Ron ponders Western philosophy, Henry Higgins, and it's all worth it.
Two colons ( :: ) means actions. Italics means Ron's thoughts.
Wait
by Galae
"Wait."
"What?"
"Just wait."
"Okay."
"Ron?"
"Yes, Harry?"
"Why are you staring at me?"
"Cause you're talking to me."
"No, before—Snape is really annoying and everything, but that's no reason to stare at me for half the class."
"Was I? Sorry." Oh for Muggle's sake don't say anything else.
"No, don't apologize. It's just that it's . . . weird."
"Uh-huh."
"I mean, it's not like I'm David or anything."
"David?"
"Never mind."
"Isn't that the big naked Muggle statue?" Oh, yes you are.
"Okay, bad analogy there."
I'll say. I'm getting hard in the middle of the Common Room. Damn it . . .
"Uh, Ron? Are we going?"
"Ah . . . you better go ahead, Harry. I'm just—I'm just going to stay here for a little while longer . . ." Just until you get out of here and I find the nearest bathroom.
::strange look:: "Okay. Whatever you say."
* * * * *
"Damn, damn, damn, damn!"
"Is it just me, or are you doing a really good impression of Henry Higgins?"
"One day, one day, I will understand you Muggles."
"On the second thought, Higgins doesn't slam his head against a wall. What's wrong this time?"
::sarcasm dripping:: "I'll give you three guesses, and the first two don't count."
"Harry."
::applauds:: "And give the boy a prize!"
"You know, I seriously hope that you'd get laid someday, Weasley. This mood is most unbecoming."
"Why? Are you offering?"
"Hell no. I've got Seamus and he's plenty."
"I've got my hand and it's definitely not enough."
"Urgh . . . as much as I love you, Ron, it's not a good image."
"Dean, just leave me alone for a minute."
"Why don't you just tell him?"
"Yeah, that would be a good scene. 'Hey Harry! I'm gay and I'm in love with you!'"
"Uh . . ."
::spins around:: "Ah . . . hi, Harry." ::smiles weakly::
* * * * *
"ARGHHHH!"
"Ron, that has to be unhealthy."
"Shut up. Could everybody just shut up while I lock myself in Snape's cabinet."
"What's wrong this time?"
"Harry. Found. Out."
"Very smooth, Ron. Then and again, you are a redhead."
"Shut up, Hermione."
"What did he say?"
"Nothing. I ran out."
"That's nice."
"What do you mean, that's nice?"
"I mean, that means that he isn't freaking out about the whole thing, is he?"
"Well, I didn't exactly stay long enough to find out."
"Ron, you're just pathetic. I knew that this was going to happen."
"Funny, you really didn't like Divination."
* * * * *
"Ron! Ron . . . could you at least look at me?"
::sighs and turns around::
"C'mon, I don't bite."
Bite—argh, Weasley, go and take a nice cold shower. "I'm so sorry, Harry. I just—never mind—"
"Do you think I'm going to hate you forever or something?"
Well, yeah. "I guess so."
"Ron, you're my best friend. Nothing's gonna change that."
A nice screw would be good.
Silence.
"Well, Ron, this is mighty awkward."
::smiles:: "So, we're still cool, right? I mean . . ."
"Yeah, of course."
"Thanks, Harry."
* * * * *
"Can I ask you a question, Ron?"
::looks up from the Defense Against the Dark Arts homework:: "Yeah?"
"What is it like to be gay?"
::sputters:: "W-what?"
"What is it like? I mean, is it much different."
"Why do you want to know . . ." Yes-yes-yes-yes-yes!
::shrugs:: "I didn't know much gay Muggles. So I'm curious."
::disappointment:: "Well, it's not much different. It's the same thing, basically. You have crushes, you go out on dates, and occasionally you fuck. It's just that muscles turn you on now, not breasts."
"Thanks. You know, the Muggles, they're weirder about this kind of thing. If you announce that you're gay, all hell breaks loose. But I mean here—like—there's Seamus, and Dean, and Fred, and George, and . . ."
"Me."
"Yeah."
"It's not such a big deal here, I guess."
"Hmm."
"Harry?"
"Yeah?"
::smiles:: "Never mind."
* * * * *
"Merrry Christmas!"
"And a happy holidays to you, Ron."
::runs across the chamber:: "What did we get? What did we get?" Man, he looks hot.
"Here—that's from Hermione."
"Another book. I'm starting to see a pattern here."
"And that's from Hagrid."
"Oooo . . . much better." ::sticks a chocolate frog in his mouth::
"And—that is from me."
Fingers. Touch. His hand is so warm . . . "Thanks, Harry." ::rips open the wrapping:: "What is this?" ::reads aloud:: "History of the World, Volume I. Volume I? Geez, I wonder how huge Volume II is?"
"It's a Muggle history book. I thought you'd find it interesting."
"Thanks, Harry! Man! Wait . . . are those people dead?"
"What? Those are the authors. They're not dead . . . yet."
"Then how come they're not moving?"
"Ron, it's a Muggle book. Pictures don't move."
