Hello! ^_^; This was inspired by my friend Huskie, who
came up with the original idea.. She told me I could write Legolas' death.
Teehee.
So of course I did. o.o;
Wouldn't you?
Anyways, I have her permission. It was her idea actually, for me to write
this, so no flames. I'm not copying. Her stuff is hilarious, see it here http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=562137
Okay. This is written like a newspaper, and its FAKE FAKE FAKE FAKE! There is no way I would write a serious 'fic where my beloved Legolas died.. o.@;;
February 26th, 3019
Rivendell Rhymes
..but with what?
by she-elf Barbwire Walnuts*
Today we have the tragic story that leaves
ladies all around the world to cry into their leaf-embroidered handkerchiefs..
The great Elven Prince of Mirkwood, also One of the Nine
Fellowship of the Ring members, Legolas Greenleaf, has passed away.
Although many seem to not believe such a disastrous tale (more for their own
dreams then for anything else), it is all too true for the other members of the
Fellowship.
"He was constantly looking in mirrors." Aragorn, also known as
Strider, recalled sadly, prior our interview. "Poor guy couldn't tell how
pretty he was without seeing for himself every 5 minutes."
How we found out about his death was from sources that shall remain anonymous.
We took our story to Northen Mirkwood, home of the Prince, and informed the King of
his son's death. Needless to say he was not happy. "Now what am I going
to do with all these bottles of shampoo and conditioner!?" His outburst
seemed to only prove his distress.
As we left, a stray Orc that
somehow managed to sneak inside the grounds jumped up, eager for a minutes
fame. He babbled about nothing, before finally pausing to ask what our story
was. We told him, and he responding by spitting the words "He was ugly
anyway!"
That sentence barely left his mouth before he was covered in arrows. Elves all
over had picked up on our conversation, and had been shocked at what he
said.
The Orc, who said his name was Bloodnose, now resembles a porcupine.
I'm sure a question you are thinking is; how did it happen? We shall now
explain.
It was noted that before Legolas joined the Fellowship, he was out scouting
the forests of Mirkwood and his heightened sense of sight, which all Elven
folk possess, caught sight of something very wrong.
Needlessly, he told no one of this, but a month later, while on the trail, our
dear Elf was blackmailed.
Yes, we agree that blackmailing is what Legolas could have
done to the wrong-doers themselves, but what he received was more of a threat
letter labeled as blackmail.
The Elf chose to ignore it, so not to worry his companions. This turned out to
be his death wish!
Much later, while the Fellowship was traveling in canoes down a large river, a
piano suddenly fell from the sky and landed on the canoe Legolas was sharing
with Gimli the Dwarf, snapping it in half.
Startled, Legolas cried out, getting the attention of the rest of the
Fellowship, who had not even heard the heavy splash made by the piano and the
crack of the breaking canoe. Even Gimli had not noticed, for he had his nose
stuck in a - err - magazine the entire time.
"It was a horrible thing to witness." Said Samwise Gamgee, a Hobbit
from the Shire.
As the canoe sunk, Legolas made for the shore, while Gimli simply sat on his
half of the canoe, which miraculously remained afloat (imagine all that
weight, too..), but it was not to be so!
This time, a very large picture of Osama Bin Ladin - one of the secret members
of the Scariest Looking People Club - floated down and landing on the water
directly infront of Mr. Greenleaf. The Elf had screamed and screamed at the
sheer hideousness of the image (it seems he was fond of pretty things instead)
and because he stopped swimming to cover his eyes, he drowned!
"We don't even know who Osama Bin Ladin is," Quoted Pippin, also a
Hobbit from the Shire, "And what's a piano?"
Even though this is a very, very heartbreaking report, we
can conclude that you must never go swimming without a lifejacket on when
you've been blackmailed prior!
Thank you, readers, and good night.
*Doesn't that sound familar..? .......Bar. Bra. Wal. Ters. XD
