Jacqueline's Dilemma by Emma - Part Ten

Jacqueline stared out of her window into the early morning mist that concealed the landscape. She wasn't really looking at anything though, she was just staring. She had been like this for an hour. Before that she had been sitting at her bureau, trying to write letters, but she had not been able to concentrate. Since she had taken over the running of the manor she had become somewhat accustomed to sleepless nights, but never had her emotions been the cause of it.

Since Antoine laid his lips on hers, she had been unable to think of anything else. For that minute when they stood in that stable locked together, she felt like she was in Heaven. The way his lips hungrily explored hers made her believe that he wanted her as she wanted him. His hand running up and down her back was a sensation she would never forget. For one minute she had experienced perfection and nothing she could think of now would ever match up to it.

Mixed in with the happiness of what had happened, she was also beginning to fear the heartbreak that was ahead, for there was no chance of anything further coming of it. Antoine was a good man, but she knew that there was no way he could possibly feel more for her than that of friendship.

As she thought of this there was a knock at the door. She didn't really want to see anybody. She didn't want to give her feelings away, these were things that she wasn't sure if anybody else would understand. But she couldn't just banish people from her life. She had built something good at the manor and she could not allow that to fall apart because of one incident.

"Come in," she vacantly called to her visitor. The door opened and Danielle stepped in.

"I was wondering if you needed any help preparing to leave for the palace?" Jacqueline didn't really feel like talking to anybody, but she had spoken to Danielle so little since she arrived, she felt that she owed it to her, to make some time for it to be just the two of them.

"Thank you, that would be good." Danielle smiled and walked further into the room. "We are to leave before lunch time, will that be all right?"

"Yes fine," 'in fact the sooner the better' Jacqueline silently added. She stood up from the window seat and rubbed her tired eyes. Danielle looked at her quizzically.

"Is that not the dress you wore yesterday? Please tell me you got some sleep last night."

"I was up very late. Guinevere had her foal last night. When I came back up I thought I would catch up on some papers I have been neglecting." Danielle looked over at Jacqueline's desk with its blank pieces of paper upon it. She knew that something was going on, but she could not tell what it was.

Jacqueline could tell that Danielle was questioning the truth of her statement, but just so long as she did not find what actually happened she did not mind. She didn't want to face questions, and she definitely did not want to see Antoine. Then a thought came into her head.

"I was wondering Danielle, if it would be all right for me to stay at the palace after the ball for a few days. with Guinevere's foal now born, I suppose I have some time to spend away from the manor. The staff can manage without me." Jacqueline did not know why she hadn't thought of it before. A few days away would surely help things between her and Antoine blow over. They would never have to mention what happened and it would help them to forget.

Danielle's face lit up at the suggestion. "Yes of course that would be wonderful. The King and Queen would love to have you I am sure and Henry and I would love to spend some time with you." The cogs started turning in Danielle's mind. This would be a perfect opportunity to have Jacqueline and Laurent spend some time together. Henry had promised not to make any engagements for the following week, so Laurent would definitely be around.

The same thought was in Jacqueline's mind also but she was not so enthused by it. She knew that if she saw Marc, she would begin to feel guilt as well as confusion. Laurent was so trusting, even if Danielle's thought were correct, Jacqueline would not deserve him.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Antoine sat in his chair in his room and stared at the wall. He had not been able to sleep. The memories of that kiss kept flying through his mind. He could not work out what he must have been thinking when he moved his face level with hers and pressed his lips firmly against her mouth. It just seemed to happen, one moment they were sharing a hug as friends and the next he was kissing her as if she were a lover.

Since he had returned to his room he had been sitting in that chair contemplating his action while staring up at Jacqueline's window. Candles had burned in there all night long, so like him she hadn't got any sleep either. She was probably regretting it also, although probably for different reasons to him. He was worried that this might cost him their friendship, but by the way she had run from the stable, the experience must have completely repulsed her. How could he have been so stupid? She was always going to be beyond his reach.

