him know. Not ever.

+++++

Cordelia poured Wesley another cup of coffee, and raised her eyes to the ceiling. "So. What's your take on it?"

"On what?" he asked, taking the mug from her and taking a sip. He winced. "Sugar please?"

"Oh yeah," she said, picking up the container and passing it to him. "On what? On Angel. You saw him when he came in last night. He looked like someone just told him they had made brooding illegal."

"He did seem rather upset," Wesley said, nodding as he spooned sugar into his drink.

"Upset?" Cordelia shook her head. "He looked like he was going to rip the heads off of chickens or something."

"You suspect something happened last night?" he asked, his eyebrow raised.

"No," she said, shaking her head. "I know something did. And Angel is going to be all silent movie over whatever it is."

"Actually," Wesley began, taking off his glasses. "Actors in silent movies were quite skilled. They didn't speak, but their emotions told the whole stor-" He stopped, looking at Cordelia and her look of disapproval. His glasses went back on. "Yes. He does tend to keep things to himself. So we may assume it's something personal?"

"I'm guessing. I mean, he would have told us if it was a demon thing, right?" She moved around the desk and plopped onto the seat opposite Wesley.

"I suppose." He put down his coffee and stared at her. "Do you wish me to speak to him?"

"No," Cordelia said, getting back up and walking towards the stairs. "I'll do it. You'll probably just wimp out and let him get away with 'I'm fine.'".

"I would not," Wesley said defensively. "But perhaps it's best. He seems to open up to you more than any of the others."

"Yeah well, that's because I don't let him get away with anything," she said, shrugging. "Well, cover me. I'm going in." Cordelia walked up the stairs, determined to find out what was bothering Angel- this time.

+++++

Angel couldn't sleep. He hadn't even bothered to try. He knew from over 200 years of experience that when he got like this, it was pointless to even pretend that he could rest. Instead, he had spent the night pacing his room, balling his fists, and trying to control himself from going out and bashing Lindsey McDonald's face in.

He tried to read, which was usually how he passed the time, but found he couldn't concentrate on the words on the page. In the end, he had wound up sitting on his bed, his back against the bedframe, staring out blankly at the four walls surrounding him.

He wasn't surprised when he heard the knock at his door. He knew he couldn't hide anything from Cordelia, and he also knew that it was pointless even trying to. She was one stubborn young woman and, as he opened the door to find her with one hand on her hip, he realized- equally as perceptive.

"Cordelia," he said, as she walked past him and into his room. "Can I help you with something?"

"Yeah, just try playing dumb with me," Cordelia said, rolling her eyes. "So do you want to tell me what's going on or do I have to beat it out of you?" She turned back to him, smiling. "Cause that would be kind of fun."

Angel sighed. "Cordelia, I don't really want to talk about it right now."

"Well, that's fine," she said, shrugging. "Fine if I cared about what you want. Fortunately for me, I only care about what you need. And you need to talk about whatever it is that's making you go all maudlin on me. You haven't slept all night, have you?"

"I'm a vampire, Cordelia. It's not unexpected."

"Don't even try it, Angel. I know you. And I'm not leaving until you tell me what's going on." She sat down on his bed and crossed her legs. "And don't even think about leaving the room. You know I'll just follow you."

Angel smirked, remembering his visit to Sunnydale years ago. Riley had fallen for that trick. He could have dealt with Riley. Lindsey was- He sighed. Lindsey was someone he wasn't able to handle Buffy being with.

"It's Buffy," Angel said, sighing. "She's in town."

Cordelia groaned. "Oh God. I should have known. It's like 'Young and the Restless' whenever she comes around. What happened this time?"

"She has a new guy," Angel said, gritting his teeth. "I found them all over each other at the mall."

Cordelia sighed, patting the spot on the bed next to her. "Come here," she said. "I think we need to have a talk."

Angel knew what was coming, but sat down anyway. Again, he was reminded that it was pointless to argue with her. "Cordelia, it's not what you're thinking."

"Angel, I'll tell you what I'm thinking. I'm thinking you said you wanted her to move on, but you really didn't. But you know it's best. She should be seeing other people and hey- if she can find someone willing to deal with her freakish existence, well- I'm happy for the girl. But you can't be going all jealous boyfriend when you see her with someone new, cause really- you're just the jealous ex now."

"Uh huh," Angel said, humoring Cordelia as she finished her speech. "You're right. And normally, I'd agree."

"OK, well that's a start," Cordelia said, shrugging. "But why isn't this normally?"

Angel laughed bitterly. "Because this time the guy who had his hands all over her was Lindsey McDonald."

Cordelia's eyes grew wide as she registered what he said. "Hands? But I thought-"

"Two of them," Angel said, nodding. "Seems Wolfram & Hart has good health insurance. Which is good, cause he'll need it when I rip off the next limb."

"Angel!" Cordelia said, getting up. "Listen, I get why you're upset, but you can't go all Angelus on me now. You know that's what they want."

"Yeah," Angel said, balling his fist tight. "But her- I don't understand what the hell she's doing."

"Well," Cordelia said, smiling. "You have seen Lindsey, right? The man is nothing if not hot." She saw the look he was giving her and instantly wiped the smile from her face. "And evil, and bad," she added. "I'm just saying- I can see why."

