SEX: The Doctor's Office
By Alhazred and Kreliana
Narrator: Last time on Dragonball Z, the Z fighters woke up after a night of alcohol, finding themselves next to the wrong person.
ChiChi: I slept with…!
Vegeta: I woke up with Kakarott's mate!
Now that the Kame House has finally had some peace restored, it's time for everyone to go to the doctor's office to see what problems may have arisen from the previous night. Who did and didn't do what they thought they did? What happened to Pan and the Supreme Kai? Find out today on Dragonball Z!
DOC:
So, who's first for an examination.
CHICHI: ME!
DOC: ::examines, examines, examines:: Ms. ChiChi, I can't seem to find any
indication of sexual activity from last night.
CHICHI: WHAAAAT????? Oh that's wonderful!
!-- (6:41:30 PM)--CHICHI: Hey, Vegeta, we
never did anything last night.
VEGETA: That's a relief.
VEGETA: Now I can sleep at night.
!-- (6:42:30 PM)--BULMA: Hey Veggie-chan,
who said anything about sleep?
VEGETA: Heh heh, not I, my dear. ::whisper:: but don't call me Veggie-chan
infront of Kakarott.
VIDEL:
I'm next. ::walks into the examining room::
(Outside)
GOKU:
VEGGIE-chan?
VEGETA: ::Dies::
VIDEL:
::walking out of the examining room:: Oh what a relief. It seems you and I
didn't do anything either, Goku.
GOKU: That's nice to hear. And you won't get pregnant!
VIDEL: ::dies::
GOKU: ::Smiles in that Goku way::
BULMA: I'll be right back. ::She goes to get examined::
Doctor: Mrs. Briefs, it seems you didn't do that pig last night.
Bulma: Phew.
Doctor: But, it does indicate that you had intercourse last night. ::Bulma pales:: Was there someone else in the room with you?
::Outside::
Trunks: I wonder what's taking Mom so long in there?
BULMA: ::from inside the room:: WHHHAAAAAT, I DID HERCULE??? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
GOTEN:
I thought that was a soundproof door.
TRUNKS: It is. Mom's just that loud.
!-- (6:48:50 PM)--GOTEN: I wonder if our
parents were twins seperated at birth.
!-- (6:49:23 PM)--CHICHI: Goten!
GOTEN: ::cowers::
GOTEN: ::Facevaults::
BULMA: ::Comes out puking:: Vegeta....kill.....HERCULE! NOW!
Hercule:
Uhhh, She made me do it…YEAH! I didn't
wanna do her at all!!!
VEGETA: ::Gives Hercule a certain hand gesture and sends a Ki blast that tracks
Hercule and fries him::
BULMA:
Thanks sweetie ::gives him a kiss on the cheek:: Tee hee hee.
VEGETA: : ) ::They fly off::
TRUNKS and BRA: UUUUUGH ::dies::
VIDEL: That just solved a lot of my problems.
KRILLIN: And some of ours!
TRUNKS:
I'll go next. ::As he goes in, Pan and Supreme Kai come into the building::
SHIN: Well, we KNOW what we did, we weren't drunk, heh heh heh. ::Kisses Pan's
hand, showing off her wedding ring::
PAN: ::Giggles:: Hey Goten, what's wrong?
GOTEN: ::Deadpans:: I was on top.
TRUNKS: ::Heard through 'soundproof' door:: WHAT! ::Several Ki blasts are
heard::
EVERYONE: ::Dies::
GOKU: Well... at least no one's getting pregnant!
TRUNKS: Oh no, I actually did Goten!
GOTEN: I thought I did you.
Everyone else: ::gag::
TRUNKS: ::Dies::
PICCOLO: ...I am not going in there.
VIDEL: Well, Gohan is! ::Shoves him in::
GOHAN: Ok doc, give it to me straight.
DOC: You did NOT sleep with that... green guy. Although from the state of his
hips I would say you watched him do a striptease instead.
