Bye-bye beloved ringbearer cutieness, but you gotta die somehow. Written as a teen mag. I don't know what's happening in the Legolas department so I'll swoon over who I swoon over! ROTFL.
THIRD-AGE TEENS reports:
RABID RACCOON CAUSES A ROLLING END
It has been rumored and now ultimately reported that the ringbearer, hobbit Frodo Baggins, has met his end. On top of the large, snowy, and scary mountain of Caradhras, Baggins was said to have committed suicide. But why has remained a mystery - until now!
Why has our loved hobbit been layed to rest? Only witnesses will tell! "Seems that he got bitten by something rabid," said Gandalf the renowned wizard. "That's the clearest solution."
Contrary to personal beliefs, it has been proven that Baggins was NOT bitten by rabid wallabies. Sorry to disappoint you. Instead, Baggins was bitten by the Caradhras Coon, a rabid raccoon living on the large, snowy, and scary mountain of Caradhras. The act was seen by Peregrin Took. "This huge raccoon thing came out of the snow and bit [Baggins] on the leg. Ugly-looking thing, it was."
Meriadoc Brandybuck said, "Yeah, [Baggins] started foaming at the mouth. Slightly disturbing. Oh well, I finally got to call him Frotho! That 'ð' is there, really, I swear - it's not a 'd'."
Baggins apparently rolled down the large, snowy, and scary mountain of Caradhras and met his doom, a little too early we might add. He is said to have rammed into Aragorn's (a.k.a. every other name invented) legs, who fell into the snow at impact. Baggins continued rolling down the hill. He is presumed dead.
Now what will happen to the world?
Samwise Gamgee said later, "Damn! I knew I shoulda worried about that raccoon more. They ain't supposed to be the size o' ponies, right?"
Goodbye loved ringbearer, you will be missed! *teenybopper wails, sniffs*
Luv,
The Teeeeenzuh!
THIRD-AGE TEENS reports:
RABID RACCOON CAUSES A ROLLING END
It has been rumored and now ultimately reported that the ringbearer, hobbit Frodo Baggins, has met his end. On top of the large, snowy, and scary mountain of Caradhras, Baggins was said to have committed suicide. But why has remained a mystery - until now!
Why has our loved hobbit been layed to rest? Only witnesses will tell! "Seems that he got bitten by something rabid," said Gandalf the renowned wizard. "That's the clearest solution."
Contrary to personal beliefs, it has been proven that Baggins was NOT bitten by rabid wallabies. Sorry to disappoint you. Instead, Baggins was bitten by the Caradhras Coon, a rabid raccoon living on the large, snowy, and scary mountain of Caradhras. The act was seen by Peregrin Took. "This huge raccoon thing came out of the snow and bit [Baggins] on the leg. Ugly-looking thing, it was."
Meriadoc Brandybuck said, "Yeah, [Baggins] started foaming at the mouth. Slightly disturbing. Oh well, I finally got to call him Frotho! That 'ð' is there, really, I swear - it's not a 'd'."
Baggins apparently rolled down the large, snowy, and scary mountain of Caradhras and met his doom, a little too early we might add. He is said to have rammed into Aragorn's (a.k.a. every other name invented) legs, who fell into the snow at impact. Baggins continued rolling down the hill. He is presumed dead.
Now what will happen to the world?
Samwise Gamgee said later, "Damn! I knew I shoulda worried about that raccoon more. They ain't supposed to be the size o' ponies, right?"
Goodbye loved ringbearer, you will be missed! *teenybopper wails, sniffs*
Luv,
The Teeeeenzuh!
