by Laura Boeff
Ace frowned as he found Cosmo sitting in the
computer control room. It wasn't that it
was unusual to find Cosmo here, but to find him just sitting.. starring...
The young man didn't
even register his presence as he walked into the horseshoe shaped computer
console.
"Hey."
Cosmo jumped, feet skittering off the console
as he spun on the older man.
"Oh.. hey, Ace," he stammered.
Ace smiled slightly, but cocked his head.
"You okay? No problems with your magic?" It
was Ace's first worry, that something had happened with Cosmo's returning
sense of his magic.
His friends condition had taken a 180 degree turn with the return of
that vital sense of himself.
Cosmo opened his mouth, then shut it and turned
away.
"No.. that's fine," he murmured softly.
Ace frowned. Cosmo was.. disturbed, about
something.
"Then why the long face, partner?" he asked
with forced cheerfulness, parking himself on
the computer console. Cosmo avoided his gaze, turning a touch more
to ignore him.
"Nothing big. Just thinking, bro. No worries,"
Cosmo assured with a weak attempt at a
smile.
Like that was going to fool the older man.
Over the last days Cosmo had been Ace's
primary focus as he tried to help his friend survive the withdrawal
he had suffered from. Maybe
at one time he would have missed the more subtle gestures of Cosmo's
face, but not now.
"You can talk to me, Cosmo," Ace said simply.
Cosmo let out an annoyed snort. "I'm okay,
Ace. Really." He brushed it off, pushing
himself out of the chair and making for the door.
"What are you afraid of, Cosmo?"
*Wham* That brought the teen to a screaming
stop. He turned on the magician, anger in
his eyes.
"What do you mean by that?" It was almost
snapped out.
Ace crossed his arms over his chest and looked
frankly at Cosmo.
"Cosmo, why are you still afraid to talk to
me when there's a problem? We've known
each other for six years now. I know we've had trouble in the past,
but I thought that was in the
past." Ace slid off and came forward. "Cosmo, it's not like I haven't
seen you at your worst. And
you've seen me through bad times. I'm your friend, talk to me."
Cosmo took a deep breath and sighed.
"Ace... I.."
He turned but Ace caught his arm, lightly,
not really holding the young man, but Cosmo
didn't fight free.
"I... Man, it's just... Am I a leach?"
Ace sighed at the sudden question. Cosmo's
reaction to the blocking of the link. The
young man had argued once about how he shouldn't be acting like that.
Hated his own
dependence. It was rather... unsettling, to have someone need you that
much. Not that Ace
didn't accept the responsibility, or even feel it was a burden, but
it showed him how much his life
affected another human being. That when he risked himself, he was really
risking Cosmo as well.
"No, Cosmo.. you're not a leach."
"Then why do I feel like it?" Cosmo growled.
"Man, it just seems like I'm emotionally
dependent on you and I hate that. It's... it's.." He shook his head
at that and gave up.
Ace smiled slightly. "Cosmo, you are not emotionally
dependent on me," he declared.
Cosmo snorted. "Yeah, right. The moment I
couldn't feel your emotions and presence I
became a gibbering wreck. Man, that is so wrong."
"Oh, like I would be any better if I lost
my magic?" Ace laughed. "I cannot conceive how I
would react, Cosmo, if I were to lose my magic. I most certainly am
not going to judge you for
your actions."
Cosmo shook his head and glared around him.
"You at least wouldn't be a basket case. Dude,
lets drop this.." With a frustrated gesture,
the young man headed for the exit.
"Cosmo.. wait."
Cosmo paused at the open door, though he kept
his back to his partner.
"Cosmo... why do you hate being emotionally
tied to me?" Ace asked softly.
"It's wrong, Ace! Man, it's just too weird."
"Does the link feel weird to you? Does sensing
my emotions feel weird?"
Cosmo sighed and shook his head. "No.. it's
not that.."
"Then what?"
Cosmo turned slowly, but still wouldn't look
at him. "It's just that.. when I lost those
feelings... Ace, I freaked, and I shouldn't have."
Ace sighed and came forward, standing right
in front of Cosmo.
"And why not? Cosmo, emotional dependence
is not a sin. We all become emotionally
dependent with people we care about to some degree. That is why humans
make friends and
family. To have that dependence; to be part of each others lives and
feelings."
Tentatively, Ace reached out and touched Cosmo's
arm.