"Got it."
* * * * *
"Who's Jesus?"
"He's a religious figure. Many Muggles believe that He is the Son of God."
"But it says here that He is God . . ."
"Well—that's true also."
"How could somebody be the Son of God and God?"
"Um . . ."
"What did He do that was so great?"
"Muggles believe that He died for their sins."
"How did He die?"
"They crucified Him. Nailed Him on a wooden cross."
"Eww . . . and I thought He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was bad. Wait, if he is God, or the Son of God, then He knew that He was going to die, right?"
"Yes, He did."
"And He didn't call for help."
"It's a sacrificial thing . . . you know, you die for others."
"Then why was He going around telling everybody that they're bad because they're going to kill Him if he knew that He was going to die and didn't resent it?" ::runs out of breath::
"Uh . . . I think you better just read and don't think so much."
"Good idea."
Silence.
"They wrung doves and burned them on the altar?!"
* * * * *
"Muggles are really interesting."
"Yes, they are."
"I mean, this Napoleon guy . . . he's fantastic."
"You've gotten to Napoleon already? My God, that must be the most you ever read, Ron."
"The beginning's a bit slow, that it's gotten better. They've had so many wars, Harry. It's like every three years they have to have a war of some sort."
"Wait until you get to World War II."
"Yeah, I think I read a bit of that. They were killing Jews, weren't they?"
"Yes."
"Can I ask you a question, Harry?"
"Yes."
"They don't have evil and good in the Muggle world. Well, not really. Every time they get into a war it's because of themselves. They're always blaming each other and trying to take each other's lands and fighting to get power. And there's so much intolerance, too. I mean, there are the Christians hating the Jews and the Jews hating the Muslims and the Muslims hating the Christians and everything in between. It's been going on for thousands of years and according to this book it's still going on now. Why don't they ever just sit down and talk about it?"
::pauses:: "Well, Ron, it's not all that easy . . ."
* * * * *
"So, how's everything goin' with Harry?"
"I wish it was going."
"Hmm. Still thinks of you as the friend, huh?"
"Dean . . . remind me again why again why I love him?"
"Because he's smart. And good. And drop-dead gorgeous."
"You know, if I didn't know that you had Seamus, I would think that you're trying to hit on Harry too."
"Ron, just don't give up. One day, one day . . ."
One day. Yeah, right. By this rate I'll sooner be seeing Ginny down the aisle.
* * * * *
"I love you, Harry. I love and you know it and I still can't have it. That hurts. That hurts so much. But I can't do anything about it but just wait . . . and hope that you'll love me back before I'm old and gray and impotent."
::turns around on the bed:: So cold.
* * * * *
"Ron, I do believe that Muggle history is bringing your grades up."
"You must be joking, right? Oh no, Harry. Help!"
::laughs:: "You're a riot."
"I know, Harry, I know."
"Ron?"
"Umm?"
"Have you ever kissed a guy?"
"Uh . . . seeing as to how up til two months ago I was still straight, I'm saying no." ::arches eyebrows:: And why are you asking that?
"Cool." ::turns back to polishing his Firebolt::
Damn it, that sodding broomstick is getting more attention than I'll ever get.
* * * * *
Waiting . . . waiting . . . waiting.
It's been three months and I'm still waiting.
Harry . . .
* * * * *
"Ron! Ron!"
"Hermione, you've had way too much sugar."
"Well, excuse me for smiling."
"What do you need?"
"Guess what I saw yesterday . . ."
"What?"
"Percy. And Justin."
"WHAT?"
"I saw them kissing in the hall."
"He's got a lot to explain."
::grins from ear to ear:: "It's so cute, Ron. I haven't seen anything that adorable since Dean and Seamus."
Holy fricken hell. Percy's got a boyfriend and I haven't even been kissed yet.
* * * * *
Waiting . . .
* * * * *
"Ron."
"For Jesus's sake, Harry, it's twelve!"
"But I need to talk to you."
"Hmm?" Why is he standing so close? I'll be damned if I'm not getting hard right now—oh—
::leans forward::
Oooooh, that's good. That's good. Oh, Harry! Since when are you gay too? You know what, I don't care! I don't care! That's wonderful . . . ::muffled groaning::
"Oh God."
::releases him:: "What was that?"
::smiles:: "A kiss."
"Why?"
"Because I love you too."
"Excuse me while I pinch myself. Ouch." ::looks at Harry:: "You really do."
"Yes."
"Thank you God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit!"
"My goodness, I didn't know that you could smile that wide."
"Oh, just shut up and kiss me."
::kisses again::
Waiting. It was all worth it. So worth it.
"Ron?"
"Yes, Harry?"
"Are you just going to lay there or are you going to take off my robe?"
::grins:: "I thought you'd never ask . . ."
It is just me or is Ron reminiscent of the L'Oreal commercials?
No religious degradation implied. Just trying to imagine the confusions of Christianity to an atheist.
And I don't want reviews. Who needs them? I'm just writing this for myself . . . ::hopes that you could sense sarcasm::
