TITLE: Crosses To Bear (11/?)

AUTHOR: Rebecca Parker

EMAIL: NumfarGal@aol.com

RATING: R

PAIRING: B/L

SUMMARY: Buffy is with Lindsey for a year to get Faith out of jail, and Angel's recently found out. Wesley's gone to talk to Buffy.

FEEDBACK: I do the dance of joy upon receipt of feedback.

DISCLAIMER: Joss and Mutant Enemy own all.

DISTRIBUTION: All the usual suspects. All others, please ask first.

DEDICATION: To Moe for so many reasons.

Lindsey's office was eerily silent. He had worked on the few cases he had for hours, mulling over briefs and affidavits, and finding it very hard to concentrate.

His eyes kept drifting over to the telephone and wondering why she hadn't called. The florist had confirmed that her flowers had been delivered a half hour ago. The teen that brought them inside his apartment even confirmed that she had looked happy to receive them.


But his phone didn't ring.

He had picked up the receiver to call her several times, only to quickly hang up. The flowers were a necessary move. She was losing strength and focus, two things she needed if this plan was to work. The flowers were a strategic move, not a romantic one. He had to remember that.

He was putting the finishing touches on his opening speech for the next morning when Holland walked in. As always, he ignored the courtesy of knocking and breezed in without a word.

"Holland," Lindsey said, half acknowledgment, half questioning. Lindsey was still a little put off by their brief meeting earlier, and was hoping to put off any further meetings until the next day. He stood up to face the man. "Something I can help you with?"

"Sit down Lindsey," Holland said, seating himself in the chair in front of the lawyer's desk. "I know you're in a rush to get back, but there have been some changes."

"Changes?" Lindsey asked, letting himself sink back down into his seat. He didn't like the sound of this, and knew it most likely wasn't good. "Has something else happened?"

"Not quite," Holland answered, leaning over and picking up a letter opener from Lindsey's desk. "Your Slayer has another visitor, but we're monitoring their conversation closely. Should something be revealed- Well," Holland said, sighing. "We'll just have to step up our plans, won't we?"

"Who?" Lindsey asked, leaning back and reclining in his chair.

"Wesley Wyndham-Pryce," Holland said. "Not to worry. One way or the other, things will work out with regard to that. But that's not what I came here to discuss."

"It's not?" Lindsey asked, letting the chair return to its upright position. He leaned forward. "Then what is it?"

"I've talked to the Senior Partners about the Lockley issue," Holland said, letting his fingers run along the blade of the opener. "Something needs to be done, you understand. We've grown tired of her snooping around in our affairs."

Lindsey watched Holland play with the letter opener and closed his eyes. "You want her killed?"

"Oh no," Holland said, and when Lindsey's eyes reopened, he saw a smile there. "My enemy's enemy is my friend, Lindsey. She can be a valuable ally. We just need to gain some control over her."

"And how do you suggest we do that? She can't be bought," Lindsey said, closing his briefcase and placing it next to his chair.

"I was thinking of something quite different," Holland answered. "She's really quite beautiful, don't you agree?"

"She's not bad," Lindsey admitted. "Could use a little makeup."

"Yes, but beautiful, you must admit. Certainly too beautiful to be so alone- to be so lonely."

The lights suddenly went on inside Lindsey's head, and all he could say was "Oh." He stood up, moving the chair out of his way and began to pace the room. "You want me to seduce her."

"Yes, well. You seem best at it. And you two do have a history," Holland reminded him.

"I gave her information on Angel once. I hardly think that constitutes a history." Lindsey stared out the window at the night sky beyond it. He took a deep breath. He knew it was useless arguing. If Holland came to him with this, it was more than a suggestion- it was a command. "And what about Buffy?" Lindsey asked, turning back.

"What about her?" Holland asked, putting the letter opener back on Lindsey's desk. "You'll still live with her, still play the part. You'll tell her, of course. We can't have Angel surprising her should he find out."

"Of course," Lindsey said, swallowing hard and hoping Holland didn't notice.

Of course, he did. "Something wrong?" he asked.

"No." Lindsey shook his head. "I just think I'm getting the flu bug."

Holland laughed, and got up from his seat. "Of course," he said, and Lindsey could tell the man didn't buy it. "She's on duty tonight, but she'll be free tomorrow. She likes to drink alone at a certain bar on Highland. I'll forward you the information tomorrow morning."

"Fine," Lindsey said, picking up his briefcase and walking past Holland.

Holland reached out and grabbed his arm. "Is everything alright, Lindsey? Not having wavering loyalties again, are we?"

"Not at all," Lindsey answered, staring the man straight in the eye. "You don't have to worry."

"You know how important this is-"

"I'll do what I have to do," Lindsey interrupted. He smiled, walking out the door. "And I'll enjoy it," he said, slamming the door behind him once he was sure that Manners had heard him.

+++++

"Buffy," Wesley said, nodding as he stared at the blonde slayer in front of him. It had been over a year since he had seen her, and he was amazed by how much she had changed.

Of course, the Buffy he had last seen at Graduation was mature. She was tough as nails as she fired him and told him to "get a job." And that he had.