"And the fact that he's evil? She's excusing that how?" he asked, his voice angry.

"I don't know." She shrugged. "I mean, it's not like she's never fallen for the wrong type of guy before," she said sarcastically. "Maybe the whole bad boy thing turns her on. Maybe she things she can redeem him." Hell, I don't know. Maybe he's just good in bed."

"Cordelia," Angel said angrily.

"I know, I know. I'm not helping," she said, sitting back down. "Did you talk to her? Did she say why?"

"I didn't handle it too well," Angel admitted. "I don't know if she's going to want to talk to me."

"Oh," Cordelia said. "Well, maybe you should call Giles. See if he knows what's going on."

"Yeah," Angel said. "I'll do that. I just don't know what she must be thinking."

+++++

Buffy had slept better than she expected. She had cried for hours before finally dozing off, and surprisingly, her night hadn't been full of nightmares.

When she woke up, alone in their bed, she was surprised to see it was after 1 PM. She sighed as she sat up, tugging the sheets close to her chest as she stared at the door. She didn't want to get up, didn't want to go out there. She wanted to just forget that the last month had ever happened, but she couldn't. Especially after seeing how Faith looked last night.

The Slayer had looked happy. Of course, she could tell that Faith was as uncomfortable with the whole "game" as she was, but she could tell that underneath, a part of Faith was happy to be free, no matter what the cost. Buffy didn't blame her. She felt the same way- no matter what she was doing to Angel; it was worth it to make things up to Faith.

She couldn't have explained it to anyone- how she had regained her trust in Faith. Willow or Xander would most likely have explained that people rarely change- and certainly not as drastically as Faith seemed to. But Buffy just knew somehow that things were different. That Faith was, in fact, good. She had to fix things and make them right.

She got up out of bed and walked towards the door, nervously patting down her hair which seemed to be flying in every direction. She wasn't sure she was ready to face Lindsey again after her meltdown last night, but she didn't exactly have a choice. No matter what he said, she did, for all intensive purposes, belong to him for the next year.

She opened the door and was surprised to find the apartment empty. "Lindsey?" she called out, but she received no answer back. She sighed, heading for the refrigerator and hoping to find some orange juice inside. She opened the door, and was about to reach for the container when she heard the door knock.

She closed the refrigerator door and turned around, frowning. She wasn't sure if she should answer it- it was either someone she didn't know or someone she wasn't ready to see and deal with yet.

She walked over to the door, leaving the chain on as she opened it. "Yes?" she asked as she looked through the opening. Her stomach dropped.

"Hi," Kate said, raising her badge so Buffy could see it. "I'm looking for Lindsey McDonald."

"Oh," Buffy said, her hands shaking behind the door. "He's not here. I'm sorry."

"Ah," Kate said, looking at the girl. "Would you mind opening the door? I'd like to ask you some questions."

Buffy swallowed hard, unsure of what to do. She doubted Lindsey wanted her talking to the cops, but she doubted he wanted her arrested either.

She nodded, undoing the chain and opening the door wide. Kate looked her over. "The unidentified blonde, I presume," she said, walking into the apartment.

"Excuse me?" Buffy said, a little taken aback that Kate had just walked inside without asking if it was alright first.

"That little scene at the mall last night," Kate answered, looking around the room. "The one Lindsey and Angel had over you."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Buffy said, trying to keep her voice from wavering. "Excuse me, but I thought you said you wanted to ask me questions, not make accusations."

Kate smiled. "Oh come on. You know you could confess the whole thing to me now, and McDonald would have you out within the hour."

"He's good like that," Buffy said, standing up straight. She wasn't going to let this woman get to her.

"Good in a bad way, I suppose. You do know what your boyfriend does during the day, don't you?"

"Yeah, and I know what my ex-boyfriend does during the night. What's your point? Do you really think you're telling me something I don't already know?"

"Your ex?" Kate asked, confused. She looked at the girl again, trying to place her, and then suddenly it clicked. Her hair was straight now, not wavy like she remembered. "Ah. And suddenly things become clear. You're Buffy."

"That I am," she answered. "So really, I don't need the Cliffs Notes version on Lindsey and Angel. And I'm not going to tell you anything."

"Aren't we unpleasant?"

"Well, the last time I checked, you were about to incinerate Angel," Buffy said, her hands on her hips.

"Ah, and we're so protective of Angel, are we? I suppose that's why you're fucking his enemy?"

"I don't think that's any of your business," Buffy said, her anger rising.

"When there are crimes committed because of it, it *is* my business," Kate said, crossing her arms.

"I think you should leave now," Buffy said. "I don't know why you came here. You had to know you wouldn't find anything out."

"I beg to differ," Kate said as she headed for the door. "I found out quite a lot. Nice seeing you again, Buffy. Tell Lindsey I'll be in touch."

Buffy didn't bother answering, and instead slammed the door in her face. She took a deep breath as she leaned back against it. This wasn't something she had expected, and she wasn't exactly ready for it.

She headed back to the kitchen, her hands shaking as she wondered if she had dealt with it the right way.

To Be Continued....