When she had appeared at the window over an hour go he had shifted his chair round so that she would not see him. He definitely did not want her knowing he had been watching her window all night. She was probably angry with him enough. He didn't know what to do though. He loved being at the manor, but Jacqueline would surely request he be removed if she thought that any such thing would happen again.

He knew that the honourable thing to do, after such a breach in decorum, would be to propose marriage, but in this case it would be the wrong thing. Jacqueline would certainly feel a sense of obligation to accept him and he could not force that onto her. The truth was he had determined that only true love would pull him into marriage and he was sure that such a thing could never exist between the two of them.

He walked over to his small desk and shoved aside the mountain of papers from his estate that he had let build up, and took a clean sheet of paper. He took his quill and began to write his apology.

He read over what he had said. He was not sure about the propriety of such a letter. Would people infer things which were untrue from its being written? He did not know, but he was not willing to take that chance with Jacqueline's reputation. He would just have to speak to her in person. It was very still early so he could probably just go over to the house and be back without anyone but Jacqueline seeing him. He did not want to bring any public attention to the situation.

He folded the letter and sealed it before putting it into his tunic. He thought he better take it, just in case he could not find the words. He knew that this was unlikely as he had always been very articulate, even in the most tricky of situations, but this was an experience unlike anything he had ever been through before.

He stood and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked tired and drawn. The worry of the repercussions of his actions had caught up with him very quickly. He had to get out of this melancholy and quickly. This is not what he is known for. He is Antoine de Polignac, one of the greatest swordsmen and charmers in France. What would be said if it were known he were in this state.

He crossed the courtyard and walked straight into the main house. There were some servants around, but they did not question his being there. He quietly slipped up the stairs and towards Jacqueline's chambers. His heart was beating faster and faster with every step closer. Finally the large oak door was in sight. It was now or never.

He stepped forward and rapped on the door. He heard some movement inside and then stepped towards the door. He brushed back a loose lock of hair from his brow and stood up straight. He could not afford to give the impression that he was emotionally affected by what had happened.

The door opened slightly, but instead of Jacqueline standing before him, it was the Princess Danielle.

"Y... Your Highness!" he stammered bowing deeply. He had wished to see nobody but Jacqueline, how was he going to be able to explain his being there to the Princess?

"Captain Polignac, Surely it's too early for estate business? Jacqueline is not yet dressed." He had no idea what to say so he quickly made up a lie to explain his presence at Jacqueline's door so early in the morning.

"I was told you were here Your Highness. I just wanted to wish yourself and Mademoiselle de Ghent a safe journey back to the palace and also to request that you send my best wishes to the Prince?" Fortunately she seemed to accept this without question.

"Thank you Captain. Will there be anything else?"

"No Your Highness." He bowed and walked away. There was a lot more he wanted but he knew not how he was to get it now. It would have to be plan B.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jacqueline watched as her things were placed carefully in a Royal baggage carriage. She knew that getting away from the manor for a few days would be a good idea. It would give her a chance to get to grips with her feelings which at the moment were everywhere.

The royal carriage then appeared at the gates. She stood up from her seat in the parlour and made her way outside where Danielle was waiting for her. To her surprise, Antoine was also there.

"Are we ready to leave?" She asked Danielle. She did not even look at Antoine. She was too embarrassed.

"Yes as soon as everyone is ready."

"Well we may as well get going." Her eagerness was less due to her wish to be at the palace than it was to be away from Antoine.

"Well I just want to say goodbye to Louise, Paulette and Maurice, but please don't let me stop you from getting in the carriage, it is cold out here." Jacqueline nodded. A carriage door would act as a good barrier until she could be away properly.

However, Antoine quickly stepped forward to hand her into the vehicle. She could not very well refuse his hand so she allowed him to help her. As he did this she felt a piece of paper press against her palm. She looked straight at him now.

"Please read it," he whispered, pleadingly. She nodded to him and he stepped back. She could not feel anything. her whole body had gone numb by the encounter. She did not notice the others getting into the carriage beside her, or when they started to move. All she could think of was that pleading look and the warm sensation when she took his hand. She then realised and accepted what she had been denying to herself. She was in love.