But she seemed world-weary now, yet still holding on to that air of youth that always lit up her face when she smiled.

"May I come in?" he asked, his tone low.

Buffy stared back at Wesley, equally taken in by the changes her old Watcher had gone through. Gone was the sniveling Brit in a suit with slicked back hair that had forced her to keep a log of all vampires slain. Gone was the arrogant man who thought she would back down once he had forbidden her from doing something.

For a moment, she was unsure of what to do. Would Lindsey want an ally of Angel's in his apartment talking to her about what she knew would come? But they had gone over any and all possibilities, and this was one of them. "Play it cool," Lindsey had told her. "Don't give anything away."

She stood there silently for another moment before nodding. "Sure," she said, opening the door wider and gesturing for him to come inside. "Lindsey will be home soon, so we should make this quick."

Wesley walked past her, his eyes scanning the apartment and looking for some clue as to what was going on. Everything looked neat, with feminine touches here and there. He even spotted a chest full of weapons tucked in the corner in the shadows. All Buffy's touches, he suspected.

"Thank you," he said, turning back to her. "Are you sure this is alright? I don't want Lindsey to be upset with you."

Buffy shrugged. "It's my apartment too. Besides, I can catch up with old friends if I want to."

"Friends?" Wesley asked, smiling at the suggestion. He knew that they had been anything but, but he still liked the idea of it. "Ah, well. I just want to be sure you'll be alright."

Buffy sighed. "Oh, I see. What, you think I'm some kind of indentured servant? I have to do what my Master says or else I get punished?" She shook her head. "It's not like that, Wes."

"I'm sure it's not," he said, moving to the couch and sitting down. She followed, and the two sat next to each other in silence. "So," he began, looking to her. "Then what is it like?"

"He sent you here, didn't you?" Buffy asked, sighing.

"Of course," Wesley admitted, smiling. "Did you expect any less?"

"Well, after watching Angel go crazy and attack my boyfriend last night, I'd say I expected a lot more." She smiled. "No offense."

"None taken," Wesley said. "Buffy, he's worried about you. He reacts so badly because he doesn't understand how you can be with someone like Lindsey."

Buffy groaned. "Do you think he really *wants* to understand?"

"No," Wesley said. "But I do. I worry about you too, Buffy. I know I'm not your Watcher anymore, but I was once. And, admittedly, I did a horrible job. I failed you, Buffy. But I've changed since then, and I want to try to make it up to you. Do you understand?"

Buffy held in her breath, understanding far too well wanting to make up past wrongs to someone. She was here, sitting opposite Wesley and lying to him, for that very reason.

She looked away; closing her eyes and wondering what Faith was doing at this very moment. Before Lindsey had come to Sunnydale with his offer, she would do this for hours; trying to imagine where she was and what she was doing. In Sunnydale, she would imagine the worst, but here- here she would imagine the best. And that made it all worth it.

She turned back to Wesley after another moment and smiled. "Wesley, I appreciate that. But if you want to make it up to me, you can explain to Angel that I'm a big girl now. I can make my own decisions. And I can't help who I love."

She smiled at Wesley and took his hand. "I do. I love him, Wesley. I can sit here and try to explain it, but I can't. Anyone who can is probably not really in love, you know?"

"I suppose," Wesley said, squeezing her hand. "I'll tell him, but I can't help that I'll continue to worry."

"I know," Buffy said, nodding. "I guess you heard what happened with Giles."

Wesley nodded. "None of them understand why you left, Buffy. They're all incredibly hurt."

"I explained it to them," she said, looking down. "I explained that this was what I needed to be happy. And if they can't allow that, then-" Buffy sighed, releasing her hand from Wesley's grip and standing up. "Then to hell with them."

"Buffy, you can't mean-"

"I don't," Buffy said, sighing. "God, of course I don't. I just don't want to know anyone who can't respect my choices. And if Angel won't-"

"I can tell you now he never will," Wesley said. "Do you honestly expect him to? Lindsey represents everything that we fight against. He's put our lives in danger time and time again. He can't be trusted," Wesley pleaded.

Buffy stood up angrily. "I trust him," she said. "And you should trust me."

"I'm sorry Buffy. I don't. Not on this."

"Then you're no longer welcome here," she said, moving towards the door and angrily yanking it open. "I thought you said you wanted to make things up to me. You have a hell of a way of doing that."

"I won't be making it up to you by lying to you. By pretending that I'm not scared for you."

"You were scared for me when I dated Angel and now you trust him. Why is Lindsey any different, Wes? Cause Angel tells you so?" She laughed. "I guess you haven't changed as much as I thought you did. Still following orders."

"Buffy-"

"Get out," Buffy said, her voice firm. "And tell Angel that he can go to hell. Again."

Wesley walked past her and out the door. She didn't even allow him a chance to say anything in response as she slammed the door closed.

"Damnit," Wesley said, cursing himself as he walked away. He didn't mean for things to go so badly.

And, more than anything, he dreaded going back to Angel Investigations and letting Angel know that what Buffy felt was real, and that there seemed to be no talking her out of it.


TBC...