GOHAN: ::Grabs at chest and gasps for air::
DOC: ...I was just kidding.
GOHAN: ::Breaths:: Dont DO that man! Give a guy a heart attack...
PICCOLO: Well it's your own fault, Gohan. You should have remembered I haven't even gone in there. ::Snickers::
!-- (7:16:11 PM)--SHIN: ::whispers to Pan::.
Pan:
::snickers:: Hey, Bra, you go next.
BRA: Oh gawwwwwd....
DOC:
Miss Briefs, like many of your friends, I see no indication of sexual
intercourse from the past 24 hours.
BRA: ::Squeels with joy::
SHIN: So, North Kai, you still haven't gotten any in 17,000 years.
KING KAI: Rrrrrrrrrrgh SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!
TRUNKS:
::Points at King Kai in laughs::
MASTER ROSHI: Damn man, even I'VE gotten some in recent decades!
BRA: ::Kicks King Kai in the groin:: That's what you get for being a pervert!
PICCOLO: ::bursts out laughing::
CHICHI: ::puts her hand over her mouth and tries not to laugh::
GOKU: Chichi, that's not nice. ::They look at each other and start laughing.::
GOKU:
Uhh... I'm just laughing WITH you King Kai!
KKAI: Well at least I had her in bed!
PICCOLO: So? I had Gohan in bed, and you see how much happened there... but I
imagine Gohan at least took his clothes off willingly.
EVERYONE sans GOHAN: ::Doubles over laughing::
GOHAN: ::Sweatdrops, on one hand thinking it's funny, on the other ::thinking
he doesn't want to remember::
GOHAN: Uhhhhhhhhh this isn't funny you guys. ::everyone still laughs:: WE'RE
SUPPOSED TO BE MAKING FUN OF KING KAI, NOT ME!
!-- (11:06:04 PM)--KAI: SHUT UP BOY! At
least I got drunk with the opposite sex!
::GOHAN, PICCOLO, TRUNKS, GOTEN: ::Dies::
SHIN: ::Stuffs a tube sock in King Kai's mouth:: DO be quiet, North Kai, your
abrasive voice is blotting out the laughter.
KAI: mmfmmmffffmfmfmfmfmfmfmfmfmfmfffmffff
GOTEN: Hey Trunks, he reminds me of that Kenny guy from South Park.
TRUNKS: What is South Park?
GOTEN: ...it's an American thing. You should visit sometime.
::King Kai takes the sock out of his mouth::
KAI: Here, you might need this later. ::Hands Goten some KY. EVERYONE: ::Dies::
GOTEN: What's this for?
EVERYONE
::Dies again::
TRUNKS: I am so never living this down...
SHIN: Nope.
PAN:
Ok, I'm next. I haven't been feeling well all morning.
::Pan goes into the Doc's office::
GOHAN: ...why wouldn't she be feeling well if she didn't drink?
EVERYONE: ::Facevaults::
GOHAN: Supreme Kai, if you gave my little Panny ANY kind of disease.....
SKAI: I am in perfect health, thank you.
::Pan comes out::
PAN:
Shin! We're gonna be Parents!
SHIN: HUH?
SHIN: ::Keels over::
VIDEL: Gohan! We're gonna be GRANDPARENTS!
GOHAN:
Oh gross.
GOKU: Chichi, we're going to be GREAT gr-::King Kai whacks him with the sock::
Ow!
KKAI: Will you shut up? We get the point!
CHICHI: This. Will. Be. Interesting.
SHIN: He'll be the Semi Supreme Kai.
PAN: What if it's a girl?
SHIN: Then SHE will be the Semi Supreme Kai.
KKAI: Duh.
GOKU: Lets see, it'll be part Kai, part Human, part Saiyan. That would be 1/2
Kai, uhhhhhhhh…
GOHAN: Dad, don't overdo yourself with the fractions.
GOKU: ::smiles:: ok!
