"PARROTS"
Chapter Eight
There was a long silence after that. I got up momentarily to put more wood on the fire. Otacon just sat there, thinking.
The parrot slept peacefully on the mantel.
"Snake...?" Otacon started after a moment.
"Yeah, Otacon?" I asked, sitting back down.
"Do you think ... --" He stopped abruptly, "No -- Uhm... What do you think-- Er..." Long pause. "Will I ... -- Will I ever see Emma again?" He peered over at me questioningly through his glasses.
I was caught off guard. What was he asking me? "Otacon?" I cocked an eyebrow, "Do you mean ... what do I ... believe?"
"I... I guess so..." He said, looking away.
"Well. Before Shadow Moses I probably would have said no, you won't see her again. I probably would have told you that dead is dead and that's all there is to it."
"But ... now?" Otacon ventured meekly.
"But now." I paused, "--I can't say that I believe in divine justice. There probably isn't any 'all powerful' punishing the wicked and rewarding the good, in this life or any other. There are too many shades of gray. Nothing is black and white. Nothing determines if what one person believes is right really is. Everyone has a method to their madness -- they have their own idea of what is right and wrong. What's important is finding our own truth. -- But ... to answer your question. I guess I believe that there is something in us all that has the ability to live on. A spirit, a soul ... whatever you want to call it. There's something there that is so much more than what our genes give to us. Whether it lives on after our bodies stop functioning is more than I could tell you...--"
"But ... do you believe that it does?"
"I, ah-- I guess I do..." I paused, "Although... I can't say I really think about it too much. It's more something I have accepted as a very real possibility than -- ah, than... 'the way things are'..."
"Oh..." Otacon responded, drooping over in his chair, his ruffled hair fell into his face, obscuring his features. He shrugged, letting out a dark and ironic chuckle, "I... -- I dunno... I guess I hoped you would have an answer... Some 'grand outlook on life' you could confide to me..." He sighed.
"No one can answer that question, Otacon. It's something we need to determine for ourselves..."
"I know, Snake... I used to -- I do -- believe that those we love are with us forever, somehow. I just -- sometimes I wish science could prove it." He looked up at me sadly.
"I understand." I said sympathetically.
There was another long pause.
"I guess ... in a more real sense..." I picked up, "I believe that we live on through other people, through what we teach others, and what we leave them. Ideas, thoughts, memories, stories, opinions. Anything."
Otacon perked up, looking at me with bright eyes, "Y-yeah! That ... we live on through the hearts that we touch, right? Emma touched my heart, and now anyone else that I touch will carry on Emma's influence, just as they will carry on mine ... and yours..."
"Ah, I guess so...." I smiled slightly.
"Of course so!" Otacon said, defensively, "You're my friend, Snake. And you've influenced me more than most people I could name. You're a part of me just as much as Sniper Wolf, or Axe, or my father, or even Emma."
I smiled, "... Thanks..."
Otacon cocked his head, smiling, "Not at all."
"Hal... I miss you..." The parrot warbled. Not again!
Otacon looked over at it in surprise, then stood up slowly. I watched as he took a step towards it, holding out his hand. It fluttered over to him and perched itself on his forearm. Quietly Otacon sat back down.
"Sometimes ... though..." Otacon began, letting his eyes rest on the parrot, the one small splash of color in the whole cabin. "I really feel like... I'm just destined to repeat my same mistakes... My mistakes, my father's mistakes, my family's..."
"You don't have to feel like that." I assured him, "You're not a parrot. You're not brainlessly repeating the same things over and over with no rhyme or reason. You're a human being, and you have control over your future. A parrot doesn't even know what it's saying. Parrots don't question their world. -- People aren't like that. People may make mistakes, but they're not stupid."
Otacon smiled, looking up at me, "I -- I understand that... I don't always feel that way. It's just something that nags me at times like these... You know?"
I nodded, "Mm-hm." I did know. I knew all to well the doubt that goes along with stress and fatigue. You begin to doubt not only yourself, but the whole world around you. It's not fun.
Otacon sighed as he returned his gaze to the parrot. "I wish..." He didn't finish.
"You can't change the past..." I responded, "But ... if it's one thing I've learned over the years ... it's that you can make a future."
Otacon nodded, "I need to find a happy medium between living in the past ... and trying to forget about it completely... -- After Shadow Moses... I tried to leave my past completely behind me. Now that it all came back to me ... I can't help but think things would have been better if I had tried to make amends with Emma -- and my past, rather than run away from it. -- ... 'Coward' keeps ringing in my ears, Snake. It just keeps repeating in my head, like the droning of the parrot..." He glared at the parrot for a moment, but his features softened quickly.
"Otacon, you're not a coward. I know that, and you know that. You've already proven yourself multiple times... You've succeeded in the face of danger and fear where most people would have run for the hills before things even got serious. ... But... I know how you feel."
