Jacqueline's Dilemma by Emma - Part Seven

"Thank you for your hospitality Jacqueline," Laurent said as he walked out into the courtyard with her. "I very much enjoyed the day."

"I'm glad to hear that Marc. I would not have it any other way." She smiled at him brightly. "You are welcome any time."

"I shall keep that in mind. I should like to spend more time here. It is very peaceful." Jacqueline laughed at this.

"The Manor can be called many things, but peaceful is not one of them. Hectic yes, chaotic maybe, but peaceful, never." A groom came walking across the courtyard, leading the Captain's horse. Laurent looked at the powerful stallion quizzically.

"Has he been groomed?" Jacqueline nodded.

"All horses are groomed every day, whether they are mine or belong to my guests. It's part of my policy." Now it was Laurent's turn to smile.

"You certainly do make a good hostess."

"My mother taught me one very important thing. Well actually she didn't teach me, I just observed that if I was to succeed I should do exactly the opposite to what she would do." At that point they were interrupted by Danielle, Hélène and Steven.

"Marc you're not leaving already are you?" Danielle said as she walked towards them. "We are barely into the afternoon."

"Danielle, there is only an hour before sunset. We would not want the Captain riding alone in the dark would we? Not in this country." Danielle ceded this concession grudgingly.

"When shall you be back Marc?" Hélène asked, knowing that Danielle would like this information.

"I don't know Hélène. As soon as I have some free time I expect."

"You must come tomorrow," Danielle said. She was eager to have him around Jacqueline as much as possible. Jacqueline on the other hand was not so keen. As much as she liked him and enjoyed his company she was not sure if she could find the conversation to fill an entire day. She could not open up to him like she could to others.

"Unfortunately I cannot. I have to start gathering together the stone workers so that they can begin work without delay." Jacqueline managed to show some disappointment, but to her shame, she was relieved more than anything.

"That's a shame." Danielle said. "It was nice having you around, in Henry's absence. Did he say when he would be home?"

"He said in a few days. But that reminds me." Laurent reached into his saddle bag. "He asked me to deliver this to you." he handed her a letter. "I am sorry I did not give it to you earlier. It must have slipped my mind."

"Well that is understandable, you were obviously very eager to get here," Danielle said, with a sly smile. Laurent knew perfectly well what she was implying and turned scarlet at the suggestion.

"I think we should let the Captain set off now," Steven said. "These woods are not safe after dark."

"Thank you sir," he said. "It was very nice to see you all. Till Saturday," he nodded his head in respect before riding off.

"I don't think Henry could ask for a better guard," Danielle said as they watched him ride through the gates.

"Henry did ask for him," Hélène said. "They were childhood friends, when Marc joined the guard Henry requested that he replace Captain Le Croix as his personal guard, when he was fully trained."

"I'm surprised he did not ask for you," Steven said. "I have rarely seen better offensive manoeuvres." The two of them laughed, as they remembered that night in the forests of Bordeaux when Hélène had defended the two of them from desperate thieves.

"I really must find out exactly what you two do and talk about," Danielle said. "I find your spontaneous outbursts of laughter quite odd. But for now I think I will content myself by reading Henry's letter. I shall not require either of you for the next hour." And with that she went inside to her own chambers.

"I hate it when she does that," Hélène said. "What are we to do for an hour?"

"Why don't you go riding?" Jacqueline said. "Before it gets dark."

"My horse is stabled back at the palace," Hélène said.

"You can take one of mine, I have plenty of saddles. Besides they get little proper exercise, we are unable to ride them out every day."

"Are you sure you would not mind milady?" Steven said.

"No of course not. You may take out the horses when ever you wish. It would be a great help to the grooms."

"Thank you Jacqueline," Hélène said. I think that would be a most acceptable diversion for an hour."

"I'm not sure that I should be so far away from the Princess," Steven said.

"Captain Polignac is here though," Jacqueline said. "And besides, we do not have many intruders here anymore. They are frightened off by the number of people."

"Well that is settled," Hélène said. "Come on Steven, only an hour till sunset." And now they disappeared, leaving just Jacqueline standing in the middle of the courtyard alone.

"What am I to do now?" she mumbled to herself. Since the manor had become her life, she was lost when everything was taken care of. Recently though she was just lost in general. Her thoughts were a confused jumble and nothing was making sense to her. This last day with Laurent had only served to make things more bewildering in her mind.

She wandered over to the house and into the study. On top of her papers was her copy of 'The Canterbury Tales'. It had been given to her by her Cousin Lionel when her mother had dragged the family away to Paris. He wanted her to have something to remind oer of her home and the time she spent with her father there. At the time she was too young to read it, but it had been a favourite of the Baron's and had become a favourite of hers also, especially since she had learned to speak English by listening in on Marguerite's lessons. While Marguerite had learned things like languages to accompany her life as a Queen, Jacqueline had received little formal education since she was a child, her mother obviously did not think she was worth it.