SHIN: Oh, and North Kai, my child will be your supervisor once s/he's at the
appropriate age.
KKAI: WHAAT???
SHIN: Appropriate age.... 5 will be suitable.
KKAI: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT???
SHIN: Hmhmhmhmahahahaha
KKAI: ::Dies::
TRUNKS:
So, Pan, what is your last name now?
PAN: Uhhhhhhhhhhh…
SHIN: Uhhhhhhhh.
VIDEL: Oh no. Gohan, our little girl doesn't even have a last name!
KKAI: Oh good greif.
GOHAN: Well, how 'bout Kai?
PAN: Pan Kai. I like it, what about you, sweetheart?
SHIN: That's fine by me.
KKAI: My superior is going to be a frying-utensil kai?! Whyyyy? What did I ever
do? Why me? First sex slips right through my fingers and now this!
SHIN: That's my CHILD you're talking about.
GOKU: ::Scratches head:: I think our kids got more action last night then we
did in half our lives...
SHIN: In MORE then half of North Kai's life, certainly.
KAI: SHUT UP, SUPREME KAI! ::SKai stuffs another tube sock in King Kai's
mouth::
KKAI: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmphhhhhhhfffffff!
SHIN: You stay like that.
GOKU: Well, I've had enough excitement for one day, I'm going home. ::Goku and
ChiChi fly off::
TRUNKS: I am NOT going home. I'm going to Dende's.
::Everyone goes home, but get together about 9 months later when Pan gives
birth to the Semi Supreme Kai::
KKAI: Must we be here?
SHIN: I'mgoingtobeadaddyI'mgoingtobeadaddy.
GOHAN: Dude, calm down. Even *I* wasn't this bad.
VEGETA: I'm wondering how freakish this kid will look.
SHIN: ::Smacks him::
!-- (11:35:07 PM)--::The doc comes out::
DOC:
Mr. Supreme Kai, you have a healthy baby girl.
KKAI: A GIRL?! I"M GOING TO BE BOSSED AROUND BY A GIRL?!
SHIN ::Nods:: Now, where's my little girl?
::Doc takes Shin in::
VEGETA: I STILL want to see what this kid looks like. When will they let us in?
GOTEN: ::Looks around at everyone:: I don't think we'd all fit in there.
SHIN:
::comes out:: Her name is Semi Supreme Kai.
BULMA: ::whispering:: What the hell kind of name is that?
KKAI:
It's a STUPID name.
SHIN: It's a fitting one. And she's beautiful. She looks just like her mother,
with purple skin and white hair. Oh, she also has a tail.
THE
SAIYINS: A tail? Cool!
CHICHI: Why don't we give her a nickname.
ALL: Good idea.
!-- (11:42:16 PM)--BULMA: I have one!
SHIN: I don't even want to hear it. Knowing you, it'll be some sort of
underwear.
GOKU: Let's combine Semi and Supreme. How about SeSu. ::everyone looks at him funny::
::Everyone
thinks of a good nickname for Semi Supreme Kai::
SHIN: Why don't you just call her Semi.
EVERYONE: hey, not bad!
VIDEL: I want to see my little granddaughter. ::goes into Pan's room::
GOHAN: Hey, wait for me! ::Goes after::
::Chichi and Goku tag along::
PICCOLO: I'm staying here.
KRILLIN:
I think 18 and I will wait to see the kid.
VEGETA: I want to see what the brat looks like. ::goes off.::
KRILLIN: ::Looks out the window:: Ahh how the families expand... oh hey,
there's a full moon out tonight.
KRILLIN: A FULL MOON! GUYS! ::Runs after::
BULMA and PICCOLO: A FULL MOON!
SHIN: What does that mean? ::ape sounds come from Pan's room::
EVERYONE: ::Runs out screaming::
VEGETA: THat means you mated with a Saiyan without doing your homework,
all-mighty Kai idiot!
SHIN: Not a problem ::stuns Semi:: There.