"I gave in to the pain, Snake! I couldn't face my past, and I gave in ... and in that respect... I'm a coward..." he didn't look up, but watched the parrot intently, his expression dark.
"You're not a coward, and don't let that stupid parrot make you think you are. -- Don't let it ruin your life." I frowned.
"Do you know how ... that ... feels ...?" Otacon said, at first defensively, but trailed off as it occurred to him that I did know how it felt. I knew what it felt like to be a coward -- to lose someone that you care about because you were afraid... -- I knew, and he realized it.
"Maybe, once, we gave in ... but we won't let it happen again... Maybe our actions lost us one battle... -- But we can't dwell on it. We have lives to live, we have a future to fight for. It may have been a high price to pay, but we learned a lesson from our failures, however hard it may be to accept..."
Otacon looked up at me questioningly.
I cleared my throat, nervously. But, before I could say anything, Otacon got up and flung his arms around me.
"You and me... We're the same..." He squeaked.
"...?!"
"Thank you, Snake... I think I can move on now. We may have lost someone we loved in the past... But -- they'll be with us forever now... -- And we have to fight for them, for their future. Love and war may not be able to exist together, but as long as we keep fighting..."
I took his pause as an opportunity to free my arms, as his hug had confined them to my side. I held him out at arms length. He blinked at me questioningly.
"As long as we keep fighting..." I assured him, "There's so much we don't know right now. We have to get back to work. We have to keep fighting."
"You're right..." Otacon nodded.
"If we keep fighting..." I nodded. The sun of a brand new day shown through the window, falling across our faces.
"Then we won't be ... just ... parrots..."
fin.
NOTES:
I had to fight with all my heart to prevent myself from having Otacon say "I've finally found my Shining thing!!" and "Grant me the power to bring the world.... REVOLUTION!!!" (Revolutionary Girl Utena reference)
Another challenge for me, that I tried very hard to meet (and was hopefully successful in doing) was writing as "Snake the Friend" rather than "Snake the Warrior" I wanted to show his caring side, but also remind you that he's still an astute, get-down-to-business kind of guy.
Special thanks to Bad Ronald for all the help and support for this fic and my future projects!
Plus, Otacon saying "You and me ... we're the same..." to Snake is rooted in the fact when Otacon did that monologue about he and his sister in MGS2, at first -- for some reason -- I thought he was talking about Snake ... what's cool is, the monologue works for both Emma and Snake, depending on how you look at it... Cool, huh?
And now.... to get it out of my system so it doesn't end up in my actual fic...
Snake: Prepare for trouble!
Otacon: And make it double!
Snake: To protect the world from devastation!
Otacon: To unite all people within our nation!
Snake: To protect the freedoms of truth and love!
Otacon: To extend our reach to the stars above!
Snake: Snake!
Otacon: Otacon!
Snake: Philanthropy! We can't be beat!
Otacon: Plus I am also fluent in L33t!
Parrot: *Wistle* Time for a treat!
XD XD XD Weeeeeee!!!!! ^__________^;;;;;
Hacker jokes. Weeeee! ... Please don't Hax0r me....
And now a word from Mr. Hippo.
^___.__.___^ "Remember kids! Fire Safety! Have a fun and safe Holiday!"
Thank you.
:::Otaku Tess continues to malfunction from fan fic over load::: I NEED SCISSORS!!! SIXTY-ONE!!! DON'T SHOOT SNAKE, MERYL'S NOT HERSELF!!! BLEEEEEEEEE!!!! HONESTLY, I HAVE BEEN SITTING HERE A LONG TIME. WRITING THIS FAN FICTION. I DON'T SUPPOSE I HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO? YEP. JUST A LOSER. BUT, SERIOUSLY. IT DOES MY HEART GOOD TO SEE A CONSECUTIVE THREE NIGHTER GO TO GOOD USE. IKA NO ASHI WA OI! THE SQUID HAS MANY LEGS! USHI GA NOHARA DE "MUU MUU!" THE COW IN THE FIELD SAYS "MOO." CHOTO MATTE, KUDASAI. WATASHI BAKURO!! WEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
12-15-01 : Oh how I love the sound of the speckled space love compressor diving into the common wealth of the monster eating brain worms.
Yeaap. So. Oh yeah. I was gonna say. The actual ending of MGS1 is the one where Meryl lives. Yep. She's quite alive... But I took the "Meryl Died" angle for this particular fic.
Maybe one day I'll write a second ending.... Oh well.
Back to my shameless noodling.
Dare you mock me fried cyclops?! Does Homer even go to work on the Simpson's now? My this season is going down hill.... Weeeeee.... The reishi mushroom, also known as "The Spirit Plant" is said to have healing properties. So when in the wilderness of Japan, keep an eye out for this unique fungi.