When he had handed the book to her Lionel had told her to keep it hidden from her mother, then she hadn't realised what he had meant, but now she knows that he was worried that she would sell it. She picked it up and began to look over the familiar passages, but she could not concentrate on it. Secretly she had always loved to read. Her mother frowned on the activity, saying that her time would be better spent learning how to be more like Marguerite, if she was lucky she would be able to trick a moderately wealthy merchant to marry her. What would she say if she could see her now?

What she really needed right now was not to read to escape from her problems, but to talk to somebody, to try to solve these dilemmas. But who could she talk to? Danielle was busy and besides, she was uncomfortable discussing these things with her. Danielle was so sure of her eventually marrying Captain Laurent, she did not have the heart to tell her what she had to say, as it would put an end to all the dreams she had for her. It would be especially cruel because Jacqueline did not know herself what the outcome of this period of her life would be.

The only other alternative to Danielle would be to talk to Antoine. In the few weeks she had known him she had come to realise that she need not keep things from him. She could tell him anything and he would not comment or pass judgement, he would just listen and understand. But she did not feel that this was a problem to go to him with. She would be telling him more than she wanted him to know about herself.

She stood up and walked back out into the courtyard and over to the stables. If she could not comfortably speak with her trusted confidantes, she would just have to talk with somebody who she knew would just listen and not utter her secrets to another soul.

The stables were almost empty. Only a few grooms remained to finish the last of their daily tasks. She acknowledged each as she passed and they in turn gave a nod of respect to her. Fortunately nobody was in with Guinevere. As she opened the stable door, the horse turned and looked at her before returning to a bucket of oats.

"How are you girl?" Jacqueline asked, softly patting her back. "I haven't been able to come and check on you, these past two days. Glorious visitors and all have prevented me from attending to my duties. But I expect you have more important things to worry about than my problems." A pair of soft brown eyes turned and looked on Jacqueline as if urging her to carry on with what she wants to say.

"All right then, if you insist. Something very strange is happening to me. I fear I have let my mind run away with me and I have imagined things that I cannot have. I know that my desires are inaccessible but I am not sure if I want the things that I can have. The only thing that is constant is the Manor. Perhaps, I should just forget everything else and concentrate wholly on this. I'm sure it can bring me happiness, but I don't think it can complete me." Just then she heard Antoine's voice from outside the stall.

Her breath caught in her chest as she heard him ask where she was. She so wanted to see him, but at the same time she wanted to avoid him at all costs. She was not willing to let go of her thoughts just yet but such a confrontation would force her to do just that.

She looked around the stall in a vain attempt to spot another door even though she knew there was only one way in and one way out of the stables. She suddenly realised what she was doing. She was behaving in a completely irrational manner which was worthy of Marguerite. She was a grown woman with responsibility now, she was beyond these girlish thoughts.

She straightened her hair and gown, preparing to receive him. He appeared at the stable doors with a sort of nervous grin on his face, as if he had something awkward to tell her which he would rather put off. It reminded her of her cousin Lionel when he had come to her home one day to ask her father's permission, as head of the family, to marry. It had worried Jacqueline that one day Antoine would come to her for the same reason and he would be forced to leave the manor. She knew that one day he would leave but she would miss his conversation and his easy charm desperately.

"I was wondering if I might have a few words with you?" he said sounding like a small boy who would be asking for something big.

Jacqueline was about to grant his request, but then thought better of it. If this was what she thought it might be than she was unwilling to let it happen so quickly. He had been at the manor but a month and she was not ready to lose his company, besides Danielle he was the only real friend she had.

"I... I... I'm sorry Antoine, but I'm rather busy at the moment, could we talk at some other time?" and with that she quickly passed him and walked off through the house with such haste that he could not possibly call her back.

She went straight to the study on entering the manor, and this is where she sat for three hours, just contemplating her feelings and wondering what was going on in her mind that had gotten her so confused. After her hours of soul searching she was still oblivious to what was going on in her head. She was about to go and quietly get something to eat from the Kitchens when she heard a knock on the door. She called for whoever is was to enter, expecting it to be one of the housemaids so she was surprised when she saw a young stable boy enter.

"Please ma'am, Monsieur Martin sent me over to tell you that the grey mare's started. He said you wanted to know." Jacqueline jumped out of her chair at this news.

"Take me to where she is," she ordered. This was one of the moments she had been waiting for and it had come at the perfect moment. If anything could take her mind out of the turmoil it was embroiled in, then this was it.