::Gohan cuts off her tail::
EVERYONE:
O_O ...hey, neato.
GOHAN: Let's be careful when she regrows it shall we? ::Sweatdrops, tosses tail
into the trash::
SEMI: Gaagaaah. ::falls asleep in Shin's arms::
EVERYONE: Awwwwwwwwwwwww.
KKAI: she will definitly be a cute superior.
::Semi grabs one of King Kai's antennae's::
KKAI:
Aghhhhhhh! Leggo! Getitoffmegetitoffme!
VEGETA: I think I like that brat.
SHIN:
Hmhmhm, That's my girl. *ahem* I mean, let go of North Kai, his loserness might
rub off on you.
SEMI: Gaagaagoo! ::Let's go::
GOKU: Awww, I gotta hold her next!
::And so the Z fighters play Baby pass around.::
EPILOGUE:
KKAI: So yer just gonna cut off her tail all the time? Too bad she won't it to
amuse her boyfriends with.
TRUNKS: Well it's better then her turning into a raving monster once a month.
Although, once she's a teenager, she'll be a raving monster once a month
anyway…
KKAI: Pfft, you're just pissed cause Goten never had one for YOU to play with.
GOTEN & TRUNKS: ::Faceflop::
VEGETA: What was that?!
TRUNKS: ...if my father lets us live, that is one dead Kai.
CHICHI: I'm glad that we never have to think of that night again. Lets put this behind us, agreed?
EVERYONE: Agreed.
Tien: Hey Yamcha, you have the pictures from that night?
Yamcha: Right here. ::whips out photos of the various couples together:: ::Tien, Chaozu and Yamcha start laughing back and forth. Master Roshi walks by to see what's so funny.::
Roshi: What do you boys have here? Hmm? ::takes the pictures:: Oh my. Heheheh. ::he smiles with his usual dirty old man grin::
18: I don't like the looks of this. ::Tries to take the pictures.::
Roshi: ::sweatdrops:: Now, dear, this is men stuff. ::18 coldly takes the pictures::
18: WHAT IS THIS??????? IT'S ME AND ROSHI! ::flips the picture:: it's ChiChi and Vegeta? These are pictures of us! ::The other Z fighters crowd around 18.::
Goku: Ok, someone has some explaining to do. ::Vegeta, Goku, ChiChi, 18, and the others look at Yamcha, Tien, and Chaozu angrily.::
Yamcha: Ummmm uhhh hehehehehheh. You see, we thought it would be funny to….uhhhh…
ChiChi: TO PUT ME IN BED WITH VEGETA! WHAT KIND OF SICK IMMORAL PEOPLE ARE YOU???
Tien: We're sorry ChiChi.
Chaozu: We didn't mean any harm.
ChiChi: I'LL SHOW YOU HARM ::she starts beating up Chaozu.::
Yamcha: Besides, we didn't pair all of you together.
Tien: Yeah, King Kai dragged Bra by her, ummm bra, ::Bra dies:: Goten and Trunks were half "with it" while we were setting up Goku and Videl, I have no clue why Bulma went with Hercule, but she did…
Yamcha: Or how Oolong's panties got on Hercule's head.
Tien: and we all know about the Supreme Kai and Pan.
Goku: well, no harm done, I can forgive you guys.
Videl, Vegeta, Gohan, Piccolo: NO HARM DONE! ::they smack Goku::
::Yamcha and Tien try to back away out of the confusion::
Videl: Oh NO you guys don't! GET THEM! ::Everyone runs after Yamcha and Tien, while Roshi stuffs the picture of himself and 18 in his pocket.::
Roshi:
I owe those boys hee hee heeeee.
Narrator: And so, the night 9 months ago has brought a cute new, life into the hearts of the Z fighters. Luckily, she is the only outcome from a night of too much intrigue. All of the Z fighters and their spouses have come out of this a little stronger, and a lot more intelligent. Next time, they'll know not to drink more than one of Master Roshi's special margueritas.
End. :p