"That is why I think the link formed."
"Because I'm a basket case," Cosmo snorted
depreciatively.
Ace shook his head slightly. "No, because
it was what you needed, and what I needed.
Magic has a tendency of doing what is needed sometimes. Whether you
ask for it's help or not."
Cosmo looked up at him confused. "Why would you need it, Ace?
The link is one way.
How can that help you?"
Ace chuckled and rubbed a hand through his
hair.
"Well.. besides the obvious fact that you
always know when I'm in trouble, I can't hide
anymore, Cosmo. If you haven't noticed, I'm rather notorious for hiding
my pain, my personal
demons and dealing with my guilt myself. It's a rather self-destructive
habit."
Cosmo still looked confused.
"I can't do that anymore. There is always
one person on this planet that I trust, that
knows what's really going on up here." Ace tapped his temple. "It means
I can't hide from
everyone, and more importantly, myself." He squeezed the captured arm
gently. "In a way, I am
emotionally dependent on you now. Your understanding of what is really
going on in my head.
What I'm really feeling. I'll admit, it can be frustrating that I can't
hide or lie to you what I'm
feeling. But then, most of my troubles come from that hiding."
Ace smiled. "It is a reassurance, that I know
you do understand what I'm truly feeling.
That I don't have to explain, that you understand. It has made.. my
acceptance of my own
failures easier."
Cosmo was silent for a moment, chewing his
lower lip.
"But why me? Why didn't you develop it?"
"Because, like Kate said, as you started to
trust me, you wanted to be with me, even
when you couldn't. That desire formed the shard. Your desire to help,
to be there for me. And it
wasn't just the lost of the link that caused the severity of your reaction,
Cosmo. You lost your
magic! Your connection to it. Just like I said, I shudder at the thought.
The magic is part of us.
Part of you, even if you didn't learn of it till later in your life.
Losing that connection was like
being suddenly paralyzed. Losing the use of a part of yourself. The
blocking of the link just gave
you a focus. The overall problem was the loss of your magic! That kind
of loss will effect you.
Will hurt you."
Ace laid his hands on the young man shoulders.
"Cosmo, your reactions were natural. You were
in withdrawal. Physically and mentally.
Your reactions were no more than I would expect. How do you feel now?"
Cosmo shrugged. "Okay. Feel normal."
"Do you feel the need to stay near me? To
be with me at all times?"
A head shake. "No. Was planning to go out
later with Ulene," Cosmo admitted.
"That is not the reactions of a basket case,
Cosmo," Ace chuckled. "That sounds
completely normal."
"But, Ace..."
"But Ace nothing," Ace snorted. "Cosmo, you
have recovered. The world is the way it
should be again. Nothing more, nothing less. You were denied the most
intimate access your
body knows: your magic. You reacted negatively to that denial. You
reacted like anyone would,
who had suddenly lost that which was most precious to them."
His hands tightened. "You're a fine young
man, Cosmo. You've come a long way in your
life and I am proud of you. You are *not* a basket case. Remember that
and don't worry so
much. We're friends, partners. We're there for each other and part
of each others lives. Nothing
wrong with it. And I, personally, would want it no other way," Ace
told him honestly.
Cosmo was silent, looked at the floor, then
smiled.
"Still worries me a little. How much it messed
me up," he admitted.
Ace nodded. "I know. It was a scary thing
for you to go through. Heck, I was scared just
knowing someone could do that to us. Could deny us our magic like that.
You weren't the only
emotional wreck, Cosmo, believe me. I've had some less then pleasant
dreams about the whole
prospect."
"You and me both," Cosmo sighed. "Man, that
is something I never want to go through
again."
Ace could only agree. Wholeheartedly.
"Neither do I. So. You okay?"
Cosmo exhaled heavily and nodded. "Yeah..
yeah. I guess it still freaks me out a bit.
Being close to someone... needing them."
"It's all part of being human. We'd be a pretty
miserable species if we didn't need each
other." Ace smiled.
Cosmo returned it. "Thanks, Ace. For everything.
For taking care of me and putting up
with me."
Ace chuckled, wrapping an arm around the younger
man and walking him out the door.
"It's all part and parcel to the deal, Cosmo.
You've been there for me and I'll always be
there for you," he said lightly, though the words were backed with
all the strength of his heart.
Cosmo grinned and went with him. "No other
way, partner. Wouldn't want it any other
way."
